Wonkette
Oh look, news, Barack Obama ate another hamburger today. Here is eight minutes of Barack Obama ordering hamburgers. He gets jalapenos on his hamburger. Oh my god, he must be in La Raza. Ha ha, hopefully that Ivy League professor will go nuts again. This is kind of exciting, though. Your Wonkette, along with every employee of the Department of Transportation, goes to this very Five Guys like 20 times a week to eat hamburgers. Now it will smell like Obama’s racist condiments, the end. [Famous DC]
BUT WAS THE CASH REGISTER GIRL MENSTRUATING??!?1/!/12
He’s supposed to be getting me a job and all he does is eat. With mustard AND jalapenos, no less. He’s got the entire axis of evil on his burger.
I’m just glad he decided not to go to a Taco Bell or the entire RW wingnut Trike Force and Lou Dobbs would have stroked out.
The little white kid is thinking, “Shit, two black guys talking serious. Who’s going to shoot who first?”
“Five Guys?” What is that, the Confederate version of In-n-Out? I like ours better.
Oh, dammit. I kept watching for the moment where Obama savaged the help for getting his order slightly wrong. That would make him seem less elitist to your average red-blooded burger-and-fries American.
Haha jalapenos. You know he did that shit on purpose.
Putting jalapenos on a burger is a form of animal cruelty. It leads to shooting fire out your ass, also too.
MEAT is MURDER.
Jukesgrrl: He’s supposed to be writing off my credit cards so I don’t have to work, and all he does is eat.
T. Way: I loved Brain Williams’ boot licking. “Thank you for caring.” But he didn’t ‘ho. Some staffer did.
I watched the whole fucking thing.
This isn’t the Five Guys on… I Street (?near Calvary Baptist and kind of near the convention center), is it? I don’t think it is. Somebody know?
Crikey, this guy makes it look too easy. Don’t want the press jabbering about an incipient nuclear holocaust in East Asia? Eat a hamburger. When Cuba invades Florida, is he going to tie his shoes for the cameras?
ManchuCandidate: It’s a fast food restaurant in America. What I mean is, We are all Taco Bell diners now.
Blender: As a former west coast resident, I can say with confidence that Five Guys kicks In-n-Out’s ass. I do miss the wacky bible sayings, though.
RoscoePColtraine: If putting jalepenos on a burger is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. And only gringo wussies get the shits from a few jalapeno slices. That’s right, I just used the magic of “reverse racism”.
Tonight Hannity has scheduled a condoment expert. Apparently, a real man would put habaneros or Tinian peppers on his burger. Jalapenlos are for elitist posers. They are the arugula of peppers.
Cicada: How is John 3:16 wacky? You know it doesn’t actually prophesy a rainbow-wigged sports fan.
Cicada: I can say with confidence that Five Guys kicks In-n-Out’s ass.
This is a war blog, not a civil war blog, and we can’t no more afford to rend this website apart - brother against brother, trucknutz against buttseks - fighting this fight.
But please. In & Out rulez, Five Guys droolz.
CaiteeCruelle: I think it’s the one over by the Naval Yard.
Cathangover: Oh that’s a Bible verse? I always assumed it was some football player’s birthday.
problemwithcaring: Ha ha, you’re right, but that’s just a press corps commonplace when dealing with officials.
Meanwhile Cheney had to go to the drivethrough and order a bag of dicks.
Cicada: Jalapenos on burgers? Goddam son, next thing you know, you’ll be suggesting that we put fish into tacos. Stay home until you decide if you want to eat messicun or murikan.
mollymcguire: Is a condoment expert what I think it is? Will he/she do a demonstration on the air?
jesus. does he eat anything other than burgers?
the best part is some white guy yelling at his kid to shake the man’s hand because he’s the damn president
Cool, if we’re going to have a Civil War blog, maybe one of you squirrel eaters can answer me this: my imaginary girlfriend claims that Little Debbie snacks are nothing but southern-born, trailer-livin’ white trash food.
I buy them because they’re delicious and currently on sale for $1.25 a box at the Safeway (which I’ve discovered doesn’t carry ANY Hostess products, but that’s for a different conspiracy theory thread), but not sure if I should believe that Little Debbies’ are the preferred snack treat of the KKK.
problemwithcaring: Cicada: Blender: Don’t make this Texan go all Whataburger on yall’s ass.
Ha ha you guys are fighting over chain restaurants.
Seriously, Whataburger sucks . This vegetarian doesn’t eat critters anyhoo.
Damnit, order already!! Every time.. I get stuck behind some clown who can’t make up his mind. This ain’t La Cote Basque — they got burgers and fries! What’s taking so long?!?!
Blender: Little Debbies are the illegitimate spawn of the original southern white-trash hillbilly treat, the moon pie. I sure do miss the ones from childhood though, cuz those were bigger.
Cathangover:
There are more verses than John 3:16, that only appears on the soda cups. Check out the burger wrappers next time you go, or order a milkshake.
problemwithcaring:
I agree. We don’t want to tear Wonkette apart. I admit my bias against In-n-Out Burgers may be based on seeing countless “In-n-Out urge” bumperstickers on the back of 4WD vehicles (KC lights optional).
But really, the fries at Five Guys are pretty damn tasty.
Blender: Dude, seriously, Little Debbie? Why don’t you just buy your snacks out of a vending machine? The preservatives will spare your funeral home the hassle of embalming you.
Don’t you people realize that jalapenos on the burger is a sly way of showing his solidarity to Sotomayor!? He’s thumbing his nose at “REAL Americans!” and supporting the immigrants who’s taking decent, white men’s jobs!
Somebody help me, I actually watched all 8 and a half minutes of that, and enjoyed it.
I am sad.
hobospacejunkie: hobospacejunkie: Jeebus, two posts bagging on other poster’s plebian food tastes? What are you, a sissified librul or somethin’?
He keeps the Little Debbies in the freezer to keep them “fresh”.
Fuck. Imaginary girlfriend just signed up. Don’t listen to a word she says; she ate bugs for money when she was a kid.
It’s pretty cool that Hopey goes to humble restaurants and stands in line with us proles to eat dead cow on a bun. How long before he gets too “busy” to do it? Or too concerned about the disruption caused by his security.
Anyway, it’s cool now. When Clinton did it, it seemed fake. Well, this is fake too, but better nonetheless.
Blender: well since they are cheaper and the poors eat them, they must be demonic. all of the cleanest, shiniest suburban kids eat hostess that their clean, white mommies bought them.
El Bombastico: He was looking up in vain for his Teleprompterz.
I heard the Queen of England is not allowed to carry cash, but Barry, obvs has green in his wallet. Does this MOFO know how to work a room or What??!
Jalapenos yet! Awesome.
OT a bit, but I’m compelled to relate this lovely story, because, well, just:
Last week, my American friend B. was staying with a French family in Paris. The hosts’ 5 year old daughter pointed out B. to her best friend, also 5 years old, and indicated that B. was an American. Her little companion looked baffled, then replied, “Ce n’est pas possible - il est meme pas noir!” (That’s impossible - he’s not even black!).
Cathangover: Me, too. And WTF–my cat gets eaten by a coyote (I assume) and there are cats everywhere, Shit.
Still, I watched every second. Just when I want to give up he gives me ho–Oh, fuck. You know the drill. Still works for me.
The Schadenfried PAC: beat me to it. wake up sheeples NObama Sotero is going la raza on your @$$.
Cicada: Much, much worse. I’m a faggy vegetarian househusband supported by his hard-working vegan wife, for whom I bake bread (no poncy machine) every night. And we don’t even have childrens, so no real work for me. In fact, I just woke up from my 3rd nap today and, yawn, excuse me, I’m still feeling a little sleepy. You people enjoy your conversation about ’snack’ and ‘fast’ foods, I’m going to whip up some Maltomeal with soymilk.
1. Man, he takes his time figuring out what to order. Do we really want someone this indecisive answering that phone at 3 am? What if itt’s Kim Jong Il asking what he should get on a cheeseburger–and let’s face it, it could be. Will Obama need a teleprompter to know what to say?
2. Doesn’t it seem a breech of security for POTUS to tell everyone which hamburger is for him? Does this mean Dick Cheney will give a speech about it?
P I M P
And shouldn’t he pronounce it JAL-a-peen-o, like jalopy? It’s unnatural in English to pronounce J’s as H’s, much less in Armenian.
DustBowlBlues: I’m sorry about your cat. We lost a kitten to a coyote last October. I just cannot keep cats permanently indoors. So occasionally things happen which really shouldn’t. One of ours fell in our pool earlier this week. He hopped right back out but not before we freaked out a bit.
hobospacejunkie: I’m so glad your vegetarian. I am except for when I have to cook for my husband–bastard. And when bbq ribs or frito chili pies are pushed under my nose.
Happily for me, no meat products (as far as I know) in Twinkies or Bama Pies. Cheap knockoffs will not do. LImeades from Braums. No discussion.
Malachite Kingfisher: That would be breach. Oh, wait, i was trying to sound like a right-wing idiot. Yeah, sure I was.
sigh, i hate the fact that i’m still proud and enamored with that flawed, imperfect, all too powerful man.
hobospacejunkie: Oh shit. I’ve always assumed hobo was a woman. Sorry about that. If ken will do a continuously open thread for pet mourning/gardening/cooking tips I’ll send you my whole wheat artisan bread recipe. Otherwise, fuck the animal lovers and you’ll have to learn to use The Google to get the recipe.
Wonder if O’Bama ever wants to go out to grab a damn burger and just sit in the corner and read the fucking paper? And is it just me, or should those SS agents be using Hopey as their personal carhop? (I live in OK and go to The Sonic and we still have those). (Except they never look like either the prezdent or a g-man.) I mean, they didn’t seem to have their hands full, spraying bullets on the crowd, or anything. Couldn’t they have done their part?
Well, he’s triangulating on a decent burger, anyway. Ray’s Hell burger > Five Guys, which ain’t even as good as Steak N Shake. Meanwhile, the greatest burgers in the freakin’ UNIVERSE are a few blocks from that Five Guys, at Good Stuff Eatery.
DustBowlBlues: You might wanna check for lard or beef fat in those snacks, unless they’ve changed the recipe recently.
mollymcguire: A shout out to the subtle, misspelled word, ala Republican. At least, I hope condiment was misspelled on purpose. Otherwise, sorry.
MrsNateSilver: Meat is also food. Go fig (i’m also a vegetarian but for health reasons)
SayItWithWookies: Your joke is so good I’m going to steal it and claim I made it up myself. Thanks.
One Yield Regular: Please tell that story to the world. Love that.
DustBowlBlues: Ha I am a 43-year-old man. Apparently I sound like a little girl in writing, and I suppose I do have some supposedly girly interests (cats, baking, living off my spouse.) Also, I’ve been using the same bread recipe from The Bread Baker’s Apprentice for years; water, yeast, salt, flour.
But when will the media cover what President Obama excretes?
So, light the Prez has nuthin better to do than order for everyone else too?
I, being of lower stock, would have some lackey order mine while I pawed with the folks for the camera, as I tend to say ‘uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’ less that way. Hint Hint.
RoscoePColtraine:
Little Debbie’s SHOULD come with right-wing religious sayings on them, they tend from that ‘beat the child to save them’ meme.
But saying that, if ya are going to eat junk, they are way cheaper than the Hostess triglycerides and who else has a better peanut-butter wafer bar?
Blender: Now you know how I feel when children seem curious about where their kindly old mother (I can’t even type that with a straight face) gets words like asshat. It just slipped out. While decorating a grave. “What did you say, Mom?”
Little dumb bunnies didn’t even know asshat was a word.
I’m jealous that Wonkette can afford to eat lunch! It’s one meal a day at la casa de ellie.
I have two words for ya: Lance Crackers. Has to be Lance. No pretenders need apply.
Fox News Light: dang. i watched it twice.
Cicada: Cathangover: Wait, aren’t those Mormonical, not Biblical? I was sure the Mormons had something to do with it, although perhaps that’s just an urban legend.
Blender: Hey! I have both In-and-Out (Californian, not that Las Vegas crap) and Five Guys. I am here to tell you that, although they both stack up well for great fries and fresh ingredients in the burger, you get huge boxes of peanuts at Five Guys while you wait for your order. So it’s Five Guys wins on the extra points.
I am embarrassed/not embarrassed to admit I watched the entire thing, and even called my girlfriend and told her to watch it. I think I literally am the sort of drooling-over-obama liberal that Fox believes all of america has turned into. Wait, maybe it has?!
Five guys is definitely better than In & Out, but LA’s still a way better place than the shithole DC…
Five Guys is nice, but you know what would really impress me? If he flew Marine One to Mad. Sq. Park in Manhattan and waited in line for 1 hour to get a Shake Shack burger.
Fox News Light: Did you see all of America’s demographics come up and shake his hand and say it was an honor — white, Asian, Hispanic-looking. Even terrorists-looking guys from Subway came in and talked, laughed, took pictures. Obama: buying hamburgers for America.
hobospacejunkie: Are there any naturally occurring ingredients in those snacks? I sorta assumed they were created in a Little Debbie laboratory space from hydrochloric acid and such.
problemwithcaring: as someone who always stopped in Valencia on the way out of L.A. on drive to SF to hit that In ‘N Out, I have to go with Five Guys. Even without jalepenos, you could get some steamy, stinky farts from a good Double Double with onions while driving up 5.
Tomarrow is Korean food; lowdog nuck-a-larr poo poo fried rice on hand picked lettuce imported from Cal-ee-forn-ee-ya just to stroke out the evil Dr. Fat Junkie on the EIB Network.
Does Oprah know Hopey eats all this cow? Maybe she’ll change her mind and not make him President?
Meat is murder, Mr. President. Tasty, tasty murder.
hobospacejunkie: Is this because I thought you were a woman? You have to go and ruin my last illusion about good food? What’s next, you going to tell me that soy meal starter I use for “taco” salad is destroying the Amazon Rainforest?
Dammit, I just watched the entire damn thing and god why do I still love him?
hobospacejunkie: Well, aren’t you just the smarty pants? (Quick, while Ken’s out of the room. Do you use a stone oven recipe? How do you bake it?)
Ahem, as I say saying Mr. Smart aleck. If you DID eat meat, you’d know nothing beats an onion burger from El Reno, OK. (Whew. Do you think he caught me being so OT?)
This is so cool, but doesn’t it remind you of the scene where norman bates is chompin on the seeds and says to Janet Leigh, a boy’s best friend is his mother
Did he secretly spread Dijon mustard on his burger? The American public deserves to know!
I like to play *spot the secret service guys*…. they are sooo funny in their secret service garb, they shadow the big O… so every move he makes they respond…. they must hate these out in public scenes….. after 8 years of having Bush only go to pre screened venues…. having the pres out in public randomly poses a security nightmare. they look all freaked out….. people darting around in the restaurant.
But thanks for the new news segment I’ve dubbed: Lunch we can Believe In
Look for an e mail from the DNC asking for your support– and a DONATION.
lol obama can’t even remember to put lettuce on his cheeseburger without teh teleprompterz
rush limbaugh orders his cheeseburgers with chimichangas on them.
PsycGirl: Your instincts are correct about the genesis of your snacks. Pure chemical goodness. But as with all things, moderation.
DustBowlBlues: I would love to have a stone oven but no, I bake bread in a baguette pan in our electric oven. I have a pizza baking stone but I only use that for pizza. It works great for bread, but it takes at least an hour to heat to 500° and doing that every night is kind of pointless when the baguette pan works as well. The secret of the recipe I use, from The Bread Baker’s Apprentice, is ice cold water. Throw the dough in the fridge & the yeast works slowly. One batch of dough will last us 5 days at least.
I don’t know if soy is destroying the rainforest, but a friend just returned from Argentina where she said they grow tons of soy but she couldn’t find tofu anywhere in Buenos Aires. So if it’s not destroying rainforest, take solace in the fact that the poors there can’t eat it because it’s exported for hard foreign currency.
I wasn’t around earlier. Had a 10:30pm co-ed indoor soccer game with my WIFE. Actually I’m somewhat flattered you thought I was female. I hope it means I don’t come across as a macho manly man. Lascauxcaveman says I can’t possibly be a macho manly man since I bake bread, like cats, live off my wife, etc. But I do look the part. I haven’t eaten critters in 20 years but I smoke like a chimney…
Blender: Moon Pies
Zhu Bajie
Cicada: Are there still Rapture place mats and the like? With airliners crashing because the pilot’s been taken off to Heaven?
Zhu Bajie
MGBYG: Does anyone leave Chick tracts lying around at this burger joint?
Zhu Bajie
CaiteeCruelle: Nah, it’s the one on M street near the Navy Yard.
This man is ruining my diet. Every time I think I’m gonna have a lean cuisine and tons of added sodium, the man goes out for A BURGER.
Then I get a major craving for A BURGER and I run out to my nearby FG for some extra-hot and tasty grease, cow and taters.
MMMMMM.
Thanks Hopey — my ass is growing because of your cravings!
I thought this was going to be another cute thing but Obama takes so long ordering his meal, it reminded me of when my elderly father insists on doing everyone’s orders and takes 5 hours just to do the soda orders. HURRY UP YOU OLD MAN THEY ARE JUST WORDS WHO TAKES THAT LONG TO READ “TOMATOES”?
Origami: Tomatoes are included in your elderly father’s soda order? This confuses me.
The President masticating is so “Bush-Cheney era!” Lawds, it was the only thing “Noodles Bush” could talk about with any kind of disastrous attempt at pseudo-intellectual heft.
“(giggle) I’m lookin’ forward to lunch! LUNCH! We are getting ready to eat some pig! Hey, Merkle where’s the kraut, Kraut? Want a back rub? (giggle)”
Uh oh, another Republican child molester gets busted, and he was into wearing ANIMAL COSTUMES while molesting kids.
http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/breaking-news/index.ssf/2009/05/pennsylvania_man_suggested_dre.html
Michelle should put a stop to this. Banging the intern is a much healthier stress reliever.
IN-N-OUT. Best burgers ever. I only learned of the Bible references a few years ago. I almost stop going because of them. Then I realized why deny myself the perfect burger over something so trivial. I fact when I go on vacation, I’m not truly home until I go and get a double-double with grilled onions. I think I’ll have one for lunch today.
Just saying.
So, I gather by this In and Out v. Five Dudes discussion that the only Californie burger I ever ate, FatBurger, is looked down upon? It was 1985, four years before I gave up critters. I remember a burger with a fried egg on top, and it was yummo. If I ate that now my delicate, like a flower, digestive tract would mark that burger Return to Sender & deliver in a violent manner, slightly digested and smelling of ass. But I digress. Does FatBurger of 24 years ago compare to the tasty burger joints of today? And do In n Ouy or 5 Guise offer a (usually these I find epicac-worthy) veggie burger worth eating?
For some ridiculous reason, I love these stories of Obama running out for a quick bite (he’s also probably sneaking a cigarette in the car on his way). I just think it’s funny that he tells the SS to fire up the car ’cause he’s going for lunch. Hell, even Clinton didn’t pull that (he’d eat on the road…there’s a great pic of him and then-Philly Mayor Ed Rendell punching down a couple of cheesesteaks) but not in DC. And W? The only time he’d leave was to go to church, the ranch or Camp David. Power to ya’ Barry.
My LA experiences tell me that In-n-Out sucked compared to Five Guys. Sorry. But, an earlier poster is right. At least In-n-Out is in California.
Ugh, I HATE when people start off ordering by saying, “I need…”
But yeah, I watched the whole damn thing too. Man, I still can’t stop watching him.
You know Hitler ate hamburgers too. Or else he was a lifelong bitchy anti-smoker, anti-drinker, and vegetarian who would try to make people eating meat near him feel bad. Wikipedia has a whole page devoted to Hitler’s vegetarianism. I think it’s longer than the page about Poland.
I also can’t stop watching him. Must go back and finish video now.
I watched every second. How lame is that? He’s so cool, he can munch on peanuts, talk to people with his mouth full and not look like a complete rube.
The great thing about the jalapenos at Five Guys is that they’re fresh, not pickled. Makes a huge difference. Crunchy. But $10+ for a burger & fries is pushing things.
What this country needs is a good $1 bag of fries.
Lazy Media: Hot damn, i cannot wait to check out Good Stuff! Five Guys has been disappointing me lately.
Lazy Media: Do you work near the Yard? May be transferring there soon…
What do vegetarians have against plants? They don’t moo or lick your hand, but they are very much alive — why isn’t harvesting them “murder”? It’s pure PETAganda. I eat veggies enthusiastically, as I do meat, fish and most foods this side of Zimmerman’s wacky cable show. As a patriotic American, I try to follow the official US Dept. of Agriculture Food Pyramid, which is good for me and good for America! Perhaps it’s time for vegetarians to accept full responsibility, in these critical times, for being at the very top of the food chain.
CaiteeCruelle: It’s the Five Guys on Eye Street Southeast near the Washington Nationals Baseball Park, the Navy Yard and the Green Line, not far off South Capital Street.
DustBowlBlues: i am so very very sorry. i was so hoping she would turn up. i lost my huge fat asshole tabby alpha male (who would hug you back) in december and i’m still not done with the weeping.
on another topic, why are the irish in this place?
MrsNateSilver: Tasty, tasty murder!
ZiPPerHEaD: Oops, should have read ALL the comments before posting!
hobospacejunkie: “But I do look the part. I haven’t eaten critters in 20 years but I smoke like a chimney”
I hope that weed’s organic. I don’t smoke or drink but I do swear like a chimney. If a chimney swore.
I thought he only ate Rap Snacks???
If I were Barry, I would start ordering a random condiment everytime I’m being filmed. I would next order Kimchee on my burger which would clearly be some secret statement about Kim Jong Il
DustBowlBlues: I hope that weed’s organic. I don’t smoke or drink but I do swear like a chimney. If a chimney swore.
The weed’s not organic. The weed is Camel Lights. My wife smokes a lotta weed. I am not really allowed to do drugs anymore (see fourth & fifth syllables of my screen name.)
Fellow Californians: In-’N'-Out?? Pu-leez. Taylor’s Automatic Refresher. I’m headed there today, and whatever I order, I’m getting jalapenos on it, because I would hope that a Latinized Taylor’s burger would more often than not make a better meal than an In-’N'-Out burger that hasn’t lived that life.
chascates:
I’d settle for a $1 bag of dicks now that they’ve closed down the erotic services section on Craigslist.
I’ll bet Kim Jong Il never has to satisfy a craving for a sloppy, juicy hamburger.No taste at all, in my opinion.
And don’t forget, a century ago lots of people voted for Dumbya Bush because they wanted to have a beer with his sorry teetotaling ass.
I’d rather have a burger and a Diet Coke with Barry Obama ANYDAY!
And besides, SOME people, like me, think hamburgers are fine American food.
Probably not the French, but this guy sure likes ‘em: http://www.examiner.com/x-8396-Orlando-Burger-Examiner
(cheap plug for my stuff. Thanks.)
Hahah his agents must LOVE when he does this shit.