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  • FITZGERALD GOING NUTS AGAIN: Breaking news from Chicago! According to the Chicago Breaking News Center, “The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Chicago said it will hold a press conference at 2 p.m. today to announce public corruption charges. Sources say it is expected to be an indictment of an elected official.” Is it Roland Burris, after Chris Matthews was racist to him for a while? But he was never elected! In that case, “meh.” [Chicago Breaking News]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Prommie

    Will someone ever rid us of this meddling prosecutor?

  • Custerwolf

    Burris is going down like a Palin on prom night.

  • shortsshortsshorts


  • NoWireHangers

    Patty F is breaking skulls again! I wish I had some deep dish pizza right about now.

  • Come here a minute

    This also “just in” also: Parking pay boxes back in working order. There aren’t enough Drudge sirens for that one.

  • Urbanachiever

    Yay! It’s like Christmas morning! Is it wrong that I’m so excited about this? I hope its not some random, nobody state senator. I want this to be “Daley/Stroger”-calibre official.

  • Brendan M.

    “President” Obama, your reign of terror is coming to an end.

  • gurukalehuru

    In view of Patrick Fitzgerald’s actual track record, I’m not holding my breath.

    But, oh, there are so many to choose from.

  • Mahousu

    [re=326326]Brendan M.[/re]: Yeah, I think Fitz must have finally found the birth certificate.

  • tiny mexican

    [re=326327]gurukalehuru[/re]: George Ryan, Conrad Black, and the World Trade Center bombers might have some words on his “actual track record”…

  • Beatrix

    No, it’s Ike Carothers. You heard it here first.

  • charlesdegoal

    Tribune won’t disclose who “he” is. That narrows it down to the males.

  • prototype

    That’s enough Patrick. Now you know Freepers are saying it’s Obama. I need to go check out their short lived joy.

  • ChicagoMachine

    Yup, Beatrix has it right. Carothers it is has the details

  • Mike Steele

    This guy is why everyone hates the Irish.

  • ChicagoMachine

    [re=326334]Beatrix[/re]: yup yup, agrees

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=326331]tiny mexican[/re]: Oh, right, and he nailed that Scooter Libby character, too. Meanwhile Bush,Rove, Cheney and whoever is REALLY behind the implosion of the World Trade Center are all still free.

  • Brendan M.

    [re=326329]Mahousu[/re]: Larry Sinclair must have finally broken his silence!

  • Scarab

    As a typical American with a short term attention span I welcome this relief from the drawn-out Sotomayor story… ooh look, Jessica Simpson is skinny again!

  • AxmxZ

    I think Pat Quinn is about to break all our hearts.

  • AxmxZ

    Any bookies here running the numbers on these corrupt, corrupt ponies?

  • RabidHamster

    Sources are wrong. Patrick’s just pissed he couldn’t get a nice pussy purse for mothers’ day this year and is going to denounce the Dutch:

    (yes, I’m feeling excessively alliterative this morning)

  • AxmxZ

    Damn, it’s Ike.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=326351]RabidHamster[/re]: Uhhh, NSFW!!!

  • RabidHamster

    [re=326357]NoWireHangers[/re]: Oops, sorry. If you just stick with the top half where she has her skinned cat bag and robo-guinea pigs, it’s fine (sort of). Just don’t scroll down to where she tries to ruin perfectly good porn.

  • el_chupacabra

    blah. prepare for more “everyone in Chicago is corrupt” bluster. which is, technically, true. But still.

    also, go sports teams. from chicago. area.

  • Cape Clod

    Not Burriss? Wow, biggest dissapointment since this.

  • freakishlystrong

    Good, maybe this’ll free up Paddy to go after REAL criminals, like the previous administration.

  • Mahousu

    [re=326351]RabidHamster[/re]: I thought you were talking about these:
    (Content warning: exactly what you think.)

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=326365]el_chupacabra[/re]: Oooh, a Chicago alderman and it makes national news? Tomorrow Fitz is going to be trumpeting his investigation into a Chicago sewer inspector who was caught jaywalking on a traffic cam.

  • prototype

    I don’t even know what an alderman is. You disappoint me Patrick.

  • sanantonerose

    [re=326327]gurukalehuru[/re]: Yeah, we all had such crushes on him during the Scooter Libby hootenanny. *sigh* Good times.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=326368]Mahousu[/re]: Well perhaps this proves there IS a market for my abstract paintings done in menstrual blood.
    WTF is a “medicine purse”? You could carry your Costco-sized bottle of Midol in that thing.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=326361]RabidHamster[/re]: too late.

  • proudgrampa

    [re=326368]Mahousu[/re]: Now THAT is the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen…

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=326368]Mahousu[/re]: Ha — and I always thought you couldn’t make a silk purse out of a silk purse. Oh, wait.

  • TGY

    A corrupt pol in Chi-town? Who’d a-thought it?

  • Bruno

    I hope its not Burris, he saved some woman’s bag from an airplane and therefore a Trailblazer

  • Bruno

    Is is possible to prosecute the undead, ’cause I’ve seen the Trailblazers tomb. I’ve heard of clearing someone’s name after death, but prosecuting after death is new to me.

  • RabidHamster

    [re=326368]Mahousu[/re]: Those must be a big hit at Renaissance Fairs. I wonder if the artist/manufacturer would be interested in branching out into “magick staffs” to complete her feminine temple theme. Every temple needs worshippers, and what could be more worshipful than a penis-shaped walking stick to go with your vulva purse?

  • eclecticbrotha

    Way to go, Wonkette. I can’t wait to hear Tweety claim he bagged Burris on his show later today.

  • Custerwolf

    [re=326342]Mike Steele[/re]: I’m going to remember you said that.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=326365]el_chupacabra[/re]: Feh. A corrupt Chicago alderman is about as noteworthy as whiskers on a dog.

    Not that Burris is without his problems.