CHICAGO BREAKING NEWS!  12:41 pm May 28, 2009

by Jim Newell

  • FITZGERALD GOING NUTS AGAIN: Breaking news from Chicago! According to the Chicago Breaking News Center, “The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Chicago said it will hold a press conference at 2 p.m. today to announce public corruption charges. Sources say it is expected to be an indictment of an elected official.” Is it Roland Burris, after Chris Matthews was racist to him for a while? But he was never elected! In that case, “meh.” [Chicago Breaking News]
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Prommie May 28, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Will someone ever rid us of this meddling prosecutor?

Custerwolf May 28, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Burris is going down like a Palin on prom night.

shortsshortsshorts May 28, 2009 at 12:46 pm


NoWireHangers May 28, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Patty F is breaking skulls again! I wish I had some deep dish pizza right about now.

Come here a minute May 28, 2009 at 12:49 pm

This also “just in” also: Parking pay boxes back in working order. There aren’t enough Drudge sirens for that one.

Urbanachiever May 28, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Yay! It’s like Christmas morning! Is it wrong that I’m so excited about this? I hope its not some random, nobody state senator. I want this to be “Daley/Stroger”-calibre official.

Brendan M. May 28, 2009 at 12:50 pm

“President” Obama, your reign of terror is coming to an end.

gurukalehuru May 28, 2009 at 12:51 pm

In view of Patrick Fitzgerald’s actual track record, I’m not holding my breath.

But, oh, there are so many to choose from.

Mahousu May 28, 2009 at 12:53 pm

[re=326326]Brendan M.[/re]: Yeah, I think Fitz must have finally found the birth certificate.

tiny mexican May 28, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=326327]gurukalehuru[/re]: George Ryan, Conrad Black, and the World Trade Center bombers might have some words on his “actual track record”…

Beatrix May 28, 2009 at 12:56 pm

No, it’s Ike Carothers. You heard it here first.

charlesdegoal May 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Tribune won’t disclose who “he” is. That narrows it down to the males.

prototype May 28, 2009 at 1:01 pm

That’s enough Patrick. Now you know Freepers are saying it’s Obama. I need to go check out their short lived joy.

ChicagoMachine May 28, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Yup, Beatrix has it right. Carothers it is has the details

Mike Steele May 28, 2009 at 1:02 pm

This guy is why everyone hates the Irish.

ChicagoMachine May 28, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=326334]Beatrix[/re]: yup yup, agrees

gurukalehuru May 28, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=326331]tiny mexican[/re]: Oh, right, and he nailed that Scooter Libby character, too. Meanwhile Bush,Rove, Cheney and whoever is REALLY behind the implosion of the World Trade Center are all still free.

Brendan M. May 28, 2009 at 1:03 pm

[re=326329]Mahousu[/re]: Larry Sinclair must have finally broken his silence!

Scarab May 28, 2009 at 1:06 pm

As a typical American with a short term attention span I welcome this relief from the drawn-out Sotomayor story… ooh look, Jessica Simpson is skinny again!

AxmxZ May 28, 2009 at 1:06 pm

I think Pat Quinn is about to break all our hearts.

AxmxZ May 28, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Any bookies here running the numbers on these corrupt, corrupt ponies?

RabidHamster May 28, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Sources are wrong. Patrick’s just pissed he couldn’t get a nice pussy purse for mothers’ day this year and is going to denounce the Dutch:

(yes, I’m feeling excessively alliterative this morning)

AxmxZ May 28, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Damn, it’s Ike.

NoWireHangers May 28, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=326351]RabidHamster[/re]: Uhhh, NSFW!!!

RabidHamster May 28, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=326357]NoWireHangers[/re]: Oops, sorry. If you just stick with the top half where she has her skinned cat bag and robo-guinea pigs, it’s fine (sort of). Just don’t scroll down to where she tries to ruin perfectly good porn.

el_chupacabra May 28, 2009 at 1:23 pm

blah. prepare for more “everyone in Chicago is corrupt” bluster. which is, technically, true. But still.

also, go sports teams. from chicago. area.

Cape Clod May 28, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Not Burriss? Wow, biggest dissapointment since this.

freakishlystrong May 28, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Good, maybe this’ll free up Paddy to go after REAL criminals, like the previous administration.

Mahousu May 28, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=326351]RabidHamster[/re]: I thought you were talking about these:
(Content warning: exactly what you think.)

SayItWithWookies May 28, 2009 at 1:27 pm

[re=326365]el_chupacabra[/re]: Oooh, a Chicago alderman and it makes national news? Tomorrow Fitz is going to be trumpeting his investigation into a Chicago sewer inspector who was caught jaywalking on a traffic cam.

prototype May 28, 2009 at 1:44 pm

I don’t even know what an alderman is. You disappoint me Patrick.

sanantonerose May 28, 2009 at 1:45 pm

[re=326327]gurukalehuru[/re]: Yeah, we all had such crushes on him during the Scooter Libby hootenanny. *sigh* Good times.

Custerwolf May 28, 2009 at 1:46 pm

[re=326368]Mahousu[/re]: Well perhaps this proves there IS a market for my abstract paintings done in menstrual blood.
WTF is a “medicine purse”? You could carry your Costco-sized bottle of Midol in that thing.

Custerwolf May 28, 2009 at 1:47 pm

[re=326361]RabidHamster[/re]: too late.

proudgrampa May 28, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=326368]Mahousu[/re]: Now THAT is the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen…

SayItWithWookies May 28, 2009 at 1:59 pm

[re=326368]Mahousu[/re]: Ha — and I always thought you couldn’t make a silk purse out of a silk purse. Oh, wait.

TGY May 28, 2009 at 1:59 pm

A corrupt pol in Chi-town? Who’d a-thought it?

Bruno May 28, 2009 at 1:59 pm

I hope its not Burris, he saved some woman’s bag from an airplane and therefore a Trailblazer

Bruno May 28, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Is is possible to prosecute the undead, ’cause I’ve seen the Trailblazers tomb. I’ve heard of clearing someone’s name after death, but prosecuting after death is new to me.

RabidHamster May 28, 2009 at 2:06 pm

[re=326368]Mahousu[/re]: Those must be a big hit at Renaissance Fairs. I wonder if the artist/manufacturer would be interested in branching out into “magick staffs” to complete her feminine temple theme. Every temple needs worshippers, and what could be more worshipful than a penis-shaped walking stick to go with your vulva purse?

eclecticbrotha May 28, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Way to go, Wonkette. I can’t wait to hear Tweety claim he bagged Burris on his show later today.

Custerwolf May 28, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=326342]Mike Steele[/re]: I’m going to remember you said that.

President Beeblebrox May 28, 2009 at 2:40 pm

[re=326365]el_chupacabra[/re]: Feh. A corrupt Chicago alderman is about as noteworthy as whiskers on a dog.

Not that Burris is without his problems.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: