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CHICAGO BREAKING NEWS!

  • FITZGERALD GOING NUTS AGAIN: Breaking news from Chicago! According to the Chicago Breaking News Center, “The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Chicago said it will hold a press conference at 2 p.m. today to announce public corruption charges. Sources say it is expected to be an indictment of an elected official.” Is it Roland Burris, after Chris Matthews was racist to him for a while? But he was never elected! In that case, “meh.” [Chicago Breaking News]


12:41 PM on Thu May 28 2009
By Jim Newell
1212 Views

  1. Prommie says at 12:44 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Will someone ever rid us of this meddling prosecutor?

  2. Custerwolf says at 12:46 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Burris is going down like a Palin on prom night.

  3. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:46 pm, May 28th, 2009

    WINDY.

  4. NoWireHangers says at 12:47 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Patty F is breaking skulls again! I wish I had some deep dish pizza right about now.

  5. Come here a minute says at 12:49 pm, May 28th, 2009

    This also “just in” also: Parking pay boxes back in working order. There aren’t enough Drudge sirens for that one.

  6. Urbanachiever says at 12:50 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Yay! It’s like Christmas morning! Is it wrong that I’m so excited about this? I hope its not some random, nobody state senator. I want this to be “Daley/Stroger”-calibre official.

  7. Brendan M. says at 12:50 pm, May 28th, 2009

    “President” Obama, your reign of terror is coming to an end.

  8. gurukalehuru says at 12:51 pm, May 28th, 2009

    In view of Patrick Fitzgerald’s actual track record, I’m not holding my breath.

    But, oh, there are so many to choose from.

  9. Mahousu says at 12:53 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Brendan M.: Yeah, I think Fitz must have finally found the birth certificate.

  10. tiny mexican says at 12:55 pm, May 28th, 2009

    gurukalehuru: George Ryan, Conrad Black, and the World Trade Center bombers might have some words on his “actual track record”…

  11. Beatrix says at 12:56 pm, May 28th, 2009

    No, it’s Ike Carothers. You heard it here first.

  12. charlesdegoal says at 12:57 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Tribune won’t disclose who “he” is. That narrows it down to the males.

  13. prototype says at 1:01 pm, May 28th, 2009

    That’s enough Patrick. Now you know Freepers are saying it’s Obama. I need to go check out their short lived joy.

  14. ChicagoMachine says at 1:02 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Yup, Beatrix has it right. Carothers it is http://www.capitolfaxblog.com has the details

  15. Mike Steele says at 1:02 pm, May 28th, 2009

    This guy is why everyone hates the Irish.

  16. ChicagoMachine says at 1:03 pm, May 28th, 2009
  17. gurukalehuru says at 1:03 pm, May 28th, 2009

    tiny mexican: Oh, right, and he nailed that Scooter Libby character, too. Meanwhile Bush,Rove, Cheney and whoever is REALLY behind the implosion of the World Trade Center are all still free.

  18. Brendan M. says at 1:03 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Mahousu: Larry Sinclair must have finally broken his silence!

  19. Scarab says at 1:06 pm, May 28th, 2009

    As a typical American with a short term attention span I welcome this relief from the drawn-out Sotomayor story… ooh look, Jessica Simpson is skinny again!

  20. AxmxZ says at 1:06 pm, May 28th, 2009

    I think Pat Quinn is about to break all our hearts.

  21. AxmxZ says at 1:06 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Any bookies here running the numbers on these corrupt, corrupt ponies?

  22. RabidHamster says at 1:08 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Sources are wrong. Patrick’s just pissed he couldn’t get a nice pussy purse for mothers’ day this year and is going to denounce the Dutch: http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk/yourgallery/artist_profile/Katinka+Simonse/9606.html

    (yes, I’m feeling excessively alliterative this morning)

  23. AxmxZ says at 1:09 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Damn, it’s Ike.

  24. NoWireHangers says at 1:14 pm, May 28th, 2009

    RabidHamster: Uhhh, NSFW!!!

  25. RabidHamster says at 1:20 pm, May 28th, 2009

    NoWireHangers: Oops, sorry. If you just stick with the top half where she has her skinned cat bag and robo-guinea pigs, it’s fine (sort of). Just don’t scroll down to where she tries to ruin perfectly good porn.

  26. el_chupacabra says at 1:23 pm, May 28th, 2009

    http://cbs4.com/national/Ike.Carothers.criminal.2.1022400.html

    blah. prepare for more “everyone in Chicago is corrupt” bluster. which is, technically, true. But still.

    also, go sports teams. from chicago. area.

  27. Cape Clod says at 1:25 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Not Burriss? Wow, biggest dissapointment since this.

    http://wonkette.com/273265/cheney-resigns

  28. freakishlystrong says at 1:26 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Good, maybe this’ll free up Paddy to go after REAL criminals, like the previous administration.

  29. Mahousu says at 1:26 pm, May 28th, 2009

    RabidHamster: I thought you were talking about these: http://www.artgoddess.com/purses.htm
    (Content warning: exactly what you think.)

  30. SayItWithWookies says at 1:27 pm, May 28th, 2009

    el_chupacabra: Oooh, a Chicago alderman and it makes national news? Tomorrow Fitz is going to be trumpeting his investigation into a Chicago sewer inspector who was caught jaywalking on a traffic cam.

  31. prototype says at 1:44 pm, May 28th, 2009

    I don’t even know what an alderman is. You disappoint me Patrick.

  32. sanantonerose says at 1:45 pm, May 28th, 2009

    gurukalehuru: Yeah, we all had such crushes on him during the Scooter Libby hootenanny. *sigh* Good times.

  33. Custerwolf says at 1:46 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Mahousu: Well perhaps this proves there IS a market for my abstract paintings done in menstrual blood.
    WTF is a “medicine purse”? You could carry your Costco-sized bottle of Midol in that thing.

  34. Custerwolf says at 1:47 pm, May 28th, 2009

    RabidHamster: too late.

  35. proudgrampa says at 1:48 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Mahousu: Now THAT is the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen…

  36. SayItWithWookies says at 1:59 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Mahousu: Ha — and I always thought you couldn’t make a silk purse out of a silk purse. Oh, wait.

  37. A corrupt pol in Chi-town? Who’d a-thought it?

  38. Bruno says at 1:59 pm, May 28th, 2009

    I hope its not Burris, he saved some woman’s bag from an airplane and therefore a Trailblazer

  39. Bruno says at 2:01 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Is is possible to prosecute the undead, ’cause I’ve seen the Trailblazers tomb. I’ve heard of clearing someone’s name after death, but prosecuting after death is new to me.

  40. RabidHamster says at 2:06 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Mahousu: Those must be a big hit at Renaissance Fairs. I wonder if the artist/manufacturer would be interested in branching out into “magick staffs” to complete her feminine temple theme. Every temple needs worshippers, and what could be more worshipful than a penis-shaped walking stick to go with your vulva purse?

  41. eclecticbrotha says at 2:08 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Way to go, Wonkette. I can’t wait to hear Tweety claim he bagged Burris on his show later today.

  42. Custerwolf says at 2:25 pm, May 28th, 2009

    Mike Steele: I’m going to remember you said that.

  43. President Beeblebrox says at 2:40 pm, May 28th, 2009

    el_chupacabra: Feh. A corrupt Chicago alderman is about as noteworthy as whiskers on a dog.

    Not that Burris is without his problems.

    http://thecapitolfaxblog.com/2009/05/28/burris-meltdown-continues-unabated/

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