Wonkette
WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In response to this post about bulbous adulterer crybaby Newt Gingrich twit-bitching about Sonia Sotomayor while he was visiting Auschwitz (!) today, Wonkette commenter GuruKalehuru offered this sad assessment of America’s dumbest fad for old people: “This twitter thing is going to be like the new ‘It was the alcohol talking.’ Or it should.”
It may be 11:08 at night now, but it is 4:30 in the afternoon somewhere. Also, true comment by GuruKalehuru. And Gingrich. Well, not really, but it is fucking unbelievable, even for Newt, that he wrote that while visiting Auschwitz. It is also unbelievable that I had too high an opinion of Newt Gingrich.
I know this is probably going to sound like sour grapes because I was totally cheated out of getting ‘Win of the Afternoon,’ Ken - but personally I think it would have sounded better with the word “be” on the end.
Is that how you spell Auchwi . . .Aucshi . . . Ouchwit . . .oh, fuck it . . . Death Camp?
Anyway, what is Newtie doing there? Summer Vacation?
I hear the Kampf Krafts Program is interesting. Something involving making lampshade and wallets.
And he’s bunking with the rest of the GOP leadership in the Kraut Kabin!
Twitter: this years macarena.
I don’t CARE what you ate for breakfast.
Except for teenage girls, who really want to know what other teenaged girls ate for breakfast, and more importantly WHAT ARE YOU WEARING TODAY!!!!
The world will forget this fad pretty soon.
I hope.
Twits for twats.
Twunk Twialing.
What? We’re being JUDGED for snark? What’s the prize? Fuck! People are reading this? Gah!
Guru rocks from his lair up in Prague Castle, sipping on his absinthe and pivo, rolling bones with some nasty czech ditch weed, and putting Twitter properly, in the shitter. Wooooot.
Brendan M.: It is 1:29pm here. I am far too responsible to drink and Wonk.
Gingrich only sounded stupid because he was twatting without his teLEprOMpterZ!
RobPetrified: Tell me about it! It’s almost 10am here and I ran away from home after my Senior-Bear asked me about Twitter and how to set up an account earlier this morning - I demurred, told him I’d look into it when I get home this evening, gave him a peck on his bearded cheek and got the hell outta there! Even ‘tho it’s snowing this morning and the road is a pain, I’m glad I’m not working from home today, so I can avoid the twerror of twittering into Twat-dom…
Blender:
If I had known we were being judged I would have let it hang out a bit more.
It isn’t that hard to work in obscure music and film references, fine whiskey brands that I can no longer afford,and throw in a pearl necklace or a dirty Sanchez link here and there.
And Dick Cheney is as evil as they come.
Like Dick Cheney ever comes.
Can I has a Do-Over?
mollymcgwire: So…you’re in Mexico? Well, at least you had the common courtesy to change your name to something pronounceable by normal people, unlike some Mexicans (who I won’t name, because I WON’T GIVE IN TO THAT UNNATURALNESS!).
Jesus, calling Obama a fascist in Auchwitz would be better than this. Because calling Sotomayor a racist is itself racist, because it appeals to (dumb) people’s fear and bigotry. Not that I think Newt is necessarily racist himself. It’s just that when you’re a sociopath, the world’s your oyster and you are at liberty to make free associations from your surroundings using wingnut talking points. Also, you can divorce your wife on her cancer deathbed.
Turd Way: Come on, Newt isn’t a monster. His wife was merely recovering from cancer in the hospital, she wasn’t dying.
The only thing better than these twits tweeting would be to have their phone conversations posted online.
Since most pols expose their ignorance in a prepared statement an off-the-cuff tweet will be heard round the world.
Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, where is your twittering?
And Newt, while you’re over touring the camps reflect on the role of the Vatican during that time.
Also.
I’m sure he’s tweeting about his big win right now.
Way to go GuruKalahuru. And Newt might disagree about the alcohol — with him, I’m sure he’d insist it’s the integrity talking.
Now that I think about it, Newt’s timing wasn’t ironic at all. Prepare for his new book “My Struggle.”
And Newt, while you’re over touring the camps reflect on the role of the Vatican during that time.
Holy fuck, he converted to Catholicism after all these years? Guess it just took naming a former Hitler Youth Pope to reel him in.
Brendan M.: Yes.
Yes he is a monster. A fat, human reptile.
Thats why his parents named Newt after a lizard.
Which was, of course, your point anyway.
I’m only agreeing with you in order to suck up to the Wonkette overlords after Blender scared me.
Gingrich/Giuliani 2012 might be just as funny as the less rat-faced Palin/Bachmann dream team, plus it would mean the death of the “values voter,” obviously.
Brendan M.: Saipan. Only now it is 2:15pm, so I had better start drinking.
Brendan M.: Call me Samailahi.
Oh, there are many WINS to go around. I just needed to make an entirely crappy presidential seal logo, to get this thing started. This is also a kind of OPEN THREAD OF THE NIGHT, for now.
The comment of the year is still:
“Some things, once seen, can never be unseen.”
And that is about it. (Only a few will recall what Lazy Media accomplished).
mollymcgwire: Ha! One of my old buddies went to a high school on Tinian. His dad was a teacher at the base school. Until my friend got an island girl pregnant (along with getting into drugs) and the family returned to west Texas. He told me that (in the late ’60s) a fisherman there was a person who was respected. Because they actually did something every day.
Ken Layne: The new Presidential seal may need a sort-of mooslin peacock rather than an eagle.
Brendan M.: Maybe Newt will consider suing Wonkette now. God bless the USA where at least it’s hard to be convicted of slandering a public figure and sexual pervert/DUI hit-and-run killer/amphetamine-head like Newt.
chascates: Tell your buddy that nothing has changed, except fewer tourists now that the Asian economy has tanked.
As pretty as it is here, I am still 12500 miles from my kids becasue our first MBA president managed to do as good as job on the economy as he did on national security and defense. Jr. is the fucker who just keeps on fucking.
Turd Way: I witnessed him Molesting on the night of 8/19/2007 in Bethesda, MD but I didn’t tell the cops.
what a low-life shit-eating fuckbag of an excuse for a human being newt is.
Ken, what happen to those live-gay-love chats where you and Choire Sicha talk into each others butt hole? I kind of miss them.
Ken Layne: this post also did whitey america the service of pushing that photo of krikorian further from my eyeholes. thank you, also.
krikorian would also prefer to pronounce “sotomayor” as “bbw messican 4 adult fun”, as it is on the larrycraigslist.
Gosh, thanks. I am stunned snarkless.
RobPetrified: Newts ain’t lizards. They’re NEWTS!
You know, as in “She turned me into a newt!” :::They all look at him::: “But I got better!”
Our Newt, on the other hand, will never get better. Short of the grave, that is.
I really think that Newt is angling to be in a good position by 2012 if the economy worsens and the teabaggers need someone (Mexicans will due) to blame for their unemployment. And while it’s true that their unfairly taxed bosses probably did outsource their jobs to Mexico, it’s better to blame the illegals. And why are people like Sotomayor taking all the good black-collar jobs?
Turd Way: In which our hero is fired to make room for fat Mexican Dennis Hastert.
Ken Layne: You have every reason to love that pic. It’s hard running a site.
“Working Saturday… working Sunday.” In the words of our favorite last-President ever.
Photoshop takes like 15 minutes, and I can honestly say that’s an enormous pain in the ass.
ALL HAIL POPE CAT, as only some of you have to deal with staying up at long hours voluntarily and acting as if everybody on the site is correct about something, like all the time.
And while I may have about 8 shots of some sort of thing in the Communist belly of mine that wishes to re-distribute nutrients at the cost of the ultimate taxpayer (my belly), with all honesty ALL OF YOU should be praising pope-cat for that insanely ironic and apt argument for and/or against gay marriage.
Anyone who disagrees will be shot, on site, by our Socialist-Muslim Government.
But here is what pants wrote up to trash Palin, which is what makes all of this shit so fun:
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=3390
Fuck it. He did a great fucking job.
Haha…yeah i remember reading that one and thinking to myself that it so true. A toast to GuruKalehuru ! (kachink!)
“The new age rebels have no cause…”
I loves me some Guruhukulerulurkerlu, but this one is kinda ‘meh.’ Too much Twitter, too much low hanging fruit.
Maybe not butsecksy enough? Just thinking aloud here…
Well now I understand Gingrich. Who here, when visiting one of the greatest shrines to reverse discrimination ever, and thinking how the poor Aryans were judge so harshly just because they expected the Jews to pick themselves up by their boot straps, would not see parallels to this country allowing some Puerto Rican chica taking over the Supreme Court.
Lascauxcaveman: It was the innocence of his comment that gave it the win. (I’m a student of these things, since just now.) Like someone who has not been exposed to “too much twitter” or twitter-hating but manages to sum it up in one sentence, no buttsecks, please. (You gotta think like Ken, who spends even more time than we do immersed in these god-forsaken topics and looks for a little flower in the cracks like gurukalehuru.)
Ken Layne: “Oh, there are many WINS to go around. I just needed to make an entirely crappy presidential seal logo, to get this thing started. This is also a kind of OPEN THREAD OF THE NIGHT, for now.”
Ah Ken, you give with one hand and take away with the other. You are deep and profound, inscrutable and wise.
OK, but it’s still UNICEF 2, AIF 0 the morning after. Way to go.
And more BBW pics, because America deserves nothing less.
Anyway, thank you Ken, this post will be enough to keep me going for another three months on the false hope of honor from our Dear Leader. You should try random humiliation as well as recognition.
shortsshortsshorts: Ah, La Pequena Hillary Clinton. Those were the days. What is he/she/it up to these days?
shortsshortsshorts: Butt licker!
HA HA. Indeed, all hail Pope Cat. And as a cat lover & caretaker (5 little pussies running around our home now) I can’t get enough of the Pope Cat photo. Makes me chuckle and say “aww…” every time I right-click “open image in new tab.”
Jesus pig-fucking christ I thought you were kidding about Neut being at Auschwitz/Oswiecim/???????? because, you know, that’s what you do, for a living, write funny stuff, stretch the truth for effect, say that someone’s at Auschwitz when tweeting racism about our potential new justice, which would just be crazy, of course, but funny to think about. Except it’s true.
It’s getting so insane it seems like these people (elected officials) are actually trying to do your job for you. “Well, you have to release them to imprison them.” I don’t know what I expected to happen when Obama took office, but it wasn’t this. Not that I’m complaining. It’s nice to chuckle whole-heartedly for once after chuckling & then wincing for eight long years.
Man, I hate me some twitter. What’s funny, to me, is that all those techie wired nerds go on and on about how twitter is actually useful and such, and meanwhile, it’s being terribly ruined even worse by all these awful republican oldsters twatting their occasional brain diarrheas on the blackberry, to the twitter.
Keep up the trend of embarrassing Twitters from high-profile people and the whole thing just might be worth it after all.
Historical observation: In Washington, DC, W I N, is supposed to mean Whip Inflation Now (and, yes, I’m aware that only people as seriously old as Newt Gingrich and myself — or dead like Gerald Ford — would know that).
And turn the text so the W I N part is centered over the bird’s head. It will look better.
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/
We should make one of these for Republican twats. I mean, tweets.
I did not get credit when I WON THE AFTERNOON with my comment about the pronunciation of “so toe my OR” that got ripped off for a post by Newell. Or maybe Jim reads all the other liberal blogs too. We’ll never know. Now it’s time to WIN THE MORNING.
loquaciousmusic: It’s 7:52 am here and I have officially already laughed my fuckin’ ass off, thank you. Hilarious.
Sure you are treating this as a gaffe, but the Republican line on C-SPAN are all over this “White Male Anger” business. Looks like their play is to substitute “race” for “heritage”, accuse Sotomayor’s pride in her “race” as affecting her judgment. The new lie is that white males don’t play that card (because God knows that the first thing the Irish, Scots, Italians and Germans did when they got here was declare themselves 100% American with no heritage).
Does that mean this is now Merican Wonkette Idol? Ken as Simon, Jim as Randy, & Sara as Paula? Guess that makes Riley Seacrest too. Sorry Riley.
shortsshortsshorts: I loved that comment, too. And have been sprinkling it into everyday conversations. I am a member of the lazy media, so I do not consider it stealing…just an homage to our leader.
We should cut Newt some slack about the propriety of Twattering from Auschwitz. He was just overcome by the horror of what happens when you let a short person determine the fate of good white men, and wanted to save us from a similar fate.
But will Twitter evolve into: “look at the way she was dressed! She was asking for it!” ?
Ken Layne: Speaking of seals, here is a seal perfect for today’s Republican Party.
Tacking on “from Auschwitz” to the end of Republican twits can now replace adding “in bed” to fortune cookie fortunes.
RobPetrified: A newt is an amphibian not a reptile. Sheesh.
planet-arium: Meaning he goes both ways.
Yes, Twitter brings to human communications the same benefits that dogs enjoy by sniffing each others alimentary canals. But I can avoid that fabulous sensation by simply not twittering.
What really sucks is Web 2.0, the annoying high tech Web page equivalent of the little advertising papers that fall out on the floor when you open a magazine.
Accordion-o-rama:
So which is the lower form of life?
Reptile suits the Newtster much better than amphibian.
And its funnier, too.
Sheesh.