Wonkette
Michael Kinsley, the dignified journalist and dinner companion to David Denby, starts his review of the new Newsweek reboot with this: “Having recently been dumped by Time, I naturally had great hopes for this week’s much-anticipated makeover of Newsweek.” And 2,000 annoying words later — including a long bit about masturbating to a large photograph of the homophobic idiot Miss California — he closes with this: “Don’t forget to cancel your subscription to Time while you’re at it.”
This, apparently, is what the important thinkers are doing while the evil Internet Blogs make snide jokes about Washington media.
You’ll remember that David Denby’s important pamphlet of libelous falsehoods, I Was Just Looking For Some Porn and Instead Found These Offensive Blogs, was inspired by a dinner date with the respected editor Michael Kinsley — where the conversation, if we are foolish enough to believe anything Denby says, revolved around the cheap and empty “snark” they had encountered on the Internet.
So, Michael Kinsley apparently got fired from Time, and spends 2,000+ words in The New Republic bitching about how he doesn’t like the redesigned Newsweek, because he was hoping to move his column there, to get revenge on the editor of Time. Honestly, he wrote these things in what is purported to be a review of a magazine redesign. David Denby must be rolling in his grave.
Backward Runs Newsweek [TNR]
So he’d rather have expensive and full snark? Wonketteers, can we accomodate this blog-troll?
Alt-text satisfies the First Principal of Snark.
No, of COURSE Mikey doesn’t color his hair! Whoever said he did?
Hey, I know that guy — he used to give Pat Buchanan hand-jobs under the table on “Crossfire” about 20 years ago, right?
I seem to remember liking Michael Kinsley in the early 1990s when he was on The Crossfire TV Show on CNN. But then again, I also liked watching that one black and white Janet Jackson video about 50 times a day. It was a crazy time.
I didn’t even know there still was a Michael Kinsley.
So it’s like a circle-jerk, but without the happy ending?
wow.. I forgot how much I missed this feckless intellectual clown, seems he got lost when he went “digital” back in the day. He has a real pretty mouth though, also. What is the deal with that New Republic anyway, could never figure it for lib or repug.
Back to Newsweek. I think I heard some guy talk about it when I was walking through the room where the teevee was on. They’ve gotten more newsy, right? Less Britanny–Britney (wtf–i haven’t even bothered with her enough to spell her name) and more Hope, or something? Has anyone seen it (in the town where I live, no news magazines–not making that up)? Is it better, or just different. And many years ago did The New Republic become meaningless?
Though Peter Saarsgard was totally great in that movie.
So this means he’ll have to give another 2 speeches a month to make up for the lost income from Time. Although he can repeat his speeches word-for-word like the rest of the crowd. It was harder to do that in his column but he came pretty close.
You know, one great way to maintain your reputation is to totally destroy your former employer. I mean WTF is wrong with him? Remember next time you lose a job or whatever that you punch your boss in the face and fuck your secretary, because THAT’S PROFESSIONAL.
What, for example, is this graphic on the letters page? Why, for that matter, is there still a letters page? It’s the first page of content you come to.[....] Hali McGrath of Berkeley, California, submitted, “Blah, blah, swine flu, blah blah.” And Newsweek published it.
But back to the graphic. [....]
But enough about a two-week-old issue of Newsweek. Let’s talk about a four-week old issue of Newsweek.
This looks like jealousy and sounds like whiny, unfunny, painful masturbating.
DustBowlBlues: “Shattered Glass” is a really good movie. I used to show it to my university journalism students, and not just because it would take up the better part of two class periods. It was primo instruction for the kidz on what actual fact-checking means and why it’s not a real good idea to just make shit up when you’re a reporter.
Also Peter Saarsgard is always very, um, easy to watch.
Also also: Doesn’t Michael Kinsley have Parkinson’s disease? So maybe the speaking circuit isn’t such a good gig for him anymore? Now I feel bad about the Pat Buchanan hand-job thing I said earlier. I always like how Mikey kicked Fat Pat’s ass all over the CNN studio.
Michael Kinsley is a pussy. It’s that simple.
SayItWithWookies: I’m pretty sure he was the dad on Full House.
Dude, you’re gay and conservative? No wonder why you’re miserable and unemployed.
Haven’t read the article yet, but that last sentence in your preview is some welcome, pissed-off, honest, sour grapes. I like that.
DustBowlBlues: Newsweek has been so substance-free for so long that even with real hard news it’ll have a credibility problem. I didn’t know it was supposed to be more newsy now, but most people who wanted news in depth probably gave up on it. On the bright side, that niche (pop-news not too wonky) is pretty much unoccupied right now.
Kinsley was fun on Crossfire. But at Slate he sure tended to belabor a point. You could read the first two paragraphs (to catch the funny intro anecdote and the general gist) and then the last three paragaphs and not feel you’d missed a damn thing.
If he would just kill Marty Peretz, all would be forgiven.
shortsshortsshorts: I fuck my secretary on principle.
The Peter Principle.
Okay, here’s some Kinsleyesque exquisite bitchery — a dig at his old boss:
Meacham–a very smart and thoughtful guy, which in my experience is not necessarily true of all newsmagazine editors (all two, that is)
shortsshortsshorts: It really doesn’t appear that he’s at all interested in staying on his old editor’s good side.
i hear the washington times is looking for help….
Okay, I was prepared to hate this piece, but I loved it — even though, as usual for Kinsley, it was too long — I wanted to stop halfway through page two. But’s it’s just a Niagara of bitchiness, and also maintains a unity of thematic elements all the way through that some rants just don’t seem worried about. No, this was lovingly crafted over a good long while. Michael Kinsley is clearly the Elton John of liberal punditry.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again until I’m banned:
America would be a lot better off if a pitchfork-wielding mob burned Time and Newsweek to the ground, roasted their “journalists” over a spit and then salted the earth so no hackery could ever grow again.
The most depressing part of this whole affair, though, is that you just know Kinsley’s thinking to himself “Aw, man, what a BURN on my old editor!” and everyone else is just like: “Dude, that’s pretty pathetic.”
Joe Klein thinks Kinsley might like it more if he could just get the damn thing to stop shaking.
assistant/atlas: I am puzzled by your insistence of pitchforks. Is this simple traditionalism? Some sort of prejudice against billhooks and bushknives? An effete distaste for the simplicity of the good stout stick?
The fact that Kinsley has some damn good observations about how vapid Newsweek is, is completely overshadowed by his constant bitching. BOO HOO, I ARE SEMI-UNEMPLOYED NOW! Don’t hold your breath for the Mark of the Beast’s worth of unemployment beneficiaries to let you cry on their shoulders, Mike.
He’s wrong on one substantive point, though. He calls the cover headline (”Obama On Obama”) weak. Bullshit. That headline is hawt as fuck, I want to read that article now for some sexy President on um, err, hmm. That’s sort of nonspecific. Well, Barry on either the First Lady, or the President again, action. Either way, it’s a winner.
x111e7thst: I mean, shit, what the hell did we even lift the assault weapons ban for anyway, if we’re just going to stick with pitchforks?
Kinsley is one of the most refreshing thought-provoking non-doctrinaire writers out there. It’s a shame he decided to get into yelling-at-kids-on-his-lawn contest with George Will.
Zadig: Remember that America was started with tea parties, so we can just tea bag the shit out of Time Magazine. Who needs pitch forks, AFTER ALL.
assistant/atlas:
Rename Time and Newsweek “Carthage”, dig up Scipio Africanus, and you might just get your wish.
…the cheap and empty “snark” they had encountered on the Internet…
If it wasn’t empty, it wouldn’t be cheap. These men obviously don’t understand anything about shipping snark through the inter-webs/tubes.
While it’s fun to poke at Kinsley for going off his meds we’re overlooking the larger issue here. Apart from Dust Bowl Blues, does anyone even read magazines anymore? “You know what I need? A magazine bringing me news from last week that’s already been chewed up & spit out by every goddamn blogger in the universe. Yeah, that’s exactly what I need.” No snark, I am simply floored that even one magazine exists that makes money. Obviously I don’t understand the magazine bidness.
OK, on 2nd thought, I should’ve said does anyone educated even read magazines anymore. I guess I can see why hillbillies want their Entertainment Weekly or whatever. Beyond that bit of stereotyping, I still don’t get why most magazines even exist.
Someone should tip off Kinsley that his dye job makes him look like a stand-in double for Stephen Colbert. Maybe he could parlay that into a career manning the dunking booth at teabag parties.
Wait a minute, the magazine which allowed that Coultergeist to nominate Simple Sarah for one of the Top 100 of the year fired Michael Kinsley?
I have a copy of the New, Improved Newsweek. Go to the newstand and look at it. The editor explains how they’re gonna be all smart and relevant and in-depth and insightful and relevent and dependable and loyal and friendly and relevant and intelligent and thorough and serious, and then you turn the page and there’s a full page splash given over to that Trumpette Miss California, with her upper story hidden behind a banner, probably because it’s pending a Trump patent.
Pass.
I gave up Newsweeek a couple of years ago, when it seemed that every third issue was about God or the Jesus H. Chrazies.
MzNicky: “Now I feel bad about the Pat Buchanan hand-job thing I said earlier.”
Don’t worry. This is wonkette. Nobody cares, except if they have their own teevee show and call you names, back. Then, Awkward.
dijetlo: “Cheap and empty” my butt. This snark has cost employers literally billions of lost man-hours.
Zadig: I am laughing so hard at the pitchforks vs. assault weapons comment I’m glad I’m alone. A definite, very big win, Sir. Madame. Undecided.
hobospacejunkie: ” Apart from Dust Bowl Blues, does anyone even read magazines anymore?”
Excuse me, young man. (young woman?). Are you calling me smart, old, or stubborn? Whatever.
I’m on the interwebs one hour later than usual, because the old man is out of town and isn’t surfing porn, at least not on this computer.
I am about to turn off the mac and go to bed, however, because, being a magazine reader, I read books, as well. Right now, I’m reading a really, really smart (and long) book called Plain Honest Men about the Constitutional Convention. I read a fantastic chapter last night about the Founders and God, and have been waiting all day to drop a pithy, erudite fact-based smart truth on you about said subject. But no one has brought it up (where the fuck is Meachem (sp?) when you need him), so it’s your loss, losers.
Nitey-nite.
Speaking of our awful media, Larry King is on The Daily Show right now. He’s on shitty interview.
obfuscator: Way to write, dipshit.
hobospacejunkie: I read a ton of magazines, in print, by subscription: New Yorker, Economist, Harper’s, High Country News, the Atlantic, Mother Earth, Sunset, New Scientist. At airports I will pick up Wired, Business Week, travel stuff, Vanity Fair. Good magazines with good, long, well-written stories are worth the money, and are incredibly cheap by subscription. The last thing I want to do on a weekend or after work is read long features on a fucking computer.
I haven’t subscribed to a newspaper in four or five years, so the Economist is a good weekly world/business newspaper replacement. Time and Newsweek are pretty useless to anybody who spends all day reading breaking news and political crap — at least US News used to do those “best colleges” or “best mutual funds” service-y stuff, although it was generally aimed at people a lot older and wealthier than me.
My biannual dentist visit is coming up, so I’ll have a chance to look at the revamped Newsweek, and the AARP magazine, and other such things. Actually, that is not true — the Newsweeks in the dentist office will be six months old, as always.
Ken Layne: I see your point.
Two things come to mind. One, it’s not necessary for you to buy these magazines, you could subscribe & read online, which makes me wonder how long magazines will exist, or will offer both a paper & online version. Probably until people our age (I’m 43, so basically anyone over ~35) die off, those who enjoy holding a book or a magazine.
Those who have grown up reading most of whatever they read online I expect will have no problem reading long features on a computer, or else like me they’ll print the long stuff (FinePrint helps in this regard.) Or maybe there is a large demographic of youngsters who love reading magazines and I’m wrong about this as well. I suspect the latter.
And two, you aren’t exactly Mr. Average American. Educated autodidacts don’t keep magazines in business. Or maybe they do. As I kind of said earlier, I don’t know the magazine industry, though that doesn’t keep me from offering my ill-informed opinion about it.
As a Newsweek subscriber- my folks keep renewing the subscription at Christmas- I will say there’s a noticable improvement throughout the magazine. Specifically, they’ve improved the quality of the ink and paper, so it doesn’t crinkle and smudge so easily. That’s a plus.
Before hand, let us admire Pope Cat.
Ken Layne: Jesus Christ man you talk so much shit about print Journalism, but you depend on it during travel? DON’T STOP.
Personally, bathrooms are a great place for “leaving the computer in the bag” and picking up a “Nuus piper,” but not even in terms of toilet paper, even. It is just wrong to bring a laptop into a bathroom. Other than that, trashing print should be fair game. You can’t just kill print journalism in an airport bathroom, or at least have a personal mission of destroying it through said bathroom, while still admitting that you read the damn things on the site you rightfully own.
Page 10, Byron York’s page on Tuesdays or Thursday’s in the Examiner or whatever is the best example you can ask for in terms of why “not” to read a printed publication in any setting, unless it’s HAWT NEKKED Byron York. In which case everyone should be fighting to the death for the next bullshit-Examiner they can find.
Actually, I think Kinsley’s dye-job makes him look like Mike Krzyzewski. Maybe he be a stand-in at Duke alumni events.
Okay. I read the whole article & liked it. I always like Michael Kinsley’s writing. And the bit about the hypothetical rescued coal-miner jerking off to a pic of Miss California was laugh-out-loud funny.
But I feel very icky commenting about it here, because now I am critiquing a post critiquing a critique of a collection of argued essays. And any comment on my comment will only perpetuate this very meta circle jerk further.
MzNicky: Love Shattered Glass, too.
What is wrong with these putzes? Kinsley is acting like all, “I should be running something by now,” when he’s just awful.
Mr Blifil: Also.
Joehoya: And my first thought was he buys the same Just for Men shade as David Frum.
shortsshortsshorts: Ha ha, I am a terrible hypocrite. Well not really, about that. I did love newspapers and spent many good years toiling for them, but when the Internets got fancy enough to allow basic page layout and hyperlinks, it was time to go. And newspapers have just been embarrassing in this first foul decade of the 21st Century.
As for Kinsley, he is talented & funny writer, but his “it’s all about me” review of an American news magazine was just lousy.
Ken Layne: Seriously can you imagine being in a situation where it’s “I am disappointed,” “I am unhappy,” “I have been screwed over” all the time? Jesus the man should be shot down out of principle. You don’t have to agree with your editor, but you don’t turn it into some lame personal battle because you failed to produce enough readers. Kinsley fell off the shallow end, hit his head, and for some reason refuses to admit he has a concussion. He’s had some great moments, for sure, but he’s really screwin’ the pooch here. Hopefully, with therapy, there will be a reception of minor flogging, and than an 800 billion dollar bailout.
Ken Layne:
It seems to me that a valuable component of the traditional print media, whether newspapers or magazines, is ‘peer review’, something I’m used to in the medical/scientific arena. It’s nice to sit down with something that’s been more or less fact-checked, and vetted for obvious inanity. Such services are useful to me, because I don’t have the time or means to supply them myself. But I can’t handle the ever-growing piles of half-read magazines. At least unread virtual publications don’t make me feel so guilty, as they have the decency to be gone in the morning.
shortsshortsshorts:
Why does everyone say “screwin’ the pooch?”
I’ve always heard it as, “fucked the bunny.”
Just saying. Also. Too.
Hey, what happened to Leonard Nimoy Says Obama Did Spock Salute?
Don’t make Twitter a liar!!
I haven’t had time to read a New Yorker cover to cover since I quit taking the bus to work. In 1986. And Time is racing Newsweek to the bottom for thinness. I haven’t cracked a cover of one in several months even though the keep putting them in the mailbox. It’s too much trouble to actually cancel.
Kinsley is still unhealthily obsessed with Miss California:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/21/AR2009052103681.html
Get a room, buddy. Or at least a box of Kleenex.
A magazine article about magazines. Jesus, this is why I don’t listen to country music: all the damned songs seem to be about how great country music is. Same with polka. Self-referentialism pisses me off. It’s probably the laziest way to masturbate there is.
I’d like to say I’m disappointed that the New Republic is printing this drek, but the New Republic also runs those furshlugginer ads for FLAME, so if anything, Kinsley’s piece isn’t quite as bad as that. It would be better if they printed Kinsley’s piece way in the back, in white ink on white paper, but no one ever listens to me.
You know, I subscribe to the New Republic. I have for years. I’ve also been posting on the DailyKos for years. That means I personally have claim to the entire relevent political spectrum there is, so I am wise. Listen to me.
People still read Time AND Newsweek? Imagine that!
So ‘old’ media has decided to further kill itself off by telling everyone to cancel subscriptions. I know its the competition, but whatever
I’ve tried to quit my decades-long love/hate relationship with the print edition of the New Yorker, but I know I’ll keep subscribing forever, mainly because it’s hard to curl up with my laptop at naptime.
Larry McAwful: Man, polka rocks!!
Big Liver: Oh, I dunno about the whole wonderfulness of peer review. I’ve read (and reviewed) plenty of scientific and quasi-medico article submissions for various journals, and some of them should have been stamped REJECT AND NEVER EVER FOR GAWD’S SAKE RESUBMIT, shredded, and returned to the authors in a biohazard bag.
I will always love Kinsley for these two pieces from his Slate years:
Reilly Among the Snobs
http://www.slate.com/id/101760
and its follow-up:
The Mystery of the Departing Guests
http://www.slate.com/id/1007343
Who’s Michael Kinsley?
Larry McAwful: “furshlugginer” — heh. Mad magazine reference — yer old.