Wonkette
Of course it’s Internet blog reporter Dave Weigel, covering the Washington Independent’s “violent psychopaths and racists” beat, who’s first to remember that tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of last year’s most important breaking news story, one that we still think about, everyday, because what if it’s out there?? On May 16, 2008, blogger Larry Johnson changed the world with a single sentence: “I now have it from two sources that there is video dynamite–Michelle Obama railing against ‘whitey’ at Jeremiah Wright’s church.” And yet we’re still waiting. Will the liberal media and Al Qaeda ever show this tape that they have? Or do we have it already… and just don’t realize it? HUH? Is it the video up top? HAS THIS YOUTUBE BEEN THE SECRET “WHITEY TAPE” ALL ALONG? [Washington Independent]
Ha ha, who is that ridiculous old man? Is he somebodies hilarious, senile Paw-Paw?
Now let’s follow them to the produce section where the clerk has just finished setting up a comically high pyramid of apples.
Today we are all “whitey tapes.”
And who is that rotting corpse in the video, there?
Tommmcatt: It’s nice that those folks took Grampa shopping with them, but I wonder why he felt the need to dress up so fancy. My own grandfather was more partial to Hawaiian shirts, but to each his own I suppose.
Was that Cox or Holly Bailey rushing in to clean up the mess?
“Mommy, who is this old man, and why is he helping us shop?”
Just goes to show you how deep and sinister “that man” Nopey Hobo-ama’s plot really is. Be scared, be very scared. What did they do with the tape” What happened to the brave and good citizens charged with its care and which of Nope’s thugs murdered them? This is just more evidence of the grave danger facing our nation.
Ha! Shop much? John McCain looks like Dave Bowman: My God, it’s full of groceries…
Office Depot is having a sale on white tape. Maybe they should try there.
How could a black woman not be angry? She could only have achieved success cuz of affirmative action. Otherwise she would be pressing somebody’s shirts, right? Successful blak women are angry!! HELLO? DIDN’T YOU READ ABOUT NAOMI CAMPBELL, SHEEPLE?!!!
Shopping for old white men can be a disaster, but I guess you can’t get them through Fresh Direct.
This looks like when I take my Alzheimers dad to the store. Dad’s like: what is this place and why are we here?? Or else like when GHWB went into a grocery store once and was like: I don’t know how to buy groceries bc such tasks are beneath me… where’s the slave, uh, servant? HENGGHHH!
McCain was poorly served by his handlers. You’d think somebody could have told him that the average American unbuttons his jacket when grocery shopping with the prop family. They did know this was being recorded?
Joshua Norton:
The Office Depot sale is for “Euro-American Tape”, you racist pig…
Oh Wonkette, you beautiful fool … Whitey doesn’t want you to know!
MILF!
Sso I heard thru a contact at MSNBC, that KO said, that Michelle Obama said something like this…
Yeah, yeah boy. Fuck this here peckerwood pasty ass, Saucony wearing, One Tree Hill watchin’, Non-ARM loan receivin’, cracker mutha fucka, deep in his tight white accountant asshole, nigga.
Shortly followed up by…
Shout outs to my nigs Peanut, Wizzie tha Thurd, DJ WhiteOpression, and my Moms and dem down off Third and MLK, son. Repin’ the 708 dirty dirty wit tha diamond in the back, ya hurd me?
Or was that just Kevin Garnett?
“Hey you little shits! Sit down before I beat some silence into your ass!”
“Oh, we’re rolling?”
Maybe she said “Railed by Wrighty”. Pastors get all the pussy.
Has any black person, in history, ever said the word “whitey”?
If the suit coat had had 45 buttons on it, McCain would have buttoned every single one of them.
Fox Noise just hired Tucker Carlson. He can get right on this.
Scandalabra: Not since 1968.
Longest 27 seconds of my life.
Hey CusterW. where are you?
More to the point, where is your ever growing coterie of personal trolls. I’m bored, and in some pain. I need mindless distraction.
Ah, the memories.
Remember when this was fun, before Ken Layne was waterboarded?
I suspect Larry Johnson is full of shit.
How many years has Bigfoot remained missing?
Goddam, Walnuts is just there doing a stupid “help mom in the grocery store” photo op and he still can’t keep from grumbling about the groceries. Does he say “what’s the difference, one’s Dole, and…” right before all the applesauce crashes down? Hilarious.
This is why I will only do my grocery shopping in dumpsters, where it’s safe.
It’s a goddamned black, er, white wash by the media, the reverse vampires and those fucking Shriners.
kudzu: “We like the big ones…” Sometimes I disgust myself.
I always get a stab of anxiety whenever an olden one approaches me in the grocery store, so it was too difficult for me to watch this. That and I know there will be no sex. Nor any chance of sex. Nor any reason to even think about sex. In fact, quite the opposite. Guess I’ll head back to Rand’s video and see if he’s got anything bateworthy.
He acts like he just landed on earth and is really earnestly trying to learn our culture. I’m surprised Oldy McWalkingdeath wasn’t trying to eat a cat.
chascates: Grandmama respectfully asks you to refrain from such nastiness.
While McCain in this video looks sad and pitiful, still, the best man-of-the-people ‘whitey tape’ of all time still belongs to Mitt Romney - “who let the dogs out, whoo? whoo?” I sometimes watch it just to feed the loathing I have for him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDwwAaVmnf4
[ waddle-waddle-waddle, waddle] … Puddles! Oh Puddles, c’mere girl! Huh? Not in here? This is a supermarket? Oh.
Joshua Norton: Faux hired Tucker Carlson? If there was an “officious prig” market demographic, he and Cal Thomas would have it firmly between their cheeks.
So ur with ur Hopey and yur making yur choise to vote wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is “I hav a tape of yur Hopey’s wyfe sayin WHITEY!” U tell ur Hopey n he say “my wyfe never say dat”. THEN WHO WAS TAPE?
Hm, maybe that wasn’t as funny as I thought that would be.
Scandalabra: Dead honkey.
President Beeblebrox: THEN WHO WAS TAPE?
I went to the site. read the thing in all the languages I can read. Now my head hurts and I have a vague desire to go stab someone.
Who in the HELL shops for pork roll in a tailor made suit? HAHA! Cops and GOP octogenarians with a camera crew.
Dave J.: I totally missed that, thanks for the transcript Dave!!
Scandalabra: I once road my white appaloosa into town to give blood at the local fire station. As I’m lying on the gurney waiting with my horse tied up just outside where I can keep an eye on him, up walks my nurse who happens to be the only black man within a 200 mile radius and he asks me, “So, what’s your horses name?” And I look up at him, wishing he hadn’t asked, and say “Whitey.” He just smiled and said, “Creativity’s not your strong point, is it?”
Is that the lovely Meg McCabe rushing in at the end to pick up her dad’s applesauce?
x111e7thst: If I was where you are I would so drag you out for a drink right now. I’m in the mood for a stabbin myself.
I think the whitey tape is hidden with the weapons of mass destruction. W is still searching for them both.
Custerwolf: We had a black dog once & named her Blackie–wonder how many groups that offends?
Custerwolf: “I’m in the mood for a stabbin myself.”
Is that a new euphemism you kids are using now days?
“Wingnut in aisle 7.”
Texan Bulldoggette: In fact “fuck” may well be derived from the Old English “fikken” meaning to stab.
Scandalabra: Other than Sly Stone?
Custerwolf: Vous etes trop gentile mas tres chere. Trop gentile.
Texan Bulldoggette: So creativity isn’t your strong point either? Well I had a dog and a cat at the same time with the name Blackie. Let’s see…here are some other of my recent pet’s names: Short-hair; Long-hair; Wild grey; Holey (because he had a hole in his side when I found him); Rolly (because he’d roll over every time you looked at him); Wild orange; Bighead; Stripey and Spotty. Now I just say fuck it, any new animal gets a number.
x111e7thst: Wow, does French always have this effect on women?
Custerwolf: We use human names for our animals; they’re just not the names most people would choose for their human child: Elvis (cat), Lucy (cat), Walter (dog), Priscilla (pig), Oliver (dog).
A Better American Than YOU:
They can’t pass up on any has-been hack. They get them dirt cheap and kick them to the curb when they stop producing numbers. Carlson was a has-been when he still had a show. With his little bow tie and trying to be all butch and shit.
Hahahahahahatoinfinity.
Joshua Norton: Wow, Tuckers been on CNN, MSNBC & now on to Fox. His grade of excellence just keeps moving up! (Actually I think he’s just a media whore & will go to whomever will give him a paycheck. I despise the little sanctimonious, never-done-a-day-of-work-in-his-life prick.) Also.
Texan Bulldoggette: I had a dog named Lucy, and both a dog and bunny named Elvis, but they came with those names, so I changed the dog’s to Tater. I actually have other people name my animals now. My nephew named Spotty, but when he says it, it sounds like “thpotty.” Whenever I take a new critter into the vet to get it altered I ask the person at the counter to put a good name on the paperwork, and they usually do.
The Republicans should have learned this lessson back in 1992
Don’t shop your rich, privileged white sheltered old man candidate in supermarkets. When they toured old man Bush around New England that year, it was revealed that he didn’t know what a supermarket scanner was, never saw one, didn’t know what it did.
When you’re trying to convince an electorate that your candidate understands what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck, this is a very bad move.
Custerwolf: Texan Bulldoggette:
Meh. Toula McSpankins for female cat, Pain-In-The-Ass/SuperStupid/Bag-O-Snaks for male cat.
Whitey on the Moon - Gil-Scott Heron (1972)
A rat done bit my sister Nell with Whitey on the moon.
Her face and arms began to swell and Whitey’s on the moon.
I can’t pay no doctor bills but Whitey’s on the moon.
Ten years from now I’ll be payin’ still while Whitey’s on the moon.
The man just upped my rent last night cuz Whitey’s on the moon.
No hot water, no toilets, no lights but Whitey’s on the moon.
I wonder why he’s uppin me. Cuz Whitey’s on the moon?
I was already givin’ him fifty a week but now Whitey’s on the moon.
Taxes takin’ my whole damn check,
The junkies makin’ me a nervous wreck,
The price of food is goin’ up,
And as if all that shit wasn’t enough:
A rat done bit my sister Nell with Whitey on the moon.
Her face and arms began to swell but Whitey’s on the moon.
Was all that money I made last year for Whitey on the moon?
How come there ain’t no money here? Hmm! Whitey’s on the moon.
Ya know, I just about had my fill of Whitey on the moon.
I think I’ll send these doctor bills
airmail special….
to Whitey on the moon.
vespula maculata:
That was a missed opportunity. “Retinal security scanner. Just stare at the pretty red beam, Mr. Preznint.”
Servo: No bullshit…every single one of my animals is now routinely referred to as Whateverthefuckhisnameis. Rolls off my tongue easier than anything else.
WTF is up with the AARP twins curbside ad? Fuck do I really need another reason to feel old?
Texan Bulldoggette: Custerwolf: Two dogs:Squeek & Pest
one cat: Hyena
Horses: Snake,Cap,Sara,Caesar - cuz he has a Roman nose.
I had two ferrets called Coffee & Nicotene but they died (old age) and I did not replace them.
x111e7thst: Are they Standardbreds or Saddlebreds (or neither), I can’t remember?
McCorpse is shopping for Glade candles to mask his putrefaction odors. Next stop: fly tapes.
x111e7thst: Nicotine - sweet Fl license plate Jeebus learn to spell
So the African News Agency (or whatever the hell it was called) and it’s Blogspot site was not a reliable source of Obama news?
Dr. Spaceman: Let’s hope Ken doesn’t link to it.
Custerwolf: That brought a tear to my eye. What happened to Whitey?
responsible commenter: No knock on my brother’s head No knock on my sister’s head
And double lock your door Because soon someone may be no-knockin’ Ha, ha! For you
Mercy, Trixie, Butters, Big Balls & Chester
x111e7thst: “fuck” may well be derived from the Old English “fikken”
Ficken is still German slang for fuck. The verb fuck, that is. As in “fickst du, arschloch!”
Texan Bulldoggette: Fuck, you also have a dog named Walter? Weird.
How can you people be so blind? Can’t you see that the “Whitey Tape” was just a smoke screen to keep the MSM away from the real story, Obama’s Kenyan Passport, wife and children! Just do a Google Search People!
Joshua Norton: Fox hired Tucker? So, they are just mocking themselves?
You know, the video reminds me that my local grocery store had a crazy old guy that stocked women. I understand he is at the state Mental Hospital now.
Scandalabra: Whitey was the best horse in the world. All the little girls on Orcas Island loved seeing us ride along the road into town every day. I had a long black cashmere coat I used to wear giving us a kind of Mists of Avalon look (Orcas Island is like that anyway). I eventually gave him to a woman who had a Tennessee Walking Horse farm and she used him as a schooling horse for awhile, then sold him to one of her students.
(and of course we all know I meant “rode” not “road”)
hobospacejunkie: Big Balls is a gorgeous boy.
Scandalabra: Yep, sometimes my kids shorten it to Wall-E (like the movie) or Waldo, but I always call him Walter. Although during the election, I did accidentally call him Walnuts a few times.
Wait, I’m confused (and old). Is that really McCain or some sort of robot slave that was created to help modern housewives with their shopping?
Custerwolf: Awww, Big Balls says thank you, dear.
hobospacejunkie: So now you’re going to tell me you’re a professional photographer?? NICE pictures. I used to have a top of the line digital camera a relative gave me - but…one day while I was out photographing my horses, Henry the maniac hound (see picture) was out in the field harrassing a very pretty frog. Panicked for the frog’s sake, I yelled Henry’s name and picked up a stick to distract him. Unfortunately, you can guess what I accidentally threw instead of the stick. Needless to say, it did not survive the huck.
http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/Copyofb.jpg
Custerwolf: Snake & Cap are Thoroughbreds. Caesar & Sara are Standardbreds.
do you keep your horses yourself or board them out? I have paddock management issues.
hobospacejunkie: Did not know that. I studied German in college, but that was all about the Leiden des Jungen Werther and short on usefull info like how to tell an asshole to fuck himself.
x111e7thst: We are in the process of bigginizing (enlargenning?) our paddock. We have a very beautiful place (not that I wouldn’t leave it in a heartbeat if I could find a good enough replacement girlfriend for Joe)and we are in the process of doing some clearing (due to the house in the river thing) and will end up with enough room to actually grow some pasture grass. We have mud issues all the time, but the horses feet still are usually in excellent shape. My appy somehow cut himself right above his stifle so I haven’t ridden him in a couple weeks, but he should be good to go here as the weather improves.
My neighbors had a big goobery St.Bernard named “Scheissekopf.”
Custerwolf: If you find her (the replacement) maybe we could meet up in Sa Pa,
in these mountains: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_bHJsS0yY2Hk/SXRA42wG4SI/AAAAAAAAAnY/HVI2Q_nGruk/s1600-h/mountains.JPG
In the Hotel Victoria there is an excellent pool table by the bar, and they are enormously tolerant of the antics of the guests. We could play some strip 8 ball.
Que on pensez vous?
So there is this progressive type conference thingy called Netroots Nation. Apparently it is a dealio where all the terrible librul, pajama-clad, basement-dwelling bloggers convene for the purpose of buttsecks and socialistic abortions and learning to hate Jeebus and such. Anywhos! AKMuckraker, could use some voting help to gets her one of them free, socialistic scholarship thingys, to go learn better how to do progressive abortions in Alaska, and you know TruckNutz!!!!
Go here and vote.
http://www.democracyforamerica.com/netroots_nation_scholarships/479-akmuckraker
x111e7thst: Oh my god, those mountains are in Vietnam? Have you ever seen the Remarkables? Just sitting and looking at them silences everything else.
x111e7thst: “Que on pensez vous?”
First I need that replacement. Then we’ll talk.
Custerwolf: ok, my turn. My daughter named her new kitten Heidi. I beamed with pride thinking my child loved the classic children’s books I instisted on reading her. It was at least a year later when I was telling the lovely story to someone when my daughter said angrily. “I didn’t name her Heidi after the stupid book. I called her Hidey cause she was always hiding behind the dresser!!”
Winsome: Oh shit -I love it!!!
I once found a dog who liked to pee in puddles (as does Wilbur my pig), so I named her Duck. I lived in a pretty isolated area and it wasn’t until some new folks moved into the neighborhood I realized yelling “Duck!” had unintended consequences. I’ll never forget when a little old man walking down the road heard me and recoiled as if a low-flying aircraft were buzzing him. I politely appeared not to have noticed and went on my way.
WadISay: No, but that should definitely go in the book as if Meg were there. SKS, are you listening? You ARE ghostwriting Meghan’s book, right? I’m praying to Jesus about that again tonight, just to make sure.
Larry Johnson must have forgotten to post the Whitey tape. It just slipped his mind!
Let’s all send him a friendly reminder: “Where’s the Whitey tape, Larry?”
Email: lcjohnso@ix.netcom.com
assistant/atlas: Better throw in a couple of hail Marys.
Custerwolf: I still have 386 of those goddamn things to work off. …387.
assistant/atlas: Jesus!
….7,335,765,876,834,432,527,689,488,564,354,735,890,456,658,437,658,908,254,368,798,563,679,384to work off.
Since we’re sharing..
We have a dog. I didn’t want a dog, but my wife and kids outvoted me. So I claimed naming rights. I was very close to naming him Kitty, just for fun you understand, but I eventually settled on Boris, because this was what I told my wife I wanted to name our first-born, but she overruled me.
Winsome: Ha! All of the cutesy pet talk going on here; yours was the only funny story.
Now let me tell you why I call my big dumb lunkhead of a cat “Mr. Pussyface”…
Jesusfuckingchrist, one backs away from the computer for a couple hours and you ladies are sitting around chatting like you’re at a Wednesday afternoon tupperware party.
(unless all your animal references are super-secret librul code for some kind of beastiality action involving Lou Dobbs and possibly Norm Coleman - that would be HOT).
carry on.
These two here have gotta be the cutest darlings I have ever seen. And I’m getting one of each.
http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/co3.jpg
Custerwolf: So…the only way you’re getting into Heaven is if Hell’s as full as California’s prisons.
Valentine Flintheart: That is why only gay people should be allowed to marry.
@Custerwolf
Scrub both of them up before you touch either.
But, Yes. Yum.
assistant/atlas: Oh, many’s the time I’ve made my wife regret being heterosexual.
assistant/atlas: Funny you should say that - I understand that California prisons are where they put the overflow from Hell.
responsible commenter: hell yes
Joy: If you are speaking from personal experience please expound more fully on the sexified details.
And provide links to any nude photos you may have.
This cannot be the Michelle Obama “whitey” video. Rick Astley is not in it, anywhere.
Custerwolf:
Just experience with rough and dirty boyz. Great fun!
Alas, no nude photos.
The baby, just scrub up, butcher, roast and eat.
Yum, either way!
Scandalabra: Alan Keyes. At the crypt of William Buckley. Said not in derrogation, but in appreciation.
Joy: Soo…..no fucking the sheep?
Asking Walnuts to help you shop at the grocery store is like asking Newt to participate in a threeway.
Custerwolf:
Nopers. I don’t have a penis and I’d rather figure out a lovely way to serve the lamb up for dinner than fuck it.
Joy: who says you can’t do both?
Custerwolf:
will someone tell me how to do the linky think to a posters name?
No one, but me.
Rethuglicans and other isshey type folks fuck babys. If it is an edible animal, the worst I will do to it is cook it.
Finally watched the 2-hour finale of Lost just now. I won’t spoil it for anyone else who also tends to watch teevee shows whenever.
Custerwolf: So now you’re going to tell me you’re a professional photographer?? NICE pictures.
Thanks for the compliments but no, I just have a lotta time on my hands. 24 hours each day, in fact, and 7 days each week. And since I spend most of my time with critters instead of people, I’m around when they do all the cutesy things you always wish you had a camera on hand for.
The new digital cameras, with a bit of photoshop magic, can help an amateur photography student produce some nice photos. Of course for every nice one I post there are probably 15 outtakes that expose my true level of talent. I love my Olympus E-510. I could’ve gone with a Nikon or Canon but where’s the fun in going with the grain?
x111e7thst: A close friend here in town in from Hamburg teaches me proper cursing in German. So in addition to having a place to stay every time I’m in Germany, I also have the benefit of a native speaker to tutor me. I am an unrepentant Germanophile so half of what I read is German history and the only place I ever want to/do visit is Germany.
The Whitey Tape could surface now and then what? Not much, probably. Hardly compares to torturing, stealing/destroying billions of $$$s or millions of foreclosures and pink slips. I imagine Gibbs would say he declines the invitation and is not going to RSVP on that one, like he did today with Pelosi v. CIA: Fight to the Death. Ha ha, the CIA would never lie, says Rep. Boner. That man sure has a lot of facial tics. Must be the booze. Watching him speak with the sound off makes him look like the dissembling sack of shit we all know he is.
Joy: “the worst I will do to it is cook it.”
Swear to fucking god - those were the exact same words I told the cops regarding my ex-husband after he tried to call in a DV on me. Fucker. I’ll tell you what, that goddamn marriage cost me seven good months of my life.
Having just watched “Frost/Nixon” and now “Indiana Walnuts and the Aisle of Doom” one would think Republican aides would know better than to try and set up these photo-op/interviews to make their masters look human. It really just isn’t possible. I cringe just as much now as I did when this first made the rounds in the campaign. I have to take a xanax just to WATCH these retards pretend to be/interact with John Q. Public. Joe the Biden would’ve turned this mishap into a loveable gaffe as witnessed with the guy in the wheelchair dealy.
Well - I just got the signal chums. Have a good one.
Custerwolf:
GodDamn! 7 months is NOTHING!!!!!
I bet you’d do it again!
Good for you.
Now, go be a good girl and vote for AKMuckraker. Pretty please?
Oh the Whitey tape exists all right and Michael Steele controls it. It is all part of his master plan to unleash the most havoc on the democrats at just the right time. But only he knows what time that is, and you should never ever question him.
Personally, I thought he would take it out of the safe about the time the GOP threatened to take his pursestrings/wallet away.
Blender: Sometimes this site does become “shit Whitey likes.com”
hobospacejunkie: Never been tempted to try Österreich or Süd-Tirol? I would suggest either or both as a destination.
the lady MS.Sheila Dixon: I know that sounds funny - but since I can’t actually hear you, to me it just looks stupid.
Joy: vote for AKMuckraker?
I went to look at the site and could not figure out how to do that. Am I teh stoopid?
x111e7thst: “Custerwolf . . . .where is your ever growing coterie of personal trolls”?
Did someone call?
Mooo!
(And it’s not “personal.” It’s BUSINESS.)
Neilist: Ahhh….a freath of bresh air. Hello Nells dear.
There really is such a tape, only it doesn’t say quite what it was purported to say. You see, Barack Obama is left-handed, and Michelle was saying righty started the Iraq War, righty let Katrina happen, etc.
All this talk of Whitey is making me nostalgic for the little That’s-Not-Racial-Transcendence kid. Whatever happened to him? Did he retire or something? Or get murdered in a Chicago public school?
Will say McCain acquitted himself much better than the horrifying Bush the first senior goes shopping photo op of ought ninety two. No WOW, food in CANS! WOW, pre-made CRACKERS! WOW, what is this BASKET on WHEELS gizmo here?
How the hell did I miss that epic video when it happened?
Whitey tape is coing. It’s just not time yet.
x111e7thst: Slide down to the photo with the yellow boots it will explain. AKM deserves the best the tubes has to offer.
As I recall Cindi MC Cain says she sends John to get steaks for their parties to Costco. He is a major shopper I’m sure. Probably comes home with truck loads of watches, black pepper and cereal while he’s there.
I name my pets after automobiles, Cooper, Towncar, and Kia.
102415: Friends used to name their pets after Secretaries of State: Kissinger, etc. …. but I date myself.
dm: Well, Henry is not so bad for a dog and then neither is Dr. Strangelove for a hamster.Condoleeza would be asking for some kind of trouble though.