Wonkette
CAN’T CALL HER ‘DROPOUT’ NO MORE: Hey everybody, America’s favorite Alaskan teen mom graduated high school after all! Hopefully she’ll follow in her mom’s footsteps: Five community colleges, a BA in journamalism, and then kill off whatever’s left of the GOP. Mazel tov, Bris! [People/Gawker]
A 3.49 GPA is the best white trash like Bristol can do. Kudos to her. She’ll do well in the Oxycontin business.
Uppity.
Yes, Bristol graduated from Wasilla Upstairs Learning Academy. Maybe she’ll go on to attend Hollywood Upstairs Medical College.
Way to go, Bristol. You are now qualified to do — uh — whatever it was you were doing before. Wait — nevermind.
“A budding activist in the cause to prevent teen pregnancy, she says she hopes to go to an area college for a two-year business degree and then a job, possibly in real estate.”
As Lucille Bluth would say, “Another world beater!”
How’d Levi do?
Now she’s too overqualified to serve in her mother’s cabinet.
Hanukkah, Menorah and Yom Kippur from me as well. Now for some college freshman lesbian “experimentation,”
SayItWithWookies: This is the Palin family; like her mother, Bristol should be able to do whatever she wants to, regardless of how ludicrously unqualified she may be.
How many high schools sell add space on the backdrop for graduation. Klassy!
“possibly in real estate”
So she’s going to be living off the government dole, like everyone else in Alaska.
University of Idaho is a real school! Even Wonkette readers go there.
Well, good.
Ugh, now I have “Pomp and Circumstance” stuck in my head. Anyone care to lay odds on how many airhorns went off at Wasilla HS graduation?
Is Joe the Plumber single and available for her?
Just askin’
Another dopey human the media will cascade in front of me for the next 60 years. Mazel Tov.
It’s just so kool ‘n klassy to have that big ol’ ad for Dr. I. Yankum, DDS in the background. We just used our old boring high school banner. I guess our school was anti-capitalist.
Now that she’s got her education ‘out of the way’ the world is her oyster. Er, uh, her clam is her ticket to stardom? No, that doesn’t sound right, either. Well, if she keeps beavering away I’m sure she’ll climb the pole of success.
Gallowglass: Please hold your applause until all the names have been called.
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!
i have nothing but pity for this poor child
What’s next? Refrigeration or gun repair? Professional babysitter?
She did have to audit Health class, though. (Failed the sex ed unit)
Next up is college. Clown or barber?
Voted “Most likely to secede”.
Has anyone else noticed how sneaky Wonkette is. Earlier today, when they posted the Pelosi/Newt article, there was an add on the left for Newt’s FREE newsletter. Now with Bristol’s HS graduation post, I’m seeing her mom’s cheeky PAC advert. Subliminal waterboarding mindfuck.
She’s still hot, even if she did go to the same “mad libs school of child naming” as her mom…
regretting only that she was “point zero-zero-something” away from…
This should be on the Palin coat of arms, right under the pics of the singlewide Jim Walter manufactured living apparatus and the dead moose that Sarah shot last week.
Servo: suck seed.
That’s great Bristol! Real Estate is a fantastic career to go into right now (if all of those real estate shows on HGTV from 2006 are to be believed).
Mild Midwesterner: He’s still having trouble putting his name on the GED form.
Is she legal now?
“Good Luck Hockey Players”
The guy knows his market, that’s for sure.
Good Luck Hockey Players! The rest of you brats can fuck off!
chascates: Bartending!
Hawaiiexpat: He’s divorced, so yeah!
chascates: SayItWithWookies: Art college, since it worked so well for Donna Barstow.
Is she wearing a lei around her neck? Did she secretly vote for Barry? Also.
Terry: Jebus! A dentist ad as the backdrop at your graduation? I mean, why not go all the way (so to speak) and have an ad for Planned Parenthood — that would have been PERFECT.
it must feel good to graduate knowing that you could teach a few football players a thing or two about the female anatomy without being a certified teacher….as qualified as her mother to be the queen of the world!
Texan Bulldoggette: actually, according to people, it’s a “necklace of Blow-Pop lollipops strung together with curly gift ribbon,” just adding one more layer of irony to the teen mom’s existence: if she’d stuck to blow pops to begin with, she wouldn’t be the covergirl for arctic bastards magazine.
Shoulda been you, Levi.
Jenni B.: Actually I think that’s a billboard put up by the local orthopedist. I’m just curious why he cares about the fractures in Butte, MT? Now Tok (pronounced toke), I can certainly see. Tok Junction was notorious for being the worst place in AK to catch a ride hitchiking. I think it was because it was close to Canada and no one wanted to take a mule accross the border.
I guess 3.500-3.497=.00something. At least she has a nice rack.
Terry: Oh dear, I’m afraid it’s because the graduation is taking place at the only place in Wasila big enough to hold a large crowd - the hockey rink.
Alt. alt-text: Wasilla Planned Parenthood
How often does Wasilla clean out its fetal refuse bin? Or do the citizens of the town let the bears do it for them? If bears, I’d like to watch.
Yes You Can Own A Piece of History: Brissy’s career goal is another sign that she’s inherited momma’s brains.
Mazel tov, Bris!
So who’s foreskin are they cutting off?
“Bristol boasted a 3.497 G.P.A., regretting only that she was “point zero-zero-something” away from graduating with Honors.”
That’s actually why she never got the Honors - “point zero-zero-something” was one of the answers she put down on her last algebra test.
Come here a minute: A most excellent win.
S.Luggo: Two of those burly hirsute homosexuals will absolutely devour a dumpster full of fetuses in under an hour.
Scrodd: Meh. I had a 3.3 in high school, because, seriously, high school? Got by on my SAT scores, wound up with National Merit and ROTC scholarships. More importantly, I did not impregnate anyone in high school.
OK, that last was for lack of opportunity.
The choice of red is interesting.
Can’t beat that 2nd comment in People:
Sherman Thomas 3:57 pm
Great for Bristol and shame on those who slam her here. When does the LEFT ever show class anymore?
Yeah, you tell ‘em Sherm. And when do GROWN MEN comment on People magazine online? Jeebus, and some of those KO folk called us pathetic.
This is all secondary to the really important things in life between the ages of 17 - 25, specifically, this one in particular: how much hot, hockey player cock can one enjoy? Save the high school stuff for the ’saggy’ years.
Scrodd: Hey, her GPA pwnd my piss poor 3.26 at an unnamed Anchorage H.S. And my H.S. was elite–we had computers, and running water, and fume hoods that couldn’t quite handle the chlorform I used for that one experiment. And lots of glass apparatus for chemistry class, AKA Bongcraft 101.
And then I up and became a college perfesser, so I expect great things from Bristol. Like news performer, or teen pregnancy counselor (and mother of six), or commercial fisherthing, or whatever. “Into the great wide open….”
Bristol should’ve gone to lunch with me today and practiced her anti-teen pregnancy magic. The 25 year old junior college sophomore a table away that I was eavesdropping on had recently discovered she got knocked up by her 19 year old boyfriend/ex-boyfriend (who lives with his parents). Apparently it was their first, and only, time fucking. Maybe if Bristol had been around, they could have prayed the sperm away. Or at least had the sense to go anal.
mkilly: Ain’t so such place as “I-daho”…
RoscoePColtraine: With you one-hundred and ten percent.
Crab1: I prefer veal or spring lamb, myself…
hobospacejunkie: I believe the actual term was “freaks.”
“Oh, I have now joined the Wasilla intelligensia (*belch*).”
Aw, leave the kid alone. She got pimped out there by her mother, who knew she was pregnant but didn’t care. Frankly, I feel sorry for Bristol. “Don’t worry, honey, I know all these people will be leering at you, but I need you to suffer the embarassment because Mommy could be president.” Yeah, like that was going to happen.
BTW, loved the way Levi looked in that suit. The way he wore it, I’m sure he had a couple of Armani’s in his closet….HA!
washingtonian: Thanks for taking the time out of your busy day to send Bristol some love. She no doubt needs more pity from you than does your neighbor who’s probably hanging herself right now from the door in her foreclosed home.
Does AK do GPA on a 4, 4.4, or 5 scale? Or do they just make it up?
Dear Bristol,
Can I fuck Levi now? I wanna get knocked up by a redneck too. I heard you are advocating this approach.
Hair Skool.
Rush: I get the sudden appearances of Newt or Sarah. But what causes that damn meat ad to keep popping up? Oh, yeah, I guess it’s when we talk about Miss California.
And don’t worry about Bristol’s future employment. I’m sure Aunt Greta and Stage Daddy Uncle Van Susteren will get her a gig on FOX any day now. They’ll probably foist her off on that Red Eye guy … since she’s a “youth.” (Or “yute” as they say in my spiritual home of NJ.)
problemwithcaring: Maybe. I’m thinking nail school, kneeling at the knees of a bunch of Asian women. Duz you know a fungus from a cuticle?
Her mother would go nutz.
When did she have time to go to class?
With the baby keep her up all night and all the interviews.
I like this one.
“…she hopes to go to an area college…” That’ll be a tough choice, between NWCC and SWCC. I hear North has the better tanning program.
And am I the only one who noticed that those gargantuan breasts seem to have utterly vanished? Where, in Jeebus name, could they have gone?
JMP: A career in Monorail driving seems the logical next step
If Mama Grizzly had been more successful in getting those scientifical books removed from the library/curriculum, Honors would have been Bristol’s for the taking.
Mike Steele: “she hopes to go to an area college” - hmmm, the threat of your “professors” having the state troopers follow them everywhere and state auditors looking over your shoulder is a great way to ensure a 4.0.
So a 4.0 in Wasilla = what in a ‘normal’ ‘city’
Bruno: Or is this one of those schools that moved to a 5.0 or 6.0 scale to further inflate grades
Good Luck Hockey Players??? Well, I know of one hockey player in Wasilla who was getting really lucky, until the condom broke.
O I know this is already Sunday afternoon, but drinking really is the ultimate time warp: I can’t help wondering if Bristle, newly certified and overly qualified to start her own little 501c3 on Preventing Baby Babies, will advocate on behalf of those condoms….and is this some sort of special Alaskan Republicanism…?