Wonkette
This quite possibly could trump “Dijon mustard” in the scandal rankings. Why does Barack Obama refuse to impeach himself for being Satan?
FROM THE INBOX
Notice how Obama’s raising his hands toward the teleprompters.
Is he a sun devil because he’s mixed race?
Is that a fetus gown he’s wearing?
Enter Michele Bachmann to say something stupefying about this subject in 4…3…2…1….
At what point will the heads of all of the wingunts explode?
Sometime soon, I hope.
Airborne Toxic Event: Looks like one of Rehnquist’s “special” robes.
“No, really, it’s this long…”
/obligatory
Airborne Toxic Event: More fecal than fetus. As is appropriate to the venue.
Come on Jim, admit it, you wrote the text. I like the way you left out the possessive “s” in Jesus. Nice touch.
Never bothered to learn why “IHS” = Jesus. An acronym for “I Hump Satan”? ‘Cause that would be a pretty good way for the Son of God to put Beelzebub in his place.
As Ned Flanders said, “Looks like heaven’s easier to get into than Arizona State.”
If you would all read my favorite biblical type verse, Deuteronomy 23:1, I think it would all become clear.
Oh well, it was bound to come out eventually. I wonder if he’ll have the same effect on satanism that he did on socialism (the more he’s called a socialist, the cooler people think socialism is) ?
…and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under Satan…
Red Zeppelin: Jebus doesn’t need your elitist “possessions”.
Oh no you guys! We’ve all been tricked! He really is the devil and now we have actual photographic proof. The builders of ASU clearly set up that “Sun Devil” banner in anticipation that their dark lord would align beneath it, like the sun in Stonehenge. What are we going to do?
On the other hand, “Sun Devil” is the polar opposite of “Moon God,” so is Barry no longer a Muslin?
I predict that Obama will visit the following universities, all to demonstrate his godlessness: Duke (Blue Devils), Wake Forest (Demon Deacons), and BYU (Magic Underpants).
A question was asked about President Hopey at Sadly, No!:
Serious question: Regarding our troll, do people other than Wonkette commenters refer to Obama as “Hopey”?
I’m guessing the answer is no (presumes that all trolls are the same not-person, aka Grand Unified Troll Theory).
~
I don’t get it. Obama’s a stadium?
There are no coincidences with God, just random deadly earthquakes, famine, plague, and tsunamis.
I guess that’s the Ooh Lord You’re So Very Big school of religion.
“moniker” = indisputable proof that this moran is over 70 (no offense to Wonketeers who are members of the old). Also the font than grandkid set up so Ms/Mr Old can read the screed that is being typed.
the guy to the right of the pic looks like his pinching one off from his buttocks.
Don’t you use Dijon mustard to make devilled eggs? Hmmmm….
Hawaiiexpat: Funny you should mention Michelle Bachmann… I was just thinking that I haven’t heard any buffoonery from her in a few days. She must be off drinking and frolicking in menstrual blood somewhere.
The antichrist’s rise is supposed to be followed by the rapture, when all those annoying-ass Christians are taken into heaven and away from Earth, right? If so, then I for one welcome our new satanic overlord, and saying goodbye to the fundies. Finally, we can turn the nation into one big drug-fueled orgy, with free abortion parties!
what creepy websites do you guys visit to find this shit?
Jebus Crist! Who the fuck do I need to email my itunes library to in order to get that job at the FEMA deathcamp I have been hearing so much about?! I cannot wait to get me a pair of jackboots, whatever those are, and start stomping fat white christians for my muslin/martian/moran overlords.
rereridiculous: You are a comment thief. But to add to your point, did you realize that spicy mustard is sometimes called “Stadium Mustard”? There are no coincidences with God!
You’re gonna have to serve somebody.
-Bob Dylan
Feh. Picture fail. The least these wingnuts could’ve done was Photoshop some horns atop Barry’s head and surround a minimum of four faculty members with the Flames of Gehenna(tm).
StripesAndPlaids: Flark you, asshat. That’s MY favorite Bible passage— get your own! ‘No man who has had his testicles crushed or his penis removed may enter the kingdom of heaven. Also.’ But Hitler, Lance Armstrong, John Kruk & Tom Green are OK cause they have 1 apiece.
How many times do I have to reiterate, Hopey isn’t the “Sun Devil”. He’s the new incarnation of Lord Krishna the All-Attractive, minus the black bamboo flute.
tonytonytony: Comment thief! Never, although I’m often a common thief. Coincidence!?
Come here a minute: who you callin’ old motherfucker? i responded well to “moniker” and i’m not quite sixty (i literally, yes literally, experienced the heebee jeebees writing that number) it’ll happen to you too before you know it. ha! so there. also i like the large font, wait till your body begins betraying you,you whippersnapper. also i’m mostly deaf. huh? where are my graham crackers? what was that? nap time.
Once again, our Muslin president proves he’s a man of the cloth.
engulfedinflames: Get off your lawn! ..Also.
rereridiculous: Umm, is God involved? Then no.
engulfedinflames: My apologies, here’s a new onion for your belt.
ph7:
That’s “Iesus Hominum Salvator” (Jesus, Savoior of Mankind) to you, bucko.
Though Jesus buttsecksing the devil is an intriguing mental picture.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Photoshopping horns onto Barry’s head doesn’t work because we all know it’s the Jews and not the Muslin’s who have them.
i thought IHS stood for “i (heart) satan. i know there was no J in the latin alphabet (’cuz i saw it in an indiana jones movie), but wouldn’t IHC (iesus h. christ) and not IHS be the appropriate monogram?
Ease up there, granny! The “Sun Devil” is the Hell Devil’s easy-going, beach-bum half-brother. He hangs out in surf shacks and dimly lit beach-front bars the world over. 4/5ths of Hawaii belongs to the Sun Devi’s “church,” so it’s only natural that Obama would not be put off by references to the church of his youth. The real question is why a school in the middle of a desert would adopt him as their mascot.
Adolf Bachmann: Whoa whoa whoa. In looking up said Bible verse, I discovered that right there in Deuteronomy 23:15-16, it says if a slave escapes from his master, you’re not allowed to return him but “he shall dwell with thee…thou shall not oppress him”. So how come all those godly slaveowners who used Deuteronomy to justify owning people managed to overlook that one? Huh? Guess selective use of the bible goes way back…
Unfortunately the black backdrop obscures the sign immediately below the words “Sun Devil Stadium” which reads “Muslin Accomplished.”
I came out here to this God-forsaken place to hang with you fellow Devil worshippers and find out why you have such a lousy football team. And to burn some Bibles and maybe a couple of Christians. Also.
Yes, but what do teh scriptures say about those of us who have seen and yet believe not.
RoscoePColtraine: That we shall inherit the Wonkette.
Adolf Bachmann: Hate the game, dog. But you can have this one: 23:13 And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:
Read Galoshes 7/11. It all becomes clear.
Clearly Mitt Romney is behind this.
Should be ‘White Devil Stadium’
JMP: As my mom always said, when life gives you Satan, make Satanade.
CorkPopper: Guess selective use of the bible goes way back…
And continues to this day. I always enjoyed the scene in West Wing where President Martin van Sheen schooled some rightwing radio talk lady in all the Old Testment rules nobody follows anymore (segregation of crops in the field, stoning lawbreakers, etc) when she quoted the “no butt secks” passage in Leviticus. Next time somebody lays an OT rule on you, ask them when if they still use bird’s blood to get rid of mildew as GOD COMMANDED (Leviticus 14:48-53).
nosnikreplliw: Half Sun Person, half White Devil. All Antichrist.
McDuff: Yep- got that when some old church lady started yelling at me about the gayz and scripture(I was supporting their right not to be discriminated against in hiring). I asked her if she ate shrimp and when she said yes, I told her it was an abomination unto the Lord- and she said- Where, where does it say that(angrily)- I said “Read your scripture, lady- don’t just listen to what your minister tells you- you are probably sinning every day” What do you mean no one follows them anymore?- we were just stoning a co-worker who had a cheeseburger for lunch. Hope you aren’t wearing mixed threads in your clothing.
Is there a room somewhere where a handful of greasy and dateless guys crank out this stuff? Piles of Mountain Dew cans in the corner. Cheetos dust thick between the keys on the keyboard. They’re wearing creased and soiled pleated chinos and button downs with remnants of meals past down the front. Scouring the internet for a photo over which they can start an anonymous email chain.
That is the heart and soul of the GOP
guerilla-nation: i thought it was “in hoc signo” from Constitine’s epiphany but this is funnier:
http://inhocsigno.blogspot.com/
Good lord. Freeples sure are a bunch of pent-up honkies.
I still prefer Ezekiel 23:20 to any other verse in the bible. It wins for being dirtiest. Plus good old Zeke was batshit crazy.
Ezekiel 23:20 (New International Version)
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
Balls!: I always wondered about that verse: why the cross-species pr0n? Why not just donkey genitals AND donkey emissions? Or just horse genitals and horse emissions? Do donkeys have lacking emissions? Is “hung like a horse” a terrible lie?
Oh this is just hilarious. Spongebob abortions!
Why is Stephen Root at ASU’s commencement?
McDuff: So how DO you get rid of mildew??? The parakeet blood worked well, but was kind of expensive.
StripesAndPlaids: so, get kicked in the nuts real hard, and you are forbidden from church? Is that a lifetime ban, or just until the throbbing goes away>
No honorary degree either?
Better luck at Notre Dame, bro
i think i would prefer the economy in the hands of the anti-christ.
is this still an option?
StripesAndPlaids: Balls!: CorkPopper:
You know its really annoying that you all refer to these bible verses. Can’t you just reference the page number? It’s much easier because those “:” and “/” symbols are confusing (and possibly demonic).
Some of your comments are pure comedy!
http://www.jobsinlobbying.com
Red Zeppelin: Jesus possessive is just Jesus’, so says Strunk and White. I have grammtical tourettes. Please forgive me for posting this.
and typo problems before noon GRAMMATICAL. I suck donkey and/or horse privvies.
The retard on the right looking down at the piss staisn on his robe is Michael Crow, teh preznit of ASU.
I loved the part where he performed the abortion while reading from the teleprompter.
Holy Cow!!:
you are so wrong LOL
Let us not forget this is Walnuts state. Ergo, he is from the State of the Devil and therefore unacceptable to the Christanstanian base.