Wonkette
OBAMA BEGINS COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS TOUR 2009: First stop, Arizona State, where his lack of a “body of work” prevented his receiving an honorary degree: “I have to tell you, I really thought it was much ado about nothing, but I think we all learned an important lesson. I learned to never again pick another team over the Sun Devils in my NCAA bracket. It won’t happen again. And President Crow and the Board of Regents will soon learn all about being audited by the IRS.” We cannot WAIT for the abortion jokes when he gets to Notre Dame. [Washington Post]
At least there was no Alan Keyes.
It’s hard out there being a pimp.
“I just flew in from Dulles, and boy are my arms tired from that kickass abortion I just performed.”
zing.
“They weren’t doing it for the money.”
Thay wer doin it 4 teh LULZ!
I live in Tempe right across from ASU and it wasn’t that big of a deal.
He should pass out commemorative coat hangers to the grads at Notre Dame.
No body of work. Yes, he just woke up on Nov. 5, 2008 and said, “they elected who?”
Haha, the first post-college experience that these kids will have is a lecture by a SOCIALIST. Also, doesn’t Barry have a JD, that he earned the hard way? He should tell AZ State to shove their honorary degree, cuz it would only mock his REAL one.
“But seriously, guys, take my wife… No, really, take my wife. You think I’m naturally black? I’m white, people! Them’s bruises!!”
A black socialist Muslim speaking at a midwest school with a French name and an Irish team nickname. So many targets.
The moral of the story is, “For a little pussy you get an honorary degree”?
Whatever! Sun Devils are Infidels.
Hello, Notre Dame! We all know there’s been a bunch of hoo-hah in Catholic circles about my pro-choice stance, but, as well all know, if men got pregnant abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
Yes, but did he use a TelePrompTer?
Rudy!
Rudy!
Rudy!
“Hey kids, it’s great to be here at Notre Dame, where we can all be thankful that Quasimodo’s mother never had access to genetic screening or effective, safe abortion access. Don’t forget to tip your Provost!”
Kitty Kitty just got the student loan bill, and the first of many job interviews that won’t get a call back.
I don’t have any funny lines for Barry, but I strongly suggest he stay away from the line “Hey we Muslims have terrorists and you Irish have terrorist. We’re the same!”
Actually, I just thought of an opening line: “Anyone here from Chicago?”
They are making Irish spectacles of themselves
“President Crow” would have the first name of ‘Jim’, would he?
That Obama sure is one big fat LOSER. I don’t know how he’s going to go anywhere without that honorary degree from ASU.
When I got my degree from the largest university in Alfred New York, we awarded an honorary degree to Bob Keeshan relecting his body of work as Captain Kangaroo. Bob was a heck of a performer and I’m pleased his honor has not been cheapened by an award to this guy who is only on the TVs because he’s cute.
Like that cat, I also went to go to graduation wearing only my mortarboard and decorative collar. Damned security guards.
I learned to never again pick viciously murdering children over the glorious miracle of childbirth. It won’t happen again.
But seriously folks…
KilgoreTrout_XL: Win.
He’ll bring out the kid in them.
2goats: Well clearly Capt Kangaroo’s was merited. Realy, what HAS Hopey done? I mean, as Ferraro noted, he is where he is because he is Teh Negro, so he really hasn’t earned any of it.
2goats: OK, that did it. Now I am mad. If Keeshen gets an honorary degree, then Nobama gets a degree. The Obama admin is the Captain kangarooy-est administration we have ever had. It is good clean family fun. Everyone knows that.
And Biden is SO Mr. Greenjeans. And there was some kind of muppet thingee dog on the Kang, that is Summers. Tom Terrific is Geithner.
There is no justice.
The ASU brass is up to no good, disrespecting our president that way. They are up to something. The U.S. should torture them to find out what it is.
He should go into a vicious tirade, lambasting them for firing Tyrone Willingham.
I really do have to at least pretend to do productive work for a couple of hours, but thought I’d do a quick check on “my” wonkette to see if the Republiclowns in the OK state house of Rep had done anything recently. Lucky for me, Sara missed the new bill that requires the mother of an abortion to have her name displayed in post offices along with her aborted fetus. Or something. Also. Whatever. I’m passed the age it counts, my youngest daughter is a lesbian and my pass-puberty granddaughters live in one of the developed states.
Gov. Henry is vetoing this shit faster than the assclowns can pass it.
2goats: lmj:
http://www.ait.net/technos/images/54keeshan.gif
ah, that haircut…..
So ASU gives honorary degrees to people whose life works are completed? WTF! How do they call them to the podium? “Bring out your dead”?
DustBowlBlues: Good lord, what happened in OK? Did Fred Phelps move his entire family of nutters to Beaver and get ‘em all elected to the legislature? Geez!
Hey, grads! This is fun: Commence my way. Smoke a ton of weed before you walk in and, if you’re in one of those big state universities where only lawyers and Ph. Ds get to walk across the stage, do this: Go down the list of law school grads and pick the dorkiest name in the bunch. Someone with such an incredibly lame moniker that you know his self-esteem was destroyed by first grade. Organize everyone around you and when dork’s name is announced, lead a huge cheer. When we did it, you can’t believe the expression of the guys face when he heard the roar of the crowd, looked around and realized, “Fuck. I’ve been popular all these years!”
Then go smoke more weed.
lmj: The only reason Nobama even got invited to the Touch Down Jesus place, Rudy U., is on account the priest are all the gay. Ever since the bare midriff pictures from Hawaii, his photo has been pinned up on their club house wall.
Also, if you are going to water board, DO NOT TELL PELOSI! 6 or 8 years later she could get all up in your face about it.
This is why Sarah Palin would’ve made a better president — she’s used to going to all kinds of colleges and not getting degrees from them.
I thought the cat was wearing a fez.
Now I’m not so pissed.
WadISay: I’m debating whether this or he woke up on Nov. 5 and said, who won the election? is funnier. Tough call.
For some reason, Notre Dame and ASU graduates cannot seem to get any job with the Muslin American gummint, even as census counters. They just finished college and have no body of work. Making a hard B in Eastern European Literature of the 1920s just doesn’t qualify. Sorry. Try applying out in the real world, where there are plenty of good Republican jobs.
WadIsay: you never gone to no school at all? The dead are the most frequent commencement speakers. At least, it seemed that way to me.
2goats: I never said Capt. Kangaroo was not gay. I certainly hope I did not leave that impression.
Other May, 2009, commencement addresses:
–Dick Cheney, The College of the Illuminati, undisclosed location, time secret, closed to the press, invite list exclusive. Pool coverage by Fox News and The Washington Times.
–Donald Rumsfeld, Area 51 University, Roswell, New Mexico. Closed to the press.
–Karl Rove, Raving Lunatics College, Screwsville, Idaho. Open to anyone who wants to be there.
–Charlie Crist, Oral Roberts University, wide open to the press.
–Michele Bachman, Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Clown College, open to the press.
I’d rather have an honorary degree from Harvard or Columbia than a real one from ASU.
“How about that?”
queeraselvis v 2.0: I might have overstated the draconian aspects of the bill, but not by much. I expect the Repubclowns to build a church on the state house lawn and install Phelps as the preacher, just as soon as they finish pardoning Tim McVeigh for only murdering socialists–it was the federal building, people! Probably not a single cross or ten commandments plaque anywhere!
The next law will be requiring the Democratic Party of OKlahoma to be listed as the Democrat Socialist Party of the Anti-Christ Homos on ballots, outdoing even the rebranding ablities of the RNC. Instead of the state symbol being the donkey, they’ll require it be changed to the black and white of an aborted fetus.
Since the gov, of a Democrat, I expect burning crosses on the Gov’s mansion lawn any day now.
WadISay: I think you have to show a doctor’s note with a diagnosis of a terminal disease.
Elizabeth Edwards may have been disqualified for surviving the cancer.
lmj: It’s just McCain being his petty self. Watch, it’ll come out.
Talkingpointsmemo says that the Arkansas GOP for US Senate apologizes for calling Sen Schumer “that Jew”. The GOP is going soft. What will Rush say?
lmj: Summers is a bunny rabbit? Or a mr moose?
Yes I am old
DustBowlBlues: Have you considered moving?
“As I built my coalition I said, we’ll take the black, the asian, the jew, the gay, the straight, the Republican, the independent…..but NOT the Irish”.
DustBowlBlues: I’m not so uptodate on OK politics. How did the state end up with a governor who is not batshit crazy?
It isn’t often that I get to make my “Arizona State University and College of Advanced Vending Machine Maintenance” comment in two separate news cycles.
magic titty: He should go into a vicious tirade, lambasting them for firing Tyrone Willingham.
Which would be even funnier, were he delivering the keynote at University of Washington’s (2008 record under Ty Willingham: 0 - 12) commmencement.
RoscoePColtraine: Hard enough to get anywhere with a real degree from ASU. Obama’s advice to go into public service was wise, the stimulus bill means lots of new jobs in highway maintenance.
zenferret: Thanks. Summers = Mr. Moose. I guess that is the doglike thing I remember. I am not old enough to remember Captain Kangaroo very well, and think I got the reruns all confused up with the new shows.
Who is the Nobama bunny rabbit? That cute chick who runs domestic policy. You know, whatsername.
I apologize profusely to Wonkette for my lame lack of pop culture cred.
DustBowlBlues: I’ve been daydreaming that Inhofe would be flying his plane with Coburn (or is it the other way around) and crash into some hills on the way back & the Gov. would appoint 2 democratic senators for OK. I doubt they’d be liberal but it’s a start.
thefrontpage: WIN!
2goats: Did the moose (or was it the rabbit) drop ping-pong balls on the crowd??
When I graduated from the UofA, one of the creators of Sesame Street was given an honorary degree (she as a former UA student). The band played the theme song when she was introduced, when the band stopped, the whole crowd could be heard singing the rest of the song.. that was cool!
x111e7thst: Move? Never. We’re retired on a good pension from another state, the land is cheap the taxes low and no one in my family needs an abortion. Besides, the comedic aspects of the asshats in OKC provide endless humor. Plus, I’m white so people are really nice to me, except if they know I favor gay abortions.
chascates: Hey, we daydream along the same lines! In mine, Inhofe videotaped having sex with Arbrey whatever, or whoever the asshole who owns Chesapeake energy is. Meanwhile, Coburn is caught on a security camera, lobbing a bomb into a women’s clinic.
Or they go down in Inhofe’s plane. Either way, it would be all good. It’s hard to believe these are the same people–okies–who suffered the largest act of domestic terrorism in history, no one got big payouts for being “heroes”, the city was hailed internationally for handling the emergency, people lined up for blocks to give blood on April 17, just minutes after the bomb went off, then built a poignant memorial with no fuss, no controversy, no cost overruns, under budget and on time.
These are the same people who do this asshat shit. I know I’m a good Christian but personally, I blame Jebus.
x111e7thst: Quick answer: Batshit crazy third party guy took votes from Steve Largent who said “bullshit” into a live mike, Barry Switzer and chicken fighting. Barry S is a Democrat. Gov only won by 6,000 votes. Oh, and the Choctaws (or one of the other big tribes) says it’s all because of how many voters they registered.
There, that just about covers why we don’t have a batshit crazy governor–yet.
DustBowlBlues: I meant largest act of domestic terrorism in US history, of course.
Eat a queer fetus for Jesus, Notre Dame!
lmj: With the dropping ping pong balls; isn’t that the closest to Rahm “not used to saying day after mother” Emmauel?
SayItWithWookies: WIN.
I got sunburned yesterday at Yankee Stadium, sitting through Hillary’s commencement speech for NYU grads.
I can report: blue pantsuit; cankles.
thefrontpage:
Don’t forget Rush Limbaugh at the University of Bullshit & Nonsense.
U of B & N