Wonkette
We already know that National Review Internet overlord Kathryn Jean Lopez was none too pleased with the Washington political/media establishment’s behavior at the White House Correspondents Dinner, where Barack Obama and Wanda Sykes refused to praise Rush Limbaugh for keeping America safe these past eight years. But now a deep-undercover Wonkette operative who was sitting a table over from Jonah and K-Lo’s — well within earshot — presents us with a disturbing report of how the two “were insufferable all night long,” and should never be allowed in public again.
Well, the evening started off awkwardly enough when Jonah refused to stand when Obama walked in the room. (I’ll give it to Kathryn…she may not be my favorite person, but at least she stood for the president). When BHO made reference to Michelle (which was something to the effect of, “isn’t she a great first lady?”), Kathryn and Jonah started yelling out “No!” Then Jonah started making comments about homosexuality… and the judgey tone and tenor were there.
During Wanda Sykes, they literally sat there holding their disapproving, shaking heads in their hands. I would’ve thrown my wine at them if I didn’t need it to keep my buzz going. In retrospect, I should’ve just kicked him in the nuts.
Why won’t our operative simply admit that Jonah Goldberg, Rush Limbaugh and Kathryn Jean Lopez were the only three “Real Americans” keeping America safe in the eighteen months after 9/11? Instead we just have this, this “gossip.”
Photo via Tintin at Sadly, No!
Don’t waste wine.
I could have never have thought that Jonah and K-Lo were partisan assholes judging by their awful columns.
K-Lo, Jonah and food. It must have looked like sharks attacking chum. Some poor waiter could have lost their hand.
that pic is money, baby. MONEY.
CollegeStudent: Indeed. Where I grew up, we would call that ‘alcohol abuse.’
Fucking Jonah…where’s a whale when you need it?
But it’s nice to know Wonkette has friends who are high falutin’ enough to get to go to these gigs. The rest of us are unemployed, drunken, hateful bitterz who would show up in flip flops & stained wife beaters.
If you hadn’t said The Jonah and K-Lo were sitting next to each other, I would’ve assumed, based on their photos, that “Jonah Goldberg, Rush Limbaugh and Kathryn Jean Lopez” were all the same person, in different, but equally tasteless, outfits…
Stay classy, motherfuckers!
CollegeStudent: Slam the wine down. Projectile spew it back up over them. You get to enjoy the wine twice, plus have instant cover with the excuse, “Oh sorry. It must be the swine flu.”
There - sorted.
Not much fun being the rump of a rump party. Rump. Also.
then they went back to the hotel together and caused a minor flood when they tried to do some humpy bumpy in the hot tub.
hotel staff was not amused.
Call me mundane but I’m more interested in our operative’s views on whether they are fucking.
Meghan McCain is tipping Wonkette?
There is no law that says you can’t break your empty wine glass and stab someone in the neck with the shards, prison-style, now is there? Oh there is? Fucking communists, taking away all our rights!
Let’s hear how Jonah friskily applied K. Lo’s evening dose of Gold Bond powder to soak up the oozing liquids and soothe the chafed areas.
sati demise: um, ew.
Don’t ever throw wine at people. You’ll have to lick it off them and that’s just disgusting.
Mr Blifil: Why did the old sci-fi flick, “When Worlds Collide,” just come to mind?
No one thought ahead to bring bacon to throw at K-Lo? Imagine the highlarious melee as she leaped over tables for it, before succumbing to gravity.
Considering one was raised by a semen-obsessed crank and the other by nuns this behavior was, in hindsight, entirely predictable.
“I should’ve just kicked him in the nuts.”
You should have kicked both of them in the nuts.
I revel in their unhappiness.
hahahahahahahaah
I would have kicked K-Lo in the nuts instead.
nestor: Yes. And not kicking K-Lo in the nuts is, in my opinion, sexist.
Noonan: Where I grew up we would just getting beaten for it.
WIDTAP: good plan. and K-Lo would never suspect that was intentional. That’s someone who has clearly never heard of pulling the trigger.
fat, unhappy, and conservative. so sad.
What petty, small little dickbags.
No let me re-phrase. Frank Burns and Hot Lips were petty, small dicksbags. K-Lo and Jonah are something much worse.
Wow, the thing in that picture is more fuckable than K-Lo.
After dinner, lean over to K-Lo and whisper, my what a tasty fetus.
Jonah Goldberg only stands for one man - the one who is giving him his daily facial behind the Taco Bell near I-95.
It makes sense that K - Lo would be attracted to a Jonah, as she’s virtually indistinguishable from Jonah Hill.
She would have been good in Superbad. Just replace the alcohol in the containers with Hershey’s syrup… or ranch dressing… or Baiconaise that reveals the image of the blessed She - Pope Mary when a panting, disheveled, but more importantly starving K - Lo pours it out.
Speaking of religious images haunting K - Lo, if she does get freaky with Mr. Goldberg, she will be in for a rude surprise when she sees that his repulsive little sorry excuse for a nutsack is a dead ringer for the face of Satan. A fiery fate awaits her indeed.
I have it on good authority that this description of the Jonah’s balls is accurate. The good authority may or may not be a special friend I like to call “the Lord.”
“Jonah and the Whale” references in 3,2,1…
Fox n Fiends: Wait, why would he be standing? Is he hooking up with the Jolly Green Giant?
Apparently bewailing a lost glory that never existed makes one cranky. I hope these insufferable dogmatic fascists stay disappointed and nostalgic.
Bill Richardson grew his beard back!
It’s hard to believe that Jonah isn’t classy. After all, he was raised by a woman who is the epitome of class, the woman who guided Linda Tripp (even the name still brings cold chills) through her betrayal of Monica Lewinsky.
Is this what your Operative told you when she was eating out your dirty snatch? Ouch my vagina now hurts!
danski21111: ’sup Jonah?
Gonna be a long, long eight years for these two.*
*(assuming that obese self loathing twits have average life expectancies)
chascates: That was pretty amazing.
Time to get the WARBLOG on, since Jonah definitely is trying to start a fight with this post.
“Frankly, I didn’t know that Wonkette was even still a site until just a few minutes ago.”
This will not stand.
They were better behaved once they got their juice box and animal crackers, I’m sure.
*alt text* This Is How Katherine Jean Lopez Makes Jonah Goldberg Dress Up
Texan Bulldoggette: Jonah IS the whale. Or K-Lo is.
Barely Awake: Dive! Dive! We’ve been discovered!!
Whoop! Whoop!
Crank Tango: w.i.n.
Barely Awake: Oh snap. It’s on, y’all.
Barely Awake: “Wonkette has some report saying I didn’t stand for Obama when he spoke at the White House Correspondents Dinner. My recollection is this is flatly untrue. I may have been slow to rise since I couldn’t see the president from our table save on a screen on the other side of the room and I may have been quick to sit since my inclination to sustain a standing ovation was less than powerful. And, as for the rest of the “report” I think it’s pissy b.s.”
Woooooooo!
danski21111: We’re more into buttsecks and TruckNutz over here. Did you come to play, little troll?
Jonah! How nice to “meet” you. I have hated your idiot column in the LA Times for years. It’s rare to find someone so young who is such a complete bloated fartsack. Everything you have ever learned from your conservative mentors is a raging lie. I’m just sayin’.
Barely Awake: “Frankly, I didn’t know that Wonkette was even still a site until just a few minutes ago.”
Oh, please. Jonah, whose ego is bigger than his waistband, not know about Wonkette? I don’t believe that for a second.
Speaking of which, hey Jonah, don’t you get tired of Mommy handing you the phone book every Father’s Day when you ask “Who’s my daddy?”
Jonah, I just read your blog post, and let me say this:
YOU ARE AN INSUFFERABLE MOTHERLOVER.
Not in the cute “Mother Lover” way, which is at least funny and has LULZ, but in a GROSS, FAT way.
chascates: Isn’t ‘pissy b.s’ his entire adulthood/ job description/ written work to this point/ and what he asks for on a sandwich?
It’s official. K-Lo was so upset she dropped a whole handful of mashed potatoes.
chascates: “I may have been slow to rise and quick to sit down as my scrawny legs are incapable of supporting my ponderous, quivering bulk for any length of time. After about a minute, I tend to crumple to the ground like a wet sock; as I knew my fellow audience members detest me and would piss on me while I lay incapacitated on the floor, I decided to play it safe and stay seated.”
chascates: “may have been slow to rise”?? I suppose I can understand that, as you’re about *this* close to needing a fucking winch to help you. You and K-Lo and Rush. Great American role models, all three of you, huh?
I know, I know. It’s pretty High School to be attacking the three of you for the giant walls of flesh you’ve systematically constructed around yourselves to protect yourselves from the slings and arrows of consensual reality.
I would be attacking you for your ideas, but you really don’t have any except for regularly regurgitating the entire discredited Righty Catechism that has driven this country headfirst into a brick wall.
I think we broke “The Corner”. Which makes this a very special day.
Speaking of Righty Windbags, what ever happened to that pompous ass Charles Krauthammer? Is someone still paying *him* to fulminate and lie?
Also, I’m kind of surprised that Jonah actually made it out of the house. I mean, wasn’t there porn to download or something? Like, furry porn? I don’t even know what that is, but I do know that it makes Jonah all sweaty in his folds, where he also makes cheese.
loquaciousmusic:
Ha, there’s one!
Jonah Goldberg is so fat that people think his favorite cologne is called “Camembert”.
Barely Awake: NRO doesn’t allow comments. Cowards!
RationalMan: They’ve a bit of a self-image problem. It would get…unpleasant.
“Jonah refused to stand when Obama walked in the room.”
Perhaps did not wish to risk revealing that BHO gives him a Boehner (original pronunciation).
What is that horrible creature?
4tehlulz: I think it’s obvious that Jonah dosen’t eat vegetables.
With those two, being within the same ZIP code is ‘within earshot.’