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SAD THINGS

George Bush Still Popular In This One Town In Oklahoma

He likes corn!If the town of Woodward, Oklahoma wore pants, it would be shitting them right now. The president is coming to visit, you see! No, not that president — the real one, with the sticker. He will make this 4th of July the most exciting holiday since Opal Cornhole’s goat got into the vodka-filled watermelon and spent the evening humping a lamppost.

Ever since word got out about Bush’s upcoming visit, the mayor said there “has been a buzz around town.”

“I’m still trying to grasp the magnitude of it,” Ronnie Brittain said.

“It’s an extremely exciting time for our town,” said Kathryn Upchurch, manager of Woodward’s Main Street organization. “It’s history in the making.”

“This is probably the most exciting thing we’ve had happen to Woodward in years and years,” Fanning said.

“Everyplace you go in Oklahoma, everybody’s asking how we got the president to come to Woodward,” Woodward Industrial Foundation President LaVern Phillips said.

Hmm, yes, because he is so popular everywhere else.

You really must read this whole article. It is amazing.

Bush to celebrate Fourth in Woodward [Enid News]


11:14 AM on Tue May 12 2009
By Sara K. Smith
8050 Views

  1. nappyduggs says at 11:19 am, May 12th, 2009

    I’m fixin’ to clime up the tellyphone pole and call m’ma right now so she can load up the myool.

  2. ChernobylSoup says at 11:19 am, May 12th, 2009

    Aw, you shoulda used the Bush family photo from the Awkward Family Photos link that Ken provided last night. The twins in matching US flag coats is priceless.

  3. Scarab says at 11:20 am, May 12th, 2009

    “Oklahoma’ is from Choctow, meaning ‘red man’, so should they have invited Charlie Crist and John Boehner instead?

  4. Scarab says at 11:21 am, May 12th, 2009

    Perhaps Bush is help plan the Texas/Oklahoma secession?

  5. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 11:23 am, May 12th, 2009

    “We haven’t had this much excitement in Woodward since Eula Mae Hawkins got a little tipsy on the communal wine at the last Episcopalean church social and tried to impregnate her pet goat, Roscoe.”

  6. Maybe the newly-formed Confederate Republic of Texas, Oklahoma and Georgia will name Bush their President for life?

  7. ManchuCandidate says at 11:25 am, May 12th, 2009

    It looks like we just found the leading candidate to replace Yucca Mountain as the Nuclear Waste Depository.

  8. Cape Clod says at 11:25 am, May 12th, 2009

    Thank you, Sara. The Enid Times deserves a Pulitzer for that article. No single piece of journalism could possibly surpass this illustration of what a mind-numbingly, horrible, inbred backwater this Woodward, OK must be.

  9. Lazy Media says at 11:25 am, May 12th, 2009

    So what they’re trying to say is, there’s a bright golden haze on the meaduh?

  10. thefrontpage says at 11:27 am, May 12th, 2009

    Arlen Specter here. Hi guys! What is this Tweezer thing everyone keeps talking about? Is that a new type of computer doohickey?! And who’s Joe Hippi, one of them ’60s radical types who tried to levitate the Pentagon? Well, I’m telling you, I’m enjoying being a Democrat, hoo-hah! I just bought one of them hybrid cars, and I’m thinking about becoming a vegetarian, too. And the hell with ties–I hate ties!

    –Arlen.

  11. proudgrampa says at 11:29 am, May 12th, 2009

    “Everyplace you go in Oklahoma, everybody’s asking how we got the president to come to Woodward,” Woodward Industrial Foundation President LaVern Phillips said.

    I’m sure he had to go through thousands and thousands of invitations…

  12. MARCdMan says at 11:30 am, May 12th, 2009

    Lazy Media: But does the wind come whipping off the plain?

  13. Doglessliberal says at 11:31 am, May 12th, 2009

    Really, what can you add to this?:

    On July 3, the country music concert series is set to begin with a performance by Bo Phillips, older brother to Stoney LaRue. Next in the lineup is Mike McClure, followed by Asleep at the Wheel and Tanya Tucker with Stoney LaRue finishing the evening.

    Then following Bush’s speech on July 4, there will be a 90-minute concert by Marty Stuart. The Saturday night concert will close with a performance by Sawyer Brown and the evening then will be capped off by a fireworks display as the grand finale.

    “We’ve become an entertainment hub in northwest Oklahoma,” Fanning said. “So this will be our chance to showcase what we can do.”

  14. chascates says at 11:31 am, May 12th, 2009

    “But why wouldn’t he (Bush) come?” Phillips asked. “Positive things are happening here; I think he wants to share in the excitement.”

    There aren’t that many exciting places in Oklahoma. Really. On the other hand:
    Then following Bush’s speech on July 4, there will be a 90-minute concert by Marty Stuart. The Saturday night concert will close with a performance by Sawyer Brown and the evening then will be capped off by a fireworks display as the grand finale.
    “We’ve become an entertainment hub in northwest Oklahoma,” Fanning said. “So this will be our chance to showcase what we can do.”

  15. Big Ass Belle says at 11:32 am, May 12th, 2009

    The 66%ers in OK are proud ~ proud!! ~ to be Bush supporters. Actually, in Woodward, which sits squarely on the asshole of the universe,* Bush supporters are about 93% of the population. The rest are closeted homos and the wild eyed great grandchildren of Wobblies.

  16. SmutBoffin says at 11:32 am, May 12th, 2009

    It was either this town or Wasilla. W opted for Oklahoma since, well, even he thinks Sarah Palin is an idiot. . .

  17. lalalala says at 11:33 am, May 12th, 2009

    Sometimes I wonder if my fellow Oklahomans sit around and think of ways to make themselves look dumb. You would think the trucknutz would get it out of their system.

    That being said, there are plenty of great Okies. Bush will most definitely be greeted with large protests.

  18. I think what that guy meant to say is, “Everyplace you go in Oklahoma, everybody’s asking what the fuck did you do to deserve this.”

    But then again, it is Oklahoma. It’s still 1952 there.

  19. lalalala says at 11:34 am, May 12th, 2009

    chascates: Oklahoma City is a great place, and so is Norman. Tulsa’s not bad, either.

  20. Since Bush is expected to make it inside city limits on July 4, Fanning said he would like to remind Woodward’s citizens “this is a good time for our citizens to start cleaning up, sprucing up; let’s put our best foot forward.

    Front yards will now be limited to 3 cars up on blocks.

  21. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 11:36 am, May 12th, 2009

    “We’ve become an entertainment hub in northwest Oklahoma,” Fanning said.

    Sucks to be you, Ponca City.

  22. springfield_meltdown says at 11:36 am, May 12th, 2009

    In 2003 Bay Village (suburban Cleveland OH) allowed Glenn Beck to take over the town’s Fourth of July celebration calling it a “real American town” (it’s also incredibly white and the local Protestant denominations keep seceding over gay people being accepted). Anyway, the village folk were thrilled (for reals). So in meager defense of Woodward, OK, it might only be in the top ten most embarrassing 4th of July celebrations.

  23. x111e7thst says at 11:36 am, May 12th, 2009

    “On July 3, the country music concert series is set to begin with a performance by Bo Phillips, older brother to Stoney LaRue”. This is really making my head hurt and I don’t understand why.
    I need brandy. And barbiturates.

  24. rmontcal says at 11:37 am, May 12th, 2009

    “Josie Adams Cultural Centre”

    So many things wrong here. “culture”? “centre” with an “tre” instead of a “ter”?? What is this, some FRENCH</i?-Canadian hockey arena?

    And who the F is Josie Adams? Even wikipedia wants to know!

  25. ihasasad says at 11:38 am, May 12th, 2009

    Yes Please is the economic impact the article closed with referring to the billions of dollars they, they being the city, will have to pay this man, this man being a two legged cockroach in disguise, for him to appear before the shining faces of the town and speak words with or without a TELEPROMPTER? Yes Please, thank you.

  26. The entertainment hub of northwest Oklahoma?
    Suck it, Beaver.

  27. Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof. says at 11:39 am, May 12th, 2009

    Lazy Media: I’d stick that corn in the eye of that elephant guy–GOPer joke!–if I were there m’self.

  28. ihasasad says at 11:39 am, May 12th, 2009

    An alt alt text could have been ‘Aw Shucks’
    HA!

  29. Doglessliberal: chascates: Man, Woodward is really getting to be an entertainment capital! They’ve got a performance series featuring Some Guy, Some Other Guy, Some Group, Some Girl, Some Person of Indeterminate Gender, Another Guy, and One More Guy! Exciting!

    Also: why does a town in landlocked Oklahoma have a Crystal BEACH Park?

  30. queeraselvis v 2.0: Dammit, too slow…Although between the two of us, the rest of the class is getting a good lesson on northwest Oklahoma geography.

  31. El Pinche says at 11:40 am, May 12th, 2009

    AT LEAST BUSH KEPT US SAFE. BUT I SEE JACK BOWER IS STILL HAPPILY EMPLOYED, BUT ITS A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE NOBAMA FIRES HIM TOO.

  32. Cape Clod says at 11:41 am, May 12th, 2009

    I bet there hasn’t been this much excitement in Woodward since the time that ‘Flip Wilson unexpectedly landed his helium balloon seven miles east of Woodward in the town of Mooreland.’
    Though admittedly, that would be hard to top.

  33. freakishlystrong says at 11:44 am, May 12th, 2009

    Who, or what the fuck, is a Stoney Larue?

  34. Monsieur Grumpe says at 11:44 am, May 12th, 2009

    http://www.cityofwoodward.com/

    Looks like nice town to leave.

  35. LittlePig says at 11:45 am, May 12th, 2009

    Bo Phillips, older brother to Stoney LaRue

    Git out of here! Really?!

    It’s hard not to feel sorry for Okies sometimes. This is not one of them.

  36. Doglessliberal says at 11:46 am, May 12th, 2009

    JMP: They probably meant to name it after the tree and the wife/daughter of the mayor (Crystal), and misspelled the tree name.

  37. queeraselvis v 2.0: We can’t all be fancy pants Guthrie.

  38. Lazy Media says at 11:49 am, May 12th, 2009

    JMP: They’ve invented these new things in non-coastal states called lakes. Crystal Beach Lake is in Crystal Beach Park, natch. Any bets the local nickname for the place is Crystal Meth Park?

  39. DoesThisKool-AidTasteFunny? says at 11:49 am, May 12th, 2009

    queeraselvis v 2.0: There aren’t many Episcopalians in Oklahoma — too high church. Not much communal wine either. Lots of Baptists — as someone who was subject to mandatory Southern Baptist Sunday school for 18 years, I speak from experience. Baptists don’t drink alcohol; they prefer bile and hypocrisy

  40. 19kevin8 says at 11:51 am, May 12th, 2009

    “this is a good time for our citizens to start cleaning up, sprucing up; let’s put our best foot forward.”

    that’s code for “get off the meth”

  41. chascates says at 11:51 am, May 12th, 2009

    lalalala: I’ve been told by friends that one of the world’s greatest strip clubs is there (can’t remember if it’s Tulsa or OKC) but it’s called Walter Mittys. AKA Walter Mitty’s Flopping Titties.

  42. Lazy Media says at 11:51 am, May 12th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: Jesus, that is some SURREAL photo shop. Looks like the mayor is having himself a nice cup of moon juice, dispensed from a handy traffic signal.

  43. CaliforniaMike says at 11:51 am, May 12th, 2009

    Cape Clod: And that’s why Flip was never heard of again. They fucked him, cooked him and ate him all slathered with teh barbecue sauce.

  44. randomsausage says at 11:51 am, May 12th, 2009

    they had me at “an entertainment hub in Northwest Oklahoma”

  45. Lazy Media says at 11:53 am, May 12th, 2009

    DoesThisKool-AidTasteFunny?: Plus, Babdists don’t require wine to prime them for goat-fucking. That comes naturally.

  46. 19kevin8 says at 11:56 am, May 12th, 2009

    I really like the comment after the article. Apparently, the one literate Woodward resident with a computer doesn’t like the idea much, either. Also.

  47. chascates: Not in Tulsa, fer sure. Although it doesn’t hold a candle to Visions in New Orleans East.

  48. Woodwards Friend says at 11:57 am, May 12th, 2009

    That article was like a cross between Parks & Recreation, Waiting for Guffman, and Deliverance.

  49. The Dallas Office says at 12:00 pm, May 12th, 2009

    DoesThisKool-AidTasteFunny?: Maybe all the Episcopalians fled to Dallas?

  50. gjdodger says at 12:01 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Well, at least by then they’ll be over the excitement of the Oklahoma City Thunder’s inaugural season. Anyhow, Bush probably accepted because they said there’d be watermelon, and he thought they said waterboarding

  51. slithytoves says at 12:03 pm, May 12th, 2009

    I vote Newell goes to Woodward for the 4th of July.

  52. freakishlystrong says at 12:03 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: Man, that is one craptastic site, if you right click, you are warned that all the code and images are the intellectual property of Woodward. Woodward invented the intertubz!

  53. Woodwards Friend says at 12:04 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Props to Woodward Mayor Bill Fanning for this picture: http://www.cityofwoodward.com/

  54. V572625694 says at 12:04 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Crab1: Yep, and repaint the stand under the satellite dish next to your trailer.

  55. zenferret says at 12:05 pm, May 12th, 2009

    JMP: ’cause they’d get in trouble calling it the crystal meth park.

  56. Lazy Media: Yeah, but lakes don’t have beaches. Maybe, if you’re generous, you can allow the waterfronts at some of the Great Lakes the name, but if you can see land on the other side, then it ain’t a beach.

  57. The Supreme Court of California ruled a few years back that “Okie” was such a pejorative term it could not be used in public. Now, that’s a wise court.

  58. SayItWithWookies says at 12:06 pm, May 12th, 2009

    So Woodward already had their big annual event, the Prairie-Chicken Festival, in April. They should rename their Independence Day events the Prairie Chickenhawk Festival in their guest’s honor.

  59. zenferret says at 12:07 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Lazy Media: damn I was too slow

  60. V572625694 says at 12:07 pm, May 12th, 2009

    freakishlystrong: I’d bet Stoney Larue is a gay pr0n star, or should be.

  61. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:08 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Hey, c’mon, the 4th of July party won’t completely suck.

    Asleep at the Wheel totally rocks. I especially love their version of “Choo-Choo-Cha Boogie.”

  62. ohiolobbyist says at 12:08 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Doglessliberal: So, let me get this straight. President Bush is opening for this guy?

    http://www.martystuart.net/MartyStuartHome.html

  63. WadISay says at 12:09 pm, May 12th, 2009

    George H.W. Bush campaigned here in the late 1980s? How hard up for a hug would a Republican presidential candidate have to be to campaign in Woodward, OK?

  64. zenferret: Now, now; not all of the citizens of Woodward are crystal meth addicts. Some of them are Oxy addicts instead, I’m sure.

  65. 19kevin8 says at 12:10 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Woodwards Friend: Wow, that is some impressive photographic composition! Not only did they get a shot of Mayor Fanning panhandling, they got a full moon, an Autozone, a Walgreens,a Burger King, and a McDonalds in the picture!

  66. Cape Clod says at 12:10 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: A highway strip mall featuring a Wallgreens, an Autozone, a Burger King AND a McDonalds. Just some of the special things that would make you choose to live in Woodward.

  67. choinski says at 12:11 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Bush to celebrate Fourth in Woodward!

    Bernstein must be jealous.

  68. Lazy Media says at 12:11 pm, May 12th, 2009

    JMP: Pffft. Water parks have beaches. A beach is a sandy place with water on one side. You’re thinking of “coastline.”

  69. Woodwards Friend: They have a Walgreens AND an Auto Zone? That is like redneck 5th Ave.*

    *Was going to write “Rodeo Drive” but aborted it for being too punny.

  70. V572625694 says at 12:12 pm, May 12th, 2009
  71. Lazy Media says at 12:12 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Woodwards Friend: All it needs is a bowler hat, an umbrella, and a large apple superimposed over his face. Blingee contest!

  72. Woodwards Friend: That looks like something you’d see on Geocities, circa 1999. I’m surprised none of the text is blinking.

  73. decora says at 12:13 pm, May 12th, 2009

    ““Oklahoma’ is from Choctow, meaning ‘red man’”

    No its from chocTAW meaning red PEOPLE. even CHILDREN in oklahoma know how to spell CHOCTAW.

    i guess since the ‘evolved, liberal, sensitive, cultured’ people of the Big East systematically murdered and displaced the choctaw people, i can’t really expect your highly cultured and evolved educational system to remember how to spell it.

  74. jetjaguar says at 12:13 pm, May 12th, 2009

    I tried to buy 499 (as is the max) “Thank You President Bush” bumper stickers from Sara’s sticker website, but they only have 17 left. Now I has a sad :(

  75. Lump Beefbroth says at 12:13 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Woodwards Friend:
    But don’t try and steal it!

    BUT WHY WOULDN’T HE COME?

  76. decora says at 12:14 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Scarab:
    you spelled it wrong

  77. FlamingSooner says at 12:14 pm, May 12th, 2009

    It’s about VALUES people!!!!!

    And ya’ll ain’t got none….shame on you for runnin’ down the REAL AMERICA.

    If torture does indeed work, the Woodwardians will certainally find out after enduring the boy ex-King’s speechifyin’.

    chascates/Crab1: Mitty’s was in Norman, but went out of businees about 20 years ago. “Amateur Night” there used to be very…interesting.

    Take a map of Oklahoma, put your hand on the East side (roughly bisected by I-35) and then LOOK at the Western side of the state, where Woodward is located. It is a desolate freakin’ prairie. Even most of us Okies have the sense not to live there…

  78. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:14 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: Seriously, this should be a Wonkette summer field trip. We can be a sleeper cell of sane folks at this shindig. We can all wear cowboy hats and American flag shirts, get drunk on Coors Light (difficult, I know) and good-naturedly boo and throw the empties at Bush when he makes his appearance.

    We wouldn’t even get arrested. Secret service will probably think we’re just high-spirited local yokels.

  79. Woodwards Friend says at 12:14 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Try to right click save that picture of the mayor. You get an error message claiming intellectual property…on a municipal website. HELLO REDNECK FUCKS…YOU’RE WEBSITE IS PUBLIC DOMAIN BECAUSE YOU ARE THE GOVERNMENT.

  80. 19kevin8 says at 12:14 pm, May 12th, 2009

    And if anyone is looking for a job…

    http://www.cityofwoodward.com/html/police_jailer.html

  81. 19kevin8 says at 12:15 pm, May 12th, 2009

    “The City of Woodward currently employs 190 people who are divided into more than twenty departments with over thirty offices in locations around the city.”

    Damn big gubmint.

  82. ServiceJervixJuice says at 12:18 pm, May 12th, 2009

    “…the most exciting holiday since Opal Cornhole’s goat got into the vodka filled watermelon and spent the evening humping a lamppost.”

    SKS, you should be slammin’ at the White House….

  83. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 12:20 pm, May 12th, 2009

    As much as I find the code pinkers annoying, I do hope they ruin this very special day for the idiots of that stupid fucking town.

  84. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 12:22 pm, May 12th, 2009

    DoesThisKool-AidTasteFunny?: Oh, I dunno. Surely you know the old joke about the difference between Presbyterians and Baptists… Presbyterians will speak to each other in the liquor store.

  85. Dog Trombone says at 12:22 pm, May 12th, 2009

    chascates: Walter Mitty’s is in Norman…. and it ain’t all that.

  86. FlamingSooner says at 12:22 pm, May 12th, 2009

    certainally = certainly

    My Oklahoma public schooling on display….

  87. Capitol Hillbilly says at 12:25 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: Yeah Asleep at the Wheel is great, Marty Stuart is pretty good, and I’ll bet Tanya Tucker can still give a nice blowjob.

  88. brassbear says at 12:27 pm, May 12th, 2009

    At first I read the paper’s name as “The End Times,” which sounded about right.

  89. snideinplainsight says at 12:32 pm, May 12th, 2009

    You know, no snark handy but I’m sure as shootin’ tired of people tellin’ me that this or that is the REAL America.

  90. Beau Radley says at 12:34 pm, May 12th, 2009

    JMP: Saying that lakes don’t have beaches is like saying Miss California doesn’t have tits: she has ‘em, they’re just not natural.

  91. SayItWithWookies says at 12:34 pm, May 12th, 2009

    ohiolobbyist: Wow. If Barry Manilow was a cowboy drag queen, he’d be Marty Stuart.

  92. Gallowglass says at 12:36 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: Holy shit! Their mayor is a giant! How does he not destroy the town?

  93. Mustang says at 12:37 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: That’s ideal. They really know how to promote their town on the internets with a picture of their goofy looking mayor panhandling on beautiful Main Street at night.

  94. Lazy Media says at 12:38 pm, May 12th, 2009

    V572625694: You just have to know how to sell it.

  95. sati demise says at 12:41 pm, May 12th, 2009

    slithytoves: nooes! he would succumb to heat stroke, get eaten by chiggers, then consumed by a grass fire started by chinese fireworks.

  96. Mustang says at 12:41 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Lazy Media: See, they should hire you.

  97. chascates says at 12:45 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Dog Trombone: Sorry to hear that. I’ve also heard of the High Horse Tavern.

  98. 4tehlulz says at 12:50 pm, May 12th, 2009

    ohiolobbyist: Thank you for finding that site, as it allowed me to discover this:

    “RFD-TV is a rural lifestyle network with programming that focuses on agriculture, equine, rural lifestyle and music/entertainment. Broadcasting to 40 million homes across the country, the RFD-TV  line-up includes Imus In the Morning, Crook & Chase, Big Joe’s Polka Show and Ralph Emery LIVE.”

  99. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 12:52 pm, May 12th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: No no, Wooks. Isn’t it obvious? Marty is the result of the unholy union between Barry Manilow and Limahl.

  100. DoesThisKool-AidTasteFunny? says at 12:57 pm, May 12th, 2009

    queeraselvis v 2.0: You’re right. I should have said that Baptists don’t drink where people can see. They view it kind of like Republican legislators view gay sex — if no one finds out, it didn’t really happen. BTW, anyone else ever been to a Baptist wedding reception? No open bar there. Stale mints, mixed nuts, cake, and fruit punch. Sad, very sad.

  101. S.Luggo says at 12:58 pm, May 12th, 2009

    “Before the American Civil War, Woodward and its surrounding area was inhabited by the Kiowa, Comanche, Apache, Cheyenne, Arapaho, and Plains tribes.” They then got all kilt.

  102. SayItWithWookies says at 1:03 pm, May 12th, 2009

    queeraselvis v 2.0: I’d never heard of Limahl. But then I just assumed Kajagoogoo was a drum machine, a voice synthesizer and a program that generated lyrics. Who knew actual humans were involved?

  103. lulzmonger says at 1:12 pm, May 12th, 2009

    The picture immediately reminded me of this:

    http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=2079472

  104. davesnothere says at 1:13 pm, May 12th, 2009

    lalalala: I smell trouble - don’t Oklahomans have a strong natural antipathy for Texans? Plus, Asleep At The Wheel is one o’ them subversive hippie bands, so they’re pretty good.

  105. Lazy Media says at 1:15 pm, May 12th, 2009

    DoesThisKool-AidTasteFunny?: Green punch with ice cream melting in it, and sausage balls. Ambrosia fruit salad if you’re LUCKY. All in the basement of the church. The whole reception usually lasts about a half hour, half the length of the ceremony. Basically a Bizarro World Jewish wedding.

  106. TeddyS says at 1:15 pm, May 12th, 2009

    I love that home site of the mayor standing before a pole filled with the numbers of all of the routes out of town. After the Bush speech, he will auction off an illegal immigrant who will then be tortured.

  107. yellowdogdem says at 1:17 pm, May 12th, 2009

    MARCdMan: And does the waving wheet sure smell sweet?

  108. yellowdogdem says at 1:17 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Arrgh! “wheat”

  109. Eat a bag of cobbs, George.

  110. Gopherit says at 1:19 pm, May 12th, 2009

    “He will make this 4th of July the most exciting holiday since Opal Cornhole’s goat got into the vodka-filled watermelon and spent the evening humping a lamppost.”

    Sara, can I have your babies?

  111. proudgrampa says at 1:21 pm, May 12th, 2009

    4tehlulz: RFD-TV? WTF?-TV

  112. yellowdogdem says at 1:25 pm, May 12th, 2009

    decora: From the Chovtaw web site: “The Choctaw Indian Nation, a Muskogean tribe also known as Chakchiuma, or Chatot, traces its roots to the Mississippi Valley and some parts of Alabama.” In what way are Mississippi and Alabama part of the Big East?

  113. But will they take Dick Cheney, too?

  114. President Beeblebrox says at 2:22 pm, May 12th, 2009

    YR. BLACK MUSLIN WILL NEVER BE ARE PREZNIT!!!! W IS ARE PREZNIT 4EVA!!!!

    Har.

  115. mrpuma2u says at 2:30 pm, May 12th, 2009

    El Pinche: He kept us so safe that I am sure you would be happy to take a trip to the Middle-East, where he helped our reputation bunches, and people would welcome you as a liberator, and throw flowers at your feet.

  116. Monsieur Grumpe says at 2:36 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman:
    I’m no country fan but Asleep at the Wheel ARE great. Fortunately they come up to Minnesota once in a while when the weather is warm.

  117. Monsieur Grumpe: I just hope Asleep at the Wheel charges the town double to participate in this abortion.

  118. Munson Thurd says at 3:18 pm, May 12th, 2009

    In case anyone here decides to go, you should know that the locals pronounce the name of their fair city woodurd, with both syllables equally stressed. In other words, just like Dubya would naturally pronounce it, which sort of brings the whole thing full circle.

  119. Vegastard says at 3:34 pm, May 12th, 2009

    They’ll probably blow up a big-city federal building and daycare to celebrate!!!

  120. sanantonerose says at 3:48 pm, May 12th, 2009

    I’m still trying to grasp the magnitude of it

    The man must have no hands.

  121. sanantonerose says at 3:50 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Cape Clod: Ha! Flip Wilson.

  122. sanantonerose says at 3:51 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: Saw their On the Road with Bob - Bob Wills spectacular - a few years ago. Asleep at the Wheel is the awesome. And Tanya Tucker? She’s still alive?

  123. heroinmule says at 3:53 pm, May 12th, 2009

    These people brought bathing suits to the snowstorm.

  124. Accordion-o-rama says at 3:59 pm, May 12th, 2009
  125. chascates says at 4:04 pm, May 12th, 2009

    sanantonerose: The great thing about Tanya Tucker was her statement that her short relationship to Glen Campbell only kept going because of cocaine and the great sex. She later stated he physically abused her including knocking out some teeth. Wichita Lineman!

  126. DustBowlBlues says at 4:29 pm, May 12th, 2009

    FMA: Beaver? Ponca City? Okay, aren’t we all busy on google maps, finding places to make fun of?

    I work hard to avoid hearing news about the state in which I live, but I can’t even open wonkette and get a break from this asshat state. This sucks–can’t the world just go back to ignoring us? I mean, who gives a fuck about Oklahoma? Except Tim McVeigh–and the current batch of Republicans would cheer him as a hero for blowing up a federal building.

    I ain’t gonna’ give any defense about “there are some nice people and places etc,” because really, there’s just no excuse for most of these people. There aren’t enough nice people on the planet to make up for these morons.

  127. DustBowlBlues says at 4:42 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Crab1: Guthrie is pretty fancy pants, all right. Too bad it isn’t named after Woody. Woodward is actually a nice, clean little town with a great bakery and cafe downtown. (Or, last time I was there–about 6 years ago). I actually love western Oklahoma because of the big skies, interesting geography, cleanliness (it was settled by German immigrants and is clean while on my side of the state, well, damn people are fucking trashy) but it has one big drawback: the people.

    I love the panhandle, the idiosyncratic, wild west history (one of the ghost towns listed for OK is “Beer City,” in the Panhandle). But boy, are those people asshats.

    On the other hand, the Woodward County Democrats just had their first county convention, ever. At least a few people won’t be welcoming Junior Bush.

  128. DustBowlBlues says at 4:56 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: I’ll totally be tour guide if you guys show up. You can even camp on my “ranch” (90 acres and nine rescued pets–that says fucking ranch to me). I’m sure Peach, Chairman of the newly organized Woodward County Demos will be glad to play hostess. My hand to god, her name is Peach but I’m not saying her last name because she is no doubt a lovely person (and brave, to be a Democrat out there) and don’t want her harassed. She’ll fit right in at the State convention, because another chairlady is named Sweet Pea.

    Yeah. Okies like the funky names.

  129. DustBowlBlues says at 5:00 pm, May 12th, 2009

    4tehlulz: You’ve never seen RFD TV? Gospel shows, straight from Branson. One night I walked through the hosue and my family was watching something on the TV that had them staring, their mouths hanging open.

    Some gospel singer spook was singing “I saw Jesus in my dreams last night and he was waving Old Glory.”

    I, sadly, am not making that up.

  130. chascates says at 5:20 pm, May 12th, 2009

    DustBowlBlues: I’m from Spearman, TX. It was closer to go to Liberal, Kansas (which at the time sold beer to 18-year-olds) than to try to drive to Borger in Texas. I don’t miss the winds from the area though.

  131. DustBowlBlues says at 5:26 pm, May 12th, 2009

    chascates: LIberal Kansas used to have a library with a facade that was a giant open book you walked through. It was cool. Maybe it’s still there. I always like to say, “Liberal, Kansas, isn’t.”

  132. davitydave says at 5:54 pm, May 12th, 2009

    From the article:

    “On July 3, the country music concert series is set to begin with a performance by Bo Phillips, older brother to Stoney LaRue. Next in the lineup is Mike McClure, followed by Asleep at the Wheel and Tanya Tucker with Stoney LaRue finishing the evening.”

    Stoney LaRue? Is this a live porn event?

  133. proudgrampa says at 6:54 pm, May 12th, 2009

    DustBowlBlues: “Some gospel singer spook was singing “I saw Jesus in my dreams last night and he was waving Old Glory.”

    I’ve always been fascinated by the American belief that Jesus is somehow an American patriot and that God is always on our side.

    I think it’s called hubris.

  134. marktx says at 8:34 pm, May 12th, 2009

    Aw, don’t be hatin’ on Woodward.

    I’ve never been a fan of Dubya, and I voted against him at every opportunity, including the gubernatorial ones. But since I used to live in Enid and threw a couple of paper routes for the Enid News back in the day, I have to defend Woodward, even if I have no desire to defend Dubya.

    Now, let’s just let those nice people (and they really are nice people–I’ve met some of them) have their July 4th bash. Even if Dubya’s name is mud almost everywhere else in the world, it’s still the biggest thing that ever happened to Woodward.

    And look at the musical line-up! I don’t listen to country music myself, but I did have a job at KNID-FM/Enid for a few summers, so I am familiar with Asleep at the Wheel, Sawyer Brown, and Tanya Tucker, at least familiar enough to know that this is some major star power for a place like Woodward.

    So just let those nice people have their fun, don’t hate on them, and be grateful that Dubya is going to Woodward rather than joining the Dick Cheney media blitzkrieg.

    In fact, it might be nice if we could persuade Cheney to spend some time in Woodward. It’s a great place to be during quail season.

  135. teleken says at 2:04 am, May 13th, 2009

    chascates: People actually live in Spearman?!? Last time I was there to do work (in the library building, installing the computer lab for the kiddos) I had to stay in Borger. Loved that 2 hour commute to work.

  136. zhubajie says at 7:14 am, May 13th, 2009

    lalalala: Tulsa, world capital of Fundamentalism? I suppose you could laugh at Oral Robert’s latest sermon….

    Zhu Bajie

  137. married an okie says at 8:45 pm, May 17th, 2009

    Don’t be so hard on Woodward, they aren’t backwoods people there. Very friendly people.
    Must be rich too, that little town has 10 banks.

  138. lol….woodward will probably go belly up,, after this fiasco…………it’s not the woodward citizens who are the dumb ass, backwords people,, it’s the city leaders………………..

  139. AnnieOkie says at 12:01 pm, June 14th, 2009

    Surfing the net for Bush in Woodward,okla..I came across this site and I must say the posts here just cracked me up…LOL… Is everyone in Woodward making a mad dash to the ticket line…NOPE ! By the way…for all of you…who are just dying to attend this historical event tickest are $500. for a good seat !

  140. darlajane says at 1:00 pm, July 4th, 2009

    Two fathers who lost their sons in Irag are not happy about Bush being honored on the 4th of July.
    They each wrote articles that have been published this week. Also today on the front page of the Tulsa World there is an interview with both of them. Check it out:
    http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/article.aspx?subjectid=11&articleid=20090704_12_A1_JohnSc308622&rss_lnk=12

    John Scripsick’s op ed:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-scripsick/bushs-4th-of-july-celebra_b_225531.html

    Warren Henthorn’s letter to the editor
    http://www.tulsaworld.com/opinion/article.aspx?subjectid=62&articleid=20090702_62_A12_hUnwel676943&allcom=1

  141. darlajane says at 1:03 pm, July 4th, 2009
  142. darlajane says at 1:04 pm, July 4th, 2009

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