Wonkette
Just to the left of this photo is a 9-foot 350-pound brainsmasher who happens to be Rahm Emanuel’s Secret Service guy (he usually carries Rahm around on piggyback, with Rahm brandishing a whip, yelling, “Faster, seeee?”) As the flash goes off, Rahm is saying to this Colossus, basically, “Why is the fucking Wonkette kid taking my fucking picture at this fucking Atlantic party?” But that cannot be confirmed.
Oh you want more pictures from the two things we went to this weekend, for the White House Dinner-Dance? Sorry, you’re not on the list, and we can’t let anyone who isn’t on the list look at our photos. But okay.
The guest list person at People magazine surprisingly enough added us to the guest list for its party Friday night, co-hosted by the very important TIME news journal and held at the glitzy St. Regis. See all that glitz there, on the ceiling? Exactly, glitz.
Meghan McCain leaving as we were going in, just the way we’d planned it. She was with her little helper PR guy, some underdressed slob in his dungarees. Did he think he was going there to weed the garden?
Otherwise, the entire CNN and MSNBC team showed up (IGNORE IGNORE), plus a few Hollywood Celebrities: Kevin Bacon, the rapper Ludacris, and maybe some people from Gossip Girl, but who would know? We don’t know what these things are, in Washington. But Ludacris was a dick and wouldn’t let himself be photographed. Eh, fine.
The only food option (at least when we showed up, 15 minutes before it ended): cupcakes, about 10 million cupcakes. Delicious of course — everyone loves a CUP CAKE — but a fat steak with extra blood sauce would’ve worked too.
Ha ha, a duck! Duck just walks into a party, you know? Goes around quacking and shit. A duck!
We asked Politico’s new amateur pornography filmmaker Patrick Gavin to “go stand with the duck for a photo,” but apparently ducks do not care for Politico staffers. How weird are DUCKS?
*****
NEXT DAY, SATURDAY: WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HELL.
These insane screaming banshee girls, hundreds of them, come to the “White House Correspondents Dinner” to take photos of all the sexies like Henry Kissinger, Ben Bradlee, and whoever else the kids are into these days. (Mark Shields?)
We were invited to the Atlantic’s pre-dinner party, hooray, and expected a small, classy gathering of chums where Andrew Sullivan would regale us with stories of youthful hijinks and indiscretions from his Hogwarts years.
Jesus, DID YOU FORGET TO INVITE ANYONE, SULLIVAN?
There was an art theme, for Democrats:
YOU KNOW, LIKE ANDY WARHOL.
There’s the old galoot himself, Sullivan, on the left, with his secret husband, “Stedman.” At this point we noticed another attendee, National Review’s lovely Kathryn Jean Lopez, sneaking up on the Sullivans with a cross, the bottom of which had been whittled into a spike, and whoa hey it was time to go before a scene!
Other notable person: Mark Penn! He was the only person sweating more than your associate editor.
MICHAEL STEELE, craziness!! So tall. We overheard local disaster Michael Goldfarb saying that he gave Michael Steele a fistbump and Steele said, “what’s up baby?” or something. Craziness, crazy empathy nonsense.
Protesters, yes, protesting the wars. Is that Cindy Sheehan? We forget what Cindy Sheehan looks like. Who is Cindy Sheehan?
See the protester lady in the pink skirt? She’s chasing some asshole journalist who left after the pre-dinner parties, saw her, and said, “Get a damn job.” Really? Is this 1968? Is it still THAT YEAR? And why is the news journalist so certain about his job security? You know, because the CHEAP RUMOR BLOGS are destroying NEWS from HAPPENING.
Goodbye Hilton! We did not go to the dinner, no one goes to the dinner. You pay money to go to the dinner!
The next six hours: Forgot to RSVP to another party after the event, couldn’t lie our way in, etc., the end.
I love that “Who do I gotta fuck to get a drink around here?” look on Rahm’s face.
AFLAC!
Haha. Like K-Lo could sneak up on someone/something besides cupcakes.
Warhol is hell.
God that Hilton is one handsome building. They haven’t changed a thing since Reagan got shot there, on account of the historiez.
I hope Cindy McCain was denied access to that ducks under-bits.
A duck!
The Code Pink woman is Medea Benjamin. The duck is awesome.
The duck was there to be weighed against K-Lo, to see if she was made of wood.
You were supposed to take one for the team, Newell, by getting under K-Lo’s scuba suit and letting us know if she has a festering black whole between her legs or is totally smooth & sexless like a Barbie doll.
I gotta have that Geitner warhol ripoff. I’d hang it in my front room and invite my paultard neighbors over. Yes, Warhol is Hell.
No pix of the Fox table being all glowery & sour-pussish? I notice Hannity was too chicken to go–if he & Olbermann ever got into a fight I imagine it would look something like the Colin Firth/Hugh Grant fights in the Bridget Jones movies.
hobospacejunkie: It wouldn’t surprise me if she had a dick under there. I think Jim would rather be waterboarded than look anywhere near K-Lo’s naughty bits.
Custerwolf: desert (this is actually over the border in iraq but the one in jordan is just as good) the other pic is the guys who got me over the border - I post cause if I don’t revel in my own coolness no one will.
http://x111e7thst.blogspot.com/
Custerwolf: a better mascotty artist for teh dumbocrats, there could not be. For teh republotards? Thomas Kinkade.
“ISARM! DISARM!
OTHERS SAY NO TO WAR”
Make sure your arms are long enough to unfurl the whole banner. Otherwise confusion sets in.
On another note, I get really hungry for a nice, juicy steak every time I come to Wonkette. Must be something subliminal. Before that, I’d get really hungry for Campbell Brown, if ya know what I’m sayin’.
But if Cidy Sheehan disarmed, how would she hold up the sign?
Where exactly did the duck shit?
Ducks don’t like that Warhol shit; they are more into the Chicago School.
Was the duckie going “Aflac”? Or was someone missing their main course?
hobospacejunkie: Jim would definitely be boldly going where no man has gone before.
Why didn’t someone hip the Democrats to Blingees?
Duck rhymes with “ass fuck”, Yay Wonkette!
I was once staying at the Hilton in DC, having never stayed there before. I couldn’t figure out why it was so familiar. The I remembered Reagan (my god rest his sould) and the images burned on my 9-year old (or thereabouts) memory. This was my first exposure to MSM journalism - take a bunch of videos, then keep editing them down to the important bits for the next few days having various pundits provide different points of view on the shooting. America is a blessed place. Amen.
I think sometimes those Code Pinks can be a bunch of loons (what with CARING about THINGS and all that hippie stuff) but seriously, yelling “get a job” to someone who is protesting on a Saturday afternoon? Was he expecting them to be working during that time?
That code pink girl could be hottt if she just wore more revealing clothes. Say what you want about Peta, but I love those nude protests
JadedDIssonance: Jesus, that guy leaves on WAY too many lights for my tastes.
I think K-Lo wanted to have a discussion with Sully on the Filioque. And how it is related to the works of Jorge Luis Borges. or not.
x111e7thst: Wow. Thank you so much for the wonderful tour. Honestly. You’ve inspired me.
Apparently, that duck has read Politico’s commenters and knows to stay away from that shit.
Ducks are horrible horrible animals, and not terribly bright. Maybe they do belong at politico.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2005/mar/08/highereducation.research
I KNEW IT!! I fucking knew Andrew Sullivan was the “girl” of the relationship. eeeewwwww. Where’s my ‘gay for pay’ porn stash?
Obama’s variety hour:
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/05/clowns-to-left-jokers-to-right-here-he.html
Rahm’s just holding out his hand for a cupcake. Which his SS man-mountain is fetching. And hey–why not? I mean, if I had a secret service man-mountain, I’d make him bring me cupcakes. Frosted with whipped blood from nonconsensual Republican abortions. Also.
“Delicious of course — everyone loves a CUP CAKE — but a fat steak with extra blood sauce would’ve worked too.”
See, that picture of the rare steak in the sidebar is affecting someone else here, too. Do the vegans know that they are actually making me want to eat MORE beef with that photo?
Sully is short! And he calls himself a bear. Either that or Steadman is a freakish giant. I wonder if Sully wears short pants around the house.
Custerwolf: Outdated populism that is killing our planet.
Terry: “Do the vegans know that they are actually making me want to eat MORE beef with that photo?”
So do ads sponsored by the Beef Council make you want to eat a vegan? I’m game.
Vhy a duck? Vhy not a chicken?
What’s that on top of the cupcakes, golden AMEROS?
You know, maybe I’m not being all snarkish and pomodern and recondite or whatever, but I bet that duck would have liked a cupcake. I believe that ducks like cupcakes.
Would it have killed you to think of the duck, instead of just taking a picture of it to put next to Patrick Gavin for your BLOG? Huh, would it? Who thinks of the ducks?
I think it’s disgusting that someone with your integrity and comedic skills would be hobnobbing with these riff-raff. Sigh. Just saying.
I mean seriously, you got a picture of a cupcake, and in the very next photo, you have a duck. Duck - cupcake. Cupcake - duck. How many brain cells would it take to think “Geez, I could give one of those cupcakes to the duck?” I bet the duck would have REALLY APPRECIATED THAT.
But No, whatever, DC, cynicism, snarkery, name-dropping whachamawhoosit, ooh, there’s some Rahm flunky, lalala, glitz, see the glitz? Some obscure joke about a companion of Andy Sullivan. Whatever. Sneak the word ’sexy’ in there, it’s good for ‘hits’ or eyeballs or whatever, never mind the VERY OBVIOUSLY HUNGRY-LOOKING DUCK RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, Kissinger reference, Megan McCain spotting, Biden, Mark Penn, etc etc etc.
I learned the hard way that you should NEVER name a dog “Duck” -especially one that’s hard of hearing.
Is this like the prom for journalists? SHOW US THE SEXY SEX PART!
Texan Bulldoggette: yea, but Glen Beck was there hoping someone would mention his name.
alas, no one would touch him with a ten foot pole.
ignored, indifference is worse than hate.
NewSpence: Sully’s short trousers are lederhosen, mein freund.
Maybe next time you could go to one of these things, you could bring a kitten along, in a bag, so you could kick it! While you’re going on about K-Lo or Sarah Plumber or something, and misspelling sex words!
those pictures suck
“[...] cupcakes, about 10 million cupcakes. Delicious of course — everyone loves a CUP CAKE —[...]” - everyone, it seems, except the duck. NOOOO, noone there would think of the duck, EXCEPT AS A CHEAP GAG.
It’s easy to see how journalism is being crushed, under all the weight of this hard-hitting blogging going on around here! How informative! How insightful!
Oh crazy banner lady, its “disarm” and “datarm”…
I hope you’re proud of yourselves.
Wait…that Code Pink protestor says “Disarm”? Not withdraw from Iraq/Afganistan, but disarm? OH RLY? What is their vision of the world if that were to happen, the US without any weapons at all?
And they wonder why nobody takes them seriously.
Terry: Steaks. Rare. Barbecuing tonight.
the lady MS.Sheila Dixon: those pictures suck. Big donkey dick.
Buy a fucking camera. Jesus…
Aurelio: those pictures suck. Big donkey dick.
Yeah, bring back what’s her name, the yoga girl with the Barbie camera. Whatever happened to her? Oh, the Times? Sigh, they always forget.
CorkPopper: Don’t you know? Nothing is tastier and hotter right now than a cupcake topped with a Ritz cracker.
no pic of Jim in a tux?
Some of us were actually there, and this whole thing sucks. It really sucks. Many people who were there thought it sucked. The food sucks, the lines at the bars suck, the people suck, the dinner sucks, the receptions suck, the stuffy politicians suck, and, yes, even the goofball celebrities–who have zero to do with government, politics, laws, legislation, working in government, journalism, reporting, the White House or anything connected to anything in D.C.–also sucked. Yes, they all sucked.
This should be the last year of this stinking piece of crap thing. The very last year, in its history.
Say goodnight to the glad-hand guy.
“Meghan McCain leaving as we were going in, just the way we’d planned it. She was with her little helper PR guy, some underdressed slob in his dungarees. Did he think he was going there to weed the garden?”
If by ‘weed the garden’ you mean ‘bring Meghan to orgasm by playing with her nethers’, then yes, that is what he was there for.
Bruno: Naked Peta prostest = hooking up with unshaven hippie hotties.
I definitely heart Mark Shields.
bago: We got no ducks or chickens up here at NIH. But we do got some nice geese that raised a family digging in the roof gravel.
Bigger and meaner than ducks.
snideinplainsight: Thank you for taking a stand for all the hungry ducks out there.
Rahm piggyback Secret Service guy: “Who run Bartertown?! Master Blaster run Bartertown!!”
Wait, why are the black cupcakes being kept separate from the white cupcakes?
And you don’t want to know how K-Lo whittled that cross.
“Ludacris was a dick and wouldn’t let himself be photographed.”
That’s Ludacris.
bago: “Vhy a duck? Vhy not a chicken?”
Vhy don’t you ask Sullivan. Apparently someone spotted him in the bathroom choking it.
snideinplainsight: This event used to be a full week’s worth of gushing bold-faced name posts (they literally used to use bold-face names!) on Wonkette, and I’ve narrowed my entire event coverage to one picture post that you either do or don’t have to look at, and I limit the few name-droppings to recurring Wonkette characters like K-Lo and Sullivan and Meghan and Michael Steele, and I’d rather not write a single fucking word of any of it, but this is a DC politics/media blog and there are some things you just have to write about, okay?
The duck is lucky Newt Gingrich did not pound it with a sledge hammer, to show the Republican base he’s ready to make teh tuff callz.
Custerwolf: Raises hand! Hell, I’d buy a whole vineyard for that opportunity!
bago:
Nobody watches those anymore. Sad, but true.
I’m a stranger here myself…
Terry: Vegetarian Advertising FAIL
Jim Newell: snideinplainsight: See, snide? You made Newell sad. Are you ready to apologize now? But seriously, thanks for sticking up for the ducks.
hobospacejunkie: YOU! YOU! are my new hero for the three pages i could follow on the AOL.
ducks, also.
ladymacbeth: Aw, shucks, that’s mighty nice of you to say. It was rather exhausting, arguing in such a serious manner. It’s so much more fun to try our hand at comedy over here. But dammit, Mr. Layne keeps pulling me over to AOL once a week and I just…cannot…resist!
snideinplainsight: DAVID DENBY IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HOUUUUUUUUSE
Okay, I apologize. I just assume all these things are astronomical fun, because they involve dressing up (to a degree) and free liquor &etc. And I don’t get to do them. I didn’t mean to give Jim a sad, or besmirch blogging.
Just, next time, please think of the ducks - see, I can’t help myself here.
(I had ducks, when I was a kid, and we even put the eggs in an incubator, and beautiful fluffy yellow ducklings came out, and then the whole ducky family marched around the yard for a week, and then one night a weasel showed up and ate the heart out of every last one of them. True story. Now I has a little sad.)
snideinplainsight: Cupcakes are not good for ducks. Do not feed cupcakes to the ducks. It will give them the diabetes, and their webbed feet will rot off.
And Jesus, where did all the haters suddenly pop in from? Did K-Lo link this?
Fagelah666: you beat me to it. and so true because they barter each others morality in DC. and whats with the fake warhol shit…its so like 20th century
I just realized that the Joe Biden picture looks like he’s been a cokehead for so long his nose collapsed. That is disturbing.