Wonkette
TONIGHT, D.C. SPARKLES! “Barack Obama loves our nation’s reporters in D.C. He made jokes about them, but at the end, he proved he cared about America’s Newspapers. This president may be a hero, after all.” [AOL Politics Daily]
OBAMA PROVES HIMSELF
Read More:
HOW COME NONE OF HIS JOKES WERE CHRISTIAN THEMED
OBAMA HALF BREED MUSLIN
Just watched the video on Huffpost, lovely, really.
Where is Stephen Colbert when you need him?
Hey may be an overachiver, but I knew he was a fellow smartass.
A passive-aggressive evening was had by all. The Boehner joke was pure Rev. Wright, angry cannibal comedy.
Everyone’s a comedian. Even the Pres.
If any of you saw the whatsit dinner right before the election, where Hopey & WALNUTS! both took a shot at telling jokeys about themselves and each other, you would know that our preznit is quite the droll comedian. IT’S ALL ABOUT TIMING PEOPLE! And tone of voice, and context, and who you are, and other stuff, but mostly timing. Probably. And who knows if he was droll tonight because I haven’t seen it. But he was good and droll last October/November, whenever that thing was.
Dick Cheney’s book “How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People”. Snort that line, Mr. Denby!
No jokes putting down Tapper-Todd-Henry. Fail.
It’s almost sundown on this crisp fall sunday afternoon, and I wonder what tonight’s ‘Faux & Fiends Weekend’ show will have to say about this kerfluffle…. I love catching a glimpse of their madness before I go to bed…
lovekills: He should have declared Hannity an enemy combatant and waterboarded him live on camera. That would have been hilarious.
But are right - it was good speech.
_______________________________________________
Why so much time in SE Asia?
How many bloggers or commenteres were invited or aren’t our cocktail dresses slinky enough or are our faux-tuxedo t-shirts too stained? Screw you MSM for not sending me my invite. I would have come in FUBU.
hobospacejunkie: I think he was better last night than his bit at the Al Smith dinner last year. He was more relaxed. The Cheney gag was especially good. And he’s so cute when he chuckles.
Anyone know what was in the photo he joked about (being given a Peter Pan book)?
Did they say a prayer to Allah prior to eating?
GIT IT THRU YOUR STOOPID HEADS HE IS A USERPER PREZIDENT IF HE WANNED TO BE FUNNIES HE WOOD SHOW US HIZ REAL ARAB KENYIN CERTIFCATES OF LIVE BRITH AND REALZ INDONISIAN PASSPORT HE USED TO GO OUR OT THE CUNTRY TO AL-QIDINISTA MEETINGS PRIORS TO 9/11. NEVR FORGET - NEVUR SURRENDER.
But what kind of mustard did Obama eat at the dinner, will no one cover the important news anymore now that the newspapers are dead?
Bruno: WHEN THE NEWSPAPERS ARE DEAD WE WILL AHVE ENOUGH PAPER TO PRINT OUT NOBAMA”S 650 PAGE KENYAN MUSLIN BIRTH CERTIFICATE OF DEEATH HITLER NOSTRADAAMUS!!!2!!!!!
wheelie: The Captain Hook picture is a reference to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. He gave the POTUS a book titled “Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent”.
I like everything Obama does, so of course I liked watching the dinner. The Republicans and Faux News took big funny hits, as they deserved. And of course, this morning all of the commenters on the Republican line on C-Span all hated it. Everybody else thought it was funny.
“Michael Steele is in the house. Or as he would say, in the heezee. Whaasssuup?!”
Loved that so much.
“I tell ya I get no respect at all, last night even the Marines told me to salute myself. When I sign stuff into law instead of pens they give me a box of crayons, and the secret service! Yesterday they told me they needed a break from all the traveling around watching me and gave me a hat to wear that says “Anything happens to me and you get Joe Biden”. I tell ya I get no respect…huhuhuhuh
Patricia84: Yeah, I got the Chavez reference but didn’t know what the picture was of, because the CNN video didn’t show it. So it was Captain Hook. Hmm.
Btw, his Larry Summers joke didn’t bring the house down, did it?
Barack O’Dangerfield
“This is a tough holiday for Rahm Emanuel. Because he’s not used to saying the word ‘day’ after ‘mother’.”
It took a moment for most of the crowd to get it.
Holding Out for a Hero: My favorite line
The MSNBC drones were like, ooh that might have been inappropriate!! And I was like, shut up, motherfuckers.
Custerwolf: Hey. Must’ve been an epic fuck. Get back here where you belong.
The Boehner is a person of color joke was the best. “of course it’s not a color found in nature” - the pres needs to come see the 80 year olds in Miami Beach!
V572625694: Whew - sorry , just got here. Now I have to go to Mom’s. Have a good Ma’s Day everyone.
wheelie: I fucking new you had to be a chick.
Bearbloke: They’ll talk about how disrespectful, un-presidential, and un-American to have a rude BLACK comedian say she wishes Rush Limbaugh’s kidneys would fail. And Rush Limbaugh is a GREAT AMERICAN.
If Rush Limbaugh’s kidneys exploded in a fatal renal collapse and would perish from massive internal bleeding while gurgling his own bile live on the air before his best and brightest listeners, I would not throw a block party with a pinata in the shape of a kidney filled with pixie sticks.
Edywin: I just had my boyfriend read that aloud as his one claim to fame is his flawless Dangerfield impression.
El Pinche: If Rush Limbaugh’s kidneys exploded in a fatal renal collapse and would perish from massive internal bleeding while gurgling his own bile live on the air..
You made me LOL in my pants.
Was Geitner there? I picture him seething and cursing everyone in a dark room with a computer and stacks and stacks of documents. “Those fucking fucks, I’m saving fucking America not even a fucking invitation! FUCK YOU BARACK.”
El Pinche: Sorry but Geithner was there. Hopefully, he hadn’t been near Bo before hand.
GEz, Ken, you lead a freakin’ double life. The comments over at aol made by real ‘muricans and then the rabble of the wonketti.
El Pinche:
Geitner was one the guest list, didnt see any film of him, though.
Obama was funnier than Sykes, although she had one of the funniest lines
“Hannity could be tortured by putting him in the middle seat flying coach” or some such.
yea, the Cheney jab was awesome. just awesome.
sati demise: Yeah, I didn’t see a clip of him either. Good. He’s been working hard on TURBOBAILOUT 2009.
I bet Ken Layne has a geocities (the old dirty bastard of the internet) blog too complete with flashing large fonts and starfield background.
Did Sarah Palin show up? Did she get drunk and do the funky monkey on the FOX news table?
The only thing that I was disappointed in was that I didn’t get to see Michelle’s full dress. Is there a photo on that flickr thing or somewhere?
Bush’s book review of Cheney’s, “How to Shoot Friends in the Back and Terrorize Gitmo Detainees”,
“Y’alls fools ah fools me in Texas err, Memphis an, ah, err Ah means Baghdad once, y’all fooled muh agin. Ah meant Wall Streets, agin. Ah shows y’alls hows ta give yer loves to yer OBYN cause they’s not abortin’ fer nottin’. Who took muh bo ole o’ Ripple? Ah knows it was dat mudder felcher, Bill Clinin”.
Blender: No, Sarah was invited, but she decided to stay in Alaska. After more than twenty years of being a mother, she’s finally learned not to look the other way when something in her care is getting screwed.
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/05/08/palin-global-warming-flood/
Whenever Wonkette sends me to rightwing sites (aol?) I am always surprised at how incomprehensible and angry they sound. I hope the secret service is not sitting around laughing at them the way we do, because there is a Travis Bickle among them. To be perfectly honest, I am worried.
June Cleaver 2.0: Those idiots can’t tie their shoes w/o help. Their moms still cut their meat for them. The future Travis Bickles aren’t on AOL, they’re on Craig’s List, simultaneously stalking masseuses & planning a glorious summer wedding.
June Cleaver 2.0: and all the while incomprehensible and angry Hannity, Beck, Billo, and Rush et al
feed the flames by shouting ’socialist! fascist! on teh intertubes and cable teevee.
SayItWithWookies: Sarah has learned she better at least look like she cares about her constituents in order to maintain her political clout. Involved self interest is the only thing that could have kept her from going to this party in DC.
boo hoo, poor Sarah. All work and no play.
SayItWithWookies: Greta Van Susteren was there as a stand-in, so no one noticed.
I think this column is the harshest thing I’ve ever read about Barry on Wonkette. It was maybe even a little unfair.
No question, Barack Obama is not funny. He sucks, really. John McCain is much funnier, both intentionally and unintentionally. But he didn’t fucking joke about the false premise of an illegal war that he launched that had killed tens of thousands of people, like that piece of shit George W. Bush (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9EbssUgHj4).
Brendan M.: Unfairness is a thing on Wonkette up with which we will not put. I have composed a stern letter to the editor Mr Layne, reminding him of his civic responsibilities and his duty to maintain the highest standards of justice and probity.
Custerwolf: Ur rong. I’m a man-lovin’ man.
El Pinche: Check out my homepage, m’fers!
And now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to work on my 10,000 word screedifesto.
~
Brendan M.: I thought you were trolling. Then I read the piece.
Damn, Ken. You just called Obama a typical Washington insider. That’s some heavy criticism.
Does anyone know why he didn’t get Chris Rock? Could it be because Chris Rock may have had some real shit to say about how some of Obama’s campaign promises haven’t done anything to help the impoverished? The first hundred days went by, and joblessness continued climbing, just not quite as fast. That’s the progress we made on the domestic front. Oh, and a couple hundred bucks on a tax return. [I'm one of those shrill progressives.]
I still hope Limbaugh spontaneously combusts…
wheelie: Yes! Totally! I’ll write one, too, and we can start a petition and - wait, you’re yanking my chain, aren’t you?
2druk2phluq: Sorry. Thinking about the White House Correspondents Dinner usually sucks the sense of humor right out of me, especially when it is replaced with rage. Although, judging by your Chris Rock comment, you seem to have a similar problem.
Jennifer Loven…Hotssssss
She and Chuck Todd would make awesome babies.
Brendan M.: I thought Obama was funny, it was the crowd that was NOT FUNNY AT ALL.
jeez, if they could have laughed without looking around to see WHO ELSE was laughing first, they might have had a good time.
The politically correct Villager/press crowd has to have a cue before they display any emotion at all, but especially laughter.
The sighing and moaning and tut-tutting just killed the room, stupid fuc*ers.
Just realized I posted before coffee. So not funny. That’s why I don’t get paid the big bucks, like our Wonkette staff.
Does anyone else wish Dave Chappelle would have come out of hiding to do this?
I’m so bored with the U.S.A.
Blender:
Palin didn’t show up, so Sykes did a great joke that withdrawal wasn’t a form of abstinence.
I just don’t like these kind of affais at all. I’d like to see more “You fuckers are all shit, and I hope the print media dies.” But I have learned not to hope.
animalmagnetism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0GfTXuagY0
for some reason Strummer’s ears are unususlly pointy and Vulcan looking in this clip.
I’m bored too. Wanna come do this: http://mototaxijunket.theadventurists.com/
??
June Cleaver 2.0: I checked out the aol. There was much highminded debate - well leavened with interesting and erudite quotes from de Toqueville - on the similarities and differences between democracy and socialism, and not a single mention of buttsex or blowjobs.
Naturally I fled screaming.
wheelie: Jesus, as a kid playing hide-and-seek it must have been a snap tricking you into coming out of the closet.
I went to Politico and they have a clip where Valerie Jarrett and Desiree Rogers had to show some nobody ID in order to get in. I like Jarrett, but I couldn’t help but laugh when they both looked at each other like, “This guy doesn’t know how important we are?” Of course tone-deaf Rogers had on a pink dress. I wanted to be proud of Rogers, but she is so getting on my nerves.
Best line of the night was not from Barry. It was Wanda Sykes’ regarding Rush Limbaugh’s hoping for Obama to fail and his Oxycontin addiction: “I hope his kidneys fail. How about that?”
WIDTAP: I’d rather see his ideology kill him.
sati demise: No doubt, the audience is almost always the worst thing about the WHCA dinner. 99% of the humor is ruined by them, and the rest is the fault of Rich Little. Still, even though Barry had a few decent jokes, his delivery and timing is terrible. We should demand that Al Franken is seated now so he can give his colleagues and the president some pointers. He did wonders for Sen. Klobuchar.
rocktonsammy: That’s an image I’m not getting out of my head any time soon. Because it is so goddamn hawt.
x111e7thst: Joe Strummer was my hero.
El Pinche:
“… a rude BLACK comedian…”
I didn’t stay up late enough to see if they slammed her for being teh ghey homerseksualist - did they get around to that?
Brendan M.:
I still don’t understand why that clip wasn’t incorporated into Kerry’04 fall campaign commercials… other than the fact that Kerry’s a douche, that is…
WIDTAP: Pretty much everything I know about Rush’s behaviors indicate a much lower life expectancy than the average white male. The only thing I’ve seen no evidence to support yet is unprotected airport bathroom buttsexks. But you never know what the next 5-7 years might bring before his heart attack or Cheney hunting accident.
Unindicted Co-Conspirator: Ah, but Mr. Palin the First Dud took her place and was at the Fox table and able to enjoy the joke which seems to have originally been on him. The special ed bound infants however were nowhere to be seen.
I wonder when he will run for something as he seems to have his dirty finger in everybody’s pie.
Bruno: You haven’t checked the airports in the Dominican Republic yet, have you?
Bruno: Yeah, semen-stained kid-themed pajamas is not quite up to the dress code.
Bruno: Man, Bruno, I think you need to take a vacation; I suspect that there is some kind of transference going on here. Maybe you should go to Europe for a couple of months to get it out of your system. And, above all, you need to avoid teabagging.
gurukalehuru: I believe that would kill me, but what a rush.
I gotta job, but it don’t pay. Also.
Custerwolf:You were not in NY back when they played cbgb were you?
Colbert said after his masterpiece at the dinner that villagers originally wrote that nobody laughed because all the stuffed shirts in microphone range didn’t laugh, while the hundreds back in the cheapseats laughed heartily but were not picked by the obviously biased mics. “You know, fiction?”
x111e7thst: Missed my mark. Sorry, gurukalehuru, although it was fun to type out your name.
Barry rocked 150%. Nice to know he has a job if the prezident gig doesn’t work out.
Ken, I can’t take these stories from AOL because I inevitably scroll to the comments and want to kill myself for “there lack of cohearont statemeants with all sorts of typoz, missppeellllings, gramatikaly incorrect-punctuations, like comas for, no reason, spouting ad hoc of AM radio talking points and homonym abuse — violent violent homonym abuse.” It raises my former-English-teacher hackles high. I get hives. I propose a test: if you can correctly use their, there and they’re in a series of sentences, then you can offer a political opinion. Until then, shut yer goddamn mouf. Ammirite? Who’s with me?
allainjules: Silvio Berlusconi is a creepy sack of shit. Here is hoping he has long drawn out public divorce proceedings, resulting eventually in a stroke and death. Also.
animalmagnetism: Oh well. At least you would not be bored tho.
MrsNateSilver: You are correct & I am with you. So long as I don’t have to do anything.
x111e7thst: Unfortunately not.
The Village wankers constant Linda-Blair-like head-twirling for laugh-cues sounds like a comic highlight to me. After Colbert, they should’ve just stopped doing those dinners for good. Noone’s EVAR gonna top that & everyone’ll look lame trying.
Rush’s kidneys failing? Srsly? Sorry, but succumbing to renal failure is for poor folks. Jabba The Hutt Jr. is probably on his 11th pair by now.
MrsNateSilver: There, there. They’re only there to practice their typing skills, they’re not there to showcase their spelling. So there.
WHY do I click on the AOL links and read the comments?! They make my head explode! These people all seem to think Obama’s so dangerous for America, but I’ll bet they never said a word against W. Morans.
Custerwolf: The key to people like Limbaugh’s and Cheney’s ideology is that other people die and other people are tortured and other people have to actually be patriotic. I personally would prefer that Rush Limbaugh acquire the evil Nazi trait of empathy and look at himself in the mirror, resulting in repentance and/or suicide.
Holy Shit! I read the comments on the AOL site - Holy Shit!
I promised myself that I would never read the comments on an AOL site,
and I broke the fucking promise.
Will I ever be able to think again?
Is this like accepting the book from a Jehovah’s witness?
Will these people ever fucking leave me alone again?
Shit, I bet I’m gonna dream about AOL subscribers tonight, and wake up
with a can of Bud in my hand, watching reality teevee and wishing my life were so good!
Brendan M.: “I personally would prefer that Rush Limbaugh acquire the evil Nazi trait of empathy and look at himself in the mirror, resulting in repentance and/or suicide.”
Mine was the more crytpic version of what you just said.
x111e7thst: Hannity-Shammity might have enjoyed it!
Zhu Bajie
MoodProcessor: That urge you have to read the comments on AOL is similar to the urge you have to examine a stool you’ve just deposited in the toilet. Except that this would be more like plucking someone else’s stool out of the toilet and jamming it into your eyes.
El Pinche: Would Pat Robertson refuse to heal him? Would not some rival with a healing ministry do it?
Zhu Bajie
hobospacejunkie: They can shoot, though. Don’t underestimate the dangers.
Zhu Bajie
WIDTAP: I don’t want anyone’s kidney’s to fail. But if the second half of his life were spent poor, hoping he could earn enough at McD’s to pay for his room over a restaurant: that might be about right.
Zhu Bajie
zhubajie: I’m down with that.
lulzmonger: In all seriousness, RL could buy new kidneys in India, no problem. Cheney could get new hearts every year in office from the secret prisons.
Zhu Bajie
zhubajie: true, so true. that should be a song.
the truth is always poetry.
Barry has to care about people whether they’re newspaper reporters or not. Luckily, ‘people’ excludes Dick Cheney. ’twas a good zinger on Darth Dick and Rush, who’s a Hutt of some kind, possibly Pizza.
“…hes already ordered Gitmo closed, and the terrorists are going to wind up on our soil and get welfare….”
they get gay abortions too.