NO ONE CARES  4:40 pm May 6, 2009

by Jim Newell

  • ANOTHER RECENT MAINSTREAM GOP FAD THAT ONLY EIGHT MONTHS AGO WAS CONSIDERED EXTREME FOR PAULTARDS: The Oklahoma legislature has followed in the footsteps of Texas and passed an important resolution declaring state sovereignty. Lovely. Go on now, don’t stop there, secede! Goodbye! See you in a few days, when the “American military” firebombs your capital! [Oklahoman]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 74 comments }

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History May 6, 2009 at 4:42 pm

So they won’t be needing their pig flu medicine supply then? Because I remember Texas really needing the government’s support after the whole flu outbreak thing came up a couple of weeks ago.

bfstevie May 6, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Damn. We have to change the plans for the border fence AGAIN.

GDuvall May 6, 2009 at 4:48 pm

So now Texas has the awkward job of explaining to Oklahoma that they aren’t really interested in any new confederations right now, that the Lone Star Republic really needs some alone time.

PrairiePossum May 6, 2009 at 4:51 pm

I think Tim McVeigh was a big believer in state sovereignty. He was also fond of firebombing.
Coincidence? I think not.

charlesdegoal May 6, 2009 at 4:51 pm

I’ve never been there I find it hard to imagine Oklahomans without cars. And not VWs.

CollegeStudent May 6, 2009 at 4:51 pm

hey, they have two contiguous states now so if they don’t secede maybe we can just redistrict them out of existence in 2010. We can get Gerrymanderer-in-Chief Tom Delay to help, I hear he’s good at that kinda thing

Crab1 May 6, 2009 at 4:52 pm

What would Oklahoma’s chief export be if it was a sovereign nation? Unwanted babies?

snideinplainsight May 6, 2009 at 4:52 pm

I guess they won’t object to our using enhanced interrogation techniques on their legistlature? Just to determine if they are planning on developing any weapons of mass destruction?

Come on, Oklahoma, secede. Come on, make my day! Make my week! Sooner is better than later!

Serolf Divad May 6, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Waaaaaa, we lost the election. That’s it: we’re taking our ball and going home!

freppish May 6, 2009 at 4:53 pm

AMERICA FUCK YEAH

JMP May 6, 2009 at 4:53 pm

Bye, Okies; don’t let the door hit you on the way out! Oh, and we’ll be wanting our money and highways back.

kthxbai...also May 6, 2009 at 4:55 pm

At least the shape of the state would be missed.

magic titty May 6, 2009 at 4:56 pm

“Cowboy Dan’s a major player in the cowboy scene
He goes the the reservation drinks and gets mean
‘Didn’t move to the city, the city moved to me
And I want out desperately’”

Custerwolf May 6, 2009 at 4:56 pm

You wanna secede? OK.

ManchuCandidate May 6, 2009 at 4:58 pm

OK is like the little kid who threatens to run away till he realizes his parents don’t give a shit.

New OK Anthem:

Hey hey-ey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye
Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey-ey, goodbye

SayItWithWookies May 6, 2009 at 4:58 pm

The Federal government absolutely shouldn’t allow this. It’s like letting your senile great aunt wander barefoot in the snow — she might insist that it’s a fine thing to take a walk on a beautiful spring day, but we’d feel sick about it if we let her out of the house. Let’s just sit her down, make a hot cup of tea and put Wapner on and soon everything’ll be fine.

(and apologies to DustBowlBlues, Oklahoma’s only known liberal).

sati demise May 6, 2009 at 5:00 pm

[re=310025]Crab1[/re]: factory farmed beef and oil.

They can go back to producing grass fed beef, but the oil is gonna run out eventually.

shortsshortsshorts May 6, 2009 at 5:00 pm

Surely their economy is self-sustaining. Why they’ve got dead grass, a big pile of dust, and a half-exploded building.

That is all you need in this economy, right?

sati demise May 6, 2009 at 5:03 pm

[re=310034]Custerwolf[/re]: Only if the Shawnee and the Cherokee still get to be Independent Nations in Okie Homie.

JesseJB May 6, 2009 at 5:04 pm

what? no “sooner” puns yet? Im disappointed.

decora May 6, 2009 at 5:06 pm

you know, you libtards might want to be a little nice to oklahoma, considering that is where your genocidal, nazi like forefathers dumped all the indians… i mean, why exactly is vermont, new hampshire, and all those other granola feasting gay vegetarian marriage havens almost 99% white? because you killed all the indians thats why, and the rest you sent to die of tornados and wind.

well those indians survived, and just to piss you off, they also became christians, and then the interbred with the illegal immigrant white losers (sooners) who couldnt make it in ‘real america’. and a lot of freed black slaves and czzechoslovkians and jews and uhh

anyways, then they made a football team that would not be forgotten.

also we invented the parking meter.

LittlePig May 6, 2009 at 5:06 pm

“We give all this money to all these different entities, including automakers, and now they’re talking about, ‘Well maybe it’s better to let them go bankrupt,’” Key said. “Well, maybe we should have let them go bankrupt before we gave them the money.”

I guess Rep. Charles Key, Sooper Geenyus, doesn’t realize that Oklahoma is a net *recipient* of federal largess. I do love the “this would not jeopardize federal funding” part – I wasn’t aware State Representatives could make federal decisions.

Please go. Please.

FlamingSooner May 6, 2009 at 5:07 pm

Firebomb the capitol? Crap! We just added the dome a few years ago!

I’m sure Henry gets REALLY tired of slapping these morons down…

Suds McKenzie May 6, 2009 at 5:09 pm

So the Flaming Lips will now be like their National Guard or something?

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 6, 2009 at 5:09 pm

Dear Oklahoma Legislature:
Thanks for proving conclusively that tornadoes aren’t the only things that suck in your state.
No love,
Kansas and Nebraska

V572625694 May 6, 2009 at 5:11 pm

[re=310029]JMP[/re]: That’s not all we’ll be wanting back when Oklahoma secedes:

Major Installations

Army
* Ft. Sill
* McAlester Army Ammo Plant
Air Force
* Altus AFB
* Vance AFB
* Tinker AFB
Coast Guard
* U.S. Coast Guard Institute

Personnel Totals
* Army 14,889
* Navy & Marine Corps 841
* Air Force 9,504
* Coast Guard 51
* Active Duty Military 25,234
* Reserve and National Guard 21,940
* Total Personnel 47,174

FlownOver May 6, 2009 at 5:13 pm

“Key said many federal laws violate the 10th Amendment, which says powers not delegated to the U.S. government ‘are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.’ The Constitution lists about 20 duties required of the U.S. government, he said. Congress should not be providing bailouts to financial institutions and automakers, he said.”

Or, say, to sovereign entities.

Cash, check or plastic – just send it all back and you can be on your way. We’ll waive that Supremacy Clause thing so your Original Intent fanatics’ heads won’t asplode.

See, people, this is what happens when you are freakin’ POSITIVE your football team is gonna win the national championship, but then some outfit that gets into the Big Game because of that Commie BCS thing beats your ass and it makes you feel all secessiony.

Trot Nixon's Hat May 6, 2009 at 5:14 pm

[re=310048]decora[/re]: Ah yes, the only Native American atrocities were in the blue states… Hmmm, No.

Also, the comments on that story are brilliant. Logic and math have taken a vacation to made up facts and other havens of Limbaugh.

grevillea May 6, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Don’t forget the musicals. Time for Oklahoma!2: The Mad Max Years.

Texan Bulldoggette May 6, 2009 at 5:16 pm

[re=310048]decora[/re]: “also we invented the parking meter.” No offense but that hardly makes up for giving us the likes of Inhofe & Coburn.

But, yeah, I always root for the Sooners (because I grew up in OK) & fucking Bob Stoops breaks my heart every January. Bastard…

JMP May 6, 2009 at 5:21 pm

[re=310054]V572625694[/re]: Oh, we’ll be keeping the military bases right where they are, just like with Cuba. Just to keep an eye on them, you know. Why, Oklahoma and Texas aren’t a very strong county, and they just might need a little protection from, say, Mexico. Of course, that help isn’t free, but I’m sure the Sooners will be eager to pay; and those soldiers are already in the middle of their country.

Advocatus_Diaboli May 6, 2009 at 5:22 pm

[re=310054]V572625694[/re]:
Coast Guard
* U.S. Coast Guard Institute
* Coast Guard 51

Coast Guard in OK makes my head hurt.

JMP May 6, 2009 at 5:31 pm

Also, Southerners: most of us have taken history; we do know what you’re actually talking about when you say “States’ Rights”. And replacing “rights” with “sovereignty” isn’t going to fool anybody. We know these resolutions are really saying, “we all don’t want no colored prez’nent”

Okieshtkicker May 6, 2009 at 5:36 pm

I can assure you that we oklahomans, like the rest of the nation, have ‘concentrated’ our Indian population. Also yes, as a whole, we are as fucking retarded as all these comments treat us.

Crab1 May 6, 2009 at 5:39 pm

[re=310048]decora[/re]: slow clap.

hothand May 6, 2009 at 5:40 pm

A Sooners, later.

Bye.

Bearbloke May 6, 2009 at 5:46 pm

[re=310054]V572625694[/re]: The Coast Guard Institute is in land-locked Okiehomeland? Jeebus H. Christmas – how much pork, bribery and blackmail did that take to get’er done?

hobospacejunkie May 6, 2009 at 5:49 pm

OK has greatly improved upon one new export: unintentional comedy. Moar pleez.

MzNicky May 6, 2009 at 5:49 pm

IMP (I don’t know how to do the name-link thing): Down here in th’ Southland states rights = slavery!! Woohoo! Texistan and the United Okie Republic will get to go all disunabolitionist — and they’s PLENTY o’ darkies down that way. Well, they’re sorta brown. Does that count?

Bearbloke May 6, 2009 at 5:50 pm

Think of all the NEW AMERICAN JOBS created by building that Gitmo-style security fence around OK…

Min May 6, 2009 at 5:55 pm

Oh, goodie! More stimulus money for my state!

WadISay May 6, 2009 at 5:55 pm

Somewhere in Oklahoma a State’s Attorney is praying that he won’t be the one to have to argue that this silly-ass resolution means jack-squat.

[re=310054]V572625694[/re]: Guess they won’t be needing that new Federal Center in Oklahoma City, either.

Bearbloke May 6, 2009 at 5:59 pm

[re=310112]MzNicky[/re]: It’s counts until the ‘darkies’ pull out the same 2nd-Amendment-protected pocket-cannons the ‘Chalkies’ have… should be interestin’…

dijetlo May 6, 2009 at 5:59 pm

Wait a fucking minute here….
Oklahoma?
Fucking Oklahoma has something to say (other than “thanks for all the money you send us”)?
You know back at the White House Rahmbo has Hopey in the corner telling him …” We can fuck these bitches up and nobody will know, it’s Okla-fucking-homa we’re talking about here, it already looks like it’s been nuked. Besides, if the wind holds and the fallout comes down across the Dallas/Ft Worth area, it’ll raise the average IQ of Texas by fifteen points.”

Bearbloke May 6, 2009 at 6:00 pm

Any outraged commend from DustBowlBlues yet, or is she still busy on the phone screaming at her state Legislators?

hobospacejunkie May 6, 2009 at 6:09 pm

[re=310126]Bearbloke[/re]: No, her husband is hogging the PC, looking at porn (her words, not mine.)

Which is actually something I’m OK with, in the abstract. He should just be paying more better attention to his lovely wife, the only sensible person in all of OK.

V572625694 May 6, 2009 at 6:24 pm

[re=310072]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: [re=310101]Bearbloke[/re]: Okie-lahoma deserves a little Coastie pork just like every other state.

Shall I start now on the Reserve centers and National Guard armories?

AnnieGetYourFun May 6, 2009 at 6:26 pm

[re=310048]decora[/re]: Thank you for the parking meters!

AnnieGetYourFun May 6, 2009 at 6:32 pm

[re=310088]Okieshtkicker[/re]: Hey, every state is retarded. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Frankly, I think Alaska is more retardeder than most, and Utah is the most retardedest.

DustBowlBlues May 6, 2009 at 6:32 pm

[re=310039]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I always appreciate it when one of the wonkeratti takes time out from trashing my dipshit state to say, oh, except for that nice lady, DustBB.

Fuck the Republicans. Fuck the fucking legislature. We no sooner drop off the news after, oh, shit I can’t even remember what pubic humiliation came between this and the Flaming Lips manufactured controversy, and they do it again.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. My only hope of going back to the being the state everyone ignores is for the douches in the legislature to do so many crazy things a day that covering them on wonkette becomes redundant. I’ve given up hoping they just STFU.

Dog Trombone May 6, 2009 at 6:35 pm

I wish I could say that we put all our wingnuttiest in the state legislature so we can keep an eye on them, but truth be told, this resolution would be seen as “moderate” by most of the state. I am SO lonely sometimes.

imissopus May 6, 2009 at 6:46 pm

[re=310048]decora[/re]: Please. Us Jews wouldn’t be caught dead in a backwater like Oklahoma.

DemmeFatale May 6, 2009 at 6:50 pm

[re=310082]JMP[/re]: Yep.

DustBowlBlues May 6, 2009 at 7:17 pm

[re=310048]decora[/re]: What an eloquent defense of the state the two of us evidently call home. Thanks for the poetry!

DustBowlBlues May 6, 2009 at 7:21 pm

[re=310196]imissopus[/re]: I call bullshit on this. I personally used to sit on the south oval at OU with David Rosen while we smoked pot and he looked up at the sky and said, “Why, why God? Why Seminole Oklahoma? Why not with my people in Long Island.”

That was back in the 60s when even at the Univ of Okla you could sit around the campus and smoke weed on a pleasant sunny day.

Could not be done at the Cow College, OSU.

DustBowlBlues May 6, 2009 at 7:23 pm

[re=310050]FlamingSooner[/re]:Brad Henry–singlehandedly holding back the Four Horsemen.

DustBowlBlues May 6, 2009 at 7:29 pm

[re=310145]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Wow. So much praise tonight. I don’t know what to say other than it’s easy to shine in Oklahoma, given the dimbulbs surrounding you.

You gotta’ love the “keep the federal money coming” coda on this idiot’s idea.

DustBowlBlues May 6, 2009 at 7:33 pm

[re=310112]MzNicky[/re]: You you hit reply. I know, I was so relieved when I figured that out.

proudgrampa May 6, 2009 at 7:58 pm

Go. Please. The DMZ between KS and TX can be OK.

anabellum May 6, 2009 at 8:02 pm

If only to promote competition over which is THE dumbest state in the Union, it’s worth noting that yesterday the Texas legislature approved the creation of a ‘Choose Life’ license plate..

anabellum May 6, 2009 at 8:07 pm

[re=310269]anabellum[/re]: dumbest???…excuse me, i meant ‘most retarded’

President Beeblebrox May 6, 2009 at 8:43 pm

Fuck Oklahoma. Actually, fuck Oklahoma Republicans. Kick them all out and send them to Texistan. The Dems and Indians can take over the rest of the state and have Indian gambling and get gay married.

MzNicky May 6, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=310239]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Thank you darlin’. I finally figured it out when I reduced the zoom thing and realized there was a “Reply” option. We geezerettes need the 75-pt. option to read the screen.

symdg21 May 6, 2009 at 10:12 pm

I use to live in Oklahoma.
One day I was swimming with friends at Turner Falls.
It’s a beautiful place with the falling water creating a large pool at the base.
As I was swimming around in the cool clear water on a hot day a turd floated by…
and I realized that is what Oklahoma is all about. And I moved – to Oregon.

Scooter May 6, 2009 at 10:50 pm

How ’bout drawing a line from the OK panhandle to Nashville to Charlotte and throwing everyone south of that line out of the USA? Yeah it wouldn’t be a complete purge of the system, but just think of all the arseholes we could rid ourselves of forever. And believe me, within weeks Mexico would be putting up a fence to keep all the effin Dixiecans out!

Garyosu May 6, 2009 at 10:58 pm

Alright Dustbowl, you done gone too far now that you’ve slandered OSU. Just because we had a cow as our university president does not make it a cow college.

Is it wrong to rub it in every time one of these Oklahoma stories comes up that I now live in the gay-marrying, communist haven Iowa?

And decora, come on, the parking meter is the best Oklahoma contribution you could come up with? What about all of the other great contributions to American culture that Oklahoma has made? Like Sonic and Quiktrip?

sanantonerose May 6, 2009 at 11:53 pm

I have my Big McLargehuge exacto knife – hold still, OK, while I cut you out and set you adrift in the Gulf.

NYNYNY May 7, 2009 at 12:31 am

[re=310048]decora[/re]: Will you Oklahomans EVER SHUT UP ABOUT INVENTING THE PARKING METER?

Bruno May 7, 2009 at 5:55 am

[re=310022]PrairiePossum[/re]: “I think Tim McVeigh was a big believer in state sovereignty”

Yes, it is curious that McVeigh was somehow considered bad in Oklahoma. Why? Maybe they should demand he be released from prison now if they can get him away from tossing someone’s salad.

zhubajie May 7, 2009 at 8:29 am

[re=310020]GDuvall[/re]: The nTexas criminals and outlaws can hide in OK again! OK! Will the Indians secede from Oklahoma?

Zhu Bajie

zhubajie May 7, 2009 at 8:45 am

[re=310112]MzNicky[/re]: Wait till the different fundamentalist churches start fighting over which gets to be the State Church of OK and get tax money from all the other churches! Tulsa is the world center of fundamentalism, you know.

Zhu Bajie

McDuff May 7, 2009 at 8:50 am

so the Okie legislature thinks a lot of Federal laws violate the Constitution. Well, stop whining and GET A LAWYER AND SUE – it’s the American Way!

bamaboy May 7, 2009 at 11:05 am

Right. After the rebellion is squashed with the countryside and ecomomy ruined, we’ll have Reconstruction, just like the former Confederacy. They won’t recover for another century.

stanpan May 7, 2009 at 11:25 am

Damn! Conspiracy Boy Key and his cohorts trashed my argument that at least we Okies weren’t milking the sovereignty angle. Thanx for nothing, asshats. Oh, and we invented parking meters.

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