Wonkette
INFAMOUS MINNESOTA FOREST SPRITE RETURNS FROM SPACE TO CHALLENGE BACHMANN AGAIN: He’s in baby, HE’S IN IT 2 WIN IT. The greatest elf in Minnesota history, Elwyn Tinklenberg, has THROW’D his hat in the ring for Michele Bachmann’s House seat in 2010 after narrowly losing to her in last year’s stolen election. It was only close last year because Michele Bachmann said we should have Witch Trials for members of Congress. Since inauguration she has said things far worse than that literally every day, so the delightful hobbit should uhh win. (PLEASE DON’T WIN THOUGH! WE NEED COMEDY.) [MN Progressive Project]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I just do not see how anyone with the name Elwyn Tinklenberg could win anything…
No seriously, what’s his real name?
If he changes his name to Lance Sterling, he wins by 20 points.
Scarab: Chauncy Dickwhizzle.
proudgrampa: Strom. Jesse. Trent. Orrin. Boehner. Arlen. Saxby.
“PLEASE DON’T WIN THOUGH! WE NEED COMEDY.” — Just another special interest trying to swing an election their way. Hire a lobbyist!
I see this as like that West Wing episode in which the attractive young candidate running against a Jesse Helms type can’t get any White House backing because, shit, that Helms dude is the best money-raiser we’ve got. Rahm’s saying… “nah, let’s keep the crazy bitch right where she is.”
Scarab: Lance Fairskin, maybe.
Scarab: Duke Sirthingford
Dude doesn’t stand a chance of winning that seat if Bachmann is willing to perform her Joan Crawford psychotic meltown routine in public on a daily basis and he won’t even consider a name change.
Scarab: “Arlen Specter.”
I dunno, the last guy with a funny name I predicted to lose seems to have come through. I thought Barack Obama was too furren a name to win.
oh come on, remember how much fun we all had watching santorum lose? her concession speech, should the day ever come, will be a giant crazy-cake with nutter frosting.
Oh, Twinkletoes, why bother, really?
TGY: I dunno Obama’s name has African street cred. Tinklenberg sounds like he owns a pie shop in a Dickens novel.
Scarab: “Gandalf Grey”
“PLEASE DON’T WIN THOUGH! WE NEED COMEDY.”
You’ve gotta be an awful politician if a satirist is hoping you’ll win over a loser dude named Elwyn Tinklenberg.
Will CNN cover the Ent Moot?
V572625694: I read that as Lance Foreskin.
I’d like Wendy Wilde, but wrong district. After losing so many, many of our favorite reps(Shelley Sekula Gibbs, Mark Foley, Katherine Harris), can we stand to lose another?
Relax socialists. Should Elwyn win, then Bachman becomes a regular on Fox - the fun will never end - not to worry.
Whitey McWidepart.
cranky: Good point. And doesn’t she have a shitload of kids? What if they’re ALL standing at the podium, holding ugly babydolls, and crying with their mouths wide open? Blessed indeed.
qwerty42: yes. burn the witch! burn her!!!!
ChernobylSoup: LOL!
proudgrampa: Ouch!
Get a grip, peoples. As if Bachmann would not have a guarenteed, highly public platform at Fox News, AM Reich wing radio, or something equivalent in the (unlikely) event of a Galladrel victory.
Strike her down, and she would become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
Rush:If she ends up on FOX news? I need to buy more shares of Botox ™.
ChernobylSoup: maybe an actuall baby will from her vagina while she’s onstage. or she will freak out and eat one of her own children! perhaps offer to slay one for god and a return ticket to washington.
yeeees, just imagine the good that can come from a crushing defeat.
I think he should change his name to Chest Rockwell. And his slogan should be “Come On, Seriously Now!”
proudgrampa: Inglebert Humperdink was an accomplished singer. Anfernee Hardaway was good at basketball for a while. Barack Obama also did stuff.
It can happen!
Anonymous Office Zombie: all the better when they finally catch her husband with with larry craig’s dick in his mouth.
Oh come on, you know if she loses her seat she’ll still be on cable news being a nutjob all the time! you can still make fun of her!
Scarab: African street cred doesn’t buy much American street cred. It’s like Zimbabwean dollars that way. As one rapper famously said, “Barack Obama? Ain’t no n***** named ‘Barack Obama’.”
I wish …Tinklenberg… good luck! May his
shipsleigh come in.magic titty: OK, I stand corrected! I just wouldn’t see a dentist named Ima Paine.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Good point — just remembering the Santorum schadenfreude brightens my day! Win + comedy = Double win.
Go Tinky Winky!
He’d win if he borrowed my porn name, “Punkin Oak.”
El Tinklenberg came within a handful of votes last time, powered by a late-breaking fundraising wave inspired by Wonkette’s coverage of Bachmann’s witch trial meltdown. How soon we forget. Don’t worry, El’s got more than a half a mil in the bank, and good name cred from last time. It’s gonna be El all the way in 2010!
qwerty42:
Speaking of which, what are Shelley Sekula Gibbs and Katherine Harris up to these days?
This is tough… I want Bachmann to keep her seat just for pure comedy gold, but I want Tinkleberry to win because her eyes… creep me… the fuck… OUT!
cranky: I still get all tingly inside thinking about Santorum’s concession speech and his crying children!
proudgrampa: How about a dentist named Max Paine?
Obviously the people in Bachmann’s district have an extraordinarily high tolerance for the crazy. I’m guessing that they actually revel in the insanity that comes from her mouth. If Elmo Tinkleberry is going to win over these wackos he needs to pull out all the stops to convince these people that he’s just as capable of acting bizzare as Michelle. He should get some lessons from Joe Biden.
Scarab: Bolt Vanderhuge
Scarab: Paisley Puttanesca.
Commadore Dirk Gonad: he came from Minnesota to Washington.
I’ll accept the slight drop in comedy level. Go, Elwood Tinkleberry!
proudgrampa: “I.T. Hertzemmeffer, Denistry”
upsidedownpaddle: I lol’d for reals.
Scarab: Roger M. Goode
And lo, the heroic knight Elwyn rode forth against the forces of darkness, and slew the evil Bach Man…
GO TINKLENBERG!
This just in: Vegas has removed from the board any bets on whether “Congressman Bachmann will refer to Tinklenberg’s horns, ‘jew tail,’ ‘jew gold,’ or how ‘Elwyn’s people control the world economy’ or ‘how Elwyn killed Jesus’ during the 2010 election cycle.” I’m sorry, ladies and gentlemen. We’re no longer accepting bets on whether Congressman Bachmann will comment, explicitly or implicitly, on Mr. Tinklenberg’s being a Jew (and how or why that’s a bad thing for Minnesotans and/or America). We’ve also pulled the over/under on “Times Hon. Ms. Bachmann compares herself to Queen Esther.”
To be sure: we know and understand Mr. Tinklenberg is not Jewish. We are just no longer accepting such bets.
Zadig: I’ll move to his district and vote for him if he picks that name.
Scarab:
Take your pick:
Gunnar Longbow
Reese Hardington
Ole Fist
E. Night Tinkalot
Fortitude Masturs
Gnarwhal the Babyfarmslayer
Custerwolf: Or Flint Ironstag.
Or anything from The List, really. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFHlJ2voJHY
In most of the upper midwest, “Elwyn Tinklenberg” is like “John Smith,” so the guy’s got nothing to worry about.
Newt Gingrich is still on Fox. Surely Michelle can follow in his footsteps.
Did anyone else see the picture and think, however briefly, that Fritz Mondale was running against Michelle Bachmann?
He looks kinda boring for a guy named Elwyn Tinklenberg.
I was imagining a tiny yet fanciful character prone to wearing green tights and making enigmatic, crazy-sound pronouncements. Like Dennis Kucinich, except gayer.
flavorflav: Yes I did.
102415: Ditto.
Eeyore Winkydink
Earwig Dingleberry
Earvin “Magic” Berry
Illegal Tinkling
Elvis Twinkiefiend
Evil Tinky Winky
E.U. Stinkybottom
Dick Trickle