Wonkette
- Oh, well, good, whew!: “The outbreak coincided with President Barack Obama’s trip to Mexico City on April 16. Obama was received at the anthropology museum in Mexico City by Felipe Solis, a distinguished archaeologist who died a week later from symptoms similar to flu ….” [AP/Google]
Does this mean I can unclench?
Of course he’s fine. He went down there to kill everyone with his Kenyo-Muslin AIDS. So far it seems to be working.
I hope this isn’t one of those times akin to when W kept saying “we do not torture”.
Fourth.
Obama’s grandmother’s family witchdoctor gave him a little something before the trip…
Of course he’s fine. As a Muslim, Obama avoids all contact with swine.
STILL. STILL WE WILL ALL DIE. THERE ARE HORSEMEN COMING. THE LAMB OF GOD WILL FOLLOW. YOU HEATHEN LIBERAL FAGS WILL SUFFER FOR YOUR SINS. SAVE US, OH GREAT COMFORTER. RESCUE THE WORTHY SOULS.
WHILE I’M EATING GRAPES OUT OF JESUS’ ASS Y’ALL ARE GONNA BE STUCK IN A ROOM WITH PEOPLE YOU HATE. IF YOU THOUGHT No Exit TOLD THE STORY WELL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. SATRE WASN’T EVEN THAT GOOD OF A WRITER, HE JUST GOT LUCKY WITH HIS CONCEPTS. HE DIDN’T EVEN DEVELOP THEM PASSED PUTTING THEM INTO AN ACCEPTABLE CONTEXT. THE FLU IS HERE. WE’RE DONE FOR.
Finally.
So, he’s not really the AntiChrist?
chascates: THE ANTI-CHRIST IS ON VACATION. NOOBAMA IS ACTING IN HIS STEAD. IT’S OVER. IT’S OVER.
I really don’t know how long to run with the general idiocy of believing we are heading for impending doom, but after a few more gin-and-tonics, I’ll be totally down.
They dont even know the incubation time for this virus.
Could it be ONE or TWO WEEKS!!1!!1!
Tell me which one is it Mr. AP!1!!
Obamanogottadaflu. Whew!
Seriously, what was with all that weirdness with Chavez running across the room to hand Prez that book??? As they did in the days of ye old Bubonic Plague. Burn the book!
shortsshortsshorts: Actually I believe impending doom is heading for us, otherwise there would be some way to change course. That’s hard to believe considering how scarce food will be after the rapture (which you will be able to see from Sarah “Goop Goddess” Palin’s boudoir). Illegal aliens soon to be highly desirable to have over for dinner…
I need drinkie pooh. This is funnier, and true. I got banned from 4Chan for being generally uncool and rude yesterday afternoon. Yes, you heard that right: from 4Chan. I sure am glad I never say anything rude at Wonkette (pffffffff). Where would I go to vent? Fark? (oh, please… hells no)
2druk2phluq: FARK! I love Fark, only because they have the incredible photoshop posts that are occasionally hilarious, one of which got 11,000 unique SHEEPLES on ShortsandPants one day. Otherwise, HOW ARE YOU BANNED FROM 4CHAN? I will never, ever fuck with 4chan, but you have to really screw the pooch to get banned there. In fact, 2druk, DO YOU HAVE THE SWINE FLU?
UNCLEAN? UNCLEAN!!11!ONE!
We are all going to die, one drink at a time— hopefully.
SARS!!!11! WEST NILE!!!1! POLIO!1! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Hah at least we can laugh at our own fictional collective demise.
OMG, Shorts is quoting scripture AND Sartre. The end IS near. Will Wonkette live-blog it?
HA I AM GOING ROGUE Jukesgrrl:
Not ONLY WILL I ALLUDE TO THE BIBLE AND TO SARTRE, BUT ALSO TO SOME DOUCHE:
“Vaginal douching has been done for many, many years. However, there is currently concern that it may sometimes cause problems. It may mask, or even worsen, conditions such as bacterial or yeast infection of the vagina.”
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=3110
BUT ALSO THE WRATH OF GOD OVER THE FLU.
Does this mean that Obama really died and we finally have a black mexican body double president? Only Michelle and that Limo-coke dude will know!
Potential Fox/Politico “This looks bad for Obama” angles:
Is President Obama a Compulsive Hand-Washer?
Is Healthy President Indifferent to the Sick and Dying?
Swine Flu Kills 68 in Mexico: Proof that Immigration Plus Universal Health Care Would Destroy US Economy
Bonus Ed Henry Angle: Why Did The White House Wait a Week Before Announcing the President Didn’t Come Down with Swine Flu? Then write fawning article about how the president stared you down until you crawled out of the room.
SayItWithWookies: Downright sexy. But you had to include crawling out of the room. The people don’t need to hear that.
shortsshortsshorts: Try telling that to Ed Henry.
On one hand I doubt anything as pathetic as a swine flu could take out our Barry, but on another I don’t really believe they’d let us know if he were sick. SCANDAL. They’d just load him full of drugs.
he has been looking kind of haggard. “Do you regret voting for Obama?”
Shorts: you need to work in some Mayan to get the 2012 thing rolling.
Muslins don’t eat the pork so they can’t get the piggy flu, except through sexual congress.
He was Barry lucky.
I can see why people that pun get they asses kicked.
Look, if I was at the top of my profession (don’t worry this is a pure hypothetical) and Noobama came in and stuck his nose in everything, with the slammin’ babe wife and the attractive kids and puppy and the Harvard resume and major book deals and being Leader of the Freebies, I too would arrive at the reasonable conclusion that all my acheivements were a ridiculous joke played on my ego and that the reality is that I had very little reason to continue living. So my point is that this dude met Obama, had a crisis of some sort, fucked a pig and bought it. The end.
From now on, instead of shaking someone’s hand, I’m just going to bow.
Mr Blifil:
stop posting things like this while im at work
are you trying to get people looking at me like im crazy? LOL
danadevin85: Surely you don’t need me to point out that it is impious to work on His Day Of Rest.
That’s too bad. Free Republic had a little spring in its step last night when it seemed possible that NObama might die of the pig disease.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Either that or have an assistant close and hand to hand you a wipe, ala Monk.
WHILE I’M EATING GRAPES OUT OF JESUS’ ASS Y’ALL ARE GONNA BE STUCK IN A ROOM WITH PEOPLE YOU HATE.
I think this aptly describes my brother’s upcoming August wedding, so you’re quite prescient.
Nerdalicious: Pie Wonkette Domine, dona eis requiem…BONK!
In other ‘News of the End Times’, Republicans have failed in their Godly duty to condemn the alliance between Democrats and Satan.
Beelzebub could not be reached for comment.
Oh, c’mon, people! Y’all aren’t even trying!
This is OBVIOUSLY the much-awaited “faux” emergency that will allow Hopey and his hell-minions to activate the FEMA internment camps!!! See:
http://www.freedomfiles.org/war/fema.htm
http://www.resurrectingliberty.com/American%20Internment%20Camps.html
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20Government/Police%
Etc. and so on.
The horror…the horror…
Beelzebub is hanging his head in shame, speechless at the spinelessness of those whose souls he bargained for back in 2000. He gave them everything they could ever want & they pissed it all away. Now they are being pushed back by the likes of “David Rodeback, a delegate from American Fork, (who) urged delegates to forcefully reject the resolution, as it would do the party more harm than good.”
When your side can’t convince a guy from American Fork — AMERICAN FUCKING FORK — then truly you are doomed. Beezle appears on the edge of cancelling the deal & giving the wingtards their souls back. They are of little use to him now.
hobospacejunkie:
THE DEVIL AND JOHN BOEHNER
ACT III
Infernal Magistrate: Jury of the Damned, how do you find in these proceedings?
J.o.t.D. Foreperson: We find the defendant, John “Leathery Anal Cunt” Boehner, to have defaulted in his obligation to the Lord of the Flies, Master of the Seven Gates, the Dark Lord Satan
Satan: Shit, yeah! Suck it, Boehner! Pay up.
Infernal Magistrate: I order the defendant to relinquish his soul, or an item of equivalent value.
Boehner: Hang on. Reaches into back pocket. Here ya go, Devil.
Satan: WTF is this? A used, Santorum-smeared condom?
Boehner: It’s either that or Mitch McConnell’s soul. Reaches for other pocket. . .
Satan: Gah, I’ll take the narsty rubber.
Infernal Magistrate: These proceedings are now resolved.
schvitzatura:
“Pie Wonkette Domine, dona eis requiem…BONK!”
Hey, I looked it up & this is what I got:
Piously Wonkette Lady votive offering these repose…BONK!(Latin)
Can you all imagine if “heck of a job Brownie” was in charge of this swiney thing (disaster)?
schvitzatura:
“Pie Wonkette Domine, dona eis requiem…BONK!”
Here’s the Italian:
Devout Wonkette It tames some, donates eis requiem….BONK!
Jeez, how can one possible follow Satan, John Boehner & Mitch McConnel? I am humbled.
schvitzatura:
Oh, and also:
“Pie Wonkette Domine, dona eis requiem…BONK!”
“Oh, sweet Prez, Wonkette lady will burn this devilish libre that evildoer has put upon your palm, as the others have done during ye olde Bubonic Plague.” “(& puleaze get the dog whisperer to thee white house as quick as possible to tame that devilish dog)” ~Nerdalicious 1552 A.D.
schvitzatura:
BONK!
Yet another example the right wing nutjobs will use to condemn diplomacy.
Not only should high ranking government not talk to other worldwide leaders, but shaking hands is high risk–
Diplomacy can kill ya!
Now back to our regularly scheduled program…. “We don’t torture”, brought to you by Pabum for the masses.
Mr Blifil: danadevin85: bwahahaahah I know, totally - if I had a job I would’ve been fired for cackling at that too. LOL!!
poor wingnuts just can’t catch a break, now they’re going to have to fantasize about a new way for hopey to die.
As long as everyones dies I’m OK with a plague.
Achoooo.
Aw shit.
What’s the incubation period for swine flu? We can’t breathe easy until that amount of time has passed.
SayItWithWookies: “Look for Ed!”
He’s in foreclosure.
SmutBoffin: Is that you, FCS?
Drudge headline: Obama Not Yet Dead
Everytime I check a MSM website, they’ve added a new country to the list for confirmed cases. The most recent addition is Canada.
Of course, the flu didn’t kill Obama, only kryptonite can.
SayItWithWookies: Will concern over possible contagion doom Obama’s political agenda?
Everyone relax. It was just a mummy curse. Happens to archaeologists all the time.
WAKE UP SHEEPLES!1!! BARAK HUSSEIN NOBAMA STARTED THIS TO TRY TO JAM HIS PLAN FOR SOSHULIZED MEDICINE DOWN OUR SORE AND GASPING THROATS!1!!!
sanantonerose: Drudge is in full TERROR mode. His headlines:
“JANET: EVENTS DO NOT WARRANT TESTING OF PLANE PASSENGERS FROM MEXICO…
‘NO EVIDENCE’ OF BIO-TERROR…
CALDERON TELLS MEXICANS TO STAY CALM, COOPERATE WITH AUTHORITIES…
CDC RECOMMENDS PLANNING FOR SCHOOL CLOSURES…
Positive: NYC students…
WHO: Swine flu could mutate to ‘more dangerous’ strain…
Flu fears prompt quarantine plans…
Mexico City residents staying at home…
CLOSE TO 1,300 SUSPECTED CASES…
Russia Suspends Imports of Meat From Mexico, Some U.S. States…
New swine flu likely widespread…
Asia on alert…
10 New Zealand students in scare…
Mideast First: Israeli man hospitalized on suspicions…
6 CASES CONFIRMED IN CANADA…
Spain announces 3 suspected cases…”
Quick, to the rocket ships!
I think the good news in all of this is if the contagion sweeps through the US, it’ll definitely lower the unemployment rates and there’s lots of foreclosed homes in the exurbs available for people to set up quarantines
llyn: The fuck is FCS?
The waiting list for vaccinations:
(1) CEOs of drug companies (sucks, but they do a lot to maintain production)
(2) workers at drug manufacturers (obvs)
(3) truck drivers (to take the medicine around the country)
(4) care-givers (duh)
(5) FEMA folks (double-duh)
. . .
(1023) Wonkette editors (what’s the point of living in a world w/o snark?)
. . .
(25607) Wonkette commenters (it was nice knowin’ y’all)
SmutBoffin: I’ll know the end is nigh when I come here and it’s all MarieDevine and crickets.
SmutBoffin:
(2) workers at drug manufacturers (prob?…)
(2½) Senior Military Personal who will commandeer the vaccine if the shit really hits the fan, and they’ll send their own heavily armed trucks to pick it up….
/fixed
So, this weird-ass flu hits young adults the hardest. I just want to know, how young do you have to be to be considered a young adult. At 47, I figure I’m probably OK, as is Hopey, but I’m still a little nervous.
Oh, and you flip-flop-wearing 20-somethings? Suck it, kids.
Lazy Media: Updated Swine Flu map - hey look! It’s a geography lesson for the kids!…
Lazy Media: Updated Swine Flu map
Lazy Media: I’ve heard it’s the age group 17-45 so this could have some positive job possibilities for my unemployed 54-year-old ass.
chascates: eek! I’m 17-45 years old, but I’ll cough on all you Olds - stay back, maaaan!
Oh, so a brother likes ribs and ham hocks and all of a sudden a brother got the swine ful,
any joo boys get the swine flu?
When Obama gives his big presser on Wednesday, will he and the entire press corp be wearing surgical masks to prevent any case of infection?
bitchincamaro: Don’t hate on my MarieDevine. I want her to have my babies. For the infanticidez.
Bearbloke: all us ‘old’ were exposed to a form of swine flue way back when…..this may give us a certain advantage.
Darwin FTW.
chascates: Sorry you still will not be hired to do pole dancing or skate around a parking lot in hot pants serving milkshakes and fries and getting your ass pinched. Time to come up with a plan B. My recommendation would be getting into the manufacture of child size caskets.
SayItWithWookies: Potential Fox/Politico “This looks bad for Obama” angles:
Thats what you get when you go to one of those “Museums” that doesnt show a human riding a Dinosaur, and talk to some “Anthropornography” fellow.
Jesus Christ! Is there any more room on Obama’s plate for this? Let’s see: Two wars, wrecked economy, massive bailouts, U.S. car industry in death sprial, Saudi king bow-gate, hand shake-gate, Texas leaving the Union, new dog chewing up the furniture, and now a PANDEMIC. Hopey’s gotta be wondering what’ll happen next — maybe the Yellowstone Volcano will blow!
McDuff: no, no - Mount McKinley in Alaska, you betcha!
I shouldn’t rag on Drudge so much. Alex Jones is REALLY in full-on craziness mode:
http://www.prisonplanet.com/alex-jones-tv-swine-flu-special-report.html
And compare his headlines with Drudge’s:
“• Flu Kills The Torture Memos
• Obama’s health OK after Mexico trip
• 4,000 Florida National Guardsmen to be called up for active duty
• ‘Will you open fire on UK citizens’ Army personnel being asked
• France finds 2 suspected cases of swine flu
• NZ students ‘likely’ to have swine flu
• Australian GPs warned as swine flu spreads from Mexico
• How to Whiten Your Teeth Instantly-[BEFORE] and [AFTER] pics
• UK on alert for deadly swine flu
• Briton quarantined as killer flu spreads
• Peru, Costa Rica heighten alert for possible swine flu outbreak
• Asian governments move swiftly to flu crisis mode
• Swine Flu Attack Likely A Beta Test
• FACTBOX: Economic costs of a flu pandemic
• Finance Chiefs Back a Bolder IMF, Bigger Role for Emerging Nations
• WHO Says Initial Findings Show Swine Flu Responds To Tamiflu”
Love that bright teeh are still a top priority.
sati demise: but that was 91 years ago, so surely your immunity has declined since then, no?
BORDER CONTROL WILL SAVE US.
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=2416
OBVIOUSLY.
Bearbloke: Thanks, I’m just gonna go into the fetal position now.
chascates: Let’s do a semiotic analysis of teh craziness*. First, the whole ’swine’ thing. Swine = pigs = cops = ‘the Man’. The flu is, of course, a parasite that corrupts our precious bodily fluids (DNA). Jones is obviously referring to the fact that our ‘parasitic State’ has sapped our PBFs (i.e. ‘precious freedoms’). These freedoms can only be restored through a symbolic restoration of our dentition (’free speech’), which has been weakened and made ugly from too much flourine in the drinking water. Also, the IMF is the Rosicrucians, also.
QED, muthafuckas.
*I don’t really know what I am doing. Also, of all the internet places that I could be hanging out on, clicking ‘refresh’ every few minutes for news of teh Ragnarokz, I am on Wonkette. This means something, too.
Bearbloke: The pink pig death is forming a moat around New England. It’s only a matter of time. Hopefully the Sox game will start as planned and I can see the Yanks get spanked one last time.
Good Lord. This is all a little “Chicken Little” for me. The only person who could possibly make it any ZANIER would be Michelle Malkin who, as you’d expect, directly blames ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS for swine flu! Wheeeeee!
http://www.shortsshortsshorts.com/?p=2416
Don’t they know that as the son of God, Obama is immune to all flu viruses, pig or otherwise.
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
windupbird: Check the map now - the Yankees may not make it outta NYC alive!
Hey Everybody! Remember that scene in ‘I Am Legend‘ where Will Smith’s family got on the helicopter just before the military blew up the Brooklyn Bridge? That was funny, hah hah…
We must put down Barack Obama, or else he might spread the horrible plague.
Bearbloke: Fortunately, they’re already in town - tonight’s game is the last of a 3 game series between the Red Sox and Yankees. If any cases develop in Boston, I’m gonna blame Joba. He don’t look too hygienic, that one.
Bearbloke: You know that Flu Swine Map makes me feel very safe when I have unprotected sexytime in an Central European country that I shall leave nameless for the next week.
Bearbloke: Yanks were killed by Red Sox flu, but how would we ever know if the Mets were infected?
SmutBoffin: Fantastic!!
McDuff: I’m betting on zombies
bitchincamaro: Who cares - it’s the Mets!
Bearbloke: Right answer!
chascates: I would’ve never guessed you’re 54. Can’t say why. No desire to insult. You just seem way to energetic for 54. But that’s good. Always good to be thought younger. I’m 43. I hope I act quite a bit younger, like an immature adolescent.
bitchincamaro:
I think the disease you’re looking for is MetsBullpenSuckAssItis
hobospacejunkie: Friends say I’m actually very immature but I prefer the more acceptable ‘childlike.’
If you say I have the heart of a little boy it’s true. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Swine Flu Spreads Panic Over The Web
http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/04/26/swine-flu-spreads-panic-over-the-web/
“Swine Flu is the top trending topic on Twitter at the moment, with users rapidly tweeting about the latest news about the disease, including whether it has spread to other states, the Center for Disease Control’s announcement, etc.”
Now if we can figure out how to convince Twitterers that tweeting is actually exposing them to this devilish porcine pandemic!
Hey come on now. From this Red Sox fan’s point of view, the Mets (and their fans) are more palatable than the Spanks. My husband is originally from NY and kept his love of the Yankees secret until after the wedding. I literally found Yankees paraphernalia spilling out of a closet. Sacrilege!
Hey, has anybody checked the Freepers-cage recently? I’m sure they’ve been soiling themselves with outrage/excitement/fear…
windupbird: You should’ve had your marriage annulled right then and there, but by NOT doing so, you share his irredeemable sin….
chascates: If you say I have the heart of a little boy it’s true. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Halfway through that sentence my mind was heading in that direction (something about you plucking the heart from a little boy, Indiana Jones movie-style.)
Ugh. Republicans fought $900 million in pandemic preparedness funds in the stimulus bill.
Ok, some racist asshole has to say it so: “Mutts are naturally disease resistant.”
Hey, hey! Put down the torches! Ow! Quit throwing those stones!
SmutBoffin:
It’s like the universe has had enough stupidity and is taking a collective shit on the GOP.
SmutBoffin: Wait — are you saying that in the midst of an economic downturn there should be more vigilance against potential catastrophic events, not less, because the economy is more vulnerable?
Damn, that’s ringing a bell somewhere — as though a previous administration, just coming into office, should have acted with similar caution. But I just can’t put my finger on it.
chascates: & hobospacejunkie: Can I join the club? I am another unemployed old. The company I worked for went bankrupt and now all I can do all day is sit in front of my computer trying to perfect my inadequate snark and eat hobo beans paid for with my even-more-elderly mother’s Social Security check. I dye my hair for every job interview I go on, but I’m found out since my cankles don’t enable me to wear the trendy gladiator sandals. (Yes, we can wear sandals to job interviews in Arizona as long as we have the requisite $8 million pedicure that keeps the Vietnamese immigrants employed.) I apologize to everyone that Mother and I are too old to die of the flu. Sincerely, Jukesgrrl
Jukesgrrl: “I apologize to everyone that Mother and I are too old to die of the flu.”
How about Auto-erotic Asphyxiation? All the Olds are doing it!
Bearbloke: I went over there for a moment and you have to check out the Florida Freeper Convention pictures, priceless.
Just kidding! We’re gonna need you Olds for the Soylent factories….
chascates:
Well, they are feverishly (maybe the wrong word at this time), looking for Earth-like planets which is kind of creeping me out. On Bill Mahr, he has a segment: “How F****d Are We?” I think searching for Earth-like planets with a space probe is a bigee. (Better the universe gets the space probe & not I.)
Bearbloke:
NEWS FLASH! NEW DRUDGE HEADLINE!
SOYLENT GREEN IS SHEEPLES!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sp-VFBbjpE&feature=related
Jukesgrrl: I removed the dates from my various college attendance on my resume but it didn’t seem to make any difference. And it doesn’t help that some of my jobs in printing and publishing involve equipment that became obsolete decades ago.
lovekills:
They sure as hell won’t die of the Swine Flu. Definitely heart disease though.
Don’t the Freepers have a Yout’ wing? Or a Healthy Wing?
chascates: you mean the styli and wax tablets?
ManchuCandidate: I think they are the cause of swine flu. The stuffed animals are a nice touch. What do you think that was about? For gods sake.
Bearbloke: Pretty close to that!I’ve operated a Linotype (badly), hand set letterpress type, and operated bizarre phototypesetters. And to top it all off we’re moving into a world where people communicate in 140 characters or less.
Jukesgrrl: Welcome the Olds Club. Though Dust Bowl Blues is probably Chairwoman Emeritus and should be making these decisions. She’s been sober since I was 10-years-old.
I have to say I feel for you folks and hope for the best. And if not the best, that at least friends or family are there to help out. Fortunately (for me) I cannot really relate to your plight. I have been unemployed for 9 years, or at least working for no wages as a househusband. It’s not a very demanding job as we have no chilluns, but rather 5 cats. And being mostly a hermit, leaving home only to play soccer & buy food & visit my coterie of mental health professionals (I gots the crazies) I am counting on not being exposed to enough people to draw the short straw & contract the pigbird plague.
Like Chascates I have experience with old-fashioned newspapery stuff, like marking up copy created with manual typewriters. Though I also have real, computerized newspaper experience, on the reporting side. Even better I have tech support experience on Macintosh computers, but not since 1998. Recently I tried to help a friend with a new Mac but 11 years is a long time & I failed.
So god, who doesn’t exist, help us if I need to get a job, cuz that huge gap in my resume is going to be hard to ’splain. As is the fact that I’ve had a total of 4 jobs in my life, and one was bagging groceries. Not a lot of experience doing anything but figuring out how to get away with doing the least amount of work possible & quitting before I got fired. I am what is wrong with US America. I fear my work life sins have brought the pigbird plague upon us.
I was just scrolling through the comments on that Malkin post about this flu being an excuse to work on securing the borders. One commenter mentioned that all the cases in the US so far came from American tourists returning from Mexico so border security is sort of irrelevant here, and the wingnuts immediately jumped all over him for not thinking of all the OTHER horrible infectious diseases that those dirty Third World wetbacks MUST be bringing over: tuberculosis, whooping cough, whatever other epidemics have been sweeping the country when no one was paying attention. Whatta country.
shortsshortsshorts: You FORGOT one THING:
Chupacabra.
~
OF CORSE NOBAMAS FINE. HES THE ONE BRINGING IT INTO THE US CAUSING AMERICUNS TO DIE. YOU LIBTARDS WANT TO KILL ALL US SO YOU CAN START YOUR OWN HIPPY UNION FILLED WITH GAYS, ABORTOIN, AND SOCAILIST FACSIST COMMYS.
El Pinche: TELEPROMPTERS!!!!111!!1!1
Looks like Dallas has been ‘compromised’ in the past hour… I guess their all-night all-Megachurch faith-healing telethon & book-burning didn’t work out…
Oh well - we were gonna firebomb it off the map during the Secession War anyway, but now we have a disease-control reason to do it - so let ‘em fly, boys!
WIDTAP: Its that hybrid vigor.
Suds McKenzie: Nothing good ends in -eum.
Solis to go on the Obama Death List in 3 … 2 …
CATNAROK IS NIGH! REPENT! YR APOCALIPS HAZ A FLAVR!!1!!1!
lulzmonger: No, no - Solis is from California, no?
To celebrate Barry’s avoidance of the deadly, Green Card Carrier, porcine flu, Cheeney, Beck and Boner have sent the West Wing 18000 bags of tasty Chicharrón.
These muy delicioso, Mexican porcime, disease treats were smuggled out of CDC quarantine by the Bushies and kept until the right moment, i.e. when the Negroes and Democrats take over the United States and made “Sex Machine” our national anthem.
Bearbloke: “Auto-erotic Asphyxiation”? Is that what happened to the Golden Girls?
chascates: The first newspaper I worked on had a ditto machine. Bearbloke wouldn’t even know what that
iswas. Twitter will have to get an odor app if it wants to compete with the wet and wild ditto.S.Luggo: Those Bastards! Does their evil know no bounds?! (…ummm, nope…)
Jukesgrrl: I think I read about one of those on display once at The Museum Of Jurassic Technology… a steam-powered model, it’was…
chascates: glittering white teeth shinning in our ravaged skulls.
We need an Orson Welles nationwide broadcast about the pigbird plague to frighten the holy fucknutz off the freepers & fundies. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll pack up & leave for good (to Alaska?) to escape and never return. Or better yet, they’ll commit mass suicide rather than suffer the horror they believe awaits.
We will serve no wine before it’s time!
Lemme take a wild guess as to why the cases in the US are less severe. Not too many US residents have to manually chop up pigs to feed their family or village. Like the bird flu pandemic before it, most of the bad cases will come from people slaughtering animals by hand. So I would recommend only consuming bacon made from discarded fetuses. It’s just safer.
Holy Shit. Glad I read “The Stand” several times. Hmmmm, Vegas or Colorado?
S.Luggo: yummmmm, chicharrones…
Bearbloke: LAFF IT UP LIB THIS ISNT A JOKE. FOXNEWS JUST INFORMED AMERICA THAT THE EPEDEMIC IS AT BIBLICAL PROPERTIONS, AS IN SODOMY AND GAMORA, BUT WHAT WOOD YOU GODLESS HOMO LOVERS KNOW ABHOUT THAT!!
AND DONT FORGET ACORNZ!!11!!
El Pinche:
Yeah, I saw. Geraldo is foaming at the mouth talkin’ about Tamiflu, like it’s his 10th wife or sumpin’. Okie update! There is an Okie teabagger who got arrested by the feds for really bad spelling. Will these people ever stop giving us comedy gold?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/26/tea-party-twitter-arrest_n_191527.html
jagorev: Fux News: “Obama fails to show smallpox, bad breath, hangnail or yellow fever after touching Spanish-made doorknob. Lib cover-up?”
Daniel Hayden the illiterate twitterer, who got arrested by the feds, is apparantly the “Jefferson Davis” of the secessionist, teabagging bowel movement. I wonder who was the distinguished Mr. Hayden’s twitteree? Michelle Bachman’s crazy eyeballs?
hobospacejunkie: You are my hero!!!!!
sati demise: Human and Vulcan?
Wait…isn’t this just mad cow, killer bees and such all over again? Wake me when something really interesting happens. Like Barry and Flying Spaghetti Monster coming out of the closet or something. also.
Nerdalicious: Would this be considered a FoxNews success?
It’s a fail because he didn’t carry it out, but it’s a win because Beck/Hannity gave him enough inspiration to twitter the call to FoxNews jihad.
buggers: Well thank you, doll. What’s a sweetheart like you doin’ in a dump like this?
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT SWINE FLUE BEING DANGEROUS? DO PIGS REALLY NEED FIREPLACES? THIS IS JUST MORE LIBRUL SOCIAL ENGINEERING!
hobospacejunkie: I wanna be in this club with you Olds too! I’m 53, and in recovery from a near-fatal case of workaholism. Thank Gaia I saw the light before it was too late!
for you unemployed smarty pantses—- hopey has thown a lot of money into NIH. apply for a research grant. worked for me!!!11!!
You know it was the milkers who got cowpox that developed the immunity to smallpox, yes?
Bearbloke: I think we Olds were all exposed to some variant of the 1918 flu back in 1968. I was 17 then. Jesus Christ, I’ve never been sicker. And it’s true that all my friends and I were sick as holy hell, and all our ancient parents were just fine.
Only good thing about it: I quit smoking because, if it hurt to breathe, imagine how good it felt to smoke. Ow. Ow. Ow. I’d been smoking for two years at the time and was about up to a pack a day.
Stopped during that flu. Never smoked tobacco again. Not once. Thank you, flu!
So, all you Gen X and Y folks, you may be about to meet a free Smoking Cessation plan that really really works!
FaunceyGardner: You were 12 when a swine flu relative blew through the US. Do you remember getting sick as all fuck sometime during 7th grade? If so, you may be lucky this time.
chascates: Hey chascates, snark aside for a minute, would you be willing to share your printing expertise with me? I need a consultant for a novel where the main character, so to speak, is a student-produced publication, and I have no idea how anything works in printing.
FaunceyGardner: Welcome to the club! All you have to be is old!
SmutBoffin: some of us commenters are going to be fine. working from home with beer stacked to the ceiling, i should be able to hang in for quite a while.
iolanthe: I thought it was mono -??
hobospacejunkie: Woohoo! I loorve being an Old!
hobospacejunkie: hola! i too am old (58) and gots the crazies (long sad fucking miserable story) wife bought me this computer (still don’t know shit and am unwilling to learn) and don’t leave the house. this wonkette deal must be what it’s like to have friends…anaway…you have a bad attitude, ya see you think you’re what’s wrong with merica, but how much damage have you really done? it’s people who stay home, mind their own business, care for their pets, and occasionally do secret things that are not harmful to others and are nobodys business that are the backbone of this great nation. as for this gainful employment nonsense; a couple of tips: if you put some words down (other than on wonkette) you can call yourself a writer! got a camera? photographer! make some marks on paper with pen, pencil or paint? artist! it’s easy once you get the hang of it, and provides useful cover for those awkward moments when people ask “what do you do?” it also lends a certain mystique, and is brimful of status.
engulfedinflames: I think I love you so what am I so afraid of. I’m afraid that I’m not sure of a love there is no cure for. I think I love you isn’t that what life is made of. Though it worries me to say that I never felt this way.
Ha ha, you are an ‘Old Emeritus,’ I only hope I can make it to your age, with many more in front of me even then.
On a less serious note…good point. We do do little harm and much good. I make it possible for my wife to work (she’s got crazy in the blood, too, w/a schizophrenic aunt, and the occasional disturbing ‘vision’ that always comes true, yikes) w/o worrying herself to death. I deliver the occasional pep talk and make sure all she has to do is work, eat, sleep & watch a little TV with me. I do all the ‘little’ things she shouldn’t have to do when working 70+ hours a week. Behind every hard-working woman is a medicated, former junkie househusband!
Thanks for the resume tips but the reality is I probably won’t enter the workforce again unless (knock on processed, pasteurized wood substance) tragedy strikes, so I’m not terribly worried about that. I realize how spoiled I am, spending all day (between naps) on Wonkette, baking bread each night (by hand & oven, no ‘bread machine,’) and communing with our 5 kitties. I’m already there on the photography front, and that passes a nice part of my days. Only bad/good thing is I can’t while away the days getting high anymore, but that’s my own damn fault.
So a virtual celebration of Olds — clink — with virtual champagne. May we, uh, live long and prosper, and get out of the house occasionally!
hobospacejunkie: don’t toy with my emotions (i’m extremely vulnerable) and whatever horror next confronts me will be all your fault.
engulfedinflames: also[re=300666]engulfedinflames[/re: also: are you me talking to myself?
hobospacejunkie: nice eyes, chickenboots, I like
hobospacejunkie: re:the photos, nicely done BTW my wife calls me big balls, coincidence?