Wonkette
Oh poor John McCain! He tried not to be racist for a little while in 2007 during the immigration reform fight, but then that didn’t work, so he abandoned it and won the Republican nomination after all, but then that didn’t work either, and since a wingnut never forgets, he will now miserably lose his 2010 Senate primary to this guy who runs around shooting Mexicans.
Chris Simcox, the founder of the Minutemen Civil Defense Corps — The private border patrol militia — has announced he will step down from his organization to primary McCain. Here is part of his statement:
“John McCain has failed miserably in his duty to secure this nation’s borders and protect the people of Arizona from the escalating violence and lawlessness,” Simcox said. “He has fought real efforts over the years at every turn, opting to hold our nation’s border security hostage to his amnesty schemes. Coupled with his votes for reckless bailout spending and big government solutions to our nation’s problems, John McCain is out of touch with everyday Arizonans. Enough is enough.”
And Ben Smith suggests that Simcox could be competitive, because this bum who just goes around killin’ Mexicans with his buddies is, naturally, one of the more important people on the American right.
Simcox, with a national base and a high profile on the right, is well positioned to give McCain a serious local headache. He’ll find some allies among the conservatives who recently took over the Arizona Republican Party from McCain’s allies, and he has a national fundraising base.
Yeah, well, McCain has… uh… “Grahamnesty” in his corner.
McCain facing 2010 primary [Ben Smith]
Odds this guy has done gay porn = 100 percent.
“Simcox” - isn’t that the brand of pistola he’s got sneaking out of his belt?
mr simcox, thank you for making more leftoids; keep up the good work, psycho!
“Simcox??!!??” Is that really his name?? LOL.
Is that a gun in your pants or are you just…..
Simcox is really is name? No wonder he loves guns so much.
Re: Alt Text. It would be pretty funny if he did!
Lazy Media: eh, i doubt it. if he let himself have an extra dick in his pants, he wouldn’t need that handgun tucked in waist band.
He thinks becoming a Senator will impact border policy more than standing there individually with a gun aimed at random wetbacks? The poor, poor deluded fool…
John McCain should immediately apologize to the American people for being a Mexican.
Also: Dems to pick up AZ senate seat in 2010?
Lazy Media: That, or he has banged Megan McCain. Hard.
He has the fashion sense of someone who shops at Blain’s Farm and Fleet.
Oh shit, Jim Rome is going to DESTROY McCain.
Really? National Base? Seriously?
Oh right, the Teabaggers.
Simcox and Teabaggers. Gay
Yuu no wut this cuntry neeeds? LESS MESSICANS. Jon Makane hass FAIL’D 2 se-cure ar Borders.
Wiich iz Y evaryone es shoppin’ at Barnes & Nobal.
PAy ATTEhTION!
The most insulting aspect of the Republican party is their insistence that we take people dressed like Simcox seriously. I’m calling this the redneck-chic revolution.
Would like all “real Americans” like Senor Simcox to engage in circular firing squad.
Talk about your border line personality.
http://www.amren.com/news/news04/05/07/simcox.html
Hey, where is his snowmobile?
shortsshortsshorts: I have an idea. Let’s convince all the bordertards to “secure” our Southern border by staging another Hands Across America event. We could sign them all up to stand arm-in-arm from California through Texas in July.
So Observe & Report was a documentary, and the events happened in real time.
I’m looking forward to ignoring his failed country music career.
Kev-O-Tron: As long as we arm the Latinos crossing the border on that day, hells yes.
It’s kinda funny how it took so long for the photog to capture just the right amount of stoopid for this shot, that by the time he was done poor Mr.Simplex… or Mr.Cockflex- or whatever the fuck his name is- has a hat totally covered in birdshit.
Kev-O-Tron: I am currently trying to decide who has a worse sense of style, this guy or Joe the Plumber. I’m thinking JtP takes it, but just barely.
So on one hand, he’s a racist redneck with a fondness for guns. On the other hand, McCain is a useless, old, senile fart who sold his soul to the devil and gave us Sarah Palin.
Hmmm….tough choice on that one.
Custerwolf: Did you read the bit about “Laine Lawless??” You can’t make this stuff up!
GOP Self Destruct Schadenfreude NOMNOMNOMNOM
Lascauxcaveman: Those are my favorite episodes of “Trauma: Life in the ER”! Some idiot stores his handgun in the front of his pants and blows his man bits off, or maybe just puts an extra hole in his dick. The comments from the medical staff are usually quite amusing.
Custerwolf: Good Christ:
“Laine Lawless, 54, also came to Cochise County from California. She arrived six months ago from the San Francisco Bay area in search of a gun-friendlier state and a respite from liberal politics.
“If you’re not a socialist, your name is poop there,” said Lawless, who plastered her truck with bumper stickers (“I Support Our Border Patrol” and “Cowgirls: How the West was Won”) and joined the Civil Homeland Defense Corps after finding it on the Internet.
Wearing a bulletproof vest, a Browning 9 mm semi-automatic and a belt buckle that reads “Nobody Raped a .38,” Lawless has found her niche in the desert.”
I’m pretty sure no person on earth has even come close to finding this woman’s “niche.”
Mr Blifil: You don’t suppose that they have “Lawless Simcoxes” running loose down there?
Porn name: Sim Coxxx.
…are these guys for real?! Please tell me this is a SNL skit or something?! Geez, this sister fukking, redneck, hillbilly lives up to every southerner stereotype known to man!
-Gun(check!)
-Shyt faced beard and smirk(check! & check!)
-Denim hand me down jeans with no belt(check!)
-Worn out baseball cap, with various confederate and NASCAR pins(check!)
-College wind breaker jacket of school he never attended(check!)
The only thing missing is a pack of GPC light cigarettes peaking out of shirt pocket and can of Old Milwaukee beer!
Again with the “dick beard”.
AngryBlakGuy: But does his truck have the appropriate anatomy?
Five and a half Mexicans, Alan!
Fuck yeah! Simcox is running? I get a front row seat to watching the GOP implode in Arizona. McCain will win, but there will be blood, my friends. Oh, yes, there will be blood.
Come here a minute: he should marry bridget fonda. Then he could become Larry Fonda Cox. That would be the best hyphenated name on a GOP campaign sign ever.
Lazy Media: Does it count as gay porn if he has home movies of raping border crossers? This stupid motherfucker is a piece of work. Have no doubts: He runs for office, all kinds of shit will hit the fan. Hilarity will ensue.
tinkleberry: They insist on calling them ’snow machines.’
looks like he got a little gay on him, i smell fail. better tailor than Mccain,also.
OffTheRecord: They shop at the same WalMart. He’s actually JtP’s inbred bastard half-brother.
Can someone please explain exactly what the difference is between nitwits like Simcox and the Mexican cartels?
–Both love guns
–Both hate the federals/federales
–Both have difficulty speaking English coherently
–Both enjoy shooting Mexicans
it’s just the wingnuttiest thing i’ve heard all week. break out the popcorn, kids, we’re gonna have fun watchin’ this showdown…
“No one raped a .38″
Apparently the only greater deterrent to rape than a .38 is the visage of Ms. lawless herself.
http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo336/brontie2/lawless.jpg
user-of-owls: Skin color, pretty much.
He changed his name from the original German Ersatzesschwantz.
I think this guy, Todd Palin and JtP should star in a border-patrol action flick. I don’t know if that’s funny or not. It seems appropriate though.
Some people will do *anything* just for the chance to meet Meghan McCain.
Dave J.: Yeah, that time when Jim Everett attacked Simcox for calling him “Chris” was for teh lulz, wasn’t it?
Naked Bunny with a Whip: True dat. For someone supposedly out in the desert hunting aspiring leaf blowers all day, he’s awfully swarthy-deficient.
Hey, that’s the same pose I used in my high school graduation photo. #12 self-satisfied asshole. My mom still has it over the fireplace. Where’s his Trans-Am?
because this bum who just goes around cold killin’ Mexicans with his buddies [fixed]
Simpcox is a character in one of the Henry VI plays (that’s Shakespeare ya know). His job is basically to rally up the lower orders with some kind of populist thing and then get the living shit beaten out of him by people with “things called Whips.”
Srsly, look it up.
Custerwolf: Laine Lawless - what Dick Cheney would look like if he wore a mullet and had smaller tits.
sarahpac will definitely be throwing 40% of its whore diamonds to support this doofus. they might up it to 45% after numbnuts shots himself in the junk with his reckless pistol storage. is there a dumber move since the beginning of the industrial revolution than sticking a loaded (or “unloaded” for that matter) firearm in the front waistband of your pants? do you hate your penis and testicles? ahh, i figured it out. they’re all papist catholics.
Custerwolf: the people in that article are insane, and every month I get more and more certain that one or more of my uncles want to drive down there and join them. Shit, probably one of my aunts, too.
All these fucks hollering about how we need to put a military division on the border, do they have any fucking idea what a diplomatic nightmare that is? That sort of move, without exception, moves two nations from zero to “ready to fucking tangle, just try something” within the span of a day. Then again, I guess if we did go to war with Mexico, Simcox and his buddies would be the first to volunteer.
I’d hit that. With a shovel.
There has never been a ball cap with more patriotism.
Custerwolf: I would place money on the idea that someone, somewhere, who looks a lot like Simcox, has in fact, raped a .38.
Custerwolf: doesn’t dick’s daughter have that one covered?
With a name like “Simcox,” I have to assume he did a lot of teabagging last week. Somebody find pictures!
I double-dog dare any Arizona Wonketeers to print up some “Teabaggers ♥ Simcox” buttons and hand them out at the next teabag party.
Zadig: You think you gotta worry about your family? I breathe a HUGE sigh of relief every blessed day that I go online to read the news, and I don’t see my brother’s name there.
So, in all seriousness, is Arizona experiencing all kinds of violence at the hands of illegal immigrants from Mexico?
I remember hearing these guys in some librul show on NPR (probably This American Life or something equally pansy-like) and one of the Minute Men confessed that he didn’t hate Mexicans - but he had had his heart broken by a Mexican woman who he fell desperately in love with. And I was like, oh, I get it, it’s all about sex. Like everything.
Levi + 10 yrs + handlebars
AnnieGetYourFun: Exactly.
Jesus, I finally figured out what those ginormous-sized lapels of his are for. They’re spittle traps - designed to catch any errant chew that might fall from his overly slack jaw.
His PAC supports Virgil Goode FTW.
His cover photo gives off a more Pat ‘I-just-want-to-make-you-fuckin-crazy-have-sex-and-fun-and-drugs’ O’Brian vibe.
http://www.mcdcpac.com/images/simcox2_sm.jpg
El Pinche: Trig + 40 years + a meth problem
Custerwolf: Central Casting could not have fulfilled my imagination more vividly than the reality of it all. OMFG.
joeybrill: He cleans up real gay.
tinkleberry: Wrong state. We have sand-rails and rock-crawler Jeeps.
joeybrill: OMG GAY. And with the newly adopted badass, Toby Keith meets Chad Allen getup, I’d wager he’s a total bottom. Also.
AnnieGetYourFun: It’s funny you should ask. As near as I can tell, reading the paper from day to day, the answer is yes…if you’re an illegal immigrant. Rival gangs invade each other’s homes all the time. Coyotes abandon immigrants in the desert. Quite literally truckloads of immigrants will flip, killing or injuring dozens. These things put a tax burden on Arizonans, but are hardly a threat to the likes of Simcox and his merry band of tards. If there’s one thing these guys hate, it’s paying taxes. They like their yards clean and tidy, though, and they like the cheap labor……so it’s hard to take them seriously.
user-of-owls: The difference between these guys and the cartels in Mexico is drugs: the Mexicans are running Scarface-esque distribution businesses with black-ops for security, and the Minutemen are Civil War reenactors with Q-Beams and grandaddy’s shotgun. Drugs also happen to be the point of intersection for these two groups as well, the difference being that the cartels are importing and manufacturing product from all over Central and South America, and the Minutemen are watching their ex-wives’ and mothers’ methlabs get raided by the local sheriff’s department.
My apologies for the lack of humor in my response, but these Minutemen really depress me. There’s this one guy here in Texas outside of Houston who quite literally goes to Civil War reencactments with his ‘pards’ one weekend, and patrols the border with them the next. In both cases, he goes by “Colonel,” and I’m not sure that he isn’t having flashbacks to when he used to hunt Charlie ‘in country’ during his formative years when he should have been fingerbanging Mary Jane Rottencrotch. He’s all hat and no cattle, but he’s going to get hurt one of these days by some professional coyote, and the shitstorm will be monumental.
I’m going to stop before I get too much more preachy.
This man has a huge collection of TruckNutz with bullet holes in ‘em, obvs.
Aloysius: It’s actually a good wake-up call for us snarkateers to realize that these fucker’s guns are actually loaded.
LOL At queeraselvis v 2.0: Dude’s hot. I love me some redneck!
Hahaha..he’s got .38 or something in his pants? I just noticed that. What a clown! Come down here to South Texas and catch some real ahleegalz, Simcock!
Where are the Navajo, Pima and Apache Minutemen when you need them?
BadKitty: I was thinking Simcox as in simulated cock as he shot off the real one.
An anagram for “Chris Simcox” is “Chics Rims Ox.”
I’m just sayin’.
McCain has failed miserably? Was this doofus running around shouting that back during the campaign, like when Barack Obama was getting slammed for saying the same thing?
There is a Sarah Palin in every state. It is important that we work and contribute to get these idiots into the leadership of the Republican Party before Megan McCain ruins it for all of us by talking sense into them about trading in the dinosaurs for electric cars. She’s a dangerous person.
George Will needs to do give Senor Simcox some fashion advice. The .38 is never worn after Easter, at which time he simply must change to the basic chromium-plated Desert Eagle .50, along with a dark suit, white shirt and bow tie.
John McCain is out of touch with everyday Arizonans…
He might actually be right about this, but “everyday Arizonans” are wretched morans. Anyone who’s out of step with the ‘tards in Mesa or Peoria are A-OK in my book.
AngryBlakGuy: They’re real enough. Go for a 15-minute drive out of the metro Tucson area, and you see Minuteman bumper stickers on every oversized pickup truck.
Is it wrong to look forward to the day this numbnuts picks a fight with the wrong cartel posse?
Is it wrong that I kind of want to invade his sovereign territory?
Gopherit: Gopherit - “They like their yards clean and tidy, though, and they like the cheap labor……” You are so off here, Gopherit. This guy’s yard is full of old cars up on cinder blocks and broken appliances. No way he hires a lawn crew.
I see Joe the Plumber as a fundraiser for this guy. And Chuck Norris as well. Hell, Ted Nugent will be playing at his rallies.
If you pack your pistol in the front rather than the back, it empirically proves that you have nothing to shoot off.
Hey, I’d hit it. But he couldn’t stay the night.
AngryBlakGuy: That’s the reason I’m nervous when surrounded by white people, except at hockey games and family events
Schadenfried: Win. Loved it. This tool couldn’t hold Ira Hayes’s nutsack.
Custerwolf: Actually, I think I like “Snarklers” better. Yeah.
Minuteman ? Really ? Is that like some gay/buttsecks secret code name the use in the airport mens rooms?
What I don’t understand about this website is sometimes you use a picture of the actual person, and sometimes you use a still from some Raging Stallion Studios porn production. Like here. Only at least if you’re going to use a still from some gay porn, pick a still that shows some skin. Because there’s no way that’s a real person. And if it is? DILF city. Time for me to go sneak across the border somewhere.
I live about 20 minutes from this guy, even closer to the border than him…he’s a nutter, but he’ll have a lot of rural sympathy votes because Phoenix votes for their own city slickers. Rural areas will vote for someone who understands that not everything is about Phoenix.
Prediction: Stupid Phoenix 2,000,000 votes, Stupid Rural Arizona 130,000.