Wonkette
- CAPTION CONTEST WINNER: Okay now DON’T take this personally, because most of our paid-for jokes suck too, but… well maybe the problem was with the picture? Not much to work with? (WHAT WE MEAN IS THAT THE ENTRIES WERE BAD.) So the winner will be working-class hero “jagorev” for ecstatically outing himself as a fan of this nerdy little nerd sport, whack-a-mole: “OMG, as a cricket fan myself, I feel like Barry just touched me in my special place (the guy with him, Brian Lara, is one of history’s greatest cricketers). This is what it must have felt like for basketball fans when he nailed that three pointer.” GET A JOB, JAGOREV.
Hey, you get what you pay for, Newell. Where are our whore diamonds??
Seriously people, there is a lack of ass fucking going on in the comments these days. WHERE ARE THE VETERENS WHEN YOU NEED THE?
NOT A CAPTION! it’s an opinion.
Well I think you all suck ass. There.
What is this? Drudge?
CHEATED
Goddammit. What’s Norm Coleman’s lawyer’s number?
You know, nothing says funtime like a Caption Contest! Crack? Who needs it. I can’t wait for your version of a crossword puzzle, too. “Number of hands Wonkette writers can fit up their rectum?” Answer: Eleventeen
Oh fuck off, you big bunch of goofies.
THAT WAS NOT A CAPTION JIM
I mean, hooray!
Speaking of jokes:
Where do you find a one legged dog?
Where you left it.
…the fact that “Jagorev” knows so much about a sport named after a noisy insect proves that he does in fact hate America!
I missed this “contest” earlier, so here is my entry: “Local black man murdered with paddle by elitist muslim terrorist monster who caused 9/11 and taxes”
And then…
JeffGoldblum: Hahahaha YOU FASCIST.
Hurrah for cricket lovers. We are the world’s winners. Oh wait, no.
It is unfortunate that Wonkette has only just discovered that there is nothing funny about cricket. Especially the phrases “the thwack of leather on willow”, “googly”, “full toss”, “reverse swing”, “spin it out of the rough”, and of course “The batsmen’s Holding, the bowler’s Willey”.
iwillsavethispatient: I hear India is trying a new approach to cricket involving cheerleaders and games that last less then several days. How’s that working out?
Maybe the problem was with the prize.
I want to meet all of you.
jagorev: Anything is a caption if you put it under a picture!
Mojopo: You took it personally.
I want to have jagorev’s babies, unless jagorev is a chick, in case I want jagorev to have my babies.
My point is: sex with jagorev. Also!
chascates: Ah yes, Twenty20 cricket is actually an English invention, but the Indian’s IPL is definitely the premier competition at the moment. They’re holding this year’s IPL in South Africa due to security worries, which is shame for India. England’s had a Twenty20 competition for about 5 years now and it has been very popular: people actually go to cricket matches now!
It makes the games shorter than a Baseball game - the time limit means that batsmen don’t have to be worried about getting out, so are free to try riskier shots, so it’s quite a lot of fun. Lots of sixes! The purists hate it, of course.
Sorry, I just bored you to death, didn’t I? Here’s some pictures of cricketers and cheerleaders.
jagorev: Hey, you were always due a mention up there!
But I feel for you too. All those zingers and yet your big moment is what - outing yourself as a cricket fan. Ha ha.
Life iz crule.
Worst. Captions. Ever.
But this is great news for John McCain!
cal: Stop. Doing. This.
Ah bugger, I missed the contest. Whatever. Get Barry out onto the wicket, let’s see if he can bowl!
shortsshortsshorts: I was drunk in the desert all weekend. Don’t expect contributions from me until at least Wednesday.
Although I had to consult a Cricket dictionary:
“Follow on, man, you have good length and I would like to be the tail-ender, Nightwatchman of your Sticky Wicket.”
Scandinavian Fetus:
See! Reference materials ALWAYS bring teh funny!
iwillsavethispatient: RUGBY!!!!! GO ENGLAND!!!!
shortsshortsshorts: Dude, I brung the buttsecks earlier and no one wanted it.
iwillsavethispatient: Australia! Cricket! Booze and idiots in green and gold swearing at the pommies!
Give me a good game of AFL and Barry Hall any day.
Booooo!
Eh, I can’t blame you.
iwillsavethispatient: You left out, “Plunk my magic twanger.”
Oh, thank God my idiotic drooling over the handsome cricketer didn’t get singled out for opprobrium.
Or assfucking. (This last put in to make shortshorts happy.)
No longer will javorev have to pay for tea bags. Or for teabagging. Also. Oh and may he/she (yeah, right like a chick would know fuck-all about cricket) get a Wonkette coupon redeemable for “one damn good rogering.” Along with some anal.
iwillsavethispatient: And, “Kiss me, Hardy.” No sure about the last capitalization and if there was actually a comma in that sentence, though.
You can tell Obama is half-white by the way he bites his lip like white guys do when they do shit.
“And I Never Slice’”
Jagorev rocks. Just wish you’d come back to the Rangers.
Speaking of winners, Pulitzer for Detroit’s sexy text message expose!
iwillsavethispatient: Wait, wut happened to the mid-game breaks for tea & crumpets?
From Glenn Beck on Twitter:
“The LIBERAL BLOGS tried to destroy us and WE WON. More people than they have at their stupid rally’s on gay people.”
Wonkette FAIL?
Oh crap, I forgot to submit my entry, “The suspect in the Caribbean Cricket Killings is a black male…”
Congratulations, Jagorev, you nerd.
iwillsavethispatient: And here we see Barry is in the gulley with his legs apart, waiting for a tickle.
Humor should not be competitive.
Too late, but what the hell: “If we were in a frat, I’d pop all of your ass pimples with this paddle.” It’s all I’ve got.
Creativity shouldn’t be wasted on a caption. WE HAVE AN ECONOMY TO FIX PEOPLE!!!!
Delicious: Well obviously Glenn Beck won! It is GLENN BECK. HE IS A GENIUS OF PSYCHOTIC MAGNITUDE. PRAISE HIM AS HE PRAISES HIMSELF.
By the by, since I seem to be the only person who has Wonkette blocked at work now, and so I can only comment late at night when the field has been completely overplayed and is just a pile of divets, I’d like to suggest a story to cover tomorrow — did you hear that Spain is suffering deflation right now? Slap a picture of a mexican up there and make a bunch of “Spain is the new Kentucky!” jokes. See, I could be one of you. All I need is the beard and the taste for sour-breathed kisses.
shortsshortsshorts: I don’t know if I have the mental propensity to admire ANYONE to the degree that Beck loves himself. But I do know that Rush Limbaugh and Bill Clinton do.
(FUN QUIZ! Guess which one of the aforementioned onanists Zadig actually does like?)
AnnieGetYourFun: Annie I appreciate your invoking of the fundamentals of ass fucking. [re=294719]
IceCreamEmpress[/re]: Well at least SOMEBODY knows how to make it a side point. Many props to your ass fucking.
The point is, this world needs to appreciate a fucked ass a bit more than it has, and our caption-submitting should reflect that. Case in point: our co editor is basically telling us to fuck more ass, or at least bring it up at necessary times. OBVIOUSLY that is what Jim is saying.
What our Wonkette needs is a good secksie secks scandal, or a few Paultards to toss around for sport.
Personally, I blame Obama and his lurv of taxes on the top 5%. The fucker.
Delicious: “More people than they have at their stupid rally’s on gay people.” Why do conservatives always make gay rights rallies sound like people are just having sex in the street? I think Freud would have a field day if he got Glen Beck onto his couch. Lots of dark, moist recesses there, and not just the ones flapping under his chin.
Thegreatbacon: Try emailing “tips@wonkette.com”. Our eds actually read them. They throw them all out, but they read them, first.
Thegreatbacon: Well, Barney Frank said it best (originally of Duke Cunningham) “He talks about gay sex more than any gay person I’ve ever met.”
No, Freud would not have a field day, his head would simply implode. But not before asking for a hard cock, no wait, he meant a cigar.
Jesus, is it 420 already?
Mojopo: “….your version of a crossword puzzle.”
What other versions of crossword puzzles are there? I’ve pretty much only seen the one.
Custerwolf: Pffft. Shows what you know, there’s like 23 jillion.
Custerwolf: What’s a six letter word for a vaginal wash?
Johnny Zhivago: What do you call a dog with no legs?
Nothing, he’s not going to come anyway. Hahaha. Heh. Drunk.
Mojopo: Mojopo.
Sorry, it was wide open.
Mojopo: Oh, I know — tongue!
Mojopo: M-O-J-O-P-O?
Bingo! That was too easy.
SayItWithWookies: You know what? I like your answer better.
Zadig: Oh sure, now everybody wants tongue.
Mojopo: It’s the great thing about the free market. We may flirt with bad ideas, like abstinence and torture, but ultimately the better ones win out. (Scrubs theme plays) I think we’ve all learned an important lesson here today…
SayItWithWookies: Alternately, Doogie Howser typing on his computer at the end of the episode.
iwillsavethispatient: “Chennai Super Kings?” I didn’t know cricket players watched Futurama.
obfuscator: Fortunately I managed to avoid Doogie. Scrubs, unfortunately, sat there like a google-image-searched picture of elephantiasis, smack in the middle of my favorite night of television. I just couldn’t help myself for a while there. Fortunately it’s been moved to Wednesdays, and I am whole again.
” Right, right, ok, now just a little to the left…..ok, higher,yeah,..just a little higher there…thats it,right there…….you moved your…….GODDAMMIT!!!!……NEVERMIND!……I’ll finish myself….Christ, can you cook? How ’bout a sandwich?
mr. wunnerful: No offense, but I think that the better response is “Bitch, get into the kitchen and make me a pot pie!” Merely a suggestion.
If I thought there were actually some good captions, does that mean I’m not as cool as yous guys?
American mutt: “Invisible Extraordinary Rendition”
Dave J.: “…but Black presidents swing it LIKE THIS!”
QueerasElvis v 2.0: “Hey Vitter, Vitter. Sa-WING, Vitter!”
Mojopo: Well - get your box up here so those letters will have somewhere to go.
V572625694: You asshole - I was gonna say that before you did!!
The captions are usually better if you show the wrong picture.
Delicious: Wouldn’t one want to try to LIMIT the number of ways one could hear about the thoughts of Glenn Beck rather than expanding into new media?
Oh I’ve got one.
“What’s Abner Louima doing up on the ceiling?”
you can send the prize money to my PayPal account.
chascates: That’s working especially fine…the cheerleader part that is…wonderful after match parties…you see?
iwillsavethispatient: wonderful pics…two of cheerleaders…and a hell lot of boring males…
“If I could just get her to drop the veil, I could see if she’s worth gettin’ digits.”