Wonkette
Today is “Oscar Sunday” for newspapers, Pulitzer Day! This is when the various important newspapers vie for the most important prizes in the fields of journalistic news reporting and commentary before returning to their offices to get laid off or fire-sold into slavery.
The New York Times has won five prizes this year for writing about Eliot Spitzer and art and that military analyst/cable news conflict-of-interest report that was really good and important. Meanwhile, the Washington Post’s own Eu”Gene” Robinson has upset important importanters Noonan, Kristol, Cohen, Krauthammer and other “Real American” white columnists in the commentary category for his forgettable (important) weekly reminders about how important Barack Obama is.
Blumpkins for Real America. And Power Line. Also.
Newspapers pulled by hand by half-naked Greek slaves, as pictured above.
Nice try, Jim, but publishers stopped selling reporters into slavery months ago. Now, they sell them for parts.
In just a few years the Pulitzers will be eaten alive and turned into the Blogitzers.
MARK MIE WUURDS//.
Bama, bama, Obama,
banana, fana, fo-fama,
Gene is kool,
Peg’s a tool,
Puuuul-it-zer!
Well, this is obviously because they don’t have a category for drunk dialing.
Peggy’s problem is she’s a category-jumper. If only there were a prize for pleasant strolls through the upper East Side with oblique reflections on the current state of political discourse as viewed by a neo-Edwardian prude through a gin and Vicodin haze, she would’ve crushed it.
Do they give Pulitzers out for `Delphic reporting/commentary’? If so, I nominate Newell for that last sentence.
I nominate the Rocky Mt. News for every category.
The categories of Beltway Bullshit and Hackneyed Haughtiness have been retired.
Did Russell Crowe win?
What, no Pulitzer for Joe the Plumber’s crackerjack reporting from Israel? Damn librul media. Acorn must have infiltrated the Pulitzer committee.
Red Zeppelin: And they got rid of the Highest Blood Alcohol Content award, the PC bastards.
Poor Wonkette. Always a bridesmaid.
VULGAR! Some sex-sounds record won the Pulitzer for music!
The Pulitzer committee must be WATERBOARDED until they recant and give an award to Peggy! Then we’ll forget all about it and move on, since these things must be mysterious.
Why is there no Pulitzer Prize for ’snark’?
The New York Times’ news department’s critique of Ashley Dupree’s myspace song must have put them over the top.
Best Whore Reporting In A Supporting Role: NYT!
SayItWithWookies: If you reduced that to “pleasant strolls… through a gin and Vicodin haze,” then I could give Dame Peggy deNoonington a run for her money.
The day Krauthammer wins the Pulitzer is the day I vomit blood.
(Just checked: Krauthammer has already won a Pulitzer… must have been that day I vomited blood.)
Why the fuck haven’t I ever heard of any of the people, except Eugene from KO, if they are so fanfuckingtastic???????????????????? Also, buttsecks
Gene Robinson? You’re kidding me!
That guy Paul Krugman, his blog is just full of all kindsa great ideas and commentary, and it’s like the Obamaoids think he’s the man, they just keep doing what he blogs, except they do it wrong, and then Paul gets cranky and blogs later about how they screwed it up.
And that guy Glenn Greenwald, he’s super smart and a constitutional lawywer and all, and his blog is full of references to laws and governmental source documents, and his blogging is always timely and courageous and …
What? Oh, never mind.
Don’t worry, in her drug-addled mind, a Magic Jesus Dolphin spouted a whole armful of Pulitzers (and a few Cable Ace and Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards for good measure) out of its blowhole for her. Praise Xanax!
What about George Will’s important contribution in the war against denim? What fabric has Eugene Robinson declared war on?? Obviously, not Muslin.
I’m just glad they didn’t give it to David Brooks. If I had to hear “Pulitzer Prize winning” before his name, I’d vomit in my shoes.
Canmon (the Inadequate): “Why is there no Pulitzer Prize for ’snark’?”
Are you ASKING to see Denby with an AK-47? Then again, he’s probably more the type for a pearl-handled pistol or other lady-type gun — that can still go right between your eyes, Canmon.
I’ll give Ol’ Peggy a Pulitzer* if you know what I mean.
*Pulitzer: Cambodian Tire Swing**
**Cambodian Tire Swing= (((Hot Carl) x 2) + (Dirty Sanchez)/(Jelly Donut) x Goatse)/(3 x Wild Boars) + 1 bottle seltzer
nmmagayar: They have this other thing called “newspapers.” But don’t worry, they’ll be gone soon, and we’ll have to line birdcages with something else.
5 Pulitzers, a half a billion bucks, and a business plan for the 21st century, will go a long way for the old gray lady. And I’m not referring to Noonan.
No, no, NO!!! to you, Jim Newell.
Why, for fuck’s sakes, would you use the name Peggy Noonington and the word “Pulitzer” in the same sentence? Or even the same century? Do you not realize that she stays alive only by ingesting even the most half-hearted approval of her alleged literary “gift?”
How the tripe this trollop types even qualifies for publication is beyond me. But, then, I guess certain parts of life are just destined to remain mysterious. Kinda like whateverthefuckitisshesonabout…
Serolf Divad: That Wikipedia article about Krauthammer must be totally jacked - it says there that he worked, haha this is funny, for the Carter administration!
peggy noonan is no susan boyle.
Crab1: Cambodian Tiger Swing? I think you just named the new Republican Protest Movement, sponsored by Fox News.
Serolf Divad: snideinplainsight: And they already gave George Will one, too. Is this like a self-esteem award for columnists? Everyone gets one, just for showing up.
Except Noonington, whose tears will light up the sky of Manhattan as she runs after every Mexican she sees, hearing the ghost of Reagan mutter sweet nothings in her ear, her gin safely hidden in tiny bottles encrusted with rubies and emeralds.
SayItWithWookies: That’s what the Nobel is for, silly.
Serolf Divad: If so, your excreta was inevitably more insightful than his.
Crab1: Stuff like that is the reason my advisees take Finite Math instead of College Algebra. Well, that and the fact that the community college offers it in the summer. Oh, and they hate Mexicans, also.
Canuckledragger: the tripe this trollop types
Pulitzer for alliteration goes to…Mr. Canuckl E. Dragger. Come on up here Mr. Dragger!
Finally, irrefutable proof that Rumproast readers are super classy:
http://www.rumproast.com/index.php/site/comments/even_our_commenters_are_award_winners/
Hey now, Kristol certainly deserves to win the prize, since he has continued Joseph Pulitzer’s great tradition of making shit up in order to create public support for war!
Serolf Divad: Cheer up, asserting one’s superiority over Charles Krauthammer is pretty easy: exercise some form of insight, tell the truth, or take a walk.
I never realized that Benjamin Franklin had a mullet.
Scandinavian Fetus: Slap on a tube-top, fire up a motorized cart and he would be Wal-Mart material.
SayItWithWookies: crushed it and then snorted it.
That Gene Robinson is amazing. One day he’s the first openly gay bishop in the Anglican communion and the next he’s winning a Pulitzer!
What’s that? Oh, never mind.
Oh dear, perhaps she she do some actual reporting on torture instead of suggesting we just “walk on by”, “nothing to see here”! My, what an illuminating tact for a reporter to take.
SayItWithWookies: Change “neo-Edwardian” to “pre-Vatican II Catholic” and “Upper East Side” to “Georgetown” and you’ve described past winner Mo Dowd.
Also, a lot of vomiting (blood and otherwise) on Pulitzer day. I’m happy I learn of these things from the solo comfort of my own domicile (and an empty stomach).
Finally. Pulitzer. In the tank.
user-of-owls: Thank you?
Kanye is going to be sooooooooo pissed.
I’m sorry but with today’s journalistic quality, I must refer to an old police radio code 827,
which translates to:
“Excuse me must you must have me confused with someone who gives a shit!”
Over and out!
No prize to the comic artist who drew the two cops and the dead Obama monkey? These awards have lost all their credibility.
2009 Pulitzer Prize Winners:
–Best Investigative Reporting: Cal McAffrey, The Washington Globe, for his series on the corrupt
U.S. Senator.
–Best Local Reporting: Brenda Starr, The Daily Grind, for her series on poisonous
additives in lipstick.
–Best Crime Reporting: Clark Kent, Lois Lane, The Daily Planet, for their continuing
work on stories about evil villains.
–Best Photography: Jimmy Olsen, The Daily Planet, see above.
–Best Photography: Peter Parker, The Daily Bugle, for amazing pictures of evil
villians.
The group of Pulitzer Prize winners this year are excellent. Read the stories, look at the photographs. They are excellent examples of quality journalism–and that’s the truth. We should thank, and congratulate, all of the nominees and winners. They represent the best in journalism.
Serolf Divad: “Charles Krauthammer, winner of the 1987 Pulitzer Prize for distinguished commentary,”
WTF kind of Pulitzer is that?
“Distinguished Commentary” is just another way to say “happy bullshit”
I stopped being interested in the Pulitzer once I realized it wasn’t gold and therefore not freely convertable into Paultard Dollars or Ameros, whichever is currently considered the worst.