Wonkette
Man, times have changed! These days we only care about the economy and houses and jobs and such utterly boring twattery, whereas just six or seven short months ago there was literally NOTHING in the news except for marvelous McCain campaign premortems showcasing the descent of an idealistic war-hero candidate into madness, confusion, cynical race-baiting, and ineptitude, led over a cliff by a cadre of “savvy” advisers and one attractive Alaskan woman with facial tattoos. And from this swamp of misery emerges one mossy corpse named Steve Schmidt, the bald guru who first convinced McCain of the necessity of “message discipline,” of which McCain later proved utterly incapable.
Steve Schmidt once worked for George W. Bush, who did actually manage to stay “on message,” to a pretty infuriating degree. So Schmidt joined the McCain campaign in the spring with the promise that he could help McCain at least have a shot at winning, as long as McCain didn’t say goofball things every five minutes.
Of course, this was impossible.
ANYHOW, back to Steve Schmidt: he has decided that his party, the Republican one, has to quit being such prudes about gay marriage if they’re going to convince anyone besides 68-year-old Wal-Mart greeters to vote for them. And he will say as much today to a group of known Republican homosexuals, called “The Log Cabin Republicans” due to their fondness for situating their “logs” in capacious brown structures.
“It cannot be argued that marriage between people of the same sex is un American or threatens the rights of others,” he says in the speech. “On the contrary, it seems to me that denying two consenting adults of the same sex the right to form a lawful union that is protected and respected by the state denies them two of the most basic natural rights affirmed in the preamble of our Declaration of Independence — liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hmm, sounds pretty socialist!
John McCain claimed not to support gay marriage, but seriously, does anybody think he actually gave a shit about what gays do on the weekends? And this, “my friends,” is why he and his many former advisors are just barely allowed to be Republicans anymore.
Ex-McCain aide to call for gay marriage support [Political Ticker]
WTF, poeple!!!! Doesn’t Schmidt realize that there’s a gay-assed storm brewing?
That sound you’re hearing is all of America Blog’s commenters collectively wetting their pants.
Will the real Republican Party please stand up?
Guys like Schmidt don’t seem to fit anymore…but I can’t imagine that the Palin wing will take over.
Off topic, but I need a good DC bar with a patio. I’m closing down early today.
John McCain is the biggest fag hag in Washington.
as long as Sarah PAC keeps advertising on Wonkette, how can she lose?
called “The Log Cabin Republicans” due to their fondness for situating their “logs” in capacious brown structures.
I lol’d.
Bah. It’s not the real Steve Schmidt; it’s just Jeff Gannon in a fat suit.
Schmidt is a loathsome toad, but he’s not a stupid one. However, many of the folks in his party are and this is just going to make things all the more amusing.
I thought the day the snark died would have been Nov 4, 2008, but apparently not.
hockeymom: “Y’all act like you never seen a gay person before
Jaws all on the floor . . . But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there’s no reason that a man and another man can’t elope” — Steve Schmidt
People are morans…flash forward to the summer of 2012….Michelle Bachman and Sarah Palin give each other a lasting soulful kiss on the podium. Hopey loses.
Maybe this will finally get rid of Texas.
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!:
Only in my lesbian fantasy day dreams. Well, sort of. Replace Michelle and Sarah with Eva Mendes and Charlize Theron.
The Republican Party has conservatarded itself to to the point where it’s now small enough to be drowned in Barney Frank’s bathtub.
[/paraphrasing Steve Schmidt]
Capitol Hillbilly: I click on the Snowbilly PAC a lot just so she will keep sending her advertising dollars to Wonkette. It’s shallow but it makes me laugh. I love a post slamming her moronic delusions of grandeur right next to her smug SarahPAC mug.
That delicious sound you’re hearing is the sound of libertarians splitting from the social conservatives.
“We need to side with them to get the homo vote, I know what im talking about. Don’t you know who I am ??? I’m theee Steve fucking Schmidt ? you remember the success?? ”
You can tell he’s an epic failure because he’s not full-time FoxNews contributor.
PrairiePossum: Sorry, wrong. Houston has a large and well-organized contingent of “teh gayz”.
ManchuCandidate: Appreciate that image, there Manchu. Now I won’t get any work done for days.
Makes me think the Republicans can forge a comeback quicker than I thought.
At least the Jesus freak Republican base will have to watch this gay acceptance as they grow old and die in a world they don’t get.
holy shit!!! somebody needs to tell schmidt that these guys are HOMOs. (and they admit it). what’s next ,millions of grass roots intellectuals rising up against the tyranny of taxation without representation?
ZOMG I just had the best idea for a facial piercing! Miniature Trucknutz that hang from your labret stud, their majestic sphericity nestled in the swelling fullness of your chin-cleft. The Republican rent-boy market alone must be HUGE!
Plz send venture capital munnies to SmutBoffin, c/o Wonkette, Testicular Gags Division.
isn’t he the guy who thought sarah palin and suspending the campaign to fix the economy were genius ideas? well i suppose even a broken clock…
The Declaration of Independence has a preamble? Is that in the article before or after the one establishing bicameral trucknutz?
WHEN WILL IT STOP Republicans? You want man to marry DOGS, too, we can guess?
These Republicans and their love of GAYS are tearing this country apart. Vote Liberal Democrat— we hate teh gays.
AxmxZ: Libertarians are just conservatives who hate Jesus. Go over to Reason. They’re pretty conflicted over the gays. Liberty as it applies to contracts between consenting adults? I dunno… sounds kinda faggy. Liberty as not paying taxes? AGREE OR DIE COMMIE.
Capitol Hillbilly: Seek: Surprisingly, the FAQ at SnowbillyPAC.com didn’t come close to answering any of my frequently asked questions.
Dave J.: Oh, man! Hilarious.
…2012 is going to be AWESOME!!! The nutcases have completely taken over the Rethuglican party. They have completely abandoned the facade of being “moderate” and have decided to sprint as far into the Neo-Nazi, white separatist realm of the party. Whoever they prop up as the “standard bearer” of the party in 2012, will go down faster than a high school girl on prom night! And that is when the real shyt(most likely semi-chunky diarrhea) is going to hit the fan, as everyone begins to play blame game. Fiscal conservatives are going to blame the Jesus freaks, the Jesus freaks are going to blame the libertarian and the libertarians are going to blame the Fiscal conservatives. Forming one great big circular cluster fukk!!!
Seek: When is this woman going away? She keeps coming back like a bad freakin’ dream. Kinda like my stalker first wife.
For about the thirtieth year running, the most hopeless and pathetic special interest group in America, the Log Cabin Republicans.
Crab1: Trio’s Fox and Hound, 17th and Q NW (I’m pretty sure). Good bar, nice patio, good food.
But what will the Republicans run on now?
Capricatony: Close. Libertarians are Republicans who like to smoke pot, want to smoke tobacco in restaurants, and want to get abortions for their girlfriends … assuming they ever find any! (Maybe that Fox-chick avatar on Second Life would give ‘em a tumble?)
The “hating Jesus” stuff is probably only true of about half of ‘em — the ones who read a lot of Harlan Ellison and such.
InsidiousTuna: Sweet. The pitchers better be at economically responsible prices.
proudgrampa: Well condolences on the stalker first wife, but as long as the head Queen Snowbilly and her ilk and get are sucking up the Conservative oxygen I can be happy. I want to see her slaughtering turkeys literally and metaphorically in 2012 and beyond. No one but a Duh Yup secessionist moron, sorry Moran, would dream of voting for her but it sucks the life out of any realistic candidate and keeps the discussion firmly in the far fringes of polite discourse.
Crab1: I’ve got no clue about prices on pitchers of beer, but I enjoyed many an afternoon there last summer.
Also, it’s in kind of a gay area, so I’m sure you could find “pitchers” if you were so inclined.
Seek: excellent suggestion. thank you.
That picture made me cream a little bit, but I know it’ll be in my nightmares for the next decade. John McCain licking John McCain licking John McCain… ugh.
Crab1: OH! I almost forgot. Gin and Tonic there- Full glass of gin with ice, and a little bottle of tonic. Order the mixed drinks.
Crab1: How about the Fox and Hound in Dupont Circle? There’s some place in Adams Morgan with a rooftop patio as well. Just stay away from the edge, man.
Crab1: Lucky Bar has a wee patio, also, prob good prices on yer beer pitcher.
Crab1: Also, it’s 17th and P, not Q. Sorry.
Studge: I already suggested Fox and Hound.
With a tongue like McGrumpy’s (or 3), no wonder Meghan is all smiles.
I will never stop loving that graphic.
Megs suggested the same thing on the Daily Beast the other day: http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-04-13/a-gayer-gop/
Why wasn’t WALNUTS! getting this kind of advice before the election, HENNGGGGHHHHH?
Studge: Crab1: The Reef. best views and redneck-boat owner subculture would at Cantina Marina. if you dare enter SW..
Crab1: In honor of this post, may I suggest the Eagle?
Capitol Hillbilly: Palin has it wrong with this Wonkette ad — she needs to start soliciting funds on Craigslist.
That tongue graphic perfectly caps off a week celebrating teabagging.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out why Sarah Palin would advertise her PAC on Wonkette (see left column)? She’s stupid, but this is just weird.
Crab1: go to Marvin - think the roof deck’s open
He’s still giving impossible advice. The Republicans would lose the Evangelists, the Palin-worshippers, and the extreme war hawks. They’d have nobody left.
SayItWithWookies: Well yeah actually the declaration does. Its the first two paragraphs before the charges are itemized. Or its just the second paragraph. Not really important as to which. But he got that one right.
Shit happens…
yellowdogdem: wonky answer: Google ads puts it where it sees text mentioning her.
Funny answer: Google ads just looks for her name not whether it is nice things or bad things said.
This “revelation” follows a very typical republican pattern. Follow along: (1) Formerly semi-relevant Republican X drops ridiculously stupid and myopic position on republican “issue” du jour, usually some cynical and mean-spirited attack on some particular group of Americans. (2) Every other republican, knowing the consequences of slightly upsetting the mouth-breathing base, denounces “Republican X’s departure from conservative ideas (or values, when appropriate).” (3) Republicans continue their march back to the mid-19th century while pointing to Republican X as evidence of their “big tent” or party diversity. Some other republican becomes Republican X on another stupid base-exciting issue.
AngryBlakGuy: You paint one sexy ass picture.
pat robertsons personal trainer: You forgot to mention how Republican X still has a chance to lick metaphorical wingnuttery ass by claiming their words were “taking out of context” before getting excommunicated.
Capricatony: iolanthe: Yeah, I mostly go with the Thom Hartmann take that libertarians are conservatives who want to have the option to smoke the herb and get laid. Presumably with the gender(s)/species of their choice — assuming they are actually libertarians.
I don’t know about the jeebus-hating part. Or teh gayz-hating for that matter, though I suspect that the extreme aspects of the ideology DO appeal to many who DO hate their fellow-citizens who do not share their own particular (or peculiar?), possibly secret (or disgusting?), sexual orientation.
Who cares, the whole world will end in 2012 anyway. Also.
i would just like to express my gratitude for whoever makes the decision to use the mccain gif. please. moar. as often as possible, actually.
yall just itch for moments when you can use that mccain avatar, don’t you?
BillyClubb: Steers Beers and Queers
skutre: Cowboys
The Log Cabin Republicans welcomed Steve Schmidt with a reach-around circle jerk, then assigned him to marry Trent Lott.
Seek: From SarahPAC: ” In August 2008, Senator John McCain tapped Governor Palin.”
That explains everything.
BillyClubb: You mean the AREN’T going to succeed? No matter what we do?
Honestly, I though making the black President would’ve gotten rid of everything between Atlanta and Dallas, but no, they bitters just keep clinging.
It’s time for the nuclear option, people, let’s take away their guns and make them all go to “Non-violent Conflict Resolution” classes. We have to get the to succeed from the Union, otherwise how can we invade them for their oil?