Wonkette
Condi Rice wrote an article for Tina Brown’s Internet Welfare Program For Lonely Republican Spinsters, and it is all about her new favorite game, golf. Somebody who knows something about golf might be able to “analyze” this article but we are not Deadspin over here so let’s just pick out some funny quotes.
There is something weirdly Noonan-esque about the informal stylings of Condi Rice: a knowingness combined with complete bafflement with the modern world; decorum mixed with the occasional nugget of blunt old person-y wisdom.
- “Borrowing language from Anne’s generation, I said, ‘Duh?’”
- “The people are very kind. Clearly, the faces at Augusta are changing as America is changing. But there is a timelessness to it that is very nice. Everything runs on time at Augusta but nothing is hurried.”
- “My foot was there and I happily stood on the rope.”
- “We returned to Atlanta where I played myself (very well, actually) and followed the Masters from afar.”
- “It was also a great moment for Argentina—a country with terrible politics and wonderful people.”
Sure, Condi uses three words where Peggy would use thirteen, but besides that they are basically soul twins. The point of the article is this: Condoleezza Rice saw some golf at a pretty golf course, and then some guy she didn’t care about won. Also she knows Tiger Woods.
My Weekend on Tiger’s Trail [The Daily Beast]
Did she take up golf just to give it up for something?
So there were two black folks (not the help) at Augusta!
No golf themed Blingee? I guess the 14 year olds and the Wonketteers (only people who use Blingee) don’t have that much use for golf Blingees.
Why did Condi write this piece? Shouldn’t she be working on her “book”?
Condi Rice plays golf?! It can’t be true; how could she swing a golf club with a spine that won’t bend?
“We returned to Atlanta where I played myself (very well, actually) and followed the Masters from afar.”
Who knew that golf was so kinky?
She putts from the rough.
Wow. Is it any surprise that she writes like a fourth-grader giving a book report? I have new-found respect for Meghan McCain.
Clearly, the faces at Augusta are changing as America is changing.
A nice, unthreatening-to-whitey way of saying “A generation ago I wouldn’t have been allowed in the parking lot, much less the audience at Augusta.” But I guess that’s the sort of politeness you learn growing up in Bombingham, Alabama.
BillyClubb: She couldn’t play at Disgustus. No womens. It’s the rules. And she also has that Black thing, but they aren’t allowed to shun them, as there’d be no Tiger in the tank. Let me see, there were fifty years between enfranchisement of Blacks and Women, so I guess Disgustus will admit women to their esteemed presence in some few decades.
Such a great playground for a Judas sheep. Her book should be called Homilies from a House Slave or similar.
Mission Accomplished Condi, enjoy your new career.
I’m glad they let her in. Progress!
But, where are the Mexicans?
I played myself, too, and it felt so good that I did it again later.
Condi Rice’s Big Adventure came when she stuck her hand in my shorts.
The one eyed snake spewed venom up to her elbow.
This is no Michelle this is a Woman.
It’s no secret, but standing on a golf course is the closest Condi’s ever gotten to balls and shaft.
“My foot was there and I happily stood on the rope.”
What the fuck is that? Was she involved in some sort of sick GOP trapeze-based sex act? Is ‘rope’ a euphemism??
It would be such an honor to play golf with Condi that I would wash my balls before playing with her.
Argentina has “terrible politics”? Wasn’t she part of the worst administration in modern American history?
I don’t suppose she means ‘playing herself’ in the Jeru Da Damaja sense.
NoWireHangers:
But plenty of “divets” is what I assume you are saying.
“They made me feel welcome with those charming lawn jockeys!”
We returned to Atlanta where I gave an impromptu concert of whistling, using the enormous gap between my two front teeth.
youareanidiot: Don’t sell them short. Let’s say all of American history.
I love the irony of a black woman praising the beauty of Augusta.
I would make some crack about her handling a woody but I don’t think she swings that way. Sorry, I don’t know anything about golf.
NoWireHangers: It’s no secret, but standing on a golf course is the closest Condi’s ever gotten to balls and shaft.
So those rumors of her being known as ‘Condi the Cum-Guzzler’ at the White House aren’t true then?
“The placid, well managed ambiance of Augusta briefly removed me from the thoughts of all the catastrophes that I had helped to spawn.”
Shorter Condi;
“I’m finally done with that old job and I just don’t give a shyte about what is going on in the world now. Now then, does anyone still like me?”
Does this mean she’s finally coming out. As everyone knows lady golfer is one of the secret code words for lesbian.
V572625694: Yeah, I guess Annie Lennox was right in her little aptly named ditty, “Sisters are doing it for themselves.”
She had me at, “My foot was there…” [single tear; cue the crashing waves; teabag]
She didn’t say how she thought Tiger Woods was doing as President and how he can find time from saving the economy to play golf? What the hell kind of reporter is she?
UncleTom: Yeah, like twenty years ago, old man. Get with the times, bro. As if golf wasn’t sexy enough already, now lady golfers look like this.
wonderboom: Head hurts.
NSFW !!!!lol
I thought National Review’s The Corner was the internet welfare program for Republican spinsters?
Styrofoam Boots: Isn’t the guy who won a Mexican?
“My foot was there”, and after this gig, time for some serious shoe-shoppin’.
“It was also a great moment for Argentina—a country with terrible politics and wonderful people.”
Che boluda! Anda al diablo, puta hecha de mierda.
Translation: I had to say the same thing about being ‘merican for eight long years.
NoWireHangers: Monsieur Grumpe:UncleTom: Seriously tho, the only way she could become any more stereotypically lesbian would be a guest spot on the L Word.
Keram2: Che boluda? Careful — some Eye-talian is creeping into your Spainish.
When’s her “tome” due for publication?
You know, “My Tongue Ups W’s Ass” ?
Brendan M.: hate to break it to you but gulbis most def plays for my team. that would be the big lesbo team.
Wow, golfer, concert pianist, war criminal; and not in that order.