Wonkette
- WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO IS WRITE ANOTHER NYT OP-ED DESCRIBING THE INS-AND-OUTS OF RESOLVING A COMMODITY BUSINESS: Jake DeSantis, the AIG executive who recently penned a very nuanced take in the New York Times about why he deserves a publicly funded $750,000 bonus that otherwise would’ve been laughed out of bankruptcy court, is still working at that damn company, even though his NYT column was supposedly a resignation letter. Anyone have a ballpark figure on how long it takes to “resolve a commodity business?” [Daily Intel]
Anybody know how quickly you can grab a pitch fork and string up the fucker?
His wife read that letter in the times and un-resigned that boy, doncha know.
He’s just sticking around hoping everyone else will forget about him and then AIG will pay him his bonus. Either that or him supposedly working for $1/year is complete bullshit. Or both.
“Quit” is very nuanced verb.
Ha! My boyfriend owes me $20 for suggesting that it wasn’t the most cynical piece of writing in the NY Times Op Ed column for 2009. Well, I have to wait until 2010 to collect, but I’m pretty sure I’ve won this one.
Anyone have a ballpark figure on how long it takes to “resolve a commodity business?”
Too damn long.
shortsshortsshorts: The whole deathmatch thing seems really appealing.
This may be off-topic, but . . . .
Shocking, SHOCKING news from the Left Coast, and La-La Land in particular, today, as Phil Spector is convicted of murder.
I know what you’re thinking: How can the U.S. of A. possible hope for an Olympic Gold Medal in Free Pistol if we persecute our experts in the field?
(Do you know how hard it is to kill an aging blonde bimbo bit-part movie star “hostess”?
Even at close range, there’s no brain to go for on a headshot . . . .
Yet Phil took out The Most Dangerous Game with a short-barrel .38. And while being treated with medicial alcohol, too!)
Phil Spector: 2nd Amendment Martyr!
Neilist: Not to remain off topic, but doesn’t Spector look like a cross between Mick Jagger and Manuel Noriega with a Jonah Goldberg head of hair?
He’s going to stay there “over the short term to help make sure no balls are dropped.” Again with the teabagging!
The only way this whole “I’m quitting AIG cause I’m not getting any bonus taxpayer monies” is based on two very flawed assumptions:
1) Mr AIG Wuss has actual principles besides whoring for money
2) Mr AIG Wuss has awareness of an outside world beyond his own needs
Neilist: The California courts did the right thing by acquitting OJ Simpson and Robert Blake. How can this miscarriage of justice stand, with one of our nation’s Celebrities found guilty. It’s un-American. I recommend sending teabags to the Los Angeles Superior Court.
shortsshortsshorts: Home Depot sells bothe three and four-pronged pitchforks. I would go with the three. It’s more traditional.
When your company’s assets are zero it shouldn’t take that much time. Of course AIG’s assets amounted to much less than that, so it could take longer. This is truly a civilized country — back when that Leeson guy drove his bank in ruptcy by gambling on highly-leveraged derivatives, he went to jail. These jokers bitch and moan about how they’re not getting their bonuses. We’ve made a lot of progress as a nation of thieves.
Come here a minute: Just for the record:
As many of you in here have gathered, I’m a Certified Gun Nut.
And I’ve done my fair share of boozing. And I’ve had some heated arguments with lady friends.
But I have never, in my entire life, drunk or sober, angry or calm, pointed a pistol at a woman.
I blame the whole LAPD and LA D.A. Office “starstruck” mentality that let OJ get away with equivalent bullshit for years. But I still hope the little asshole Spector gets buggered by every brother in the cellblock.
And that has nothing to do with the fact that I met the victim, Lara Clarkson, at the House of Blues Foundation Room one night, back when a security company I own part of had a corporate membership.
(In constrast, the only thing I would convict Robert Blake on is filing the serial numbers off an antique, WWII Walther P-38. Dear God: The man must be a SAVAGE.)
Another NYT “columnist” lies. Ho hum. How is this more a lie than Bill Kristol being sold to us as a “thinker,” “writer,” and “columnist?”
Does anyone remember, one of these retirement investment houses used to have an ad: it would show a very expensive car and talk up its sybaritic features in a seductive manner. Then in a deadpan voice the announcer would say: “The amount of money you spent on that car could be a million dollars , if kept it in one of our funds, by the time you retire.” The message being that if you scrimp now it will pay off in the future. Well, God damn, wouldn’t these assholes million dollar bonuses go a long way towards increasing the the value of the investment, especially after accruing interest for years. How does the argument that they make a lot of money not apply to the people that guard Fort Knox? They guard a lot of money. Also, paying anyone these outrageous sums is bad for democracy. As it gives the benefactors money to bribe the shit out of our politicians. Oh yeah, truck nutz.
Yeah, why do I suspect that if the vast majority of America’s top decided to “go Galt” it would probably play out a lot like this.
Anyone have a ballpark figure on how long it takes to “resolve a commodity business?”
It depends on if you wear a diaper or not, but figure on at least an hour.
Serolf Divad: “Going Galt” reminds me of an opportunistic redneck who see’s his niece and realizes his devices have a chance of persuading her. Therefore going Galt is doomed to have a jail sentence, or at least a lost trailer.
Min:
I always thought it was 8 days. I figure if the Gud Lawrd Jaysus Chraist’s fadda can make the universe in 7 days, we’ll give some of those less inclined to do work an extra day to think about it.
shortsshortsshorts: Now, you see, with enough lube, you can “Go Galt” in just 15 minutes.
one small consolation; which of you would trade places with this paragon of capitalism for all his money? i’d rather be tea bagged with truck nutz
Canmon (the Inadequate): If you actually decide to use it to turn your compost pile, you’ll find the fourth tine helps stabilize the material you are working with. And since after the revolution where we usurp the bankers we will all be obligated to grow our own food you’ll thank me for convincing you to forego tradition on this point.
Canmon is fine. You can fuck off though.
- Fuck off.
Neilist: Back when I had an FFL I had several WWII P-38’s. They really were nothing very special. I would never have traded my pre-war PPK for a P-38. The jam problem a lot of people experienced with the PPK was never an issue with the one I had. I think the quality declined towards the end of the war, and continuing after, but even then the PPK was damned fine except for the occasional jam.
Jake DeSantis should be posthumously (and doing it posthumously is a gift to him) broken down into the various naturally occurring chemicals and fats that make up the human body, and then sold as the small amounts of those various commodities. His face should probably be fed into a wood chipper to assist in the growing of vegetables mentioned, but even his skin could be tanned, stretched out and made into luxurious furniture leather. Of course if he presented any problems during the execution those things could be done to him, uh, pre-posthumously? (Redundant oxymoron? I don’t know what to call that critter of a word I just made up.)
Or we could just take his money and make him live in Detroit. That’s awfully cruel though.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: I dunno; sometimes it takes overnight, even with the new propylene glycol stuff that replaces milk of magnesia. I forget when these guys assured us the mess was 80% unwound, but it seems to me it should have been finished by now. Maybe Zeno is involved.
Darkness: Maybe you missed how this is going down. The fucking bankers just made out like bandits. The way I see it they owe our nation, and all of us who live here, several hundred million man hours of labor. They’ve already been paid in full.
Peace, Wonketteers.
Maybe we’ll get some good news tomorrow…
2druk2phluq: I really fell for the baretta’s …never jams..even on cheap ammo and just has nice smmoth action …love the 380 cheetah.. also, I’m resonably certain banker remains are hazardous waste, so safety first!!!!!!
On a related topic, a Mr. Benjamin N. Dover, III, has written to the FDIC as about Geithner’s PPIP (pdf):
http://www.fdic.gov/llp/comments/llp108.pdf
Frankly, I think it sounds largely like what has been proposed, only taken to its logical conclusion.
Canmon (the Inadequate): I would go with three although for a different reason. The more tines you have, the less pressure is exerted on each individual one, so four hurts less than three. On second thought, a spear would be better. Preferably thrust in and out. And Mel Gibson. Also.
engulfedinflames: I’d trade checking accounts, houses, and cars with him and I haven’t even seen any of his.
My Resolve instructions tell me to dab it on the stain, wait five minutes, scrub the carpet with a damp cloth, and then vacuum. What’s the problem?
The whole point of anal retention bonuses is paying to keep assholes.
This asshole’s a keeper.
Canmon (the Inadequate): While pronged implements certainly have a cinematic appeal, a good old fashioned blunt force tool seems more appropriate in this case. Say, a ten pound sledge, swung underhanded, right in the tea bags.
A commodity business is a valuable fucking thing. You don’t just give it away.
To be fair, he quit AIG and now works for the AIG’s Canadian subsidiary Eh? Eye Gee.