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WOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW: OOH LOOKY HERE, the deadline for governors to accept stimulus funds is today, and the last three holdouts in the country — Bobby Jindal, Sarah Palin and even Mark “Queen Welfare Queen” Sanfordhave decided to accept allllllllllll of their allotted portions, after ranting for months and months about how accepting that money would destroy their state economies and add trillions in new terrible debt and force them raise taxes to 14,000% within a week just to pay a SINGLE TEACHER. Mark Sanford, of course, accepted this toxic money while still calling Obama a moron for allowing him to do so, because now he’s just going to launder it. [McClatchy]

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  • Bearbloke

    I say make Sanford beg for it, like the bitch he is…

  • Red Zeppelin

    Dear Mr Preznit: We iz gone take da monies to help R x-clent edookashun cistem in Sous Carlinny.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Jindal-Palin-Sanford, the axis of evil

  • sevenrepeat

    i’m just guessing that sarah needed bail money for her sis-in-law diana; and for some new j. crew threads inspired by our first lady.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    He’s just going to use the money to subsidize free cigarettes for kids.

  • Hedley Lamar

    This is like the consolation heat in the governor special olympics.

  • Come here a minute
  • CaliforniaMike

    If Piyush and Sarah were to mate, their offspring might look like Mark Sanford.

  • Suds McKenzie

    [re=281033]Hedley Lamar[/re]: nice one “Headey”

  • Min

    Part of the stimulus money is going to pay for special shoes to fit his feet of clay.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    As if things weren’t bad enough in South Carolina’s economy! Now they have to take stimulus money for rebuilding? What the hell?
    Mark Sanford is America’s last great hero. He is like the Davy Crockett of fail. After trying so hard to make the Democrats out to be spending NAZIs and/or pushovers, he has just effectively destroyed any chance of becoming President in 2012, when Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber will take back the White House:

  • AngryBlakGuy

    PUSSY!!!

  • assistant/atlas

    Hey guys, remember when we didn’t have to explain Keynesian macroeconomics to Republicans? …That was awesome.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Just relax, Governor, and let the President impose his largesse upon you. Now, now — the more you struggle, the more unpleasant it’s going to be. For all of us. Well, that’s a lie — for you. Mmmmmmmm…first time?

  • Hedley Lamar

    [re=281038]Suds McKenzie[/re]: That’s *Hedley*!

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Oh Sarah, please, go spend $30-40 million on some clothes, deck furniture, new snowmobiles, etc. No one will miss the money and it’s helping your state economy.

  • Canuckledragger

    I’ve got nothing to add about the douchetards taking the money they swore they’d eschew.

    I did note, however, that Jim “The Ginger” Newell has sporadically created alt text for some of today’s postings.

    Has he been replaced by a replicant? Or should we just demand a urine sample to make sure he’s not “on” something?

    Because this is not the hallmark of the Jim Newell we’ve all come to know and love.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Guverner: And the political win in this is? But then we all forget, these are Republicans. They will believe whatever Rush, O’really and Joe the-not-a-Plumber tell them to believe.

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=281051]Canuckledragger[/re]: I for one wish to have no part of a ginger’s urine.

  • Magnus Maximus

    Hey, they’re actually gonna take all that cash and, like, use it to buy shit? Everyone knows that money’s only useful when it’s being used to artificially prop up worthless investment papers!

    SUCKERZ

  • TeddyS

    President Obama called Sanford from Europe to apologize for already striking South Carolina from the list of monies, having believed the Goobernor was a man of his word. “Sorry, Mark, I used that cash to buy the Queen an iPod and a bunch of music and some first-class weed that the Thai prime minister hauled in. You go eat a magnolia, bitch.”

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=281051]Canuckledragger[/re]: I believe young Master Newell has already explained that he deigns add alt text whenever he feels that delicate, yet divine hand of inspiration touch him lightly on the shoulder whilst imbued in the spirit of creation.

    Also, when he’s not feeling lazy.

  • NoWireHangers

    On a side note, you’ve really been posted up a storm for the past 2 days, Jim. I’ve enjoyed it thoroughly. U are my favorite Wonkette.

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=281051]Canuckledragger[/re]: …and our Peggles Nooniemacher ends her column today grandly concerned about grandiosity!

    Indeed the pot doth calleth the former potter negroid.

  • MarieDeGournay

    I guess the BLUNT letter actually did break Sanford’s kneecaps.

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=281062]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:

    I thought he was a blog slave. BEAT HIM LAYNE MAKE HIM GIVE US ALT!

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Well, when the economy totally collapses due to overspending, I guess we know who to blame.

  • MalS

    Whew, that GOP had me on the edge of my seat for weeks. I don’t know if I can stand too many more of these cliffhangers.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    “The stimulus package … provides $8 billion to South Carolina for Medicaid payments, road and bridge repairs and construction, unemployment benefits, police, tax cuts and a host of other needs.”

    What the hell is Sanford’s problem with any of the above? What a tool. I eagerly await Sanford, Piyush & Snowbilly’s explanations of why they’re backtracking on this.

  • Atheist Nun

    [re=281067]Tommmcatt[/re]: Ken Layne gives good ALT.

  • groove

    [re=281023]Red Zeppelin[/re]: That was painful to read.

  • Scandalabra

    Whenever I see that Sarahpac ad, the word Sapphic comes to mind. Discuss.

  • The Unfairman

    [re=281063]NoWireHangers[/re]: Kissing ass will get you nowhere.

    Nevermind! Start the ass kissing here (_|_)

  • smellyal8r

    [re=281087]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Well, because all those programs help POOR people and they don’t VOTE for him. Dontcha get it? All these folks who have all this big talk are talking from states that are generally at the bottom of the socio-economic ladder (Alaska, Mississippi, Louisiana, South Carolina…and then Texas because we think we are a nation) and don’t want to admit that they are still Appalachia in the ’60s. During the campaign, Obama saw what these Republican idiots failed to see…hence the money.

  • widestanceromancer

    [re=281108]The Unfairman[/re]: and end it here:

    )*(

  • CaliforniaMike

    [re=281098]Scandalabra[/re]: Well, if it’s hot Sarah on Bristol action, maybe.

  • ServiceJervixJuice

    Sanford, you’re a weaselly little pussy, and I pray that your tighty-whiteys have been causing you erectile dysfunctions, and continue to do so.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=281109]smellyal8r[/re]: You know I’ve been on unemployment before. It’s not like you’re going to get rich & not look for work by raking in $250 every two weeks (unless you live in your parent’s basement & don’t have to buy anything–ever). These assholes who think people stay on unemployment because they’re too lazy to look for work have obviously never been on unemployment. Also.

  • CaliforniaMike

    [re=281121]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: $250 every two weeks? Is that what Texas pays? If you had a good income in California ($46k or more), it’s $900 every two weeks. Of course, it’s a lot cheaper to live in Texas, I suppose.

  • WadISay

    Events will sort of prove Sanford right: after spending the money, South Carolina will still be a third-world shithole.

  • smellyal8r

    [re=281121]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I understand. I grew up on unemployment (good old NM relief) and food stamps to boot. It gave me a better understanding of the social safety net (and also why I tend to just hand cash out the window to people on street corners…no “overhead” between me and them). Sanford, et al are Reagan disciples thinking everyone’s a “welfare queen” with a brand new car parked in front of their shanty.

    CalMike: I’ll head your way and lose work. Sweet deal. I guess that started post-Joad, eh?

  • The Unfairman

    [re=281114]widestanceromancer[/re]:

    Or here ()()=====|)

    Okay, let’s stop now.

  • smellyal8r

    [re=281123]WadISay[/re]: I think Gov. Sanford’s boyfriend, Jesus Christ, made a lot of comments about taking care of “the least of these” while not saying a word about homos or abortion. Mark may want to pay closer attention since we are probably at the two Sundays a year this a-hole attends church (Palm Sunday and Easter). Oh, and PS Piyush Jindal and STFU Palin are also wed to the Risen Lord.

  • Servo

    Plannin’ on expanding the DoE Savannah River Site, Gov? Nuclear waste makes some big ol’ catfish, eh?

  • CaliforniaMike

    [re=281127]smellyal8r[/re]: Post Raygun too.

  • artbot2000

    Sanford would like to be President. But JUST IN CASE that doesn’t work out, he’s taking the money. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=281094]Atheist Nun[/re]:

    Sometimes to multiple pics at one time!

  • President Beeblebrox

    The Queen called. She’d like to have South Carolina back.

  • ChatteringClass

    [re=281047]Hedley Lamar[/re]: Blazing Saddles FTW! (Srsly my favorite Mel Brooks movie of all time)

  • Gallowglass

    Barry should make them come to the White House and suck out the stimulus cash from a fleshy money hose coming out of a FDR sex doll.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=281098]Scandalabra[/re]: I’d watch that on PPV, but I’d have to get pretty drunk first.

  • Serolf Divad

    Mark Sanford is that shit-talking weasel who keeps going on about how he’s going to kick Vinnie Spilculnick’s ass one of these days. Then, when it’s on and the the day arrives and everybody’s gathered in the parking lot after school waiting to witness the epic fight, he never shows up. Then the next day he doesn’t show up to school. Then a couple of days later you learn that the whole Sanford family moved to Missouri because Marks dad got offered a job there.

  • El Pinche

    Mark Sanford is sweat from a baboon’s balls.

  • HughJennicks

    Look for the new sitcom on FOX:
    Sanford and Scum

  • lampadadog

    There goes That One again, giving handouts to the Ungrateful Poors just as fast as he can print the cheques.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=281122]CaliforniaMike[/re]: It’s been a few years since I’ve been on unemployment, but I’m sure it’s still not an amount equal to say…the lottery! (or any amount where you lose all sense of pride & decide you don’t need to get a real job anymore!)

  • On the Border

    Isn’t “Mark Sanford” the in-house label at Macy’s?

  • CaliforniaMike

    [re=281160]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: No, but when you’re one of about a billion journalists thrown out of work in the last year, it at least pays for teh hookers and teh booze.

  • CaliforniaMike

    [re=281135]artbot2000[/re]: Prez’nit of WHAT?

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=281108]The Unfairman[/re]: [re=281114]widestanceromancer[/re]: Hey now! I’m not that kind of girl. Unless I’m realllllllllllllly drunk…

  • S.Luggo

    [re=281030]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: And powder blue, BB buttoned down shirts for their polo engagements. (See Sanford’s photo.) If you can’t dress right [no pun intended], you can’t be subsidized right.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=281147]Serolf Divad[/re]: You are too cruel to Sanford.
    He had an allergy.

  • ghardcastle

    Oh the ironing…On a somewhat unrelated note, my parents recently got an incredibly creepy donation request letter from some christian charity with a picture of something like Sarah Palin, the Todd and a moose handing out whale blubber to Inuits. (I may be exaggerating that last part a bit, but it was definitely her)

  • schvitzatura

    Much of the stimulus will go to attracting a second GlaxoSmithKline Massengill Douche/Goody’s Powders plant to the the Palmetto (Bug) State, assuredly.

    Clean twats and clear thinking for South Carolina’s future!

  • smellyal8r

    [re=281137]President Beeblebrox[/re]: No, I think it is the one she’d leave behind. The other 12 colonies, they’re OK (well, Georgia…the prison farm…still is).

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=281202]smellyal8r[/re]: Yeah, I asked my friend in the UK if they’d be willing to take back the Puritans and criminals whose descendants populate certain red states now, and he said they’d rather not. Oh well, we tried.

  • Biscuit

    If by some chance all this “stimulus” does not magically make the economy all better again by 2012, Sanford could very well be our next president. I am an extreme pessimist, and I see nothing but backlash in the future. Republicans are douchebags but they have half the equation right – increased and uncontrolled government spending is not going to restore prosperity and may result in devastating inflation in a year or two. Unfortunately, they would be doing the same thing if they were in power, it’s just all the money would be going to kill arabs rather than to buy solar panels for welfare moms. There is no hope for anyone.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=281282]Biscuit[/re]: increased and uncontrolled government spending is not going to restore prosperity

    That’s rather a blanket statement. Without any context at all it’s meaningless. Spending targeted at projects with high multiplier effects demonstrably (see World War 2, US America) can jump start the US economy. It’s pointless today w/o a manufacturing base to speak of, but if money is spent to rebuild a manufacturing base (high-speed trains, non-oil-based energy for examples) then there is a great deal to hope for. But it will take years, not months. And I don’t recall anywhere in the stimulus bill or the president’s budget any provisions for solar panels for welfare moms. But by all means, welfare moms should be beaten down and given nothing so as to make sure their children start life with nothing, thereby increasing the chances that they will make nothing of their lives. Now that’s good public policy.

  • Scandinavian Fetus

    I had almost mastered Piaget’s “object permanence” at the time that I realized that Republicanism, a-la American style, was amoral and bankrupt.

    You can only imagine what I think of the swine at 38.

  • Bruno

    [re=281283]hobospacejunkie[/re]: right-on. Not all spending was created equally. Blowing shit up for example does not have a high multiplier effect, just like spending $300 to drug test welfare recipients is not efficient…

  • Scandinavian Fetus

    [re=281033]Hedley Lamar[/re]: Hedley, I think that you are setting the bar a bit too high. Really, shame on you. Anyone knows that you need to start at “their level” in special education.

    Let’s try a few “object permanence” tasks for these Governors.

    If they pass, we can opt for the “find yourself in the mirror” task.

  • smellyal8r

    [re=281282]Biscuit[/re]: Biscuit, you sound like John Boehner. “There is no hope for anyone”? Hell, even when GW Dolt was Preznit, I had hope (hope he’d quit, but only after Cheney had suffered a fatal coronary). I think at this point doing something, even if it’s wrong, is more important than sitting awaiting further instructions. Paul Krugman hates the package, the GOP hates the package. I like them odds.

  • jilly

    What a bunch of fucking cynical whores. Especially YOU, Bobby.

  • artbot2000

    [re=281282]Biscuit[/re]:

    Sanford’s just a factory-second version of George “macaca” Allen, who was gonna be President right about now, according to The Plan. He figures he looks more Presidential (less fat) than Haley Barbour, or (less “exotic) Bubba Jindal, and the New Plan is it has to be a Southern Governor, but we’re talking about a party that’s about ten degrees below room temperature, nationally, so who the fuck cares?

  • lumpenproletariat

    “And, as a nod to their Aryan brothers, they all flirted with not accepting a portion of the cash, specifically the money for unemployment insurance.”

    “Flirting,” as in what you do before you oh-so reluctantly let the government have its way with you?

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=281098]Scandalabra[/re]: Well, if by Sapphic you mean “wears the pants in the family,” that would be a definite “yes.”[

    re=281481]lumpenproletariat[/re]: That position weakened when the Aryan brothers they’re usually nodding to were the ones needing the unemployment insurance.

  • lumpenproletariat

    Jukesgirl, The skinhead base accepts free money in a whole different way than those other minorites… You just don’t get it

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