Wonkette
GAY MARRIAGE LEGAL IN IOWA: The Iowa Supreme Court has released its big gay marriage ruling and guess what, it ruled that denying gay marriage is unconstitutional. The gays can now get married in America’s Heartland! Iowa, everyone is so nice there. Everyone was so nice to us there on our convention road trip last summer. Turns out they were just trying to gay-marry Ken! UPDATE: Yowza. Those muslin latte-sipping arugula judges really stuck it to the mouth-breathers with this one. [Des Moines Register]
IOWA?!?! But I thought that was part of real America?
Everyone should have the right to marry just so they can experience the joys of divorce. As …Iowa… goes, so goes the nation.
The word is “Fight! Fight! Fight! for IOWA,
Let every loyal Iowan sing;
The word is “Fight! Fight! Fight! for IOWA,”
Until the walls and rafters ring (Go Queers!)
No ear of corn will be safe…
This is the greatest photo in Wonkette’s vast and varied archive.
…let the plague of locust begin!
Mr Blifil: That’s a Win.
Finally! We have something for the tourism board to promote!
Aw, shucks, time for a remake of Children of the Corn… hole.
magic titty: …yeah and you even know who the “bottom” is in the relationship, he is wearing lipstick!
First they’re teaching evolution in schools, now this. Sharia law can’t be far behind.
Do they get to gay marry Nebraska? They’ve been hot for them for years.
those girls are the nicest people, why aren’t they married?
Calling Rosie O’Donnell a cow seems to have paid off in some strange ways.
Best part of the ruling comes at the end. “All justices concur.”
I’m looking forward to Glenn Beck’s reasoned and thoughtful analysis of the ruling.
You realize this all began when Iowans began growing arugula, as if it was a perfectly good foodstuff that could be enjoyed by anyone in middle America. From there, acceptance of the “similar situation” of commie pinko rainbow paraders was a done deal.
This week on Ace of Cakes, Duff contemplates a move to Des Moines. “We could probably sell a lot of Homo themed cakes there, ya know.”
Talk about a moot point.
They love to caucus in Iowa.
AngryBlakGuy: They’re dudes?!? I thought the cats meant they were lesbians.
If all teh gehz move to Iowa, who will arrange our flowers, choreograph our dances, and talk to our girlfriends/wives about how horrible we are when we’re out on benders?
So Iowa, where they grown corn and still believe in Jesus, is paving the way for gay marriage, through their wise Judges. Meanwhile, California, home of hippies and a coke snorting ex-actor/bodybuilder governor, has banned gay marriage through their citizens by the democratic process of voting.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Democracy doesn’t work.” - Home Simpson
In Iowa, you are judged by your corn-husks for a reason.
Are those CATS??
Remember how when Grassley was firing off “your wife” jokes like a clown everyone here was like, “IOWA SUX, ITS FULL OF YOEKLS, AND CORN, ALSO?” But now look! Vindication! Especially of the kinds of lifestyles promoted at the Iowa liberal arts college from which I am a graduate.
Man Without Qualities: You went to Grinnell? I knew a kid who went to Grinnell totally straight, in a long term hetero relationship, and he had turned gay within the first three months of freshman year. True story.
Hooray Hooray, it’s a Holi-gay!
The sad thing is that Iowa has shown up liberal, elitist, hippie California, but only b/c Iowans are smart enough to NOT have the ability to change their fucking Constitution via something as stupid as a majority vote.
SUCK IT WINGNUTS!
So is Iowa still in the “weally pro-amerika” part of America?
jagorev: Now, wait — it could have been Coe, or Luther! But of course it wasn’t. Good call! And as far as your story goes, nothing in my experience makes me doubt it isn’t pure truth.
NoWireHangers: Sniff, I have never been more proud to be an Iowan than I am right now. I would like to thank my parents, for moving here with me as a toddler from the terrible conservative state of California. And also thank my Wonkette for giving me the courage to start comment wars with the churchies on our local newspaper’s website in regards to this subject.
“We are firmly convinced the exclusion of gay and lesbian people from the institution of civil marriage does not substantially further any important governmental objective. The legislature has excluded a historically disfavored class of persons from a supremely
important civil institution without a constitutionally sufficient justification. There is no material fact, genuinely in dispute, that can affect this determination.”
AKA: Nothing you can say can change our minds, assholes. Welcome to summary judgment.
I’m as trite and as gay as a daisy in May!!
All the closeted Iowa legislators are in crisis mode, debating between writing a bill banning gay marriage or leaving their wives and families for their 19 year-old staff aides.
“Unlike states on the coasts, there’s nothing more American than Iowa”
WTF is that supposed to mean? Suck a dick, Iowa.
Man Without Qualities: Ok, ok, ok, I’ll admit that Iowa is full of yokels, corn, and the freedom to butt-fuck monogamously. Happy, now?
Mr Blifil: I’m shucked!…shucked, I say!
There is bound to be a few cornfed boys who like cornholing. Corn.
One of my co-workers was in Iowa for a “sporting event” last weekend, where he was involved in a slight “rear ender”. That is all.
isadelia: Iowa has really impressed me over the last year, what with giving Barry that Primary and then carving him in butter and now touting equality for all in their used-to-be-kinda-red state. Good job, Iowa.
Roll Fish: Suck a dick, Iowa Apparently, they are.
Wow, didn’t see that one coming.
Please post the footage of Bill O’Reilly’s head exploding when it happens.
Noodle Salad: Some fucker on politico commented “Please also post the dissenting opinion.”
THERE AIN’T NO DISSENTING OPINION, BABY, BECAUSE YOU LOST! YOU LOST! YOU FUCKING LOST! GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL! HAHAHAHAHMUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAH!”
Roll Fish: Say what you will about us “un-american” coastal places, Iowa allowed gay marriage after California, who is supposedly “THE PROGRESSIVE SHIT-STAIN” of society.
Goddamn this State. Seriously what the hell are the mormons doing to us?
Lattes and arugula: the breakfast of champions.
How hard can it be. As far as the State should be concerned, Marriage is a civil contract between two people.
The Churches will decide who gets these unions blessed in their sanctuary.
That is separation of Church and State.
Clearly, this means that the boundaries of “Real America” will have to be redrawn.
i must say that this ruling tickles me pink…as a resident of California i must say i’m totally taken back. i don’t want to move to Iowa to get married. actually, i don’t want to get married so i guess i’m ok. i think i’ll stay here and live in sin.
NoWireHangers: Yes, we are really proud of our butter sculptures. I purchase a turkey shaped table size one each year for Thanksgiving dinner.
NoWireHangers: And yeah, there was no dissenting opinion because it was unanimous, suckas!!
Okay, M.Obama just said ‘Real Chicago’ in clip that will now be played infinity on Fox, etc…
Hah, hah, broke Kalifornia. Iowa showed you the way. You don’t see photos of Iowa bankrupt on the home page of Wonkette do you? Hennnngn?!? Your stooopid konstitushion alllows for teh mouth breatherz to vote for konstitushion chanjez. Thatz why UR BROKE and have no gayz marrieaged. UR propirty taxez were capped 31 years ago. UR borke. Alos Iowa is gay married. Hah! Marijuana is next in Iowa.
Man Without Qualities: Well of course you are a graduate of Cornell or Grinnell or Coe, where else would you’ve learned about Musil?
JavaJack: Not according to some tool named “CSI MV” on the local newspaper site. Apparently, separation of church and state only means that the state has to stay out of the business of church, but church can get all up in government bizness. I learn something new everyday…
What manner of Biblical pestilence, natural disaster or cold smiting will Iowa undergo in consequence of this? Let the Christianist speculation begin!
shortsshortsshorts: I think you must be confusing Utah with Iwuh. But, same difference, really.
NoWireHangers: Haha, yes! Not only did you lose, but nobody thinks you even came close to winning. Nobody is even going to give lip service to your arguments or take you seriously, because it is so clear how much you lost by. Even our law clerks were shrugging their shoulders at your inanity. And this was in IOWA, bitches!
Fanfuckingtastic.
Awesome! Yet in NY we still won’t let our homosexuals get married.
As a Californian struggling with the difficulty of getting other Californians to understand that we don’t actually live in a liberal utopia (those of us who are not white and wealthy don’t, anyway), I’d like to thank Iowa, and invite them to heap buckets of scorn (it’s got corn in it, right?) upon us. I promise to spread it around so’s it can fructify.
Roll Fish: Now that is legal in the sanctity of marriage
Actually all the happy shrieking and girlish high-fiving aside, this sounds to a non-Iowan as pretty much the same celebrations over and over in Massachusetts, California, etc.
Perhaps there will be an appeal to the USSC, and as constituted now, I’m not sure if the fruity drinks are really celebratory just yet.
Iowa? Damn.
The high courts in both NY and WA both ruled a couple of years ago that teh gheys couldn’t marry, but now Iowa? Let’s take bets on how long it takes for the wingers to launch a drive to impeach the justices.
NoWireHangers: HAH, yes:
AFFIRMED.
All justices concur.
DISSENT THIS, wingers!
shortsshortsshorts: are you on twitter? i wanna follow you…
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: “girlish high-fiving.” Really?
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: A USSC appeal will prob not succeed. The decision is based solely on the Iowa Constitution, and the Soopremes have ruled many times that state constitutions may provide greater protection than the US Constitution.
THATS WHY WE NEED A FEDRUL MARRIGE AMMENDMENT,,,,THESE RADICAL LEFT WING AKTIVIST JUDGES ARE TAKIN OVER ARE COUNTRIES!!!1
Today, we are all gay Iowans.
I call I get to be Herbert Hoover!
Aw god dammit, now native Nebraskans have one less neighboring hick state to feel superior too. Oh well, at least we’ll always have Kansas.
My bad, I should have said “manly high-fiving from ill-groomed men who have no sense of fashion and women, none of the latter having short haircuts or flannel shirts”. Or driving Subarus. Also.
johnnypantalones: HEY! I think you meant (*checks map*) South Dakota there, buddy…. Meh. You’re probably right. At least Kansas will always have Oklahoma and Arkansas.
I object to this blatant attempt by Iowa to steal the rest of the country’s fabulousness. I see through you, Iowa. You think that you’ll be tastefully decorated and full of overly-fit people and fun parades, but it won’t work!
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: Supreme Court will decline to hear it because the ultra-conservative justices are all originalists and there is no Constitutional basis for denying gays the right to marry. So rather than rule for gay marriage, they won’t rule at all and the ISSC ruling will stand.
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: yikes.
“muslin”?
a) typo?
b) The Supremes wear muslin during the spring judging season.
c) We are mocking ignorant, bigoted right wingers, who would confuse “muslin” with “muslim”?
Help!
“Please also post the dissenting opinion.”
I guess words like “unanimous” are too big and fancy for Politico commenters.
Personally, I’m in too good a mood to sully it with such trashy sites right now. I’ll stick to this trashy site for the time being.
NoWireHangers: That’s not even the best quote:
“GO LOWA!!!!! i m european and never heard of Lowa before but i m so happy for all you. i cant believe that today in USA gay people cant marry. it is so incredible that many USA countries don’t even offer partership for gay. what kind of democracy is that? GO LOWA show them the way. big kiss from Holland!!!!”
Yes, indeed LOWA, you take that big kiss from Holland and you go get gay married right now!
NoWireHangers: All in fun, NWH. I didn’t even know about the Subarus until, erm, a well-groomed friend told me. Live and learn.
Perhaps there will be an appeal to the USSC
That would take years; Obama will have named a few judges in the meantime, almost guaranteed. And it’s a helluva gamble for the haters, because if they win, little changes, but if they lose….
WadISay: Locusts obviously or Fred Phelps, I can never tell the difference.
GreyPanter: “C” It references an anti-Obama sign from the election, a picture of which was posted here. And by sign, I mean “Obama half-breed muslin” spray-painted onto a piece of plywood and propped up on the side of the double-wide. Ah there it is.
http://wonkette.com/402743/typical-florida-person-creates-years-best-campaign-sign
Iowa is so gay.
- or -
New state slogan:
“Iowa: It’s Officially More Gay Than California!”
NoWireHangers: Yes. I am still pissed that CA let itself get shown up by IA, of all places. I’m still so fucking bitter that prop H8 passed that I’m hoping for a big homo drain from CA to IA. Let all the rich Republican homophobes in OC decorate their own fucking mansions for a change.
NoWireHangers: BREAKING NEWS: BillyO will be saying that if there was no dissenting opinion, then God has sent him a message telling him to take up the slack. Film at 11.
Smite that with a tidal wave, Jesus!
On a side note, I wonder how many states will have to have these fights (because surely you know someone’s preparing an amendment to the Iowa constitution to limit marriage) before the Mormon church is bled dry?
Only Nixon could go to China. Only Jim-Bob could be best man at Adam & Steve’s wedding.
PS: Guess who’s going to be blamed for tornadoes THIS year?
Maybe this was the plan all along. Big, Bad, Faux-Lib California manages to bankrupt the Mormans and the other Churchy Right Wingers and then little old Iowa sneaks in and steals the thunder. While everyone is all up in arms over Iowa, maybe one of the Dakotas is working on their own devious gay marriage plans.
Did anyone else notice this comment in the Politico story…?
“GO LOWA!!!!! i m european and never heard of Lowa before but i m so happy for all you. i cant believe that today in USA gay people cant marry. it is so incredible that many USA countries don’t even offer partership for gay. what kind of democracy is that? GO LOWA show them the way. big kiss from Holland!!!!”
Good point Holland. USA Countries SHOULD offer partnership for gay.
Come here a minute: Hahaha no I fucked up in that I meant “before” instead of “after,” but in my defense, I’m hungover. Also.
sevenrepeat: twitter.com/shortsandpants, but I probably spelled something wrong there too.
AWOcoholic: Gallowglass: Shazaam!
LOWA RULE5
AWOcoholic: I’m a bit surprised they haven’t heard of Iowa, what with the Pella tulip festival and all of the fucking windmills.
http://www.pellatuliptime.com/
And Lifetime is reporting that its new situation comedy series, “Hill Boys,” has wrapped production on its initial 13 episodes, with pilot slated for debut in September, ‘09. “Hill Boys,” produced by Gus Van Zant, stars Harvey Fierstein, Nathan Lane, Mark Foley, Don Sherwood, Larry Craig, Gary Hart, Eliot Spitzer and Ted Stevens as a group of wild and crazy, but likeable, Congressmen who share a big house on Capitol Hill, and, according to “Lifetime,” “the show explores in-depth the unique dynamics of a group of dynamic, powerful, energetic men who roam the corridors of power during the day and mingle among the elite at various D.C. exclusive clubs, bars, restaurants, organizations, meetings, conferences and symposiums at night, enjoying the unique mix of social life, government and politics that only Washington can offer!” The series also features cameos by real-life D.C. government officials, playing fictional characters. Larry Flynt and Al Goldstein are co-producers.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Again, the ruling was based on the Iowa Constitution, not the United States Constitution. There’s no one to appeal to. If the United States Supreme Court granted review, it would be tasked with ruling how it would anticipate the highest court that interprets Iowa law would rule. But there is nothing to guess at. The highest court that interprets the Iowa Constitution, the Iowa Supreme Court, has ruled, and they’re sayin’ we can has teh but secs. Game over. (Or just beginning!)
I thought this would be a Drudge siren. I was wrong. There was bigger gnus.
http://www.drudgereport.com/
Iowa? Seriously?
Congratulations on being the gayest thing ever, LOWA.
Noodle Salad: Glenn Beck’s response will involve tears, many many tears. I wonder how he’ll square this with his “we surround them” bullshit.
Gallowglass: My bad. Maybe I should read comments BEFORE posting? But nah.
This is pretty thrilling.
Would somebody like to gay marry me?
Wyoming will now lose all the Brokeback tourism dollars, ha!
One little problem…this means they will but a Constitutional Amendment on the ballot for the next election and that will bring the wingers out to vote in force.
AWOcoholic: Nah. Everyone should have a laugh at fur’ners. Big Kiss from Holland!!!!!
AfghanVet: If they can get the amendment through the legislature. It sounds pretty difficult.
President Beeblebrox: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2221629/posts?page=2#2
So, about that long.
AfghanVet: In Iowa? Probably. In U.S.? Nah.
Dear Iowan Gays,
If you’re thinking of getting married, you should probably not put it off until after the next election.
Sincerely,
California
AWOcoholic: Don’t be sad. As soon as I saw the comment, I immediately went to repost it. It was only the sudden realization that such an awesome comment must have been noticed, that made me check to make sure Wonkette had taken notice.
I have never heard of Lowa…
Lascauxcaveman: New State Slogan:
Iowa: Rock out with your CAUCUS out!
AfghanVet: I wonder, will this become like a giant national game of whack-a-mole for the Wingnut Corporations? Uh-oh, gay marriage in Iowa, send a hundred million dollars there STAT!
At least the producers of crappy 30 second hatefest tv ads will stay in business.
Wow, first they vote for Barry, then they rule that tey gayz can get married? Trouble in the Heartland, Batman! Must be all those Danish immigrants, gettin’ all socialist-European up in this mf.
I guess Iowa’s having the highest literacy rate in the country is finally paying off.
There’s no one to appeal to.
I wondered about that, but I keep hearing about appeals to the SCOTUS when this comes up in other states. I’m hardly a legal expert, and I’m stuck at work and can only do so much web surfing to find out what the fuck’s going on. :-\
this means they will but a Constitutional Amendment on the ballot for the next election
Nah, the Dems control both houses, and an amendment requires both houses to pass a bill two years in a row before it can even go to statewide referendum (oversimplifying).
Iowa is actually pretty balanced between Dems and Repubs.
I think the wingnuts are having a tough time with this. All the usual sites are absent commentary and Redstate just has a pathetic, five sentence rebuttal. Poor wingers… They had the whole world in their hands just three years ago and now they’re stuck bitching about teleprompters and gifts to foreign leaders.
You listening Malkin, Hannity, Ingraham, et al? You can suck it guys. And my boyfriend will watch.
I am in love with this opinion. It’s written in this very clear way, all “Ok people, here’s how your constitution works and guess what? It’s awesome. So enough dicking around with other people’s fundamental rights.”
sweeettt.
that is all.
Oh and here’s one of the many, many beautiful quotes from the opinion:
“The County has simply failed to explain how the traditional
institution of civil marriage would suffer if same-sex civil marriage were allowed. There is no
legitimate notion that a more inclusive definition of marriage will transform civil marriage
into something less than it presently is for heterosexuals.”
Preach it!
Tommy Says Soooo, Jugdish!: Nope, because it was decided on state constitutional grounds. There’s no federal issue, so no federal appeal. Con Law 101.
AWOcoholic: Can you say that in dutch?
Gorillionaire: Actually, I think people are missing the point here. Rove and his henchmen brought the religious nutters into the fold for the SOLE purpose of bringing wingnut voters to the polls. They KNEW that with very few issues (abortion, gay issues, etc) they could keep the emotions high and bring reliable voting blocks to the polls. The POLITICIANS on the right don’t give a rat’s ass about these issues (re: last 8 years of no changes), all they care about is getting issues on the ballots that will bring these nutters out.
Abortion and gay unions are a gold mine of never-ending ballot initiatives that will have these fools voting to give all their money to corporate execs who are shipping their jobs overseas and politicians shipping their kids to war just so johnny and jack can’t have butt sex and their teenage daughter cannot get the abortion she needs cause she got knocked up at a church over-nighter.
Don’t even start me on the for-profit profits that prey upon these weak-minded souls.
BUT THE SUPREEM CORT JUDGES, THE AER NOT AMURICUN CITUHZENS! THEY R SECRET MUSLINS THAT WERE BORN IN INDONEZIA OR MAYBE AFRUKUH, WHO KNOWS. 1 OF THEIR BROTHERZZ SAID SO WE SHULD ALL DEMAND THAT THEY SHOWS THEYRE BIRTH CERTIFICATES, NOW!!! THEY CANOT BE REAL JUDGEZ OF THE SUPREEM CORT! WHY HAZ FOX NEWS NOT REPORTED THIS YET??? EVER1 START FUNDRAISING RIGHT NOW!!! WE CAN TAKE THIS TO THE US SUPREEM CORTS!!!
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/early-right-wing-reaction-iowa-ruling
Enjoy.
PomPom: Beat me to it. The opinion is a masterpiece of clear, succinct reasoning. This summary is really worth reading: http://www.judicial.state.ia.us/wfData/files/Varnum/40209Varnumsummary.pdf
Okay, back to the buttsecks jokes.
GreyPanter: I like to be helpful:
http://wonkette.com/402743/typical-florida-person-creates-years-best-campaign-sign
The Terrorist Have Won!
An American in Toronto: Big, Bad, Faux-Lib California manages to bankrupt the Mormans and the other Churchy Right Wingers and then little old Iowa sneaks in and steals the thunder.
I think a lot of people wish things were this well organized… In all seriousness: Cali’s just got to keep pushing, get this back on the ballot during a low-turnout election, like the last one we had for Mayor where, like, 40 people turned up to vote. Then, broadcast “Passion of The Christ” on the local TEEVEE with no commercial interruptions to distract the christzombies while the rest of us flood the polling places and COME IN FOR THE BIG WIN!
shortsshortsshorts: Ya know - Mor(m)ons can ONLY get their polygamous ‘Celestial Marriages’/'Sealings’ at the temples… so if a whole big bunch angry qweerz showed up to protest such events, it might possibly make a few of the Mor(m)ons get half a clue and stop trying to impose their religious opinions of American Civil Law…. maybe…
AfghanVet: Thank you. I mean, ferjeebussake, the GOP actually came right out and SAID it, and the evangelicals were like, oooh, hey, I think that cute boy just winked at us, so let’s let him do whatever he wants.
AfghanVet: But it only works in states where there initiative and referendum are easily achieved. I know here in NY, it’s virtually impossible to get an initiative on the ballot…it’s just not in the state constitution. (At least that’s what I, a non-lawyer, have been told when I asked why we don’t get a medical marijuana movement going.) Apparently in Iowa it’s also very, very difficult. So it gets the Christianists inflamed, but there’s not much they can do about it.
AfghanVet: One of the quotes from that site: “Something tells me the fine folks of Iowa don’t cotton to seven black robed autocrats supplanting mid-western values with San Francisco vice.”
Yeah, this is clearly a decision intended for men in white robes.
I didn’t read your ridiculous remarks, and frankly I don’t care. So if this issue was addressed above, please accept my UN-pologies: what will gay marriage do to Iowa’s cornholing market?
THANK YOU, GOOD NIGHT!
Redhead: Well done.
Bearbloke: I wouldn’t bet on it.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: “Finally! We have something for the tourism board to promote!”
Now just legalize pot and you’ve got a whole new tourist hub. Let the recovery begin in Iowa.
Hey, if you are feeling punchy, go to this website http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20090403/NEWS/90403010, scroll to the bottom, and take the poll about whether or not you support the Iowa ruling. Freepers are sending their people over there and currently ‘NO’ is in the running. Unscientific? Yes, but, you know…