• EVERYONE CHUG THIS CUP OF SADNESS: Here’s a great and brilliant article from the new Atlantic about how the United States is a banana republic after years of terrible policies and stuff. It is probably too long for “blog readers” so just read a paragraph or two every night before sleep and someday you’ll finish! Also, Newsweek has a cover story about how Paul Krugman hates Obama but remains LOYAL for he is the king, after all. It includes a very funny picture of Krugman complaining about the rain. [Atlantic, Newsweek]
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  1. One of the pluses of having a Democratic president is that people give a shit what Krugman thinks, now. When Bush was in the White House everyone was like “Oh, that’s just Krugman. Krugman will be Krugman. My suggestion is to just ignore Krugman, I mean, how could anyone in their right mind be complaining now that your house is worth 200% more than what it was last June?”

  2. Out-of-control greed and corruption. Huge income discrepancies. Inadequate social services: the attributes of a modern, freedom-lovin’ democracy. Give up yet?

  3. The worst thing about becoming a banana republic is that we might have to take advice from the IMF — we created those avaricious bastards precisely to protect the rich from the poor. I mean, who’s President Obama gonna fire to untangle that mess?

  4. [re=276812]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Seriously. Isn’t taking financial advice from the IMF kind of like getting your cues on human rights from the School of the Americas?

  5. Can someone tell Paul that St. Patty’s day is over & all good leprechauns can go back under their pots of gold plated coins now?

  6. [re=276815]FMA[/re]: Would Sparknotes have anything to add? I have a paper due on this article tomorrow and stretching that summary out, plus writing my name in big letters, I’ll be short a page of my 10 page minimum.

  7. [re=276840]valet_of_the_dolls[/re]: Yes, that’s what I found most laughable about this piece, the idea that the IMF knows how to “solve” emerging market crises were it not for pesky emerging market politicians. Isn’t that always the way with economists? Things would be fine if you’d just let them make every decision?

  8. [re=276847]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: You have to add some Webster dictionary definitions. That’s how K-Lo stretches those Pulitzer-award winning articles.

  9. [re=276824]Colander[/re]: I wouldn’t worry too much about a revolution because the people who live in those Banana Republics are too poor to have the internet or cable tv and don’t have much else to do. We here in America have Hi Def tvs and easy access to internet porn so we only riot if it involves Christmas sales or auditioning for Americas Next Top Model

  10. As has been pointed out, Krugman did not so much as make the cover of Highlights magazine, let alone Newsweek, when he was criticizing Bush every week. Now he gets an upgrade.

    I guess Dr. Roubini will soon be getting his own reality show, involving the weekly summary humiliation of former short traders. We will laugh as their hookers and $70,000 turntables are taken from them, as they are forced to stand in puddles of their own pee. This will also involve a variation on the “quickfire challenge” wherein foreclosed homeowners who successfully answer why they should never have been given loans in the first place (“we couldn’t afford the monthly payments”) will get to eat a sandwich on camera, with close-ups to reveal the tears of gratitude.

  11. this is the part in the movie where we get nervous and ask ourselves whether the hero will pull through and save everyone. That hero? Mr. Moneybags.

  12. I’ve always wanted to carry a machete in my belt and drive around in a WWII surplus jeep and pay my domestic servants in raw cocaine.

    And then there’s the ample opportunities for a nice Sunday round of human hunting…

  13. Well, duh. We knew that back during the Hoover Administration. All it took was a world war to get out of that dump. Hey, I got it! Let’s start another war and Get America Working Again. Oh wait… Chimpy tried that strictly for the lulz and failed.

  14. I met Krugman about two years ago. He was pretty sharp. Made a funny joke that was vaguely a reference to “Blazing Saddles”, which should be appreciated.

  15. [re=276824]Colander[/re]: Five years too late for the coup.

    Johnson’s blog is fantastic and a must read:

    Basically, if you believe in shoveling money into the banks without accountability, like Nate Silver and Brad deLong, then you really need to think about where your loyalties lie. I’m not a revolutionary, but every democracy needs to renew itself and turn over the elites now and then.

    What burns the hell out of me is that the deLongs of the world call my attitude “populist.” “Let’s not argue about ‘oo killed ‘oo,” says Geithner.

    Whereas I say that the way to avoid this in the future is to take all their money and throw them in jail. Robert Rubin as a salaryman, and Greenspan on social security, would warm the cockles of my heart.

  16. After reading the Atlantic article, one part of me wants to curl up in the corner and drink heavily. Another part of me is telling me not to waste liquor on a pity party, as it is one of the few things that will hold any real value in a post-apocalyptic economy. So I think my parts and I are going to the hardware store to look for all the bits necessary for constructing a home still.

    Oh yes. I will have my booze and drink it too.

  17. [re=277079]SpirolinaAgnew[/re]: I was about to write that exact same post, with one exception. After finishing the article my first thought was “Guns. I need guns.” This seriously disturbs me. I haven’t shot a gun since I was 12 out in rural Petosi, MO — and even then it was some pansy-ass .22 rifle or something. More to the point, this thought was very Paultardesque. Am I on the road to joining a ReLOVEution? Am I a few years away from getting a blimp license? And by then, whose blood will I have on my hands?

    So in summary: Fuck you Newell. Fuck you for posting this terrifying, terrifying article.

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