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OP-ED COLUMNISTS

She lit a burner on the stove and offered me a pipe.WHAT DOES ORGANIC MEAN, ANYWAY? “In the decades before my generation, America was all about hard work and being tough. We — or they, I should say — did not plant marijuana in the White House garden. First of all, only the Roosevelts lived at the White House. The rest lived in other places, mostly hovels and ‘hobo jungles.’ But we, or they, had great dignity. You did not hear about them going to see Jay Leno, not at all.” [AOL Political Machine]


1:06 AM on Sat March 21 2009
By Ken Layne
2756 Views

  1. NewSpence says at 1:22 am, March 21st, 2009

    Bob Dylan does not appreciate you stealing either his words or his inchoate style for this column, Ken Layne.

  2. It creeps me out when cows advertise hamburgers, but rolling up a piece of yourself and smoking it with ecstatic pleasure easily tops that.

  3. memzilla says at 1:37 am, March 21st, 2009

    DE CAF COFFEE, Ken??? FEH!!! Double feh, in fact. Why not just take a week old t-shirt and squeeze out the armpit juices and drink that? Yucch.

    And don’t focus too much on what Michelle may be *growing.* Ask yourself what use you might have for always having freshly-turned earth around you. Think CSI. Think Whitechapel. Think of a guy named Jack.

    IOW, I applaud Michelle for having a safe and convient place to dump the bodies.

    “Hey, I got a wing!”

    Check to see if there is a sudden upsurge in the amount of lime the White House gardener is ordering. Also.

  4. Lascauxcaveman says at 1:50 am, March 21st, 2009

    I’m purty sure ‘organic’ means it was fertilized by real poop, not fake poop. Makes a difference, I’m told.

  5. President Beeblebrox says at 1:56 am, March 21st, 2009

    I still think that animated weed plant looks like the spider-head monster from The Thing.

    Hey, I wonder if our buddy S.J. Doc, M.D. will make a special weekend guest appearance again.

  6. Gallowglass says at 2:07 am, March 21st, 2009

    Its really not fair of you to tease the AOL morons this way.

  7. chascates says at 2:48 am, March 21st, 2009

    Overgrow the government.

  8. Numbat Dundee says at 2:49 am, March 21st, 2009

    “…the tug of a child’s hand as it tries to get away.”
    Best line ever!

  9. 2druk2phluq says at 3:08 am, March 21st, 2009

    Poor Michelle. She’s such a genuine human being. She probably doesn’t realize that the First Lady does not get her hands dirty, and definitely does not do any sort of real work. Those things have always been the job of “the help.”

    Incidentally, growing weed is not rocket science. Dirt + water + light + seeds = plants. Kill the males and you’ve got aurora borealis. I bet they could grow some fantastic weed at the White House if it were legalized. Finally the Secret Service would have something to guard besides people. Legalizing weed could restore our nations GDP and rake in A LOT of foreign cash. Imagine the profit we could make if we had the world’s best and largest perennial marijuana crops.

    Or we could just let AIG fuck us in a very uncomfortable place. [not a Volkswagen Beetle]

  10. Gallowglass says at 3:36 am, March 21st, 2009

    President Beeblebrox: Maybe we could unban him for the weekends. I’d like to know why he lost his license. “Child endangerment” is such a vague term. Did he curb the kid or just advise against vaccinating for polio?

  11. El Pinche says at 4:12 am, March 21st, 2009

    Gallowglass: He probably nearly killed the kid with boredom and long winded quotes.

  12. 102415 says at 4:58 am, March 21st, 2009

    El Pinche:Believe me we would know if he was here.He can’t control his urge to run on and use medical terms.How would he get in?memzilla: Oh, the doctor loved lime and shovels too. Meh.

  13. coffeeyesplease says at 6:03 am, March 21st, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: yeah, let’s all boycott shampoo and start demanding real poo.
    (I’ve waited years to use that joke and nothing is gonna stop me, now)

  14. Special Agent Jack Mehoff says at 6:04 am, March 21st, 2009

    *sunglasses, facial hair* “Ken Layne, Syndicated Columnist” Awesome.

  15. Lazy Media says at 6:42 am, March 21st, 2009

    Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, Ken Layne, for filling the void created by the death of Paul Harvey. We will now need three of these columns per week, plus a three-hour weekly radio program, for the next 50 years, at which point your son can take over.

  16. mylesfromnowhere says at 6:44 am, March 21st, 2009

    old negative Video footage of Michelle and Barry in the kitchen http://tinyurl.com/dn5jfr

  17. Pop Socket says at 7:38 am, March 21st, 2009

    2druk2phluq: Never enough Mallrats call-outs. Smoochie boochies!

  18. loquaciousmusic says at 8:09 am, March 21st, 2009

    The comments on this article are the best yet, Ken:

    ajm3377
    what did you expect from Robin Da’ Hood? That he would go a few blocks from the WH in that MISERABLE city and buy his stash from a Brotha’? LOL Less Than 1300 Days Until This CONSECUTIVE NightMare ENDS!

    dawgsqweez
    The bitck is gonna grow some watermelons, Michelle Obama is a scaink

    And by “best,” I mean “worst.”

  19. shanemacgowan says at 8:14 am, March 21st, 2009

    Yet the Nobama justice department is prosecuting this Canadian Ron Paul supporter who sold Michelle her “organic” seeds through the mail.

    http://libertarianrepublican.blogspot.com/2009/03/obama-administration-could-prosecute.html

    “I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast.”

    Ronald Reagan

  20. slavojzizek says at 8:36 am, March 21st, 2009

    Enough of this Clintonian centrism. It is time for the Obamas to drop acid.

  21. sharpshinyclaws says at 8:54 am, March 21st, 2009

    Why does AOL still exist? I mean, seriously…

  22. Cape Clod says at 9:17 am, March 21st, 2009

    loquaciousmusic: I used to be amused by the comments at AOL. I couldn’t go any further after I read those two.

  23. WickedWitch says at 9:41 am, March 21st, 2009

    Dude — you’re channeling Joaquin Phoenix — or is he channeling you?

  24. The real problem is with Genetically Modified Pot. It binds with your stem cells and mutuates your brain. At least for 30-40 minutes after a toke.

  25. Take it easy everyone, Grandma Robinson has a medical marijuana card and the white house is federal territory. Everything is completly legal now so toke up.

  26. Is the “Sydicated Columnist” some career move to land Peggy Noonan’s job? Or do you think you are more of a David Brooks?

  27. FlipOffResearch says at 11:08 am, March 21st, 2009

    loquaciousmusic: How about the guy that called Layne out for writing dribble.

  28. Custerwolf says at 11:28 am, March 21st, 2009

    “Marihuana leads to pacifism and communist brainwashing.”
    Federal Bureau of Narcotics Chief Harry J. Anslinger, 1948

    The more things change the more they stay the same.

  29. shanemacgowan says at 11:36 am, March 21st, 2009

    Custerwolf: Mr. Anslinger left out the part about laughing at your own toes and eating Ruffles by the truckload.

    “My generation, faced as it grew with a choice between religious belief and existential despair, chose marijuana. Now we are in our Cabernet stage.”
    Peggy Noonan

  30. Mr Blifil says at 11:48 am, March 21st, 2009

    Stick that in your TELEPROMPTRZ and smoke it.

  31. Norbert says at 12:12 pm, March 21st, 2009

    “organic” is a word made from two other words, chronic and orgasm. “orgasm” is also made from two other words, organ and spasm. why did Michelle Obama fill the WH fountain with marijuana for st. valentine’s day? hey, check out my toes

  32. Texan Bulldoggette says at 12:14 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Ken, why must you toy with the retards like that!? I’m almost starting to feel bad for their stupidity…well, okay not yet!

  33. Gallowglass says at 12:39 pm, March 21st, 2009

    shanemacgowan: In a race between religion and existential despair, always choose marijuana.

    “Yes, [I use] grass and hash - no hard drugs. But the point is I do what I feel like doing.”

    -Gov. Arnold Schwarzeneggar

  34. Colander says at 12:48 pm, March 21st, 2009

    The AOL thread is way mellower than it was last week. Maybe it’s the perceived topic.

  35. my favorite thing is the misspelling “hydroPHonics”. i’m kilt.

  36. problemwithcaring says at 1:09 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Weed is like Twitter. It’s ostensibly used for valid, serious, “old-people” reasons but in reality, it’s mainly for fun.

    The people who hate it REALLY hate it, when the sad truth is, while pointless and maybe dumb, its pretty harmless.

    And if everyone starts smoking, like everyone is on this damn Twitter, weed will become about as cool Twitter is now.

  37. smellyal8r says at 1:33 pm, March 21st, 2009

    I imagine it’ll be an “organic” garden until Pa Obama winds up getting a giant tomato worm on his arm during the family “weeding” exercises Ma Obama has announced. Then it’ll be right over to the pesticides once and for all. No amount of ladybugs can keep up with the DC summer, trust me.

    As to smokin’ organics, that’s fine too. It’ll make that foreign water dog they are getting some all the more dreamy.

  38. smellyal8r says at 1:34 pm, March 21st, 2009

    smellyal8r: er…”seem all the more dreamy”…sorry

  39. Kev-O-Tron says at 1:43 pm, March 21st, 2009

    shanemacgowan: If Reagan said it you can bet the wingnuts take it as the word of God.

    SOME people who are unemployed might just *cough* grow their own in these troubling times. It’s a great way to save some dough I hear.

    I wouldn’t mind this Twitter nonsense so much if they just gave it a better fucking name. Twitter sounds like some game twelve year olds play or at best a bad, pop band. It’s cutesy, trite and seems vaguely pornographic.

  40. Custerwolf says at 2:03 pm, March 21st, 2009

    “In many states, marijuana was legally classified a narcotic (a legal term generally used to refer to opiates), and punishment was dealt out accordingly. However, the structure of marijuana and its physiological and behavioral effects bear no resemblance to those of the other narcotics; thus legally classifying marijuana as a narcotic was akin to passing a law that red is green.”

    Quote taken from my Biopsychology textbook, (John P.J. Pinel)

  41. Custerwolf says at 2:06 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: The one thing Alaska had right 20 years back when I lived there was that you could grow 2 plants of your own for private use. The law changed however, once too many okies moved north.

  42. YOU HAVE A SECRETARY??!!!11!!11! OUTRAGE!

  43. user-of-owls says at 2:13 pm, March 21st, 2009

    TGY: That’s nothing…I heard the rat-bastard also has a goddamn ARMOIRE!!!11!!

    Fire up the tour buses and load up the angry mob…we’re heading to the Layne Estate!

  44. Sharif DelMonte says at 2:47 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Much like 99% of social network programs, Twitter has a function that is useful, but sadly, 99.9999% of Internet users are terrible narcissists, and therefore can’t be trusted to do anything except proverbially show their boobs to the Internet.

  45. Atheist Nun says at 2:50 pm, March 21st, 2009

    George Washington and Thomas Jefferson both grew hemp, and Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence on hemp paper. Therefore, I should be allowed to legally smoke my Kushy-Kush in a vaporizer modified with small nitrous oxide canister that shoots the psychoactive smoke into my lungs like a bullet from a 9mm, because it is All-American.
    HEMP FOR VICTORY!!

  46. Colander says at 2:52 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: Twitter isn’t bad; way more ‘regular’ people use it than hipster/blogger/celebrities might lead you to believe. In that way, it’s rather boring.

    And, yes, selling ‘the good stuff’ is probably a good way to stay above water in the current economy. NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW, just saying.

  47. Kev-O-Tron says at 3:05 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Custerwolf: Here in Washington we’re allowed 18 plants! All you need is a prescription. And with the new drug czar (former Seattle Police Chief) is in place our dispensaries are now safe from the DEA!

    Colander: Shit man, I’ll pay taxes if they legalize it. No problem.

  48. Sharif DelMonte: “99.9999% of Internet users are terrible narcissists, and therefore can’t be trusted to do anything except proverbially show their boobs to the Internet”

    You clearly don’t know the better half, I mean gay half, of the internet. Boobs are only a fetish for those into gorilla-men. I swear that’s not me.

  49. Custerwolf says at 3:35 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: Wow- 18 plants? I didn’t realize they’d let you grow your own here - script or no. Yeah, I’m gonna miss seeing Curlyquekowski (as we affectionately call him)commenting upon the local crime happenings here.
    If only I could afford the necessary doctor visit….

  50. Custerwolf says at 3:43 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: I just looked at the Twitter site. Made me feel like a spaz just reading their phraseology. Gawd, when did I get so old and stodgy?
    Well, even if I do decide to tweet, I promise not to be one of those Internet narcissits who shows off my twits.

  51. FlipOffResearch says at 3:44 pm, March 21st, 2009

    I like to use twitters related word atwitter as a disparaging way to say exited. Example: Rev. Hagee is all atwitter about the possibility of an apocalypse.

  52. FlipOffResearch says at 3:47 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Oops, excited not exited. Maybe I should be demoted to the AOL comments.

  53. smellyal8r says at 3:52 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Custerwolf: That’s what they all say…but I’m sure your will be interesting Custerwolf, really…

  54. Custerwolf says at 4:02 pm, March 21st, 2009

    smellyal8r: Awww..that’s tweet.

  55. smashtheduck says at 4:21 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Alright, which one of you bitchez stole my “plant gold” solution?

  56. Boondock Saint says at 4:38 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Kenny… you sure did cause an uprising over at the AOHell. day’s usin slanderous wordz with regard to you, fella.

  57. Kev-O-Tron says at 4:45 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Here’s a thought: maybe Twitter is like the new AOL. In four years the only people tweeting will be wingnuts and the elderly. Imagine what that would be like… just Malkin, and a hundred thousand idiots prattling on about birth certificates and whatnot. I hope Ken makes it out alive.

  58. hobospacejungle says at 4:50 pm, March 21st, 2009

    We have a glass greenhouse on our property (yeah, we gots property) but in our 3 years yet I’ve yet to put it to use (back surgery, drug addiction, etc.) Everyone who visits says “you gotta grow weed, man” but the greenhouse is visible from the street and I don’t like jail, much less prison. And down south there ain’t no basements to hide a “hydrophonic” system, so we must rely on the local supply. Which ain’t bad at all. But the whole idea of hemp being illegal is just stupid and self-defeating. A sustainable source of all kinds of goodies, thrown away due to rampant cowardice among our elected officials.

  59. JimNewell says at 4:58 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Oh that is some spot-on Richard Cohen, especially with the photoshoppery.

  60. josereyes.theroof says at 5:00 pm, March 21st, 2009

    NOOBAMA will soon be drafting Articles of Impeachment due GROWBAMA. Elijah Dukes will act as legal counsel to the President in the event.

  61. Colander says at 5:04 pm, March 21st, 2009

    hobospacejungle: To be fair, some people can’t handle their ‘highs’, and those will always be the ones who ruin it for everybody.

  62. grevillea says at 5:06 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Jim Newell: Really? I do not care for it, myself.

  63. shanemacgowan says at 5:07 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Custerwolf: People enjoye it, really. I live near a college campus, and every Friday and Saturday night I can hear a large group of male students yelling “Show Your Twits!!! Show Your Twits!!!!”

  64. Kev-O-Tron: Twitter is already halfway there. Poor Twitter, it never stood a chance. In a mere matter of months John McCain was using it. It’s already on the path to lameness.

    hobospacejungle: Honest to god, I think that by the time Obama’s finished his 8 years, a politician that came out in favor of legalization and its attendant miscellanea would get more votes than he lost. But they’ll all still be too scared to do it.

  65. Custerwolf says at 5:20 pm, March 21st, 2009

    shanemacgowan: How are they able to take their eyes off their own toes?

  66. Custerwolf says at 5:32 pm, March 21st, 2009

    qaf: Cannabisouroboros?

  67. proudgrampa says at 5:34 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Jeebus, some of those commenters just don’t get satire / sarcasm / irony / etc.

    What a planet!

  68. Custerwolf says at 5:43 pm, March 21st, 2009

    proudgrampa: /laid.

  69. facehead says at 6:49 pm, March 21st, 2009

    “Note to Readers: My secretary mailed me a request about “Twitter,” which is apparently a new technology in which one types notes to friends and colleagues, using a mobile phone. I do not care for this idea.”

    FIGHT THE FUCKING POWER!!!

    These twit-tards are taking over and we must righteously resist. I fear a day when Oprah will twitter her every bowel movement, when McCain supporters will have a twit-fit every time they enter a bad area and decide to carve a backwards ‘B’ on thier face, when Larry Craig will twitter dirty messages to himself because no one else will!

    Stop sucking on the fresh twit of the taxpayer!

  70. El Pinche says at 7:15 pm, March 21st, 2009

    well, im finally growing my own. I’m done “hanging” with dealers and listening to their shitty music. I hope I just don’t get a lizard fetish and start wearing clogs like most of the Austin pot farmers.

  71. rocktonsammy says at 7:30 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Isn’t a pot leaf smoking a joint, redundant?

    Potheads.

  72. smashtheduck says at 7:40 pm, March 21st, 2009

    El Pinche: You get to listen to music? Must be nice. I have to fucking play Wii.

  73. El Pinche says at 7:44 pm, March 21st, 2009

    smashtheduck: at least it isn’t guitar hero. thats like a nightmare.

  74. hobospacejungle says at 7:56 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Ha ha all you wii players, shitty music listeners and guitar hero players. My heroin dealer made me watch Brad Neeley videos. We laughed and laughed at his comic genius.

    Then my life fell apart. You expected a happy ending? Well, sort of. All clean now. Suboxone is a miracle drug. If you can afford it or your (wife’s) insurance covers it. Hopefully Hopey will fund its widespread use so more than just pathetic middle-class, gainfully unemployed losers can afford it. Choose life!

  75. smellyal8r says at 8:09 pm, March 21st, 2009

    hobospacejungle: Good for you hobospace.

  76. El Pinche says at 8:16 pm, March 21st, 2009

    hobospacejungle: amen, man.

  77. I hope they put in a rain garden, too.

    They could sign up the White House to take the energy pledge.

    They could install solar panels, or a windmill to power that place.

    And install bikes hooked up to a generator to power the lights in Congress.

    Go Green!

  78. grevillea says at 9:02 pm, March 21st, 2009

    AOL Political Machine is like the Special Olympics of blog commenting.

  79. rocktonsammy says at 9:38 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Homey best be plantin money trees back there.

  80. hobospacejungle: He’s comin!

  81. loupgarou says at 10:40 pm, March 21st, 2009

    Eating organic means you vote the straight Democratic ticket every time, and you hate John Wayne movies. That, and you’re a gay Muslim.

  82. loupgarou: Actually, Ronald Reagan ate organic.

  83. schvitzatura says at 11:26 pm, March 21st, 2009

    PJ:

    And establish terra preta/biochar soils and Peruvian waru waru.

    Not really.

  84. Bearbloke says at 11:27 pm, March 21st, 2009

    For years now, I’ve advocated letting responsible adults like ME get a ‘grow license’ so I can legally make my own weed, just like I currently make my own bread, beer and (also-legal) porn; at the same time, I’d punish sales of ANY part of the hemp plant - except seeds & stalks (for industrial uses) - with something short of serving a-year-or-three as Lush Limpball’s ‘poolboy’/toenail-trimmer… so, am I out of my mind or just high as a kite?

  85. Gallowglass says at 11:49 pm, March 21st, 2009

    loupgarou: What if you just hate that one where he played Ghengis Khan? ‘Cause that movie sucked. And I believe, if you consult the AOL comment boards, you will find that its spelled “GAY MUSLIN!!!!1!” Note the all caps.

  86. Gallowglass says at 11:52 pm, March 21st, 2009

    qaf: I just imagine that its a very well-hung green octopus, who likes getting high.

  87. Custerwolf says at 12:10 am, March 22nd, 2009

    loupgarou: Although I’ve heard that gay Muslins love John Wayne’s Chisum.

  88. Custerwolf says at 12:18 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: I’ve decided to start my own women’s social networking site called Clitter.

  89. Custerwolf says at 12:20 am, March 22nd, 2009

    hobospacejungle: You done good hsj.

  90. smashtheduck says at 12:55 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Custerwolf: Twatter?

  91. Custerwolf says at 1:03 am, March 22nd, 2009

    smashtheduck: No….I really wanted to stay focused on just this one particular area.

  92. Kev-O-Tron says at 1:10 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Well, I’m deep in my cup, stoned and well-fed on a hobo dinner of potatoes au gratin, steak and cauliflower puree ($8.00 split two ways) so I feel comfortable telling all those AOL suckers to keep working and paying into my unemployment funding! My landlord is raising rabbits so it can’t get TOO dismal although I hear rabbit is kind of gamey.

    My final thoughts on Twitter: it’s stupid and i hate it.

  93. lovekills says at 1:20 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: I love cauliflower puree, soooo easy to make

  94. lovekills says at 1:20 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: but rabbit is gross, don’t go there

  95. 2druk2phluq says at 1:26 am, March 22nd, 2009

    I just talked to Sri Lanka. They said, “Fuck your American weed. We have the dankest shit here already.” And I was like, “No way, man. We’ve got scientific type weed here. We engineered it specifically to solve our financial crisis.” The dude for Sri Lanka said, “No way your weed is better than our shit. We fucking fought a civil war with the Tamil Tigers with the specific intent of retaining control of the best weed growing spots.” And then I said, “You’ve heard about Gunatanamo, right? Well, this weed is like the opposite of Bush Torture. It makes you feel fanta-fucking-tastic. You won’t be able to remember a damned thing after you smoke it, and you sure as hell won’t be able to communicate anything at all of value. Plus, you’re gonna need a few hundred thousand pounds of M&M’s.”

    Then the son-of-a-bitch hung up on me. Can you believe that shit? Bush queered our international weed selling credentials with his wars and war crimes and such. That’s fucked up, right?

  96. lovekills says at 1:32 am, March 22nd, 2009

    2druk2phluq: that is srsly fucked. I would smoke if was legal, really. I love Sri Lanka. Call Cambodia, they might be more open to your ideas

  97. Roger the Shrubber says at 1:49 am, March 22nd, 2009

    sharpshinyclaws: AOL exists because computers, basically superfast adding machines, mind-numbingly powerful tools in the hands of the likes of Von Neumann, Turing, Knuth, Tarjan, Gunderson, Mills, et al, have been turned into two-way tv sets so chumps like you and me can comment on Wonkette.

  98. lovekills says at 2:01 am, March 22nd, 2009

    hobospacejungle: That breaks my heart. Be good to yourself

  99. Herunar says at 2:26 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Your writings get better and better, Ken.
    I’m impressed.

  100. gurukalehuru says at 2:42 am, March 22nd, 2009

    What is this twatter of which you all speak?

  101. Gallowglass says at 3:32 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: Nah, rabbits not bad. They’re only gamey if they get upset and know they’re gonna die. I think the adrenaline mucks up the meat. If you surprise them, they taste fine. The moral of this story is that you should sit their petting them until they relax and then kill them quick like a ninja. Delicious.

  102. Monsieur Grumpe says at 8:33 am, March 22nd, 2009
  103. windupbird says at 8:47 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Gallowglass: [i]These[/i] rabbits are bad mofos:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXfXssDUYxU&feature=PlayList&p=49ED27C662AAE6A6&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=22

    Please do not eat the Easter Bunny, I need my chocolate fix.

  104. prophet1195 says at 10:07 am, March 22nd, 2009

    ASK NOT what your garden can do for you! ASK what YOU can do for your garden!

    Does that sound like….. hahahaha, nawwww……….

  105. PeteJayhawk v2.0 says at 10:41 am, March 22nd, 2009

    “…the 1960s, the decade of civil rights and the Beatles, when my generation fought important battles.”

    lulz

  106. DC Spring says at 11:05 am, March 22nd, 2009

    The garden’s a ruse. The real action is happening under klieh lights in the4 basement.

  107. Custerwolf says at 11:19 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Gallowglass: There was a scene in Roger and Me where a chick did just that - she was petting the little bunny so nicely before dislocating it’s neck. Not a bad way to go if you ask me. I was just hoping she didn’t end all her affectionate embraces that way.

  108. Custerwolf says at 11:28 am, March 22nd, 2009

    My garden is so cute. Yesterday, when it saw me walking towards it with my little ghanja starts in hand it got so excited it soiled itself.

  109. shortsshortsshorts says at 11:30 am, March 22nd, 2009

    ShortsandPants gets an honorable mention from Rumproast! http://tinyurl.com/coef7u…. ALL MUST VISIT RUMPROAST.COM.

  110. hey guys..what do u think about this? just chat with me –I am an open-mineded single girl and I love sports. I want to end my single life by meeting a guy who likes sports too. Let’s mingle at the club ” _____^^^^ A g e l e s s M a t e C om ^^^ _____” which is a popular meeting site for couga rs and sex y young men!

  111. nice

  112. Monsieur Grumpe says at 11:44 am, March 22nd, 2009

    Custerwolf:
    Moore did a sequel called Pets or Meat that features the bunny lady.
    The link is above at…
    Monsieur Grumpe:

  113. InsidiousTuna says at 12:00 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: Quit being a shameless whore.

    aleen: Quit being a shameless whore.

  114. Custerwolf says at 12:07 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: Ughh… why did you make me watch that again? That woman(?) is fucking scary. She represents 3/4 of my neighbors (and 1/5 of their teeth). I couldn’t actually finish the clip - does she field dress her children at the end?

  115. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:07 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    InsidiousTuna: How dare you put me in the same category, especially as I am whoring out Rumproast, not ShortsandPants. Be fair with your administration of justice, you insidious can of tuna.

  116. ShaqsDong says at 12:12 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    The weekend Wonkette just isn’t as much fun without the paleolibertarian nutjobs….

  117. President Beeblebrox says at 12:14 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    aleen: Fuck cougars. I want PUMAs.

  118. President Beeblebrox says at 12:16 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    qaf: It reminds me of the logo for Yocco’s Hot Dogs, Allentown, PA’s finest dogs, which portrays a crowned hot dog wielding a fork on which is impaled … a hot dog.

  119. Custerwolf says at 12:21 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    aleen: “I want to end my single life ….”
    Is that a threat or a promise?

  120. Dreamer says at 12:33 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Layne, I think you are gluten for punishment why else would you subject yourself to the mercy of humorless AOL commentors.

  121. zhubajie says at 12:42 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    How long before McDonald’s starts offering the Happy Shake?

    Zhu Bajie

  122. zhubajie says at 12:47 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    slavojzizek: Better, put acid in the Repub’s Koolaid, next time they get together!

    Zhu Bajie

  123. Gallowglass says at 12:55 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    aleen: “I want to end my single life by meeting a guy who likes sports too.”

    Is he going to beat you to death with a lacrosse stick?

  124. Monsieur Grumpe says at 12:57 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Custerwolf:
    I saw that short in a local theatre with Michael Moore giving a talk and answering questions. He mostly talked sports. Go figure. I’m not watching it again but if I remember correctly the bunny(s) gets it. The end.

    Note to Naked Bunny with a Whip, Do not watch.
    MG

  125. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:04 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    aleen: Cindy McCain has about 80 profiles there.

  126. How much of the small business bailout cash will be used for Obama-labeled baggies? I’ll take a ½ oz. of Hope Dope, especially since I’m part owner of the farm.

  127. hobospacejungle says at 2:06 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: ShortsandPants gets an honorable mention from Rumproast! http://tinyurl.com/coef7u….

    SSS I’d love to gratify your shameless whoring but your linky gone hinky. It doesn’t work. Try embedding the link using this

    a href=url>link title</a

    just put one of these arrow thingies, at the end, replace url with the link & replace link title with Rumproast and, if I haven’t confused you too much you’ll have an embedded link.

  128. hobospacejungle says at 2:10 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Whoops, that final paragraph should read

    just put one of those arrow thingies () at the end, replace url with the link & replace link title with Rumproast and, if I haven’t confused you too much, you’ll have an embedded link.

  129. hobospacejungle says at 2:12 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    FUCK IT, WE’LL DO IT LIVE, I can’t seem to get the arrow thingie to appear in my comment.

    once more, the final paragraph should read

    just put one of those less-than signs at the beginning, and the opposite, greater-than sign at the end, replace url with the link & replace link title with Rumproast and, if I haven’t confused you too much, you’ll have an embedded link.

  130. Kev-O-Tron says at 2:13 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    hobospacejungle: I’m going to use some of hobo time to learn this mystical, html voodoo you people are so fond of. Do you know any good online tutorials?

  131. hobospacejungle says at 2:25 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Or just click this linky, scroll down to ‘Basic Formatting Tags’ and there will be a list of how to modify your Wonkette comments in simple ways. These include bold, underlined, italics and strike through.

  132. shortsshortsshorts says at 2:32 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    hobospacejungle: THANK YOU, MR. SPACE JUNGLE.

    I actually cheated and used the site admin. MWAH.

  133. hobospacejungle says at 2:33 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Well, maybe not underlined. Different sites allow different kinds of simple modifications to your comments, and not all use the same syntax. However, Wonkette mods always start with a less-than sign and finish with a greater-than sign, as shown on the page linked to above.

    Also at the link above, just below the ‘Basic Formatting Tags,’ is the section called ‘Links.’ There you’ll see ‘Basic Link.’ This ‘Basic Link’ is how to embed a link in Wonkette comments.

  134. hobospacejungle says at 2:35 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts: I actually cheated and used the site admin

    Teacher’s Pet, apple polisher, toady

  135. Jay Leno would want you to know that constant marijuana use causes severe vomiting sickness and compulsive bathing behavior. But he’d be full of shit.

    Campbell Brown please come back, all is forgiven.

  136. hobospacejungle says at 2:42 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    hobospacejungle: Also at the link above, just below the ‘Basic Formatting Tags,’ is the section called ‘Links.’ There you’ll see ‘Basic Link.’ This ‘Basic Link’ is how to embed a link in Wonkette comments.

    However, in the ‘Basic Link’ directions they don’t tell you NOT to place the url in quotation marks. They make it look more confusing than it needs to be, which is why above I didn’t use quotation marks around the url.

    Apologies for boring everyone to tears.

  137. hobospacejungle says at 2:49 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    qaf: marijuana use causes severe vomiting sickness and compulsive bathing behavior

    I had that problem once, after eating a rather strong brownie and trying to watch The Blair Witch Project in a theater. I left after about 15 minutes and quickly regained equilibrium, no hot shower necessary. But jesus fucking christ, man, hold the fucking camera still already. Motherfucker!

  138. ifthethunderdontgetya" says at 2:50 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    The bunny gets it in the end?

    Srry, I do not want to read about bunny buttseks.

    It’s bad enough being subjected to links to Goatphiles.
    ~

  139. ifthethunderdontgetya" says at 2:51 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Make that Goatphiles.

    ~

  140. hobospacejungle:
    Try an amusement park on acid. You’ll spend a lot of recovery/hiding time in the pavillion area.

  141. Custerwolf says at 3:05 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    hobospacejungle: God that takes me back. Someone once slipped my friend and I a joint laced with PCP, which left us both catatonic and Cheney-level paranoid. We managed to drive to the nearest movie theatre and watched The Outsiders over and over and over until we regained our senses. I’m probably the only person who has seen that movie six times - and still couldn’t tell you what it was about.

  142. hobospacejungle says at 3:22 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Servo: Try an amusement park on acid

    Well, I did take acid, see a Cubs game & then Billy Bragg at the Metro the night before my last final exam (A) at Purdue. All went swimmingly.

    Then again, a few years later I ate some ’shrooms, was OK for a while, then ended up crying the rest of the night. Felt like everything bad that had every happened to me happened yesterday. Ugh.

    I’ve avoided psychedelics since then. If anything, my brain needs to be less active, not more. Dextro is more to my liking, everything slows waaaaay down, but it’s impossible to find a formulation around here that isn’t chock full o’ guaifenesin, which makes me puke and waste the dextro.

    But I’ve been illegal pharmaceuticals-free for over a year now. Much preferable to life as a homebound junkie. Only government-approved psychopharmaceuticals for me. Plus suboxone.

  143. hobospacejungle:
    I stated that improperly. I was just comparing, not suggesting. Good job on the final exam. I don’t do any of the fun stuff anymore, except alcohol.

  144. hobospacejungle says at 4:15 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    My selective quoting made it seem as though you suggested it but I did not take your comments as promoting taking acid at amusement parks! Would’ve been fun maybe in my younger years but a very slight high & temporary energy boost from suboxone once daily is my only pharmaceutical fun these days.

  145. Kev-O-Tron says at 6:06 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    The best time I ever had on psychedelics was in 2006. I lived in Hawaii and spent a week camping on Kauia. My best friend and I ate mushrooms at a beach called Polihale that is revered by native Hawaiians as a very spiritual place. At the end of the day a whole bunch of friendly, locals showed up with some turntables, a generator and lights. Unbeknown to us we were camping on a beach that hosted monthly, outdoor raves. It was fucking perfect.

  146. hobospacejungle says at 7:04 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: A sleep trance a dream dance A shaped romance Synchronicity

  147. 21stCenturyAntiFederalist says at 7:27 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    What does organic mean? Means it sat in shit. What? You asked!

  148. S.Luggo says at 8:53 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Client 9 used “my secretary” on his expense vouchers as code for Ashley Dupré. Seems Layne now writes his AOL articles from the Mayflower. Not that there is anything wrong with that. At first I thought he was referring to Michele Bachmann, Ainsley Earhardt or to Newell.

  149. expatinOz says at 11:05 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Dreamer: “Layne, I think you are gluten for punishment” What? I heard Ken was gluten-free.

  150. Bearbloke says at 11:28 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Kev-O-Tron: I haven’t done ’shrooms in quite a while, but one of my favorite times was shortly after came out… being dirty dope-smoking shroom-taking half-breed Muslin socialist hippies at the time, we disrobed and lay down on the orange shag-pile carpet as the cartoon music filled the pitch dark room… I think we were trying a version of the ‘Altered States’ experience… in any case it was fuckin’ awesome….

  151. S.Luggo says at 11:35 pm, March 22nd, 2009

    Dreamer: A glutton perhaps, except for misspelling.

    — Dana Perino

  152. FlipOffResearch says at 12:45 am, March 23rd, 2009

    If a post on twitter is a tweet, then would that make the poster a twit or a twerp?

  153. El Pinche says at 2:05 am, March 23rd, 2009

    qaf: Leno can suck it.

    http://www.marijuanahomedelivery.ca/list.html

    Little Old lady: “I smoke marijuana for my glaucoma.”
    Brian Posehn : “My doctor told me that i need to smoke marijuana to get high.”

  154. Aquannissiwamissoo says at 1:33 pm, March 23rd, 2009

    The only thing more annoying than people who are rabidly opposed to marijuana are the people who rabidly approve of it.

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