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RECESSION'S OVER!

Bank failure in your favor.EVERYBODY’S RICH AGAIN! Following Jon Stewart’s ritual slaughter of shouty pig Jim Cramer last night, the American Stock Markets finished the week with a 10% gain, hooray, win, &c. And now the market is, uh, all the way back to, uh, right about where we were in late February. Rally! [Marketwatch]


4:21 PM on Fri March 13 2009
By Ken Layne
741 Views

  1. Can we all pass Go and collect $200?

  2. Texan Bulldoggette says at 4:24 pm, March 13th, 2009

    Whoo hoo. I’m celebrating by ordering pizza tonight AND it will actually have a topping.

  3. hobgoblin of little minds says at 4:25 pm, March 13th, 2009

    hooray!1!!!!

    The first round of hobo beans is on me. I’ll even let you take a seat next to me on this here empty paint bucket and use my eatin’ stick instead of your fingers to slop up these sweet sweet beans.

    We can share snuggies. Also.

  4. EnBuenOra says at 4:28 pm, March 13th, 2009

    I await Sean Hannity and Bill Kristol celebrating this clear market endorsement of Barack Hussein Black Obama X.

  5. shortsshortsshorts says at 4:29 pm, March 13th, 2009

    YA! Jim Cramer was right! The economy is tanking (???!!???)

    Oh wait he was wrong. Poor Jim.

  6. SayItWithWookies says at 4:35 pm, March 13th, 2009

    If that’s true, then why is Peggy Noonan driven to the depths of despair? Really — she’s all Ecclesiastes quotes and church attendance. And this bit of pseudo-Didionesque bombasticity: “To me, one of the signal signs of the times is the number of people surfing the Internet looking for . . . something.” Verily, I weep for her as I write this.

  7. snideinplainsight says at 4:41 pm, March 13th, 2009

    But she’s still all smiley and Noonanesque in her WSJ pointilixilation!

    What, no plane-falling fantasy this week?

    I will finally get a programmable thermostat.

  8. Red Zeppelin says at 4:45 pm, March 13th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: Yes, we need our Noonington fix. Jim! Where the hell are you! We iz board!

  9. DangerousLiberal says at 4:59 pm, March 13th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: What are these desperate folks looking for? News on Will Farrell?

    Also, if Stewart has to flog Jim Cramer with a cricket bat every day for a year to get the rally to keep going, I’m all for it. I’ll buy the bat with the remaining $20 in my pension.

  10. Incredulicious says at 5:02 pm, March 13th, 2009

    I totally bought GE on Monday at $7.53 and it closed today at $9.62. I’m a fucking financial genius. So why am I still poor? I dream of someday getting toppings on my pizza, Texan Bulldoggette. Until then, it’s velveeta and ketchup on cardboard.

  11. ManchuCandidate says at 5:07 pm, March 13th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies:
    Oh Pegs. Say it. We’re all looking for Pr0N!

  12. Dr. Zoidberg says at 5:13 pm, March 13th, 2009

    Texan Bulldoggette: You can afford toppings? I’m celebrating by spreading crackers with ketchup and Velveeta.

  13. Dr. Zoidberg says at 5:14 pm, March 13th, 2009

    Incredulicious: Darn you for being faster than me!!

    //shakes fist impotently

  14. Incredulicious says at 5:30 pm, March 13th, 2009

    Dr. Zoidberg -

    Wow, that’s a pretty amazing jinx. Really goes to show the power of those two ingredients.

  15. Don Diego Gallo de Pollo says at 6:51 pm, March 13th, 2009

    Hey Incredulous, I’ll trade you some dollar store vienna sausages for some of your ketchup & velveeta on cardboard.

  16. Incredulicious says at 6:57 pm, March 13th, 2009

    Don Diego Gallo de Pollo - Right now I’d kill for a Little Debbie snack cake. Just one.

  17. DangerousLiberal says at 7:03 pm, March 13th, 2009

    Don Diego Gallo de Pollo: Wow, this is how all great economic systems begin, just like they taught us in intro to microeconomics! The Market Works(tm)!

  18. Lascauxcaveman says at 7:22 pm, March 13th, 2009

    Y’all can join me at my place. I’m cashing in a $30 gift certificate to a Cajun place down the street. I forgot I had it, so it’s like found money and I’ll be hoovering up the salty, fatty, spicy like a Looziana death row prisoner whose last appeal just got the thumbs down.

  19. Lascauxcaveman: Unfortunately, even with Gift Certificates they still expect you to tip. If you bring several black plastic bags of empty beer bottles, that might equal like $6 which could constitute a good barter-tip

  20. DangerousLiberal: If the market works, how come I haven’t been paid in like 8 weeks? Does that make me socialist? Then again I pay myself.

  21. Mad Farmer Manifest says at 12:02 pm, March 16th, 2009

    Isn’t Stewart Jewish? Why would he be slaughtering any pigs, even shouty pigs?

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