Wonkette
Five weeks ago, did any of us dream that the new chairman of the Republican Party would offer up such a cornucopia of amazing quotations and comedy opportunities? Who is this guy, with his talk of hip-hop and websites and now “choice”? Does he even know what a Republican is? (He will probably find out soon enough, once the real Republicans make him resign.)
Ever since 1776, the Republican Party platform has rested on a single idea: No abortion, ever. Oh sure, there are a couple of pro-choice Republicans out there, even if they don’t get invited to all the fun parties at the quadrennial National Convention, and these pro-choice Republicans even get elected to office sometimes (dog catcher).
But for the most part, you cannot be a a pro-choice Republican on the national stage, period. CERTAINLY NOT IF YOU ARE, SAY, THE NOMINAL HEAD OF THE PARTY, who is supposed to *understand* and promote the two (2) central tenets of Republicanism which are 1) tax cuts and 2) no abortions.
Which is a very long way of saying that Michael Steele told GQ magazine this amazing thing:
Are you saying you think women have the right to choose abortion?
Yeah. I mean, again, I think that’s an individual choice.You do?
Yeah. Absolutely.
So once this news came out, Steele again had to apologize/”clarify” and say some crap about how he really does support a Constitutional amendment banning abortion.
Is it possible that Michael Steele is not a Republican human after all, but instead a sleeper agent robot hybrid designed by Rahm Emanuel for laughs? Consider.
Do it now, because he will probably be out of a job by Monday.
The Reconstructionist [GQ]
Steele, under fire, walks back ‘choice’ remark [Ben Smith]
This is what happens when you let a Tourette’s patient lead your political party.
Michael Steele’s official clarification:
“I am most distressed by the way in which the Liberal publication GQ has chosen to distort my beliefs by selectively quoting from my interview with them. When I said that a woman should have a choice, what I mean was that she should have a choice between carrying her baby to term and being lowered, at a rate of one inch per minute, into a vat of hydrochloric acid or maybe molten steel. That’s what I mean by ‘choice’.”
BTW fellahs, there’s another juicy GOP sex scandal breaking.
Of course we all know that slightly overheated Steele can collapse at freefall speed, straight down.
I’d like to see him stick around, for the funnies, but I think he’s toast.
I predict Steele will soon be resigning to spend more time with his family. What makes this guy think he is a Republican?
Doesn’t white baby Jesus vet these people anymore, for purity?
Game, Set, and, Match… Preferably strike anywhere, to light the remnants of his now burning career.
…geez, with all of his gaffs I’m starting to think Michael Steele is Joe Biden in black-face!
Serolf Divad: Gee, another electric guitar playing ‘publican! Shades of Lee Atwater.
Out of the chairmanship by Monday, a declared Democrat on Tuesday.
All Republicans are pro-choice. You just have to choose to keep the baby. I don’t know why this is so difficult for libruls to understand.
He also said having teh gai wasn’t a choice, any more than being black wasn’t a choice. That’s pretty much Republican heresy too.
I can’t wait until the Jesus goblins and the fiscal conservatives tear each other limb from limb in the GOP’s Ultimate Fighting Smackdown.
I’m going to stock up on popcorn and bourbon for the main event : Michael “Hip-hop” Steele vs. Rush “Fat Whale” Limbaugh.
Mild Midwesterner: No no, they are all pro-choice, for themselves. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.
mdotsota: Yes, and Ben forgot to include “white baby Jesus power” as the third central tenet of the GOP.
“Help me, white baby Jesus!”
He touched the third rail, but Palin set the stage with her idiotic insistence on highlighting her daughter’s “choice.” I hope they’ll be very happy together. Actually it’s more likely that Steele will be commencing his shooting rampage any day now.
DoctorCulturae: Or in rehab for alcohol/ sex addiction.
This is an old interview that they totally took out of context–he was standing in for Senator Barack Obama in John McCain’s debate prep.
bfstevie@yahoo.com: C’mon the action was in his children’s playroom. Dude has 3 kids, the oldest of whom is 8. I’d stake my reproductive future on the likelihood that the dude’s wife beat him about the head and temple with a Guitar Hero input device.
Cutting room floor from South Park The Movie
[Carl's Warehouse, sometime later. More kids are present]
Kyle: Wow! A lot of people showed up.
Stan: [opens the meeting] ‘Kay, uh, Terrance and Phillip are supposed to be killed, and we think that sucks ass! [a black man in the back raises his hand] Yes?
Michael Steele: Uh, we were to understand there’d be tax increases and abortions?
Kyle: There aren’t any.
Michael Steele: Oh. [leaves with another kid]
But has he apologised to Rushbo yet?
Come here a minute: Win. It should never be forgotten that the Steele as Obama debate prep session caused McCain to suspend his campaign. Now we see what a numb nutz McCain really is, if he couldn’t handle debating this utter moron.
Serolf Divad: Well considering he’s an (R) those were male hookers, right?
steele + blingee….how can you go wrong?
Serolf Divad: Mr Blifil: Still, the pissed-off wife beat him senseless with said guitar. I bet she’ll argue that she was just doing an Eddie Van Halen-esque knock-off and hubby + 2 simply got in the way.
Now that Palin is on the lam I’m sorta Jonesin’ for all the ‘08 campaign good times…Steele is all we really have, and if he goes down, who’s next, McCain again? Borrrrring!
No wait, I forgot, these are Republicans…there will be others.
Steele is going for the hiphop culture so he can wear the baggie pants. They don’t chafe the raw spot where his balls used to be. When Rush has Trucknutz, he uses real nutz.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Hadn’t considered that. After all, Pete Townshend would regularly knock hookers out when he would perform his trademark “windmill” maneuver at the moment of penetration.
so…he’s an african-american guy from maryland who’s okay with abortion…
…are we sure he’s a repub?
Mike Steele is now the Radio Raheed of PG.
GQ Article:
Q: You mean your Starbucks hasn’t closed yet?
A: No, my Starbucks has not closed. And it better not! You cannot close a Starbucks in a black community. We’ll riot!
And why haven’t the Wing Nuts come down on him from a great height for this one:
Q: Do you think homosexuality is a choice?
A: Oh, no. I don’t think I’ve ever really subscribed to that view, that you can turn it on and off like a water tap. Um, you know, I think that there’s a whole lot that goes into the makeup of an individual that, uh, you just can’t simply say, oh, like, “Tomorrow morning I’m gonna stop being gay.” It’s like saying, “Tomorrow morning I’m gonna stop being black.”
I also recommend his detailed explanation of why the Catholic priesthood is a “closet” for certain men. And why that explains “recent scandals.”
Serolf Divad: She beat him “senseless” with an electric guitar. Not only are GrOPers douches, but they’re total pussies as well. Besides, can you imagine a Republican shredding the bridge/extended guitar solo in a G n R tune? In Bittany Spears’ backup band? No you can’t, nor can anyone else. Maybe he just “rocks” to Ted Nugent.
Mr Blifil: You may be right. What does that say about America?
Sounds like Larry David’s starting to get a little antsy to take that stifling makeup off…it’s like being the guy stuck in the Chuck E. Cheese mouse costume.
gurukalehuru: Hahahaha, awesome.
DangerousLiberal:
I’d say he’s got some “Cat scratch fever” now, if you get my drift.
Serolf Divad:
Or Wham Bang Poontang.
This is pretty bizarre, considering that when Steele was MD’s Lt. Gov., he was the pro-life “balance” on the ticket because the governor, Robert Ehrlich, actually was one of those pro-choice Republicans. Any other Marylanders, help me out — I’m not imagining this, right? I remember much being made of Steele being one of those rare political Catholics who actually adhered to the church’s teachings and opposing both abortion and the death penalty.
I’m Michael Steele, come here my voice!
The Republican party is the party of choice
You can choose freedom and you can choose life
but a man can’t choose a man for a wife
You might have heard what I said but
let me tell you what I’m thinkin’
‘Cause I’m the top dawg in the party of Lincoln
No way, hey baby, I ain’t goin’ away
because I motherfuckin’ got some things to say
We gonna do a fiscalized shock and awe
’cause I’m Mike Tyson’s brother in law!
Hang in there, Michael. Us cool hippety-hoppity dudes think your jiggy!
the only thing that can re-ingratiate him with republicans and save the michael steele era is for him to start secretly fucking young men.
I feel like every day is Christmas!
I’m actually starting to feel sorry for this guy. Is it possible he was a closet moderate Republican? Well, that will not DO for the crazies. (If I were him I wouldn’t even mention the RNC gig on his resume.)
Abortion is an individual choice, that should be made at the state level. By Republican governors.
Seriously, the people who say that Roe v. Wade should be overturned and that this is a state matter are either idiots or liars. Look, pal, if you believe that abortion ends a life are you really telling me that you are going to let California make murder legal? Really? When you won’t even let those dirty hippies smoke a little weed, for medicine? Yeah, right.
gurukalehuru: Win. WIN win WIN. And a win, also.
The Issue At Hand:
Michael Steele’s Way to Rebuild the Republican Party now that it has been driven to the brink of extinction: Invite in more minorities, loosen up a little with the hippity hops, try to make the GOP not come across as a bunch of rich old white men with sticks up their asses.
The Republican’s Way to Rebuild the Republican Partynow that it has been driven to the brink of extinction: Keep doin’ the same thing.
The sad thing is that Michael Steele saying things that are actually moderate and make sense is what will oust him from the RNC. Hahaha.
Texan Bulldoggette: Not a closet moderate, but like their choice of Palin, just another vestige of astoundingly hollow Repubthink, i.e.: the Dems have a black leader who’ll be on the teevee every night, well, we’ll have one too. It’s not any more complicated than that, patheticallly.
I wonder if the rumors are true - that Megan McCain and Michael Steele are planning an escape from their Republican captors and will be forming a secessionist party?
I knew Mike Steele about 30 years ago when we were both students at Johns Hopkins. It’s unreal that he hasn’t changed a bit. Still an empty shell that blows in the wind. The only good thing to come out of this is that people are now getting a good ideaof what he really stands for - which is nothing.
DangerousLiberal: Not to worry. The cops of tony, up-scale Inverness threw the hideous miscreant into the slammer for two nights. I’m speaking of the wife.
Assuming his boosters received assurances of his anti-abortion stance before selecting him for the post, Steele would now have performed a 360 on the issue, no? Flip, flop, flip…
He’s as steely as Gumby, but
nottwice as much fun.OT, since the Madoff mea culpa will consume the MSM today, a prediction of a news dump. From whence will it come [sic]?
DoctorCulturae: Release of Cheney torture chamber vids?
*rubbing hands*
DoctorCulturae:
http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0309/FBI_raids_office_of_DC_CTO_Obama_appointee.html?ref=fpbrk
The GOP is so gangsta.
At the next CPAC, Michele Bachmann will have to exclaim “You da castrati!”
Damn, old Mike’s going to be back in Hyattsville in no time at all.
After they make this black man resign, they’ll try the same thing on that other guy what’s hip hoppin’ up tha White House.
entropy:
By Maryland standards, he’s a Republican. By the standards of those places further west, he’s half way to being a communist.
Sweet creamy Jesus with nuts! I LOVE this new and improved Repubbican party. The clock is tickin’ on Michael Steele, he’ll be out back bustin’ up chiffarobes by the end of the day.
Uncle Glenny: I hate it when I’m right.
Fivetree: Did he punch Rush with his left or his right?
Josh Fruhlinger:
You are correct.
Actually, Steele’s primary function as Lt Governor was to be present for photo ops. Ehrlich didn’t seem to include him in much else. Oh, so he sent him to functions in PG and Balto City, but that’s about it.
Mild Midwesterner: Newt Gingrich has a nice new spin on the republican family way to prevent teen pregnancy. I, for one, would be happy to accept money in exchange for not impregnating teenage girls.
gurukalehuru: Actually, Steele was marketed to “real American” parts of Maryland as a stauch, Pope-loving Catholic, but as a down-with-the-homeys kind of guy to “devil-worshipping” Maryland. If it hadn’t been for Kathleen Kennedy Townsend’s incredibly incompetent campaign, no one outside of the DC area would have ever heard of this guy. Hmmm… maybe she knew what she was doing all along?… Nahhh.
The Republicans are the only party with a lunatic core and a few sane people on the fringe. Except for the Libertarians, but there may be more sane Libertarians than there are sane Republicans.
I’ll bet he voted for Hopey.
And once again, Rahm, Axe and the Gibbster are giving each other the “high 4 1/2″. With enemies like this, who needs friends?
Serolf Divad: Fix the headline on yr blog. Also.
totoro: Jeez. All that stuff makes Mr. Steele sound like a pretty reasonable and thoughtful guy. He sounds like he really could be a member of the Democrat party, if he wanted to.
Josh Fruhlinger: Oh man, Steele is Catholic? College graduate? OK, it’s all starting to make sense now.
Gopherit: Where was Newt to propose this when I was in HS and college? Dammit, I want back pay!
Come here a minute: It HAD to be the left, after he finished lovin’ up Mayella Bachmann.
I’m telling you, start the countdown - certain Republicans will attack the middle of their party for losing their way and “giving in to affirmative action”. Their cancer has metastasized.
“CERTAINLY NOT IF YOU ARE, SAY, THE NOMINAL HEAD OF THE PARTY.”
Ah, but there’s the hitch. Steele has insisted that he is the DEFACTO head of the Republican Party, not the NOMINAL head.
Serolf Divad: Gary Skoien was married to El Kabong?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quick_Draw_McGraw
Is it possible that Michael Steele is not a Republican human after all, but instead a sleeper agent robot hybrid designed by Rahm Emanuel for laughs?
Nah. Michael Steel is all too human in a job designed for a robot hybrid.
Gopherit: Gotta a love that Newty, he’s a thinker. Conversation heard shortly after his plan to pay girls not to get preggers is put in place:
(Setting: Your local high school)
Girl 1: “So, um. Are you and Donny, y’know, doing it?”
Girl 2: “Ahh…. duh?!? The boy can’t get enough of my goods, if you know what I mean. You see how carefully he’s walking today?”
Girl 1: “Well I thought so. I hope you’re using protection.”
Girl 2: “We’re doubling up. He wraps it and I’m on pills.”
Girl 1: “Good, ’cause y’know? President Gingritch’s new program? Where you get money to graduate without having gotten knocked up? It’s like $3000? Pretty good money, just for being a little careful, y’know?”
Girl 2: “Right, and after the check comes, I’m sooo gonna get him to knock me up like pronto.”
Girl 1: “Um … HELLO! College?”
Girl 2: “Yeah. Fuck that bullshit. Donny’s dad owns the Toyota dealership. I’m set.”
Good clip of Chris Matthews analyzing Steele’s GQ interview:
http://gotchamedia.blogspot.com/2009/03/michael-steeles-choice-words-on.html
I am starting to believe that both he, and Meghan McCain, never took enough civics classes to really understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats. They’ll eventually figure it out, after being completely torn apart by the party they supposedly support, and end up left-leaning ‘independents’ who twitter passive-aggressively about Ann Coulter’s adam’s apple while gently cupping Joe Lieberman’s balls.
OMFG, he TRIED to hit the right talking point but I can hear veins in various GOP heads popping now.
Also, that probably is the best Blingee since King/Ahmidinijad.
The only way this could get any better is if Steele were replaced with Chip Saltzman.
bring on Klaxon Dawson!
Gopherit: Newt’s is actually a brilliant economic recovery plan. With the government paying girls not to have sex and congressmen paying them to have sex, a bidding war will ensue pumping (heh!) billions into the economy.
zippy123: After seeing Meghan McCain on Maddow last night I am starting to think that she should be the next leader of the RNC. It is too bad Steel can’t just grow a pair and stop apologizing for what he really thinks. At this point I am not sure what that is but oh well!
Serolf Divad: Three-ways, ftw!
Did any Republicans actually talk to Michael Steele before electing him to be the RNC chair? Can he even get his old job back at Fixed News? And unsaid in all of this GOP tizzy is that the old white guys are going to shitcan the black guy … so what’s new?
Meanwhile, the British National Party, the UK version of the GOP (i.e., full of racists and nationalists) is just bathing in fail as well.
Is it wrong that I kinda like this man? He reminds me of my high school principal.
totoro: Beat me to it. I personally think he said later how much he loves killing babies just to detract from that colossal oopsie.
there two main tenants are: No abortions. No Gays.
This guy is King of the tool people
The RNC will FORCE him to have sex with a gay prostitute and then He’ll have to resign.
We’ve seen this all before.
President Beeblebrox: Very amusing.
This is the problem with these gormless idiots. They do believe in choice for their daughters or their knocked up hookers, they just don’t believe in it for you. They’re all well off enough that should they be successful in overturning Roe v Wade they can always afford to send their aforementioned daughters/hookers up to Canada or wherever.
Oh transparent Republican ploys, when you backfire, hilarity ensues. So you hired the only sane black Republican you could find because we elected a black President and it turned out the guy you hired was actually, for reals, a sane person. Oh teh noes.
Its like that time you added a pretty-ish lady to the ticket ’cause she kinda talked like a midwestern hausfrau and had a massive brood of chirrins. You thought to yourself, “She seems like someone the shitheads could relate to,” never considering she might, herself, be a shithead. And it turn out she was and it cost you the election in the most spectacular way imaginable.
This is like that, but in the opposite direction.
The greatest trick Obama ever pulled was convincing the GOP to make Michael Steele the head of the RNC.
Josh Fruhlinger: Maybe he is pulling a reverse Romney?
For further entertainment, my vote goes to Victoria Jackson for new headcase of RNC!! http://tinyurl.com/bsrfs5
You guys, I think Michael Steele IS black! After all, he’s obviously a Muslin baby-killer librul socialist/Democrat.
Josh Fruhlinger: With all the parsing, you are getting as confused as the Party itself.
Steele = personally “Pro-life” BUT believes that it’s an individual’s choice BUT believes his duties as RNC Chairmen supersedes any such notions of personal tolerance and requires him to carryout plans to annihilate the pro-Choice movement. Which he won’t really have to do, because he will soon be fired.
I think Mr.Steele is the last hope of the Republican party.
I think it was when he said “Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it” that he really went down in flames.
myheadsexploding: She is the bag lady we all fear becoming. Zow.
there are a great many pro choice conservatives. it only makes sense for those who believe in personal responsibility. also there are more and more gay friendly and gay conservatives, once again a matter of personal choice and freedoms. these conservatives may not yet comprise the majority of the republican party, but they will eventually be heard. listen.