Wonkette
THE REVOLUTION STARTS NOW: “When ‘revolution’ means putting a Ron Paul sticker on your gas-guzzling luxury tank or forwarding YouTube links to that CNBC stock jobber yelling about poor people having a roof over their heads, you can rest assured Angry Americans will continue doing nothing more radical than sitting in their cars in the parking lot outside the Jack in the Box, listening to Rush Limbaugh and eating jalapeno poppers instead of looking for a job, like their wives keep telling them to do, or else.” [AOL Political Machine]
I thought we had the Revolution when we voted for That Sosialist Muslin Colored fellow.. at least that’s what Rush tells me to think…
I can just hear Woody singing: This land is your land this land is my land…
We need the Bush & Sons Cartel back to ferret out those steenking boogeymen lefties and Muslims. George & George could nuke New York and California, pass out zillions of guns and the rightwing nuts can then pass out Jim Jones juice to their masses to rapture the rest of America while listening to Rush Dumbo. Oh the horror, of not being able to have the power anymore to rob the US Treasury.
This article made me turn over on the sofa and get a twinkie from the mini-fridge. I am going to need the energy when the revolution starts- GUEVRA LIVES!
However he doesn’t spell very well.
Arise, ye Bloggers of Stagnation!
Arise, ye Bitchers of the Dearth!
Throw off, your AOL frustrations,
Ken Layne’s screeds just aren’t worth!
We’ll change henceforth the old meme labels
And spurn the scorn of Trucknutz’s prized!
So Wonkettees, come let’s rally
And the last fight let us face
Wonkette.com will live foreve!
And unite the Snarking Race!
[All Power To The People!
And all the money to MEEEEEEEEEEE!]
I once sat outside of a burger king eating croissanwiches while listening to Glen Beck, if that counts for anything.
I was bored.
Wonkette a “workers’ website”? Not if my lazy ass can help it! Ah screw it, do what you want…
“I saw Jesus at McDonald’s at midnight. Said he wasn’t doin’ all right.”
A great percentage of those people sitting in their cars listening to Gush aren’t literally eating jalapeno poppers. The poppers thing is just a metaphor. They’re really cruising for hot and spicy Latino love, which they find all the dirtier for doing while listening to Il Duce Openmaw.
Ugh… the thought of Douche Limpball cruising for any kind of love makes my computer feel dirty, and I have to get it cleaned right now…
Even in the miserable depths of the 1930s’ Great Depression, there wasn’t much taste for a violent overthrow of the capitalist system.
Right — the meek shall inherit the earth. Because who the fuck else would want it? Revolution is forestalled by the extensive debauchery of the previous administration. We’ll settle for whichever poor bastard wants to run what’s left.
Well sure, if you’re going to start quoting Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper’s first album (on Enigma?), then we are again talking about the early 1980s Reagan Depression.
(I WAS THERE. WITH MOJO. IT WAS SCARY.)
Ken, do you actually enjoy agitating the demented dittohead halfwits who turn to AOL for political wisdom? As much as I enjoy watching you do it, I mean.
Edywin: Ooo! How about. . .we invent a half-bred Muslin leader of the revolution with this name?
“Don’t blame me - I voted for GUEVRA!”
I love it when you rile up the Bitterz, Ken.
And if your Wonketteer fan club wants to see the whole AOL back catalog of Ken Layne’s diatribes, it’s very easy to find, and will help you waste hours at work.
Even though I am gainfully unemployed I support the new worker’s paradise created by Wonkette. The Wonkette Commune? The Eighteenth Brumaire of Wonkette? The Wonkette Manifesto?
Edywin: Spelling is so bourgeois.
Oh god, Ken, you’ve mocked the Paultards. Prepare to become the subject of some very angry fan fiction.
That was retarded even for AOL. I say this knowing the full gravity of this assessment.
Bramlet Abercrombie: Sounds great! I will start an online fundraiser for them. Lets all meet up on Facebook! Crowns and Coronets for Harry and his followers!
2druk2phluq: Is that a song you were quoting. If so, who is it by? It might be a song I have been trying to find for literally decades. Thanks.
“Comrades, the good news is there will be a change of Underwear. The bad news is…”
I had a dream last night that Art Bell returned on a golden cloud and the gates of Area 51 were rent asunder and the alien technology was shared among the children of god and the Puma and the Dittohead broke bread together and proclaimed that socialism and capitalism are the wings upon which the great bird of life soars high. Those jalepeño poppers always give me funny dreams.
Ken Layne: Mojo’s version of “This Land is Your Land” is, hands down, the best version EVER. It is both incredibly sincere and totally batshit crazy. Mojo is god.
So this is a “worker’s” site?
Neilist: FTW, and it’s only Monday. Also, jalapeno poppers are gross. I fatten my ass with mozzarella sticks. The revolution will be televised, and will come with deep-fried appetizers. Yum.
“There is very little chance today’s bloated couch potatoes are going to do anything at all — except whine, on the Internet.”
Which brings us to Wonkette…
Enhh, most of us angry joe-six-pack guys still sorta have a job though the wife does bitch too much and the jalepenos at Jack in the Box give us heartburn… I’m anxiously awaiting this enlightened lefty revolution as I won’t have to go to work any more, instead I’ll just collect my check while the government pays my mortgage and for my kid’s braces. But I wonder who’ll pick up the trash, make water come out of your fucking tap, grow your food, haul organic groceries to your fucking cooperative market, make sure your lights come in the eco-friendly house we build and protect all you own from fire and predators who don’t give a damn about the Obama sticker on your hybrid fucking car…
Okay, ‘fess up. Who on Wonkette is commenter “donkey fuc*er”? Because I love that man(?).
After a few weeks of donating blood and panhandling, I got the ten bucks or so (now less than $8) to buy a share of Time Warner. I own you, Layne.
If a Galt Goon goes Galt and no one notices, did they really Go Galt?
A Fine National Imbalance: Well, I work once in a while. Like tomorrow morning, 8-10.
Zhu Bajie
plowman: The immigrants, just like now!
Some evidence that Mr Layne is onto something:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ozU4KcvIZ0
*THAT* is America.
allainjules: Dude, that shit is in like Spanish or something.
I don’t believe Ken actually looks like that.
Jack in the Box has jalapeno poppers? {WHOOSH, SOUND OF DOOR SLAMMING, CAR REVVING UP AND TIRES SQUEALING)
…there is very little chance today’s bloated couch potatoes are going to do anything at all — except whine, on the Internet.
Like that’s a bad thing?
Seriously, though, writing for AOL Political Machine must be like Placido Domingo being forced to perform a Rico Sauve rap while making a guest appearance on Just The Ten of Us. Not that you’re the Placido Domingo of one-paragraph, run-on sentences, but rather that AOL is a fucking cesspool.
P.S. Heather Langenkamp, if you’re reading this, call me!
Ken Layne, Steve Earle is PISSED that you’ve appropriated his rousing tune to discuss current events. He just texted me to say that the revolution started a long time ago and y’all just slept through it, narcotized in your haze of hippiestix, moonshine and cheeziepoofs.
SO behind the fuckin’ curve…..
The Gordo: And Elvis is everywhere.
Texan Bulldoggette: I was wondering the exact same thing! I think he/she is my hero for antagonizing the bitterz like that!
Koan: For the Revolution to exist, must it first appear on Fox?
ForTheTurnstiles: Srsly NSFW. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
I like that in Western Europe this economic downturn will help the fortunes of communists, in Eastern Europe communists and the racist far right, but in America just the racist far right and their corpulent God-Kings. Yeah, America!
DangerousLiberal: Don’t jalapeño poppers and mozzarella sticks both count as proletarian cuisine? Well, maybe only if “jalapeno” is spelled without that goddam forrin’ accent-majig…
Not just a ‘workers’ website’ - a “workers’ newspaper”! That’s my Wonkette *beams*