Pretty much every day for the past month President Obama has held a press conference explaining how he’s going to fix yet another massive problem with the economy. Usually the solution is something like, “Print more money!” But today, he’s floating a novel new plan: “Save more money.” Bwaaah?
9:57 AM — Those Geico ads. Do they really work?
10:01 AM — Ah, this is all part of Peter Orszag’s evil plan to take over the government by eliminating outsourcing and cost-plus contracts. Sounds nefarious!
10:02 AM — Tamryn Hall is just flogging this NBC/WSJ poll that shows how popular Barack Obama is. Prediction: even though 54% of people say they’re “confident in his policies,” something like 1 zillion percent believe “his policies can’t actually do anything to make us less poor.” What does this prove? Nothing except that people cannot consistently answer poll questions.
10:09 AM — It’s official. Barack Obama is an egregious latesky. Fox News passive-aggressively shows the empty room that Barack Obama is supposed to be in, speechifying. Major Garrett explains why anybody should care about federal contracting. Answer: Because it costs money.
10:10 AM — So basically this is just a plan to kill Blackwater, or “Xe,” permanently. Man, Fox News is awesome, showing old people smoking pot while MSNBC drones about football players lost at sea. Time for a coffee break.
10:16 AM — Barack Obama has tarried long enough that a Supreme Court lawsuit has been decided and three suicide bombers have struck outside Kabul while we’ve been waiting for him to give this stupid talk.
10:20 AM — “Plus, chaos at Chuck E. Cheese!”
10:21 AM — Oh is that you, Barry? If you were at the dentist’s office, your appointment would have been CANCELLED ALREADY. Anyhow, let’s get to it. “Listen, America,” he says, “We are going to have to live on shit sandwiches and tears for the next 10 years. Sorry.”
10:22 AM — He is NOT a big librul: his budget reduces non-discretionary, non-defense spending over the next ten years. Now onto government contracts. He knows all about corrupt government contracting, because he is from Chicago.
10:23 AM — Basically George Bush paid all of his favorite companies billions of dollars over the past 8 years because he did not want the government to have any money.
10:24 AM — Ick, he looks sort of pale and shiny, at least on MSNBC. And like he needs a shave. And like he is just terribly disappointed with all the dummies who have been running things forever.
10:26 AM — He wants to end investment in “unproven technologies,” but then how, pray tell, shall we ever get our personal jet packs?
10:27 AM — Hmm, somehow John McCain is involved in this? Him and Carl Levin, with some sort of bipartisan procurement reform dealy? Sounds boring and complicated! (Which means it is probably a secretly very good thing.)
10:28 AM — Again, a remark about unproven technologies. Does this sound weird to anybody else? Has the Pentagon been dumping like $40 billion a year into wacky DARPA research into human-mosquito warbot hybrids or something?
10:30 AM — That was quick! Was that Claire McCaskill in the crazy glasses? (Was too busy typing to look up.)
10:39 AM — Speculation: perhaps “unproven technologies” refers specifically, in secret Roosian code, to the missile shield that has so irked Medvedev and Putin. What else have we been spending billions of dollars on, that Obama might like to stop spending money on while also making nice with Moscow? Well, there you go.
{ 48 comments }
Obama: he’s “off tha hook”!
Wake me when he procures me some great arms like Michelle’s.
maybe Barry and Michelle will emerge all rumpled-hair-&-clothes, sheepish & post-coital
[re=257410]snideinplainsight[/re]: No, Obama be “da man.” Duh.
Barry watched cable! BET and Al Jazeera I’m sure
oh, i thought he was announcing michael jackson’s london show dates. oops!
What, no more no-bid military contracts? Waah!
10:26 AM — He wants to end investment in “unproven technologies,”
No more Segways and reclining dildo chairs, Barry?
Hey, this actually makes a huge diff. if you work at the Pentagon. For the past 8 years, the buzzword has been “transformation” (aka, hire civilians to do the jobs that soldiers and sailors used to do). People’s job evaluations at the lieutenant colonel level and above are partly based on how eager they are to displace uniformed troops and replace them with contractors. Gonna be hard to turn that boat.
Hopey’s a charmer, even with a PowerPoint deck chock full of histograms…I bet all the ladies in the press corps will throw their panties on stage before he’s finished going over the numbers.
My God, this is more boring than Gordon Brown’s speech tonight to Congress (you guys are going to liveblog that, right?)
Man will those suicide bombers be pissed when they meet the SUICIDE ROBOTS!
“Ick, he looks sort of pale and shiny, at least on MSNBC. And like he needs a shave. ”
OH NO!! Does my Barry have the flu? Someone get him a blanky and some hot tea! Clear off the couch and turn on cartoons! Hurry up, people! This is serious!
[re=257436]jagorev[/re]: Tonight? It is at 10:45 this morning. So…right about now.
[re=257436]jagorev[/re]: I’ve got hobo-issue moonshine sitting in my bathroom (it’s toilet water), so I hope so.
[re=257436]jagorev[/re]: Is that “tonight” as in “British time” or “tonight” as in “American Time, but tape-delayed for teh British”?
Unproven technologies – that’s the future! What is he saying?! ACK!! I want my skyhook! I want my Farnsworth Fusor!
[re=257449]NotAnEvilLobbyist[/re]: Oh. Right. And I can’t even drink and/or watch streaming video at work. My day is ruined.
[re=257449]NotAnEvilLobbyist[/re]: Awww…
“Unproven technologies” = National Missile Defense
Would it be “wasteful government spending” to at least pave over the former WTC site, instead of leaving a gaping fucking hole in the ground for the entire world to see?
Wow. That felt good. Like, Santelli-good.
YAY for “unproven technology” (aka missile defense) bashing! We’ve dumped enough money into Ronnie’s pet project that he believed would work because he was a movie actor and stuff like that works in the movies. Not in real-life, three dimensional space, though.
I wonder if “disproven” technologies is what’s being suggested; as in some “star wars” hopes of detecting and intercepting missiles, etc.
[re=257470]Big Liver[/re]: Doubtful. He’s probably referring to dildo technology development, intended to shore up federal abstinence initiatives.
NOBAMA IS THE DESTROYER OF AMURKA’s WEALTH!!1!!!
[re=257467]CorkPopper[/re]: Yeah, and some of it kinda works, so we can keep that in case the North Koreans get REAL craxy. I’m talking about the long-range missiles on Navy ships, the kind that shot down that satellite. That oughta be all we need to keep Kim Jong Il’s nutjob successor out of trouble.
He looks pale? WTF? ya racists.
[re=257466]Mr Blifil[/re]: You can’t do that because it is SACRED SPACE and paving it would DISHONOR THE MEMORY OF THE HEROES WHO DIED ON 9/11. We must keep the hole forever gaping in HONOR of the FAMILIES who absolutely refuse to take their millions in government compensation and get the fuck on with their lives. No disrespect intended.
Uh, can’t we talk about cricket or something?
[re=257466]Mr Blifil[/re]: [re=257480]CorkPopper[/re]: I thought we were waiting to bury Osama Bin Laden’s body there, after pulverizing his colon with our new dildo technologies…
WTF Why no live blogging of Gordon Brown’s speech.? Is Sara an isolationist? Or is a scotsman, not wearing kilt, just impossible to render humorous?
[re=257487]DustBowlBlues[/re]: None of the Wonkette eds want to try to liveblog Gordo’s speech because they’re ashamed to admit they canna speak th’ Scot’s language.
I DEMAND THAT YOU LIVEBLOG BROWNIE’S SPEECH, BLOG MONKEYS
[re=257443]BadKitty[/re]:
What’s your phone number? I’m calling you the next time I get sick, you’re obviously the best nurse ever.
FYI, my favorite color blanky is green.
I hate to get into a dust-up I was late to coming to, but what the hell–Although the Murrah Building was much smaller that Twin Towers, it created quite a shock wave. The survivors and victims’ families got nothing out of it, financially, but for what life insurance might have paid and what their disability benefits were. Nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Those people were bombed by a white, blue-eyed, American Christian terrorist who hated the government and wanted to hurt anyone connected with it. They were killed specifically because they were doing our work. Or because their parents were, in the case of the day care center.
Afterward, the OKC Memorial, which is very beautiful, restrained and deeply moving, was built with no budget overruns, finished ahead of schedule and no controversy.
Our people were killed by someone spouting the kind of anti-govt. rhetoric perfected by Saint Reagan and now spouted by the Repubtards who run this state. Okies can be good people, but they can also be absolute idiots.
Obviously, in terms of finances, I guess it’s better to lose loved ones to Muslim terrorists than Christian terrorists. Not sure, however, it makes much difference to the dead.
As for sports being neutral territory, even badmitton is controversial. Why is everything so fucked up today?
It’s probably over now. We might never see this Scotsman visit our shores again. *sob*
In his honor, I am now singing along to Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind”, but replacing “Norma Jean” with “Gordon Brown” in the lyrics.
Kapow!! Take that Rumsfuck. No old/new Europe. Not so much cheering for the world working together on financial systems.
BTW–I’m live blogging Brown’s speech. My onlly regret is that he didn’t ask David Morrissey to deliver it.
[re=257503]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Forgot to mention, but as is obvious, I’ve gone rogue.
Wow–No snark possible on the story about the little torture victim, waiting fot the UN to save him. I’m really sad.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Shout out to Saint Reagan who innitiated the trip to our current state of doom.
[re=257498]jagorev[/re]: He is still going. Made a few nice digs at the Republicans so far.
http://www.c-span.org/Watch/C-SPAN_wm.aspx
But I agree with DustBowlBlues, that torture story was incredibly depressing.
[re=257510]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Wait, that “little torture victim” better not have been tortured by us, in which case he is a dangerous terrorist and we don’t torture.
For this post, it woulda been a real hoot if, to represent President Obama, they’d used a photo from that Different Strokes episode where Arnold Jackson dressed up as President Lincoln for a school play. Why is that funny? Because Gary Coleman is ALSO a black person!
Get it?!
Was there a Republican response? Where is the Fairness Doctrine when you need to see the next doomed GOPer disqualify themesleves from 2012? (Any bets that Caribou Barbie would never give a Republican response?)
Here’s the 10 companies most affected by the contracting overhaul. Good to see Dog the Bounty Hunter on the list:
http://tr.im/h0FX
I’m not sure why I was given to typing double consonants in order to misspell words. Perhaps it was the fear and trepidation of going rogue.
[re=257497]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I agree 100%, the victims’s families in OKC got royally screwed, relatively speaking. It’s completely unfair. The payouts to the 9/11 victims were a rush job, agreed to in order to protect the airline industry. And a horrible precedent.
And New York’s fucked-up state government can’t be trusted to run a laundromat efficiently, let alone a huge rebuilding project. In this case I’m guessing we can learn a thing or two from the flyover states that so many people here look down their noses at.
[re=257531]CorkPopper[/re]: Thanks for being so nice about us but, except for that Murrah Bldg. thing, OK is as fucked up as anyone on either coast could imagine it to be. At the time, even Inhofe dissed the victims by saying no on knew how many were “playing hooky” and weren’t in the building. Right, fuckheard. Don’t use terms like vacation or sick leave or just leave to describe people who looked up at the television and realized, “Fuck. Everyone I work with is dead.”
I realized I missed those double consonants because I get do used to using words like fuckhead that I tend to ignore the red line. Wonkette needs a special dictionary for the spell checker. Morans will comes up as misspelled.
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