Wonkette
We met our Boston buddy Garrett Quinn at the Republican convention in St. Paul last summer — he was a Ron Paul delegate, for reals! But politics could not get in the way of our mutual love of Guinness and Jameson, which is why young master Quinn is covering CPAC for your Wonkette! We’ve just thrown together this first post from a bunch of amusing emails he’s sending from the proceedings, as we try to figure out how to get pictures from his fucked-up Blackberry to Newell’s fucked-up Blackberry. The Future!
- Joe the Plumber is going to be there!!!!1! One of my goals is to see what kinda of schwag the various organizations will be giving away. I would really like to find a back message-vibrating thing with the Family Research Council logo on it.
- The Pawlenty shindig is the hot ticket right now. The Campaign for Liberty is determined to call everything they do at CPAC “Underground” They rented a townhouse or two for out-of-town volunteers. Not sure if they paid for it in Ron Paul gold coins.
- Joe-the-Plumber spoke to 1/4 full room. It was pathetic. I got video of how fucking empty the room was. I tried to make an echo off the walls but I got yelled at. Video to come.
- Some crazy bitch asked Patrick Ruffini to read more Harry Potter books because somehow it will save the GOP.
- Mike Huckabee made WICKED lame jokes and people laughed.
Video, soon!
” I would really like to find a back message-vibrating thing with the Family Research Council logo on it.”
Those are called DILDOS, Mr. Quinn. You really are a Libertarian, aren’t you? A Republican would know a Family Research Council dildo or strap on accessory when he saw one/received one.
oh yes, please give us the goods.
Yes but they also missed out on forced-anal President Michelle Bachmann
“PRESIDENTIAL BANQUET
Regency Ballroom
Master of Ceremonies: Rep. Michelle Bachmann (MN)”
Save the date next time. It is clearly the most important thing our President has to offer.
VIDEEEEOOOOO
Please say it was Joe who yelled at you.
Joe the Plumber did have more people listening to him because John McCain and the liberal media that runs CPAC hates him so. Also bloggers shouldn’t be allowed at CPAC just like reporters shouldn’t be allowed in a war zone.
Will Rep. Bachmann speak in tongues? Will Gov. Palin bring her exorcist? Will this be on C-SPAN, pretty please??
You have VIDEO of this thing? You’re a brave man Mr. Quinn. But I have to ask- what’s Joe like in Real Life? Did you get a chance to ask him for his thoughts about the extension of the DTV switchover?
Where’s the urban suburban hip hop ?
Woodwards Friend: or WH press conferences, DFH’s
Ken, funny you should mention Jameson’s at the precise moment that my memory taste buds begin taunting me.
What I love best about this whole thing is the location and my memories of just how many gay hotel room sex parties I’ve either attended or been invited to there… and that’s just counting this week! ;P
“I tried to make an echo off the walls but I got yelled at.” Dork comedy gold.
Did Mike Huckleberry make another funny joke about someone pointing a gun at Barry again? Because I’m sure the folks in that crowd would have thought it was HI-larious.
“Some crazy bitch asked Patrick Ruffini to read more Harry Potter books because somehow it will save the GOP.” Makes sense, Bush was always wishing he could “just wave a magic wand”…
You’re being unfair to the Republicans at CPAC: the room was only 1/4 full because everybody else had already figured out how to hook up the digital converter boxes they got at BestBuy to their analog TVs.
# Some crazy bitch asked Patrick Ruffini to read more Harry Potter books because somehow it will save the GOP.
Absolutley. They’re in this mess because their not being Voldemortish enough.
Night of the living dead
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!
Hey make sure you tell us what Joe Scarborough and Tucker Carlson have to say about the FAIRNESS DOCTRINE!!1! Maybe they’ll come in with duct tape over their mouths IN PROTEST.
CPAC = Daycare for junior wingnuts
…will Rick Santelli be stopping through?
At Joe’s performance you should have stood up and put your hands on your hips and thrust your pelvis forward and said “aye gotta plummin’ business you can buy right heeyah…”
just so we’re clear:
swag = free stuff given away at events for promotional purposes
schwag = cheap weed
IF ONLY they would give away drugs at this stupid, stupid thing…
Percentage of white, older people at this shindig?
A Wonkette hurrah for Garrett Quinn, war correspondent!
“Joe-he-Plumber spoke to 1/4 full room. It was pathetic.”
Say it ain’t so, Joe. I still luvs you on the so-called TeeVee! Can’t wait for your next late-night informercial. Who knew you could teach me to trade the markets like a pro?
Is M Steele there laying down some fresh beats?
(I’m hoping that’s how the hiphops talk)
Sullivan reports “It gets worse for the right”. Cliff Kinkaid at CPAC says President Obama not born in US. I think all real Americans can join in this. And laugh and laugh and laugh …
qwerty42: Well, it’s all fun and games until a “patriot” decides to “save America”.
These assholes really don’t know they’re playing with fire, do they?
If I knew CPAC was this week I would have lent them my Bell Biv DeVoe cassingle.
Let’s see some videos.
Ok, who is up for doing a quick remix of “baby got back” into “baby got taxed” and getting some local breaker crew to set up a booth and confuse the fuck out of these people?” The endless parade of WTF would be Comedy Gold, and Michael Steele.
Huckabee really needs to get out his Little Rockers band or whatever the hell they’re called from his Faux News show. That’ll really get the crowd going.
4tehlulz: From Balloon Juice, a link to Sean Hannity’s site “What kind of revolution appeals most to you?”. Options are:
1. Military coup
2. Armed rebellion
3. War for secession
I was thinking “hold my breath until I turn blue”, but that wasn’t available. too bad. Anyway, expect the wingnuts to get lots worse before they have any hope of getting better.
qwerty42: Yeah, I saw that. I’m hoping they go for 3. so that the rest of the country can go “lol ‘k,” leaving the neo-Confederates stunned that no one wants to play with them anymore.
Even if it had been filled with bodies, Joe would have been speaking to a mostly empty room.
Hurray Garrett! You do realize this is the last ‘conservative’ event you’ll EVAR be able to go to?
Think of it like quitting a job - you can say and do anything on your last day. Suggestions anyone?
I think corss dressing on the last day would be a good way to go out in style. Plus, you will meet a lot of new Airport Restroom friends
MarieDeGournay: Joe was probably getting pissy at reporters again. Or, paid public speakers. Whatever he is passing himself as these dayz
amodelcitizen: Only way I would have covered this event is with ten hits of acid, a bottle of absinthe and a shitload of thorazine. No one would be able to tell the difference between and the rest of the participants.
The Cold Sea: I think he is referring to the types that are vibrators, actually. ike super, heavy duty, put a drill bit on it and it’s a jackhammer vibrators.
Oooooh, the Paultards have video up already on YouTube and they are pissed that Palin and Jindal won’t even be showing up.
Baconcat: Ah! The Hitachi Magic Wand! Love that one.
Aquannissiwamissoo: I’ve never laughed so hard at one single, solitary sentence in my life.
But which CasSingle was it? “Do Me”? Or, perhaps, “Poison”?
How can Quinn claim to be a Paultard when he obviously has a sense of humor?
the 2009 in the poster is like x-ray glasses, and you can see palin’s american flag bra!
Someone told me Joe the Plumber did a book signing at a Borders in NYC and eleven people showed up. But only five bought books. Hahahaha!
chascates: 215%
I’ve come across some ‘conservatives’ that actually say they would vote for the likes of Joe the Plumber (’real average Americans’) to the presidency. Thank Allah that these fools didn’t make it.
HA HA HA.
This is like an average Libertarian Party convention except without the freakishly weird stoners and free Jamaican Red.
Where’s the fucking video?
Peanut Inspector: The two lame-ass wingnut stars, Piyush and Bible Spice won’t be there? Even they’re ignoring this bunch of wingnutters? Is that because Piyush is ashamed to show his creepy face in public after even his Faux news buddies panned him? And I’m guessing maybe the Alaskans are not thrilled with Spice–either that, or she’s too busy passing out checks to anyone who’s shot a wolf from a plane.
Joe the not-a-plumber and a handful of these weirdos must have been the only ones who didn’t get the “15 minutes is up” memo. He still thinks he’s somehow interesting to someone. When does the adult video come out, btw?
Gotta go. Rachel is doing cpacalooza special in a minute.
Michelle Bachmann IS the Presidential Buffet!1!!
Wait, that’s a non-sequitur, eh.
qwerty42: Didn’t the big bankers and fat-cats form a coup to topple FDR in the early days, to preserve the status-quo, of course.
hansdog: Yeah, and the party-poopers at Wikipedia took out all the stuff about Prescott Bush’s involvement. All that’s left in his bio is funding the Nazis during WWII.
OK, so Prescott played banker to the Third Reich. George H.W. ran the CIA then tried to have Reagan assassinated. (The Hinckleys were big Bush-backers and John Wayne’s bro had a dinner date with Jeb the night Reagan was shot). GWBush, well you all know his shit.
Would someone please send a terminator back from the future to assassinate young George P. before he grows up to bring on Armageddon?
Scandalabra: This all leads me to wonder who is paying Joe’s way for book signings and his other ‘activities’. It’s about time that man pulled himself up by his bootstraps & got a real job (not just work).
Having been embedded at Joe the Blog for some time now, I think there are even fewer activists than at Confluence. At least those Pumatards actually show up to their own discussion forums. Joe never posts or gets involved with the discussions, LEAVIN MY TO WONDERS WHYS HE NEVR POSTS NO COMENTS!!1!
Doesn’t Joe have sinks and tubs to fix?
In all seriousness, if Joe the Plumber gave a talk on bathroom remodelling, I’d definitely give a listen.
Maybe he’s vying for a show on HGTV?
The folks at this “gathering” are out of power, out of work, out of ideas, and increasingly out of their minds.
A good place to have the tinfoil concession.
The new Repugnant Party - the gift that keeps on giving!
Not sure where this is transcribed from re: joe the plumber at CPAC, but:
quote:
But the most withering critic of Republicans might be one of their most prominent figures: Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher. “I’m pissed off at the Republicans just as much as the Democrats,” he said in an interview. “They need to stop talking and start doing something. I don’t love Obama, but you gotta give it to him—the Democrats are making things happen.”
Wurzelbacher is easily the most-loved person here. People line up to see him wherever he goes. Fox News producers rise from their lunch tables to intercept him. Fans tell him secrets in hushed voices. “You’d think he was Julia Roberts,” says his handler. “George Clooney,” he corrects.
quote:
But he saved his harshest words for the man who made him: John McCain. “He doesn’t care about what’s best for America,” Wurzelbacher said. “He only cares about what’s best for John McCain.”
According to Wurzelbacher, he and McCain have “not a damn thing in common.” “I respect his service to our country,” he said, but he doesn’t agree with his policy positions. He doesn’t regret campaigning for McCain, but he does resent the campaign’s attempts to keep him on message. “When I said a vote for Obama would be death for Israel, they freaked out. Twenty cell phones started ringing. I said, ‘Guys, if you want me here, you can’t me telling me what to say.’ ” He added, “I feel dirtier now than I ever did as a plumber.”
quote:
What he really wants to do, though, is teach. Middle-school history, in particular. “I love history, all kinds of history, world history,” he says. Somehow, he wanders to the subject of slavery. “Don’t get me wrong, slavery was a terrible, horrible thing. But you can’t whine and cry about it these days. I mean, Jews were slaves, but they’re not asking for compensation from Egypt. People want to play the victim. …” He trails off. “I should stop.”
Punk’d again. Joe the Plumber wasn’t speaking to the room, he was speaking to the collective hive mind.