Wonkette
By the Comics Curmudgeon
DAMN YOU, CRUEL FATE! The greatest cartoon-related controversy since a bunch of pissed-off dudes in Pakistan burned down a KFC to protest the marriage of Elizabeth to Anthony in For Better Or For Worse, the Great Obama-As-A-Dead-Monkey Contretemps Of Ought-Nine, has come and gone before your Comics Curmudgeon could get hold of it! And apparently the cartoonist also loves to portray the gays as mincing about with a toe stuck up just so, and also fucking sheep! I have to say that all the other, lesser cartoons sure looked bland this week by comparison. So today we’re going to play a little game called Could This Cartoon Be Improved With A Racist Monkey Or Mincing Gay?
Click on the cartoon to make it larger! Sadly, you will need to use Photoshop to add a racist monkey or mincing gay.
The concept: Poor corrupt Roland Burris is being pulled down into the morass of terrible corruption that is Rod Blagojevich’s hair! Because Blagojevich’s hair is quite fluffy and distinctive … and corrupt.
Could this cartoon be improved with a racist monkey or mincing gay? Well, what if Burris were at a gay disco (you know, where the gays go to party) and they were mincing around and pulled Burris down into their gay mince-pile? That would pretty much be the definition of “corruption,” amiright? Sure, it wouldn’t really make much sense, but it at least would be more interesting than yet another “Ha ha Rod Blagojevich’s hair” joke.
The concept: Sinister necromancer Barack Obama has a plan to cheat in the 2010 census: he will raise up an army of Chicago zombies, who will be registered to vote by ACORN and then will approve his socialisms, as long as he keeps them fed with government-subsidized brains!
Could this cartoon be improved with a racist monkey or mincing gay? Perhaps if the zombies were monkey zombies? And then they danced around behind him like the zombies in the “Thriller” video, because … um … Michael Jackson is black?
The concept: On her first trip abroad, a lovely poofy-sleeved Hillary Clinton is led around the dance floor by a dashing Asian gentlemen. Nearby, Kim Jong Il glowers jealously as he dances with an enormous, whorish dildo.
Could this cartoon be improved with a racist monkey or mincing gay? Why, if that Eastern fellow were to stick one toe into the air, he would be immediately transformed into a hilarious homosexual! For the Celestials are mostly effeminate, you see! And what with the rumors of Hillary’s proclivities, why, it would be “lavender diplomacy!” Oh, how droll.
The concept: Obama’s supporters (other than the wealthy academics) were mostly impoverished dirtbags like this fellow here. Their Dear Leader has now been voted into office, but he has abandoned them to the streets, where they must beg for meager coins from the few Americans who are still employed.
Could this cartoon be improved with a racist monkey or mincing gay? What if this hobo were a representative of that slightly higher class of street beggar, the organ grinder? Then he could have a little racist Obama-monkey on a leash, begging for “change”! Ha ha, get it? Because Obama’s black! I’m actually terrified to do any kind of Google search for this because I’m almost certain that someone, somewhere has actually drawn it.
The concept: Barack Obama wanders into Afghanistan with his toy cannon, offering a terrorist fist bump to nobody in particular.
Could this cartoon be improved with a racist monkey or mincing gay? It’s really too bad that Obama isn’t pushing to get rid of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell at the moment, because then there could be a mincing gay in uniform waiting to return his fist bump, and he’d be all like “Hey, girlfriend! We’re totally going to beat the Taliban and be home in time for fashion week! Two snaps up!” Ha, it’s funny because the gays want to join the military, even though they’re gay!
The concept: Tom Daschle’s weeping, severed head, still wearing a nametag and those bizarre red glasses, has been preserved in a glass jar for all eternity.
Could this cartoon be improved with a racist monkey or mincing gay? There is absolutely no way to improve this wonderful, wonderful cartoon.
“Mincing” is actually rather a fun word to say, now I think about it.
Mincing.
Take it from me; I cover agriculture. If the government subsidized brains, we’d soon have too many of them, and then we’d have to have “brain set-asides” and “brain owner held reserves,” and we’d add brains to loads of corn and wheat we export as a bonus and the Europeans would sue us, and we’d all wind up in the World Trade Organization where they’d order us to keep our brains to ourselves. We should just stick with livers.
That bomb has nice legs, I’d totally bang it. Boom boom boom, let’s go back to my room…
Isn’t King Barack already a mincing monkey? (Oh wait, that was James Baldwin–er, Arthur Ashe.)
As an intellectual exercise, the adding racist monkeys and/or prancing gays to political cartoons that are otherwise devoid of them is a stroke of genius. Good call, Josh.
I’m sort of a Hillary fan, so I have to admit she looks absolutely fetching in that flowing, diaphanous ballgown.
As in “My dog really loves to play fetch.”
I send posts of teh beloved Wonkette to my enraged libtard sister to get her to laugh at all this bullshit. I’m betting “racist monkey and mincing gay” will go far to help her, thanks!
I’m waiting for eager PUMA’s to put together a nice sketch of a behind-doors cabinet session in which Hillbot has Obama on a leash and he’s wearing a jacket and fez. Ah, the glory…
You got your Tom Daschle in my e. coli butter!
Want to see what “cartoonist” Delonas looks like? (You know you do!)
Hint: what are the chances he’s fat and ugly? Click here to find out:
http://gawker.com/5157189/hopefully-this-huge-controversy-wont-hurt-sean-delonas-childrens-book
Oh, and he wrote some horrible kid’s book.
That first cartoon is positively insulting to Blagojevich. His coiffure is not some sort of enormous tangle — rather, it’s massive yet orderly, intimidating yet stately, like an old-fashioned Soviet May Day parade. With a dead monkey.
“Could This Cartoon Be Improved With A Racist Monkey Or Mincing Gay?”
Or bright blue TruckNutz?
None of it is funny without a reference to mint jelly and/or Michael Stipe.
he wrote some horrible kid’s book.
I guess the golden beetle also removed Scuttle’s testicles. I’m thinking this is Delonas’ autobiography.
Weeping severed heads wearing nametags was a lot funnier on Futurama.
By ‘mincing’, do you mean, like, ‘flaming’?
cal: Oh, ick. Can you imagine a parent, in her joyful ignorance, taking her kid to get that book autographed, only to realize she’ll have to spend an hour with some Lysol and a sponge just to get the oleaginous, scummy film of his palm sweat off the cover?
I got your mincing monkey right here, courtesy James Blunt (who stole it from Elvis Costello):
http://www.jamesblunt.co.uk/images/monkeyking.jpg
cal: The Delonas cartoon of the Gay March on Washington is absolutely FABulous. I especially like the little gay sheep he stuck in to emphasize his point that …. gays like to fuck sheep? Is fat and ugly Delonas channeling his inner gay, or his inner sheep? Or what? Truly puzzling.
Maybe they could let gays in the military the same way they let Blacks in, back in the good old days: separate gay units (109th Buttzechs Brigade) living in separate (tastefully decorated) barracks, doing Jody cadences to a opera overtures, their uniforms (white t-shirts and jeans) all beautifully tailored, etc., etc.
Okay, sorry, that’s disgusting.
“Hello My Name is Tom Daschle” isn’t so much a name tag as its - an Elizabethan Collar? Jar label? Anyway, its real purpose is to assist the reader with the message “I can’t draw Tom Daschle”
Oh, man. I really miss buying large, screw-top jars of peanuts, all floating about inside in complete defiance of the laws of gravity. Sigh… those were the days. DAMN YOU PEANUT RECALL!
Michael Jackson is black???
I’m hoping no comment yet from David Flores means he’s fired up the PhotoShop…
V572625694:
You mean, like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTQrCjP14tA
Hey, I once dated a chick that looked EXACTLY like that enormous, whorish dildo! And she was a good dancer, too.
For the Afghanistan one, that’s not Obama; I think we’re projecting here. I think it’s really supposed to be Don Cheadle, and therefore we have NO idea what the fuck the Indian cartoonist was trying to say!
I’m going to leave my boyfriend for Delonas. Mmm, sweet hot douchebaggery.
AnnieGetYourFun: I literally LOL’d. Well done, Sir, well done.
teebob2000:
I once dated a GUY who looked exactly like that enormous, whorish dildo. As a dancer he was kind of . . . mincing.
choinski: Is it just me or does Tom Daschle look a little bit like Fred Willard?
In that last cartoon, how could you miss that Obama’s words evoke the first line of the theme song to The Monkees TV show?! THEY HANDED IT TO YOU ON A SILVER PLATTER!!
V572625694:
And for some of us, kinda hot as well.
Cartoons of Kim Jung Il never do him justice. No wonder why he is mad at everyone all the time.
Thank you for calling me wonderful, Curmudgeon. That was only the second cartoon I did for Slate.
But too bad you never linked to Slate or mentioned me, the cartoonist! Or linked to me! Bad blogger.
My page on Slate: http://www.gocomics.com/donnabarstow
And my blog: http://thecartoons.net/