Wonkette
It’s a very exciting day for Pensacola! While Barack Obama is distracted by irredentists in the Canadian provinces, King Juan Carlos I (Carl’s Jr.) and Queen Sofia, Los Reyes Católicos, traveled by aeroplane to Florida, which they first discovered in the year 1559. The Reconquista has begun!
The Pensacola News Journal reports on this international outrage:
The Spanish royals touched down at a stormy Pensacola Naval Air Station shortly after 11 p.m. to begin a 17-hour visit commemorating explorer Don Tristan de Luna’s arrival in 1559 at Pensacola Bay.
What are they doing there? Nobody knows, really, but Carlos has already freaked out the Floridians by wearing a fancy “suit” instead of the traditional polyester guayabera or scary muu-muu.
Spanish Royals Arrive [PNJ]
NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Carl’s Jr. made me chuckle.
Carl’s Jr.? The King is from Burger King. I know because I wake up with him in my bed every morning and he watches me through my window at night. Help!
I didn’t realize that the Spanish openly celebrated “Small Pox Arrives in Florida” Day.
I’m with John McCain. The Spanish are not to be trusted.
Ay…Dios… mio.
The delegation celebrated by getting wasted and doing body shots out of Her Highness’ navel.
Well, now that Barry is out of the country, any visiting head of state gets to claim America for him/herself. Finder’s keepers!
SayItWithWookies: obvs, and then laughed about starting a genocide
Their son is pretty hot. Did he not make the trip?
At least they should be happy Florida is a cunnilingual society!
Did they remember to bring blankets infected with small pox?
The Royals are in for a bit of culture shock when all the retirees in Pensacola go for out for supper at four o’clock.
Redneck Riviera, yee haw! Maybe they can get a tattoo while they’re there.
I’m just hoping the King tells Mel Martinez to stfu, just like he did Chavez.
Mr Blifil: Smallpox blankets were more of a British thing, old chap.
“Los Reyes Católicos” was also a sub-par Tears for Fears song. I expect Roland Orzabal to be named Vice President of British Pomposity within the week.
jagorev: I think the US Army did it, too. Also
The royal visitors were greeted by dignitaries including Pensacola Mayor Mike Wiggins, NAS commanding officer Capt. Bill Reavy and Navy Rear Adm. Gary R. Jones.
Shouldn’t the titular head of state of Spain get slightly higher billing than being greeted by a mayor? I know Barry’s out of town, but maybe they could send Tim Geithner, he doesn’t seem busy.
They can have it back. Maybe they could solve the 30-50% foreclosure problem some counties have by just kicking out everyone non-native. So manatees and Cherokees get to stay, retirees have to swim to Bermuda.
Why don’t Kings wear giant purple, velvet cloaks and golden crowns anymore? Did Elvis make it passe, or is it teh Class Warfare mucking everything up again?
I don’t this so-called “Juan Carlos” is a King at all. Not until he forces a passing Cuban to kneel and kiss his ring.
Doglessliberal:
Solve Social Security and Medicaid, too. Win win win win!
Yes, the Spanish get to see what happens when your empire destroys the indigenous civilization and leave nothing — no laws, values, institutions, etc. — in its place: Florida. I’m happy to shit on Florida’s government, but Spain does not get to. Fuck them. If they don’t like that VD-infested hellhole of Pensacola, up their royal asses!
Can anyone think of a good reason not to let Spain have Florida back?
I don’t much go in for them kings, but I like Juan Carlos. Franco wanted him to be a real reigning monarch, but instead Juan Carlos allowed a democracy and then faded away into the background, only to emerge once–to successfully oppose a fascist putsch.
Every once in a while you get a good king. Just like the US.
It’s Juan small step for Spaniards…
jagorev: Should have greeted them with a Carrier Strike Group — REMEMBER THE MAINE!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Can anyone think of a good reason not to let Spain have Florida back? Yes. Spain has enough trouble.
Doglessliberal: Seminoles? Cherokees were a little further north … Seminoles dug in down in the swamp and never surrendered to the U.S.
Pensacola was part of West Florida … swapped back and forth between Spain and France and Britain, even an independent republic for about two months.
Lunch for the Royals will be catered by Taco Bell. Stay classy, Florida.
jagorev: They actually were greeted in the manner of all great visitors to Florida. Here is a partial transcript:
It’s such a blessing to see you Mr. King, thank you for taking time out of your day! Oh, gracious God, thank you so much!
Animated corpses from a fabled past are invading Florida? Sounds about right. Unless we’re talking zombies or vampires. That might be interesting.
Capitol Hillbilly: shit, sorry. I knew as I typed that I meant Seminoles.
Slow news day, huh?
Pensacola is a hub for wingnuts (that dude’s creationist museum is still up and running, despite the fact his ass and his wife are in prison) and retired navy folk, who’d rather take a nail clipper to their own decrepit eyelids than vote for anything nonrepublican. Yup-yup packed the old fucks in like Bob Hope at the local Bob Evans. Good news is we can take comfort in the fact they’ll all rotting in hell in no more than a decade.
The Greatest Generation my ass… fuck them. That voting bloc can’t die off soon enough.
Iggy Plop: some might note that much of FL is already populated by animated corpses, many driving golf carts and mowing down pedestrians who block their way to the Early Bird Buffet Special.
…as long as they don’t go near north Florida; up there anyone darker than mayonnaise is considered Mexican!
Perhaps they have come to expel the Jews.
Mild Midwesterner: Sadly, the royal family will be having their siesta at 4:00pm, so they will miss the great natural wonder of the elderly rising from their condos and migrating to the local Denny’s and back. One will hope that someone in their retinue will be dispatched to video tape this great natural phenomenon for them.
WALNUTS WAS RIGHT! That’s what we get for meeting with foreign heads-of-state without preconditions. We have to give up the land of alligators, backwater republicans, and topless spring break co-eds.
Here’s their chance to get back for Guernica. I hope he orders the bombing of German tourists in Naples.
God, let ‘em have it. Clearing them off the Social Security rolls alone will save our economy.
(after we rescue AngryBlakGuy, of course)
Spanish Catholics and Elderly Jews are not a good mix. Just saying. History and all.
…geez, whats with everyone trying to give Florida away?! Where would you guys get your premium cocaine and marijuana from? That shit doesn’t grow on tree(ok, well technically it does but you know what I mean)! Just because we dont know how to speak/read/write English, drive and or vote doesn’t mean we aren’t proud Americans!!!
Spain’s recent dealings with Jews have been a little less dreadful; even horrible old fascist Franco wouldn’t go along with the Holocaust, and allowed some tens of thousands of Jews to escape France through Spain.
Maybe they’re coming to turn Tampa Bay into Ibiza? If so, I’m, waaaaaaaaaaay in!
WIDTAP: Win.
“Your Highness, on behalf of the United States of America, please accept Florida and all its Hooter’s restaurants, motor speedways, and alligator-wrestling attractions as our gift to you.”
Aurelio: So are the Spanish, the French and the British going to fight each other over our hobo beans and foreclosed houses?
Pensacola, you got some ’splaining to do! Inbred drooling Francotards with St. Augustine flashbacks belong in Bunuel movies, not moving freely among fearful survivors of the last Great Depression and Joe McCarthy Inquisition.
Note to Los Reyes: If you see a couple of ‘tourists’ in the receiving line that look suspiciously like Evo Morales and Rigoberta Menchu, back away slowly.
Mr Blifil: nice
Anyone checked Drudge for a siren headline?
OBAMA RENOUNCES MONROE DOCTRINE! DEVELOPING.
jagorev: Heh, “titular.”
Anyway, we’re talking about a particularly red portion of a red state, and the leader of a nation that cut-and-run from Iraq (and speaks Spanish, just like Cuba and Venezuela!) . I’m surprised he wasn’t greeted with confused protesters burning the Mexican flag in effigy.
maybe they want a spring break in “Scarborough Country”.
Sí se puede.
Spain HAS to claim the panhandle of Florida if they want anything at all, because thats all thats left!
The southern peninsula is a colony of Cuba and central Florida is now flying the NewyorRican flag.
Jacksonville is, of course, part of Georgia.
I, for one, won’t even notice the new Spanish overlords, until they come for my gold.
That’ll be one funny day.
I’ve already sold that tooth to pay the rent!
The only (ONLY) good thing about Florida is their seedy, seedy crab shacks. Nothing like a fried soft-shelled crab burger, where you eat the entire damn thing whole in a shack over the water with a plywood floor with holes in it; all the while watching the shrimp boats pass silently by. Other than that, they can have the damn hurricane magnet.
WadISay: then they need to get they asses down to Boca!
AngryBlakGuy: true, and you do have Spring Training, which is worth a trip for us every year.
As an Afro-Cuban, I say with complete sincerity-
He can take Los Cubanos Blancos the hell on back with him.
Mr Blifil: That was the BRITISH, you oaf.
AngryBlakGuy: Scarab: lulz!
If Florida is part of Spain, then it officially has a “Socialist” government. Suck on that Cuban exiles!
As a Floridian, I welcome our new Spanish overlords. Let the mining of gold commence, the Armada sails in three months!!
But srsly, at least I’d get free health care.
Come here a minute: Epic win.
They can have Florida. Ya know, the Atlantic sez that the sunbelt is totally effed now. So they can have it back. And, just think, if we give Florida back to los reyes Espanols or whatever, we shed about 90% of our Social Security obligations (and 15% of the truck nutz). Bonus!
When you live in a country as culturally rich, diverse and as interesting as Spain, you cant help but go somewhere devoid of said things for holiday.
Thank god for the Latins or Florida would have NO character.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Um…oranges? Oh, wait, we grow oranges in California, too. Um….Cuban food?
AngryBlakGuy: Sorry dude, but your weed sucks relative to the West Coast. The coke is pretty good, though, I will concede that.
Save Florida–we need cocaine and Cuban food!
Liars. Everyone knows America was discovered by Sir John McCain and his Lady Cindi.
In private, Charlie Crist only dresses up in mid-16th century attire.
anonymousryan: Why go halfway? It’s kinda like being ‘part’ gay. If you’re gonna go socialist, go all the way, and by that I mean Castro-led communism. GOP benefit = Cuban Cigars (but they won’t taste as good if they’re legal)