Wonkette
THE 11TH BEST CONSERVATIVE MOVIE OF THE LAST 25 YEARS: You knew it was coming, but this is something special — easily among the best Corner posts of the last 25 years: “Largely filmed before 9/11, they seemed perfectly pitched for the post-9/11 world. The debates over what to do about Sauron and Saruman echoed our own disputes over the Iraq War. (Think of Wormtongue as Keith Olbermann.) When Frodo sighs, ‘I wish none of this had happened,’ Gandalf’s response speaks to us, too: ‘So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.’” Frodo = George Bush, Gandalf = Dick Cheney. Got it. [The Corner]
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What’s their excuse for how gay it is?
This is a joke. The film clearly sends a pro-environment as well as anti-authoritarian message. Funny how conservatives see a Good v. Evil narrative and think that the “Good” part of it equates to them. Plus the Twink hooks up with Bear subtext of the Legolas-Gimli relationship, who as every Tolkein scholar knows spent the rest of their lives together, is a clear endorsement of same-sex (albeit different species) marriage.
Rove: It betrayed McCarthy to his censure. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend, legend became myth, and for two score years the Ring passed out of all knowledge. Until when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer. The Ring came to the creature Cheney, who took it deep into the offices of the House of Representatives. And there, it consumed him. The Ring brought to Cheney unnatural long life. For 46 years it poisoned his mind. And in the gloom of Nixon’s fail, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forest of the world. Rumor grew of an idiot from Texas, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived. Its time had now come.
Scooter Libby = Gollum
Right — Frodo is Dubya, Sam is Alberto Gonzales and Gollum is Seymour Hersh, who tries to foil the heroes’ mission to carry the One Ring (i.e. the Constitution) to Mount Doom (the Robertson SCOTUS) to destroy its evil sway over the minds of Middle Earth.
Alas, in reality Sauron (George Soros) won the climactic battle and now darkness reigns over all, assisted by his faithful minion Sauruman Obama. Bitter, bitter tears.
I think Nancy Pelosi makes a better Wormtounge.
so, who is Galadriel? Gil-Galad? Tom Bombidil? King Isildur? Does Sen Taft or Sen McCarthy have a part? I assume the First Age began with Lincoln.
Kathryn Jean Lopez = an orc
Is this a veiled reference to the Hobbit-like proportions of the typical republican penis?
ManchuCandidate: Beautiful.
Colander:
Larry Craig is always the answer to that question, no matter what the context.
Funny — I thought the Republican triumvirate controlling the Presidency, Congress & Senate, and the Judiciary was just like Frodo failing and Sauron getting the One Ring.
Silly me.
ManchuCandidate: Frigging awesome.
When Frodo sighs, ‘I wish none of this had happened,’ Gandalf’s response speaks to us, too: ‘So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.’”
=Mordor has attacked us, so let’s invade Gondor? Draw the Ringwraiths there?
Or whatever, I, uh, hardly know the story at all…
Tommmcatt: Hey, if you actually sat through the movie (especially with a Comic Book Guy clone sitting in the row behind you, providing running commentary on the differences between the movie and the book) you will know that Tom Bombadil was “redacted” from the film version. Anyway, I think it’s pretty clear that the hobbits of the Shire are the liberals, Acorns, and other furries, while Frodo and co. are the moral equivalent of the guards at Abu Ghraib (protecting our Freedoms of course, what did you think I meant)?
qwerty42: Tom Bombidil was cut from the movie, but I believe he would be Jimmy Carter.
Elrond = Joe the Plumber
Can Al Gore be Treebeard?
and I thought we had just been delivered from the fell grasp of the evil Sauron-ites. Well, you just never know.
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Sorry, meant to reply to qwerty42. And Galadriel is a PUMA, also.
Vanity Smurf: Did you have the same guy in the theater? This one got pretty angry.
“Gandalf = Dick Cheney”?
Wrong. Cheney is clearly Saruman.
Red Zeppelin: Vanity Smurf:
They should have left that part in, it would have made the movie even better while stoned.
Oh great, Wonkette’s full of LOTR dorks. Now where can I go?
Ann Coulter is the Mouth of Sauron with, I have to admitt it, slightly better teeth.
Oh and why do the gay Elves have all the best Middle Earth real estate and wear the latest in Middle Earth leisure wear - whether it is the Calvindell or the Ralphlorien collection?
expatinOz:
John Kerry is Tree beard.
InsidiousTuna: Yeah, let’s get some Zep in here to complete the atmosphere: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUmd6lujmuE
Colander: Ian McKellan.
Fivetree: Exactly. Besides, Sam Wise totally had a boner for Frodo.
Frodo = George W Bush, a simple country boy tasked with saving the world.
Bilbo = George HW Bush, his brave father who had one day fought against the very same nemesis, but who has since passed on the Ring of Power to his son.
The Ring = Presidency, charged with incalculable power but also horrifying risk.
Gandalf = Dick Cheney, a wizened wizard who had seen generations of struggles and who was charged with protecting the young, inexperienced Frodo W. Baggins.
Aragorn = Rumsfeld. A warrior thirsty for battle, he guides and protects Frodo through his most perilous tasks.
Boromir = Ashcroft. An experienced warrior, but overcome by his own greed and corruption, is killed off partway through the quest.
Pippen and Merry = Gonzales and Powell. Each get split off from the main quest early on, because they’re fuck-ups who kept fucking stuff up.
Gollum = Karl Rove. Slimy creature that stalks Frodo W. Baggins. Obsessed with power, but remains virtually unseen by most. Twisted mind clouds their intentions. Eats raw fish.
OH GOD WHY AM I EVEN WRITING ALL THIS, SOMEONE STOP ME THIS IS RETARDED
Most LOTR dorks are liberals. We only blame such geeky fandom on the Paultards because we’re projecting. By “we” I mean Jim. The end.
I’m reposting this from the last thread…
As far as Lord of the Rings goes, Bush tried to say that same nonsense when Return of the King came out. He was rebuffed and compared to Sauron by pretty much everyone involved in the film. I’m sure that there is some footage of Viggo Mortensen’s ultra-polite smackdown somewhere on the intertubes.
And what about Ice Pirates? Or Dune? I mean come on, Dune takes place in a fucking desert. What more do they want?
I see these bumper sticks occasionally around liberal Hollywood:
http://www.stampandshout.com/shop/bumper-stickers/frodo-failed.php
Yes, LOTR is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Conservative. Ugh.
Mad Farmer Manifest: What more do they want?
The wingnuts want to extend their crazy fantasy worldview to every aspect of daily life, from policy to the entertainment industry, the latter of which is so clearly/totally/obviously run by liberals/gays/jews that the wingnuts must seek out good movies–which are made by liberals and usually contain subtle commentary attacking the wingnut worldview–as their own since movies made by and/or starring wingnuts are usually of such cinematic quality as “An American Carole”, “The Cutting Edge”, and those Wilford Brimley diabeetus ads.
Hey this slow drip feed of information is at the perfect pace for the Republican mind’s processing speed.
What is the next conservative brilliant countdown list they can think of? I’m struggling to count up to 25 top conservative anythings.
With Keith Olbermann as Wormtongue, would that fit Chris Matthews as Saruman and Obama as Sauron? And Sarah Palin as Eowyn and John McCain as some fallen king, drunk and spent from too much time in the company of a trollop?
But which little GOPpers represent the hobbits? The members of the house? And is the One Ring the thing that wraps around the planet and goes by the nickname of atmosphere…oh I pray it’s so, and let us all hope these good little people can make it disappear with an cleansing explosion on Mt. Doom…and hurry us along to the Big Party in Heaven! Where we will be rejoined with Frodo and Aslan and Sam and Lucy and Reepicheep and Eustace and Bilbo and Bill Buckley Jr. and all the Oxford dons with their pipes smoking, mugs filled with good brew, and large tubs of vaseline readily at hand! God bless us one and all!!
Yeah, yall are getting distracted by your LOTR geekishness. You’re missing what they’re doing. They’re sticking their own neoconservative flag in any major hit they can get their hands on. I can already see it coming, the great rightwing circle jerk over 300.
They’re going to ruin 300 like every other movie not a Mel Gibson war movie they have up there.
Hahaha does anyone remember when that movie came out and all the “Social” Conservatives were like “ITS FULL OF FAGS! FRODO IS TOTES GAY.”
Ahh…. irony.
I’m so glad I refuse to go see any Lord of the Rings/Dungeons&Dragons kind of movie. With the GOP at these movies, I now know why the floor is sticky.
Verite: Well, Walnuts is clearly Theoden King, before the spell is broken, when he looks like a 200 year old toad.
That would certainly explain the paucity of women and minorities in the cast. And the fact that the whole thing is gayer than a rainbow of Skittles.
Can you imagine how miserable your life would be if everytime you wanted to do something you had to think if it was conservative enough, would your pastor approve, would you still be allowed to be senator if everyone found out, etc? Gawd, it must just be like being a closeted homosexual rather than the fun kind.
NoWireHangers: Oh, I got that, although you stated it very eloquently. I’m just stunned they didn’t use Dune. The commonality of the desert gave them one of those ham-fisted comparison they love. Also.
This reminds me of McSweeney’s “Running Commentary of the Fellowship of the Rings” by Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky in which it’s determined that the Elves and Men were oppressing the working class Orcs and the War of the Ring was really a class struggle.
PS– they better not go messing with my Harry Potter or I’m going to have to kick some conservative geek ass.
Hooray For Anything: I was thinking about that, but what with Dumbledore coming out of the closet and all, they really got nothing. Unless they say he symbolically died of teh AIDS.
I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO: Hmm although my geek self is mortified that the wingnuts would dare to think that they are the good guys and not Sauron’s minions, the fact that they’re sure to latch onto 300 just fills me with joy- I mean what a message… a small but determined band of fanatics who are willing to die for their cause take on a huge, sophisticated army that is invading their country. These fanatics engage in terror tactics meant to demoralize their foes and their ultimate sacrifice bogs down their enemy enough that their fellow countryman are able to organize their army and thus defeat their much more advanced (and multinational) foe….
yup sounds like the kind of thing the repugs would agree with
This is stupid and sad.
Ooooh, are you guys all signing up for the National Review Cruise this year? The theme is “All Greek to Me: Buttsecks Hotspots of the Ancient World” and they’ve got Karl Rove, Dick Morris, John Bolton and K-Lo onboard! Check it out! http://www.nrcruise.com
Easterlings/Haradrim = Iranian/Persians/Pashtuns/other assorted Sou’west Asian fell races that the Weißmann-burden-addled British subjugated, like the kind that Gerard Butler turned into Thermopylaeville Hot Gate blocking masonry in 300 (sure to be in the NRO “Top” 5… megadittoes ghey!
The Repubs developed a great big sad since that nine-fingered twerp Frodo grew all mean after the quest, took the position of Barack the Magic Negro’s Chief of Staff, and now sends them all dead stinky fish every week.
Are you fucking kidding me? Read the fucking book! I’m reminded of Viggo Mortensen’s interview
on Charlie Rose when the first movie came out; he said that Bush’s administration’s
actions were like those of the evil fucking unblinking eye of Sauron!
Gleep!: Also, there’s all jokes about teh ghey we get to throw at them too.
i dunno about any of this, but i once shagged a stunt-elf.
Colander: Well, let’s see….Harry comes back to life after being sacrificed, so there’s your Jesus Allusion. Voldemort is evil and only conservatives fight evil (if Harry were liberal, the books would end with Harry giving up the wizarding world in an act of appeasement) and Hogwarts shows the importance of private schools because if it were a public school, nobody would learn anything because it would all be under the control of the evil Wizard Teachers Union. Plus, it features lots of young boys playing with wands.
You know, the idea that we live in the Lord of the Rings world merges well with the idea that Barack is a Soviet agent of the evil Soviet-land, since the Ursprung of Quenya, or High Elvish, is Karelia - a Soviet-controlled territory clsoe to Finland. Also, it’s a very poor and rural and cold country, and there’s a shitload of UFOs sighted there all the time. So maybe Barry is a Reptiloid. Also.
Oh…ok! LOTR is conservative! With the way this is going, number 10 is going to be Wall-E. Wall-E=Bobby Jindal, EVE=Sarah Palin, evil computers that kept everyone “happy” with their “advances” and “green technology”= the NOBAMA Socialist/Communist regime.
They all want to share Mark Foley’s cabin cuz it will be troll-on-twink central with mimosas starting at 9:00 am. Charlie Crist has opted out because he has “other priorities” this year.
LOTR reference = Wonkette post-fest. Can’t wait ’til they get to Star Wars.
(Jim Newell is Greedo.)
Scandalabra: Like handling Barack’s throbbing stimulus package.
I refuse to have an opinion on any of this until I go back and read all of the great David Denby’s reviews of the trilogy… please stand by.
And here I’d been thinking I was a hobbit, and the whole time I’m really an orc. So that means I EAT hobbits, right?
What we need more of is math!
I really wonder what % of The Corner’s traffic comes from Wonkette on a day like today. I’m guessing 75% and a tripling of traffic. And all this pays conservative advertisers - the only paid one on my screen is something called Age Concern. The rest is just NRO self promoting malarcky like their Cruzes for Boyz in foreign countries with cheap male prostitution.
mattbolt: I mean, that’s funny and all, but I do hope you get some occasional sunshine and step away from the Blu-Ray…
grevillea: And this surprises you how?
Bush = Gizmo
Cheney = a young kid, Billy, who takes care of Gizmo
Mr. Wing = liberal media
The Twin Towers = a glass a water
Wait no, that’s Gremlins
grevillea: Let’s have the NRO cruise members greeted greeted by the KKE (Greek Communist Party) at the airport. Then brought to up to the Olympic stadium, where the ancients used to compete nakid, and compete in death sports with flare-wielding Olympiakos soccer supporters.
That or just make them pay 19% VAT on all the ’services’ and cheap trinkets they procure.
AxmxZ: Roll over George Wallace, and give David Ickes the news.
Bruno: I wonder if they’ll discover any great new political talent this year?
They obviously missed the true subtext wherein Dubya plays the Man-Orc Hybrid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkmczhkrKYA
Is their a gas leak at NRO? I picture skeleton NRO crew working in a trailer with one HP i386 laptop. K-lo is fighting Leigh over the last bag of Funyons.
Largely filmed before 9/11, they seemed perfectly pitched for the post-9/11 world. The debates over what to do about Sauron and Saruman echoed our own disputes over the Iraq War.
Yes, and as in the movie, we ultimately decided we were going to win with magic, instead of lots of troops.
Please keep these coming, Jim. They are the most wonderful things in the whole wide world.
All I can remember from the ancient Lampoon redaction was that Tom Bombadil == Tom Benzadrine.
Gandolf = Goodgolf
Frodo = Fourdoor
things were funnier back in those simple times
Honkeyman, I seem to recall in the National Lampoon’s “Bored of the Rings,” Frito Bugger inherited the ring from his uncle Dildo Bugger.
Anyway, this gives you the master key to all conservatives’ fever-dream version of foreign affairs. The enemy is a virtually all-powerful, ancient, and evil entity being opposed by a handful of scrappy heroes with pure convictions (Perle, Wolfowitz, Kristol, Cheney, etc.). As opposed to it being us, the virtually all-powerful, morally ambiguous United States versus a few nuts with homemade bombs and nothing much to live for.
Viggo Mortensen is friends with Dennis Kucinich, who is a lovable Hobbit with a beautiful Elf wife. I’d like to see NRO spin that…
Ha Ha I like Cheney as Gollum. Maybe Rummy. But who will Condi be?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
Bruno: There’s an iceberg out there named NRO cruise.
And then K-Lo will have her moment with Jonah Goldberg, just like Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.
~
One marches through Middle Earth with the hobbits and elves one has, not with the hobbits and elves one wishes one has.
honkeyman: The Riders of Rohan were the Riders of Roi-Tan. Gimli was Gimlet and Legolas was Legolam. I laughed so hard I wept.
GWB = Jarjar Binks.
KristaJulieva: That’s takin’ me back a ways. Talk about the seeds of “snark.” I’ll bet David Denby was too scared of his mommy to jerk off to the nudie comics in the back of NL.
fthethunderdontgetya: I will not thank you for that image, but I do think Titanic has a legitimate claim for the #1 conservative movie - went on way too long, and ended in a prolonged disaster, with only the rich escaping.
FlipOffResearch: well played.
Fivetree: Eeek! Teh Intarwebs strikes agin… don’t say you wernt warned…
http://www.melethryn.net/LegolasGimli.html
ZOMG!! J.R.R.R. TOLKIEN PREDICTED 9/11!! What else did he know?
Dig up his bones and waterboard them!
I suppose they’ll be appropriating It’s A Wonderful Life, and telling us that Mr. Potter is a representative of the vast Jewish banking conspiracy thwarted only by the right thinking christian mind of James Stewart.
Every single one of you horrible atheist heathens needs to get down on your knees and thank god for his grace and mercy and also request unto Him that He should turn user comments on on The Corner, also.
Personally, also, I like movies where the underdog wins, dontchaknow.
OT.
Headline at HuffPo.
“Rahm’s fingerprints all over stimulous package”.
Sounds good to me!
From the “Bored of the Rings” parody:
When Mr. Dildo Bugger of Bug End grudgingly announced his intention of throwing a free feed for all the boggies in his part of the Sty, the reaction in Boggietown was immediate–all through the messy little slum could be heard squeals of “Swell!” and “Hot puppies, grub!”
––––––––
Rather a lot like the atmosphere one suspects must prevail at your average conservative online forum.
cal:
Elrond = Chris DeGarmo of Queensryche
Boromir = Kip Winger of Winger
Aragorn = Gibby Haynes of Butthole Surfers
d4g33z: Shirley, Scott Stapp of Creed must fit in somewhere.
Maybe as one of those little orcs that can’t go out in the sun?
~
Mr Blifil: or that Mr. Potter was the real hero, trying to save Bedford Falls with staunch market capitalism from the toxic mortgages of Bailey Building & Loan…
So, is Hollywood liberal and immoral, or conservative and moral? Can these wingnuts decide already?
Can I be an Elf- pretty and immortal?
BOOETH SAY YE. SORON HAS TAKEN THE LANDS TO THE SOUTH. HE CURRENTLY VANQUISHES IN MIDWESTAGON, AND HIS MEN ARE TIRED. WE MUST SEND PATRONS OF GRACE TO THIS SECTION OF THE BATTLE, FOR WITHOUT PENANCE, THERE IS ONLY DOOM (creatively “wha?” written “Mt. Doom.”).
And Obama is “Sharkey”?
hockeymom: Damn, just when I finally got those persistent Rahm/Barry visions out of my head. *tilts head heavenward* Raaaaaaaaaaaaahm!!!
Links: If you’re an elf, you also get to be kind of straight-forward, humorless, and sort of Aspie-ish. Easier just to move to Finland - the pretty may not be there, but healthcare is good, and the language sounds the same.
No. Fuck them. They can’t have LOTR. Fuck them. FUCK THEM. My side’s the side of good in that melodrama, thank-you very much.
From Wikipedia:
“National Review (NR) is a biweekly magazine and web site, founded by the late author William F. Buckley, Jr. in 1955 and based in New York City. It describes itself as ‘America’s most widely read and influential magazine and web site for Republican/conservative news, commentary, and opinion.’ It is usually considered the center of intellectual activity for the American Conservative movement in the twentieth century.”
Which explains why it’s turned into an even shittier Cracked.com, apparently.
AxmxZ: You’re right. Not even eternal life is worth giving up the snark.
So, since none of you will address the elephant in the room, I will have to:
The picture above is from “The Scouring of the Shire”–one of the two critical pieces of TLOTR that Peter Jackson left out because he has no respect. Jim clearly intended someone to comment on the fact that while you are off fighting this war that you couldn’t have chosen not to happen, but you could chose how you respond to, that douchesack capitalist hairbags would move into your idyllic neighborhood, tear down everything nice, build ugly factories belching disgusting fumes into the sweet air, and generally despoil everything you held dear & everything that made your home worth fighting for in the first place, and your job when you get back is to take your new Liam Neeson like skills & track those fuckers down and beat them the fuck to death with cudgels.
& you people call yourself nerds.
d4g33z: that would be the greatest film in our dimensional universe. I’ve always thought of Gibby as Aragorn…. also I met Gibby once and he smelled like pee pee.
If you wish conservatives to take President Obama’s talk about bipartisanship seriously, wouldn’t it be better to join them in celebrating movies that promote worthwhile values, instead of mocking? Let’s work together for a better future!
I believe this film might make me jizz my pants:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/11/brad-pitts-inglorious-bas_n_166093.html
Clearly, Mark Foley is Gandalf.
Hobbits = Congressional Pages
Crow T. Robot:
You’re reading too much into it. Its just that Frodo et al got mad XP from all the shit that went down, way more than guzzling beers at the Prancing Pony and building factories in the Shire gave Ferny, Sandyman, Sackville-Baggins, etc. They were just way higher level at the end there.
Mad Farmer Manifest: in Dune, the Fremen (read: Arabs) win. That’s not a good conservative film at all.
El Pinche: WIN! Jesus Christ i’m so hard right now.
Unfortunately it probably makes that NRO film list jizz its pants too.
Top Republican Movies of All Time:
1. Rain Man - obvs
2. The Great White Hope - duh
3. Practical Magic - because it fucking sucked
4. Ronin - see 3
5. Bachelor Party - Dudes chose to fuck a donkey and transvestites over Tawny Kitaen - that’s totally Republican.
problemwithcaring: Weekend at Bernie’s has to be on the list, surely? It’s not just hella funny, it’s also a nuanced allegorical portrait of the Bush White House.
bhosp: Oh man, I can’t wait for it. I see that Eli Roth is in it…that crazy splatter hungry basterd.
Well conservatives are the only morans who live every moment of their miserable lives by political ideology. Normal people don’t label movies as liberal or conservative, hell i don’t even give a shit if Steven Baldwin is in it. I remember rightwingers went apeshit over Wall-e and Wanted for stupid fucking reasons. It must suck to live like that.
TotallyTara!: Haha, not to toot my own horn (oh hell, yes, why not?) but plz see http://wonkette.com/406158/406158#comments or WindbagCity: (if that works post-to-post)
Also (,also) while I’m at it:Crow T. Robot:
Hooray For Anything: this is the best thing I’ve read this week. Er, except for this site…
and Crow T. Robot: Nail on the head. But wait, according to Jim’s alt-text, does this mean conservatives see themselves as the Scourers or the Scour-ees?
In any case, I understand Jim’s label OH SWEET JESUS YES. The NRO has given Wonkette the gift that keeps on giving…
After J.R.R. Tolkien wrote the book (and he wrote the whole massive thing as one book - the publishers divided it into three), he spent the rest of his life denying that the whole thing was about WWII, and that Gandalf was really Churchill, etc…
The post 9/11 world looks amazingly similar to the pre 9/11 world.
I can’t add anything to what has already been said. I just remember this image that was going around in 2003.
http://www.dennyswebsites.com/humor/images/frodo_failed.jpg
The NRO is obviously hurting. The “screenwriter and producer from Los Angeles” who wrote this blurb has one one credit on imdb.com. It’s for some straight to video thing from 2002 starring Judd Nelson. Andrew Leigh is listed as a script consultant, whatever that is.
I’m assuming that’s him. Another guy with the same name died in 1957. The way the NRO tries to live off the corpses of William F. Buckley and President Reagan, I would not put it past them to give a biline to a guy who has been dead for 52 years.
Excuse me, NRO. Apparently, there’s a contradiction. The Lord of the Rings was a banned book. It was also burned in Alamagordo, New Mexico outside Christ Community Church along with other Tolkien novels as satanic. Care to explain?
TotallyTara!:
WHAT THE FUCK?
You actually take Cons like the clowns at NRO and who parrot Rush/Mish/Sean/(M)Ann seriously?
This movie list has few connections to reality. Fucking LOTR is an ideological con movie? Girl, please. This Con Movie List is the greatest gift of manna from the SNARK Gods and I, for one, will keep on snarking on this list till it ends. If Daily Kos ever made a list of ideological LIB movies then I (even though I am LIB) would SNARK on that as well. Why? Because they would be seeing things thru an ideological prism just fucking stupid as our “friends” at the Corner have. Yet, I have not seen something like that from DK because they sort of UNDERSTAND the outright stupidity of it all.
Finally, if you think Wonkette is a really serious site of note then it is best, David Denby, that you leave till you get that fucking stupid idea out of your head.
Why isn’t “An American Carol” on this list?
I had to go to the actual NRO site (the HORROR…) because I was certain that the blurb you included was a mockery of their prose… Silly me…
Yes you guys can snark, but us in the Real Middle Earth have known this all along
Tom Bombadil = Gay = Cut out of movie = The Corner is vindicated.
honkeyman: And Sauron was Sorehed:
This ring, no other, was made by the Elves
Who’d pawn their own mothers to grab it themselves.
Ruler of creeper, mortal and scallop,
This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop!
The power Almighty rests in this lone ring,
The power, allrighty, to do-your-own-thing!
If busted or broken it cannot be remade,
If found, send to Sorehed, the postage is pre-paid!
-Inscription inside the Ring, as read by Goodgulf Grayteeth in National Lampoon’s “Bored of The Rings”
Good times, good times.
SayItWithWookies: I like the part where Bush & Gonzo trick the Green Party into destroying the Chicago Machine and trapping Obama in the Sears Tower.
Well, Gandalf is kind of a jerk. And they’re all royalists and racists…
10 - Goodfellas: Ambitious, hard-striving types from humble backgrounds get ahead. There are consequences for disobeying your employer. The government is the enemy.
9 - Pulp Fiction – Tarentino cuts loose a barrage of n-bombs in the face of the biggest, scariest negro in movie history.
8 - Thelma and Louise: Cocksucking, communist bitch-sluts get croaked in the end.
7 – Raiders of the Lost Ark – Strapping white dude cracks the whip over groveling, superstitious Third Worlders. Best mass entertainment since Milton Caniff died.
6 - Unforgiven: After a 10-year absence, Clint Eastwood is shooting people once again; plot doesn’t matter. What do you mean, “messages?”
5- Black Hawk Down: Heroic U.S. troops slaughter foreigners; are hamstrung by Clinton Administration
4 - Shrek: Because, despite its themes of tolerance, friendship and solidarity, it made some people into millionaires, which is all that really matters.
3 -Titanic: Rich people live, poor people drown.
2 - The Silence of the Lambs: People like this probably live next door to you.
1 - Triumph of the Will: The director’s cut.
Lord of the Rings works well for the post-Palin conservativism. Dwight Schrute is the new face of the Republican Party.
guys number 9 is up so uh new post pls!!! nostalgia for the racist and sexist 1950s where everyone knew their place and no one dared to act in non-socially sanctioned ways! restraint, social paranoia, oppression, and pre-determined identity slots that ppl must shove themselves into. luv it!!
“A decade ago, Hugh Wilson’s Blast from the Past defied the party line, seeing the values, customs, manners, and even music of the period with nostalgic longing. Brendan Fraser plays an innocent who has grown up in a fallout shelter and doesn’t know the era of Sputnik and Perry Como is over. Alicia Silverstone is a post-feminist woman who learns from him that pre-feminist women had some things going for them. Christopher Walken and Sissy Spacek as Fraser’s parents are comic gems. “
More Top Conservative Movies of All Time:
–”Easy Rider”
–”Woodstock”
–”Hair”
–”Godspell”
–”Jesus Christ Superstar”
–”The Naked Gun”
–”Blazing Saddles”
–”Young Frankenstein”
–”Clerks”
–”Clerks 2″
–”The Birdcage”
–”Le Cage Au Folles”
–”Tootsie”
–”Natural Born Killers”
–”Born on the Fourth of July”
–”JFK”
–”All the President’s Men”
–”Dick”
–”Nixon”
–”Frost/Nixon”
–”Nixon in China”
–”The Candidate”
–”Tootsie”
–”A Nightmare on Elm Street”
–”Mark of the Devil”
ManchuCandidate: You are officially ten pounds of awesome in a five-pound bag.
Soul Man = Michael Steele ?
Bucky Katt: Bucky, you WIN, baby. #2 is subtle. #8…I’m still laughing.
If American Carol doesn’t make this list, doesn’t that mean that NRO hates the conservatives and is plotting against them?
Aragorn son of Arrowshirt.
Hooray For Anything:
Chomsky: But obviously the pipe-weed operation that exists is the dominant influence in Middle Earth. It’s not some ludicrous magical ring.
teh funneh!
Also, I’d be worried about Harry Potter too… republicans lovess some Voldemoort.