Wonkette
They are ignorant religious fanatics who live in the past and love to bugger little boys, so it’s really no big deal that Republicans have finally embraced their only peers on this planet, the Taliban. Remember those dudes?! They were all, “Blah blah allah 9/11,” and then George W. Bush was all, “Gonna blow smoke up your caves, knocked them buildings down,” and hooray, we won the war, against the Taliban, and then, whoops!, not so much, and now the new president is all, “Now we have to go have the whole goddamned war in Afghanistan again, because the Bush idiots managed to screw it all the hell up for seven years.” In other words, Republican Congressman Pete Sessions says the GOP needs to join the Taliban!
We really hope we can look back at all this absurdity and laugh, in a few years — because if the Republicans are anything more than some loopy fringe party by, say, 2016, then we’ll all be living in caves.
Here he is, Rep. Pete Sessions, explaining the long-delayed but rather obvious GOP-Taliban coalition of the willing:
“Insurgency, we understand perhaps a little bit more because of the Taliban,” Sessions said during a meeting yesterday with Hotline editors. “And that is that they went about systematically understanding how to disrupt and change a person’s entire processes. And these Taliban — I’m not trying to say the Republican Party is the Taliban. No, that’s not what we’re saying. I’m saying an example of how you go about [sic] is to change a person from their messaging to their operations to their frontline message. And we need to understand that insurgency may be required when the other side, the House leadership, does not follow the same commands, which we entered the game with.”
Even with the little half-assed “I’m not sayin’ we’re the Taliban, I’m just sayin’ we should be more like the Taliban,” this is incredibly hilarious. Can you begin to imagine the Total Outrage if, say, Howard Dean made some political-strategy remarks encouraging Democrats to be more like the Taliban? Can you even imagine the sputtering wingnut rage that would last for several years?
But other than the Huffington Post and who knows, maybe Alan Colmes (?), this just gets a laugh. “Of course you’re a bunch of angry old religious extremists fighting the future and fucking children, ha ha.” Christ.
Sessions: GOP Insurgency “May Be Required” [Hotline]
Are they going to plant opium poppies? Because we could get ourselves out of this financial hole right quick if they’d legalize and start selling. They could brand it and everything: “Why Use Middle Eastern Heroin? Support America! Get Stoned on Homegrown!”
The burkhas I am not so excited about. And the stoning rape victims.
I was pretty sure my level of disgust with these people was about as high as it could go.
I was wrong.
My disgust level goes to 11.
Mr. Layne, you are HOTT when you are angry. I’m gettin all riled up over here…
“Look, I’m just saying, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to pick up some of their literature…”
Translate.Google.Com is powerless to twig any real meaning from that paragraph. Viz: “I’m saying an example of how you go about is to change a person from their messaging to their operations to their frontline message.”
I am increasingly convinced that the entire Republican party is a performance art troupe pulling an Andy Kaufman-esque practical joke on us all.
The old bait and switch! First they paint Barry as a fascist Muslim, then come right out and say “hahaha we fooled you! you losers!” Genius, I say to you. Genius.
Palin/Burqa 2012!
Dinesh D’Souza pretty much came out and said that conservatism and Al Qaeada are in basic agreement in terms of their core values. And outside Al Qaeada, terrorist attacks in the U.S. post-1960s have generally come from wingnut conservatives gone off the deep end.
Maybe someone if someone just put together a dinner party and invites some conservatives and some Taliban and were like, O.K., we’re not really trying to set you guys up, ha ha, but maybe you should go on a date and stuff and see what happens? You might find you like each other a lot.
Please, now can we drive them high into some mountain caves? The Idaho chimney would be an ideal place for the American Waziristan.
Can’t we smoke out the Republicans from their caves and murder them, in
Kansassome useless place?Cuz I’m pretty sure they hate my freedoms. And my functioning brain parts.
What Sessions is missing is that a successful insurgency relies on the support of the noncombatant populace for food, shelter and logistics, is light on its feet and strives not to make its presence known until it attacks. This has absolutely nothing to do with a cabal of rich, entitlement-minded, conspicuously-consuming assholes whom the people largely despise. But then again, if Republicans had any understanding of what an insurgency is, the Taliban wouldn’t be around for Sessions to make the comparison.
Turn up the disgust Three… More… Triangles!
Nah, still not enough. Sorry rascals.
hockeymom: I don’t think there is a ceiling on it, so don’t limit it to 11 yet.
…and hooray, we won the war, against the Taliban, and then, whoops!
Not “whoops!” It’s “oops!” A whoop belongs with a holler.
I’m all for some of these Republicans strapping on some blowuppy suits. Here, let me help you with that trigger.
Wonkette is kicking ass today. Its the sole voice of sanity on teh intertubes.
“We’ve seen their kind before. The terrorists are the heirs to fascism. They have the same wield of power, the same disdain for the individual, the same mad global ambitions. And they will be dealt with in just the same way. Like all fascists, the terrorists can not be appeased. They must be defeated. This struggle will not end in a truce or a treaty. It will end in victory for the United States, our friends and for the cause of freedom.” — George W. Bush, Pearl Harbor Day 2001
“I’m not sayin’ they’re the Taliban, I’m just sayin’ we should treat them just like the Taliban”
What a camelfucker
They like hot dogs.
My kid’s been home for days with the flu which has disrupted my entire processes which is why this quote makes no sense to me. Are we friends with the Taliban again like we were in Rambo III ?
I’ve taken to internally narrating all Wonkette posts in Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw’s voice. It works ridiculously well.
Also.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation
You know, I remember when Republicans got all pissed off and outraged when you suggested that their medieval, pre-scientific, pre-enlightenment ideals were reminiscent of the Taliban. Just glad to see they’ve finally accepted themselves for who they are and embraced their inner troglodyte.
What is it with these muslins and eyeliner? That’s just creepy. But then stoning a 14-year-old to death for being raped is beneath creepy, big time.
hockeymom: Why don’t you just make “10″ more disgusted?
oh exploitable
Doglessliberal: Stoning adulterers. Rape victims get lashed.
Burqas are occasionally pitched to western feminists as a liberating item of clothing, because no one can tell when you gain weight. So, there’s that, also.
If they wanna be the Taliban then maybe we should treat them as such and send them off to Gitmo or one of those black site prisons we set up in the former East Bloc and waterboard the shit out of them.
Ken Layne you sexy beast - you are smoking hot when you are outraged. Can you do it more often.
Hey-my tip. Woo woo! Really, the only thing new here is that they are saying these things in public. They’ve been trending toward the smelly, rural, retarded child- and goatfucking demographic for quite some time now. It’s kinda like when they discovered all they had in common with the ultra-Orthodox set in the Reagan administration. Nothing to see here…keep moving.
dasNeonlicht: Because 11 is higher. Didn’t Spinal Tap teach you anything?
Iggy Plop: Once I had a message in a certain small-bore forum from a cracker who deplored the shameful hesitancy to profile Arabs as suspicious generally. He said, they tryin’ to kill us, and we can’t watch out for ‘em at airports? Put ‘em through a separate security line.
I say, before there was 9-11, there was James Early Ray and Oswald and McVeigh and Starkwether and all manner of white trash serial killers. Now, you, being another dimwit trailer trash southern boy, are you willing to form another line at the airport based upon the depredations of your countrymen?
He say, I don’t see what that has to do with anything. And nobody could argue with him on that score.
we don’t have to “relocate” or “smoke out” anybody! Simply set up “RULE FREE” zones in worthless places like South Dakota and Oklahoma and they will flock en masse. The only faster way to get them there would be to advertise for free twinkies.
chascates: But the fact that they’re holding hands in that picture doesn’t get your attention? In all seriousness, they’re probably Kandahari, which city has a big gay culture as part of its legacy of being founded by Alexander the Great and being imbued with contemporary Greek ideas about sexuality.
I am not joking.
CivicHoliday: There’s a fine line between stupid and clever.
They have been the Taliban for YEARS!…and not just for their mutual love and respect for pederasts. They love it that the Talib keep their women in line, hate homos (you know, when they are in the closet), they don’t like commies, or other religions…I could go on and on. Why do you think they supported the bastards since the time of Reagan? At least they are admitting it now.
One word that links them all together: ARBUSTO.
Why is the picture accompanying this article from the cover of a WHAM! album?
No one understands the insurgency in my pants.
Looks to me like Cindy McCain jumped ahead on this one. Clearly, she and the Taliban dudes share the same stylist.
V572625694:
Ich sage ein Beispiel dafür, wie man über [sic] ist es, eine Person aus ihrer Messaging zu ihrer Betriebe in ihrer frontline Nachricht
“They are ignorant religious fanatics who live in the past and love to bugger little boys, so it’s really no big deal that Republicans have finally embraced their only peers on this planet, the Taliban.”
I daresay that’s the BEST description of republicans that I have EVER read.
Well done, Mr. Layne!
I bet Rep. Sessions ate freedom fries.
Unbelievable. And pretty damn funny.
SayItWithWookies: Clearly Sessions needs to re-read his basic insurgency texts. For example: “The people are like water and the army is like fish,” Mao wrote in Aspects of China’s Anti-Japanese Struggle (1948).
Bowdoin: Analogical reasoning is not a strong point of, well, people. But try it with WT mouth-breathers on the intertubes and you’re just wasting your time. Hope it was fun at least.
Who invited Devendra Banhardt and Vincent Gallo?
shortsshortsshorts: Win.
Now somebody enlighten me. Is the claim here “Republicans are Taliban” (which I accept) or “Taliban are Republicans” (not so sure how that would work)? Does it matter?
Never mind. A little white phosphorus for these insurrectionista — then seal up those caves. Just the thing.
Also.
Dan Savage has been calling these nuts the American Taliban for years now. Just like Santorum and Saddlebacking, these wingnuts can’t seem to escape Savage’s all consuming taint!
EPIC WIN on that pic. NICE EYELINER! LOLOLZ!!!!1!
AnnieGetYourFun: Oh god, that’s terrible. “Hey, feminist, how about putting on this burqa so dudes won’t know you’re fat.” There are One Billion Jezebel comments awaiting a post on this topic.
Purple Tide: Eventually, everything Dan Savage says as an insult becomes the legal definition.
SayItWithWookies: Yeah these are famous gay-wedding Taliban pictures. They aren’t allowed to date girls (yuck!), so they “practice” on other young dudes until they buy a wife at the market, if they get money some day.
*projectile vomits* My disgust at them has not end.
That Sessions guy is shore a deep thinker.
So are the Republicans now going to dynamite Mount Rushmore as being a form of idolatry?
The Taliban and the Republicans sell the same kind of blind religious zealotry, misogyny, and trumped up phony sense of outrage over any expression of opposition. They are truly soulmates.
Pete ought never to drink before the meeting.
Boy George called and wants his eyeliner back.
Don’t worry Pete … truth be told: I saw the other day an Barry talking on the arab channel trying to buddy buddy with the talibans asking to playing nice!!!
Ken Layne: I think Margaret Cho has a good routine on this particular advantage to the burqa.
This is all kinds of hilarious.
Aurelio: Taking grammatical didacticity to a whole new level there, good buddy. I got no problem with “whoops.”
but I would nominate Sessions for this year’s Don Rumsfeld Commemorative Plain Speaking Award.
Republicans are so dumb. They could have taken renegade lessons from Obama.
June Cleaver 2.0: Obama, Osama. I doubt they really understand the difference.
Iggy Plop: that was absolutely my favorite Colbert moment of all time.
oh god, i had forgotten about these glamour shots.
And of course he’s from Texas. B/c we can’t be embarrassed enough.
“The burkhas I am not so excited about.”
Everyone over 50 ought to cover it all up. Under 25, total nudity!
Zhu Bajie
Just saw Rambo 3… “this movie is dedicated to all the fighting and freedom loving people of afghanistan…” how ironic…a cynic wonders…
If you go far enough south, you eventually end up at the North Pole, as the bold, if near-inarticulate, Congresscritter from Texas has discovered.
Truly, this is the kind of madman, cutting-edge thinking we all look to the Right for. Herman Kahn would be proud.
What do they have in common?
Not wanting women to vote. Thanks Ann: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmDg9t5M5dI
Against gay marraige.
Against abortion rights.
For the combining of state and religion (10 commandments on public propery, the Pledge of Alegiance, etc.)