sexy parties

SEXY NEW WINGNUTS!: The readers of the Huffington Post have selected this young man, the 27-year-old Aaron Schock of Peoria, Illinois, as the “hottest freshman” in Congress this year. Sorry ladies, he’s a Republican! His prize will be 45 minutes alone with Arianna in the “Printing Presses Through the Centuries” section of the Newseum. [HuffPo]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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80 comments

  1. Incredulicious

    I’m so glad to see that Doogie Howser has quit his medical practice and gone into public service.

  2. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=236093]hockeymom[/re]: I would’ve said Doogie Howser. Who is, of course, gayer than a flock of geese. Gay geese, even.

  3. JSDC007

    The love child of the Reverend Ted Haggard and one Doogie Howser, with the Grand Wizard Larry Craig doing the circumcision.

  4. Servo

    [re=236097]qaf[/re]: [re=236099]space stout[/re]:
    He got that fabric from the dress of a little old black lady he murdered.

  5. Texan Bulldoggette

    Well, he’s from IL so some scandal should erupt fairly soon. Let’s see, we’ve just had bribery & corruption. It’s sex scandals turn now.

  6. Carrie_Okie

    [re=236090]masterdebater[/re]:
    Sorry ladies, he’s a republican? Oh, you mean [b]a gay-pedo[/b].
    Fix’d-Я-Done

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Hey Congressboy Schlock — if Larry Craig offers you a ride — aw, hell, go ahead and take it. The sooner you know what really goes on in your party the sooner the trauma will be over.

  8. MarSF

    There is no such thing as a “Hot” Republican.

    Words like “repressed” “closeted” and “douche-like” are what spring to mind.

  9. Purple Tide

    Personally, I love his peach-paisley tie. It would look much better tied around his wrists as I POWERFIST him.

  10. norbizness

    Unfortunately, his robotic mouth is permanently set in half-whine, half-Dick-Cheney-sneer mode, as befits most 21st century Republican douchewipes.

  11. Joshua Norton

    Already has has receding hair line and starting a double chin. He should reach bald and fat peak wingnut in another 3 – 5 years.

    I seem to remember when Adam Putnam was the new young RW fair-haired boy. He was quickly pushed aside after his Nancy Pelosi/Jet Plane brou ha-ha. In fact his colleagues refer to him as “that Howdy Doody-looking nimrod,”. Now he’s just a 34-year old has-been who’s leaving to run for Agricultural Commissioner of Florida.

    Your time’s coming, Aaron.

  12. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=236116]Servo[/re]: Most Republicans have a similar story to tell. It brings them closer to the Jesus.

  13. labdork

    How can my Wonkette pick this story from HuffPo and totally neglect the much more Wonkette worthy ‘Ex-Masturbater’ story? I demand answers!

  14. Purple Tide

    Only one thing gets hair to stand up in the front like that: Congressional page jizz. He’s a fast learner, this one.

  15. AnnieGetYourFun

    “Aaron Schock was a forceful advocate against Rod Blagojevich’s ruinous economic policies of massive borrowing, spending, and taxing employers.”

    OHNOES! Was Rod right when he said he was being persecuted like an early Christian for caring about the poor peoples?

  16. MegsOfMegs

    So Arianna is going for the hot, young Republican on her site. Does that make her a Cougar, a PUMA? I get confused by the taxonomies of the wimminz cats these days.

  17. ToeCramps

    Repuglican you say? Warning staring into the eyes of this not-so-fresh congressman: May cause irritation due to buttsecks, cramping due to toe-tapping, blindness due to masterbutorium manical massaging, bloating, herpes, diarhea, headaches, nausea, joblessness, useless war and toe cramps!

  18. jilly

    Dear Wonketeers. I love you. Where else can I sit and eat my lunch and read about powerfisting and cum? God bless each and every one of you.

  19. DustBowlBlues

    [re=236090]masterdebater[/re]: “Oh, you mean gay.”

    Funny, I immediately thought young Republican. Now those people are complete wonky slimeballs.

  20. Violenza

    I guess he looks alright with his mouth open like that like he’s all outraged about abortions or something, but he does look like Doogie and also like a major dork and asshole. Besides, Republican = penis problems. Small, malformed, diaper-seeking, etc. I don’t care to investigate any further.

  21. Jukesgrrl

    [re=236128]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I get nervous when HuffPost uses the words “rod” and “forceful” in the same sentence.

    [re=236133]jilly[/re]: Actually, there are a lot of tubez that would deliver news about powerfisting and cum, but they would have photos that would make you lose your lunch.

  22. Car Ramrod

    [re=236168]swearing_is_caring[/re]: Palin/Schock 2012!!!!111!1!!!11!

    He won’t be of age until 2016, so I think you mean: Plumber/Schock 2016

  23. problemwithcaring

    This is a flattering picture, but what’s up with that George-Bush-no-top-lip over monkey-fanged-teeth thing he got going on…..ew.

  24. El Pinche

    Oh man, that jesus-boy is gay as fuck. Just come out now Schock!, your political life will be much easier.

  25. S.Luggo

    [re=236116]Servo[/re]: Sorry. No Papist ways for Representative Purdy-mouth. He’s a Baptist, like the Right Honorable Reverend Saddleback-Me.

  26. lazyb

    Ick ick ick. Not even tempted. Why is it that republicans never have top lips? Is that what years of sneering condescension does to your face?

  27. S.Luggo

    [re=236176]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Representative A. Schmuck hates the ladies, alliteration or both. He voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009.

  28. saggyboobedhag

    He replaced Patty McHorny from NC-10 as the baby of the house. Patty even campaigned for his metaphorical baby bro. Isn’t there a play room in the House basement for two little boys to twiddle their interns, I mean twinkies?

  29. psilage

    This is clearly a love-child of D. Boreanaz + Doogie H.
    Being a repug, he can never reveal his background, and will instead push for a “final solution” of work-camps for geyz luvchildren.

  30. swearing_is_caring

    Every time the words ‘sexy’ and ‘wingnut’ are used in a sentence together an angel farts.

  31. Vanity Smurf

    [re=236287]drrty martini[/re]: Oh, certainly, it would be a total hate fuck, but that’s usually how Republicans like it. Plus gay Republicans ALWAYS give terrible head so there’s no point in bothering with anything else.

  32. KTHXBAI

    [re=236106]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’m all for a sex scandal. It will be a gay one (of course), and it will entail me hatefucking the color out of his hair. Seriously I would do everything to him, forever. The end.

  33. slinkimalinki

    [re=236140]labdork[/re]: [re=236168]swearing_is_caring[/re]: [re=236237]JeffGoldblum[/re]: i wouldn’t fuck arianna huffington with palin/schock.
    /fixed

  34. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    His prize will be 45 minutes alone with Arianna former husband Michael in the “Printing Presses Through the Centuries” section of the Newseum.

    Fixed.

    [re=236133]jilly[/re]: I understand that the RNC has a website.

  35. Bearbloke

    Oh Lord, when will you Librel Media Terrorist-Muslin-luvin Socialist Moonbats get it right? CongressMan Schock is the butt-lovechild of former Senator Larry Craig and and former CongressMan Mark Foley. Aaron was born for the Congress – in fact, he was born in the upstairs Men’s restroom on the north side of the Capitol, in the 4th stall (one of Larry’s favorite). As the bells of the Taft Memorial pealed on the mall, Mark Foley squealed in the stall a bit (“mostly for dramatic effect – I’ve had bigger things in there!”) and their little CongressMan Aaron “took to the Floor”, as it were…

  36. PlayInPeoria

    Oh, that Aaron Schock is a man’s man back here in Peoria! He may be young, but he’s been around the block (politically) a few times.

    He ran as a write-in-candidate for Peoria Dist. 150 School Board at the age of 19, unseating the board president. After election to School Board he was named president at like age 21, the he turns around and runs for the Illinois House and beats a long-time politician as a Republican in mostly black and heavily Democrat district. Oh, but he’s not done. He then announces his run for Congress just days after Rep. Ray LaHood (R-18th) announces he will retire.

    Not bad for your someone still in their twenties!! Now there is talk that he may take on Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) for the U.S. Senate in 2012?!

    You can make jokes about his personal life, but he shouldn’t be taken lightly. This “freshman” Congrerssman could very well end up running this country some day!! -jr

  37. PlayInPeoria

    Aaron Schock is a man’s man back here in Peoria! He may be young, but he’s been around the block (politically) a few times.

    Schock ran as a write-in-candidate for Peoria District 150 School Board of Education at the age of 19. He unseated the standing board president, who him thrown off the ballot after he challenged the district’s early graduation policy.

    After election to Peoria School Board, he was named president of the organization at mid-term, then he turns around and successfully runs for the Illinois House, beating a long-time incumdent Democrat with a large black constiuentcy (yes, as a Republican). Oh, but he’s not done: He then announces his run for Congress just days after Rep. Ray LaHood (R-18th) announces he will retire. This brings us to current day Aaron Schock, the TMZ favorite freshman of Congress.

    Not a bad political resume for your someone still in their twenties!! Now there is talk among state GOP leaders that he take on political dinosaur Dick Durbin (D-IL) for the U.S. Senate in 2012?! You can make jokes about his personal life, but he shouldn’t be taken lightly. This “freshman” congressman may very well end up running this country some day!

    And just for the record, I didn’t vote for him. I am a Democrat, but that doesn’t seem to bother others about him!

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