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SEXY PARTIES

SEXY NEW WINGNUTS!: The readers of the Huffington Post have selected this young man, the 27-year-old Aaron Schock of Peoria, Illinois, as the “hottest freshman” in Congress this year. Sorry ladies, he’s a Republican! His prize will be 45 minutes alone with Arianna in the “Printing Presses Through the Centuries” section of the Newseum. [HuffPo]


3:54 PM on Wed February 4 2009
By Jim Newell
3709 Views

  1. masterdebater says at 3:55 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Sorry ladies, he’s a republican? Oh, you mean gay.

  2. Hedley Lamar says at 3:56 pm, February 4th, 2009

    He’s kinda got a Ted Haggard-like mouth. Hmmm…

  3. AaronS chock is the hottest freshman in Congress.

  4. hockeymom says at 3:56 pm, February 4th, 2009

    He looks like a young Ted Haggard.

  5. Incredulicious says at 3:57 pm, February 4th, 2009

    I’m so glad to see that Doogie Howser has quit his medical practice and gone into public service.

  6. masterdebater: The tie doesn’t lie. Especially in Peoria.

  7. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 3:57 pm, February 4th, 2009

    hockeymom: I would’ve said Doogie Howser. Who is, of course, gayer than a flock of geese. Gay geese, even.

  8. His tie looks good for camouflaging cum. Just sayin’. Also.

  9. GlennBecksFelch says at 3:59 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Log. Cabin.

  10. space stout says at 4:00 pm, February 4th, 2009

    and what nice pink polka-dottie accents on his tie.

  11. Monsieur Grumpe says at 4:00 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Dorcus Maximus

  12. The love child of the Reverend Ted Haggard and one Doogie Howser, with the Grand Wizard Larry Craig doing the circumcision.

  13. qaf: space stout:
    He got that fabric from the dress of a little old black lady he murdered.

  14. freakishlystrong says at 4:03 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Aaron Schlock…

  15. Texan Bulldoggette says at 4:03 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Well, he’s from IL so some scandal should erupt fairly soon. Let’s see, we’ve just had bribery & corruption. It’s sex scandals turn now.

  16. Carrie_Okie says at 4:04 pm, February 4th, 2009

    masterdebater:
    Sorry ladies, he’s a republican? Oh, you mean [b]a gay-pedo[/b].
    Fix’d-Я-Done

  17. SayItWithWookies says at 4:05 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Hey Congressboy Schlock — if Larry Craig offers you a ride — aw, hell, go ahead and take it. The sooner you know what really goes on in your party the sooner the trauma will be over.

  18. InsidiousTuna says at 4:05 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Late Night Shots. Totally.

  19. Serolf Divad says at 4:06 pm, February 4th, 2009

    JSDC007:

    Dood, I was totally going to go with Neil Patrick Harris.

  20. There is no such thing as a “Hot” Republican.

    Words like “repressed” “closeted” and “douche-like” are what spring to mind.

  21. facehead says at 4:08 pm, February 4th, 2009

    OOO, I bet all the fine ladies at Huffpo want to have his abortion.

  22. Purple Tide says at 4:08 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Personally, I love his peach-paisley tie. It would look much better tied around his wrists as I POWERFIST him.

  23. StephanieInCA says at 4:08 pm, February 4th, 2009

    man, i had no idea David Borneaz had been elected to Congress. Bones, indeed.

  24. The star altar boy at St. Sodomy church.

  25. qwerty42 says at 4:11 pm, February 4th, 2009

    OT, but what is with Barbara Comstock running for a seat in the VA legislature? Is this related to Terry McAuliffe?
    OK, back to typical gay Republican stuff.

  26. norbizness says at 4:12 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Unfortunately, his robotic mouth is permanently set in half-whine, half-Dick-Cheney-sneer mode, as befits most 21st century Republican douchewipes.

  27. What an unfortunate mouth he has. He;s a morph of Haggard and lover Mark Jones.

  28. assistant/atlas says at 4:12 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Calling someone the hottest Congressman is like calling someone the hippest Mormon…

  29. PopeyesPipe says at 4:13 pm, February 4th, 2009

    StephanieInCA: Beat me to it.

  30. Joshua Norton says at 4:13 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Already has has receding hair line and starting a double chin. He should reach bald and fat peak wingnut in another 3 - 5 years.

    I seem to remember when Adam Putnam was the new young RW fair-haired boy. He was quickly pushed aside after his Nancy Pelosi/Jet Plane brou ha-ha. In fact his colleagues refer to him as “that Howdy Doody-looking nimrod,”. Now he’s just a 34-year old has-been who’s leaving to run for Agricultural Commissioner of Florida.

    Your time’s coming, Aaron.

  31. shortsshortsshorts says at 4:14 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Servo: Most Republicans have a similar story to tell. It brings them closer to the Jesus.

  32. How can my Wonkette pick this story from HuffPo and totally neglect the much more Wonkette worthy ‘Ex-Masturbater’ story? I demand answers!

  33. Purple Tide says at 4:16 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Only one thing gets hair to stand up in the front like that: Congressional page jizz. He’s a fast learner, this one.

  34. AnnieGetYourFun says at 4:18 pm, February 4th, 2009

    “Aaron Schock was a forceful advocate against Rod Blagojevich’s ruinous economic policies of massive borrowing, spending, and taxing employers.”

    OHNOES! Was Rod right when he said he was being persecuted like an early Christian for caring about the poor peoples?

  35. MegsOfMegs says at 4:19 pm, February 4th, 2009

    So Arianna is going for the hot, young Republican on her site. Does that make her a Cougar, a PUMA? I get confused by the taxonomies of the wimminz cats these days.

  36. ToeCramps says at 4:20 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Repuglican you say? Warning staring into the eyes of this not-so-fresh congressman: May cause irritation due to buttsecks, cramping due to toe-tapping, blindness due to masterbutorium manical massaging, bloating, herpes, diarhea, headaches, nausea, joblessness, useless war and toe cramps!

  37. Dear Wonketeers. I love you. Where else can I sit and eat my lunch and read about powerfisting and cum? God bless each and every one of you.

  38. Vulpes82 says at 4:23 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Total gayface. SHOCKING from a Republican politican, I know.

  39. Warped brains often come in attractive packages. Well, sometimes. Then there’s Dick Cheney.

  40. DustBowlBlues says at 4:27 pm, February 4th, 2009

    masterdebater: “Oh, you mean gay.”

    Funny, I immediately thought young Republican. Now those people are complete wonky slimeballs.

  41. is it pronounced s-cock? Like school and schedule. Cause that would be awesome!

  42. masterdebater says at 4:30 pm, February 4th, 2009

    jilly:
    You forgetted butsecks, also.

  43. Violenza says at 4:40 pm, February 4th, 2009

    I guess he looks alright with his mouth open like that like he’s all outraged about abortions or something, but he does look like Doogie and also like a major dork and asshole. Besides, Republican = penis problems. Small, malformed, diaper-seeking, etc. I don’t care to investigate any further.

  44. swearing_is_caring says at 4:42 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Palin/Schock 2012!!!!111!1!!!11!

  45. Jukesgrrl says at 4:45 pm, February 4th, 2009

    AnnieGetYourFun: I get nervous when HuffPost uses the words “rod” and “forceful” in the same sentence.

    jilly: Actually, there are a lot of tubez that would deliver news about powerfisting and cum, but they would have photos that would make you lose your lunch.

  46. Lascauxcaveman says at 4:46 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Sorry ladies, he’s a Republican!

    OK, I admit it, I LOLed.

  47. Yep, I’d totally get my sex scandal on with him.

    Anyone know where he goes to church?

  48. Car Ramrod says at 5:07 pm, February 4th, 2009

    swearing_is_caring: Palin/Schock 2012!!!!111!1!!!11!

    He won’t be of age until 2016, so I think you mean: Plumber/Schock 2016

  49. Schadenfried says at 5:11 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Didn’t this guy play Justin on Queer as Folk?

  50. shortsshortsshorts says at 5:11 pm, February 4th, 2009

    I see that guy in the Castro all the time.

  51. problemwithcaring says at 5:15 pm, February 4th, 2009

    This is a flattering picture, but what’s up with that George-Bush-no-top-lip over monkey-fanged-teeth thing he got going on…..ew.

  52. El Pinche says at 5:16 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Oh man, that jesus-boy is gay as fuck. Just come out now Schock!, your political life will be much easier.

  53. Servo: Sorry. No Papist ways for Representative Purdy-mouth. He’s a Baptist, like the Right Honorable Reverend Saddleback-Me.

  54. Ick ick ick. Not even tempted. Why is it that republicans never have top lips? Is that what years of sneering condescension does to your face?

  55. Lascauxcaveman: Representative A. Schmuck hates the ladies, alliteration or both. He voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009.

  56. JeffGoldblum says at 5:30 pm, February 4th, 2009

    I wouldn’t fuck Arianna Huffington with shortsshortsshorts’ dick, also.

  57. One more thing. Representative Schockelgruber (R. – Cro-Magnon, Ill.) ain’t in no one’s pocket:
    http://herndon1.sdrdc.com/cgi-bin/can_give/H8IL18043

  58. saggyboobedhag says at 5:41 pm, February 4th, 2009

    He replaced Patty McHorny from NC-10 as the baby of the house. Patty even campaigned for his metaphorical baby bro. Isn’t there a play room in the House basement for two little boys to twiddle their interns, I mean twinkies?

  59. shortsshortsshorts says at 5:41 pm, February 4th, 2009

    JeffGoldblum: wha? huh?

  60. Vanity Smurf says at 5:42 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Well, he’s fuckable, I’ll give him that much.

  61. drrty martini says at 6:09 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Vanity Smurf: Yeah: I’d hit it, but I’d throw it back.

  62. This is clearly a love-child of D. Boreanaz + Doogie H.
    Being a repug, he can never reveal his background, and will instead push for a “final solution” of work-camps for geyz luvchildren.

  63. tunamelt says at 6:19 pm, February 4th, 2009

    I’d hit it.

  64. PerhapsSo says at 6:23 pm, February 4th, 2009

    I assume we will be calling him the Schocker.

  65. swearing_is_caring says at 6:24 pm, February 4th, 2009

    Every time the words ’sexy’ and ‘wingnut’ are used in a sentence together an angel farts.

  66. PsycGirl says at 7:01 pm, February 4th, 2009

    labdork: Link please! Don’t make me work for it!

  67. Vanity Smurf: tunamelt: The International Society of Midgets and Teeny Persons thanks you.
    http://www.bcrnews.com/content/articles/2008/01/29/news/doc479ea27388f4c453310130.jpg
    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3290/2490066089_d9185b9d02.jpg?v=0

    In the alternative, I take it that you’ve both have had fantasies about pedophilia.

  68. Vanity Smurf says at 7:44 pm, February 4th, 2009

    drrty martini: Oh, certainly, it would be a total hate fuck, but that’s usually how Republicans like it. Plus gay Republicans ALWAYS give terrible head so there’s no point in bothering with anything else.

  69. Texan Bulldoggette: I’m all for a sex scandal. It will be a gay one (of course), and it will entail me hatefucking the color out of his hair. Seriously I would do everything to him, forever. The end.

  70. Fauxer

    I’ll bring my camera!

  71. slinkimalinki says at 8:49 pm, February 4th, 2009

    labdork: swearing_is_caring: JeffGoldblum: i wouldn’t fuck arianna huffington with palin/schock.
    /fixed

  72. DoctorCulturae says at 9:17 pm, February 4th, 2009

    I thought Doogie Howser was teh gehy.

  73. The Democrat was robbed (again.)

    I’d do Glenn Nye at the drop of a hat.

    Call me, Glen!

  74. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 12:34 am, February 5th, 2009

    His prize will be 45 minutes alone with Arianna former husband Michael in the “Printing Presses Through the Centuries” section of the Newseum.

    Fixed.

    jilly: I understand that the RNC has a website.

  75. Bearbloke says at 1:59 am, February 5th, 2009

    Oh Lord, when will you Librel Media Terrorist-Muslin-luvin Socialist Moonbats get it right? CongressMan Schock is the butt-lovechild of former Senator Larry Craig and and former CongressMan Mark Foley. Aaron was born for the Congress - in fact, he was born in the upstairs Men’s restroom on the north side of the Capitol, in the 4th stall (one of Larry’s favorite). As the bells of the Taft Memorial pealed on the mall, Mark Foley squealed in the stall a bit (”mostly for dramatic effect - I’ve had bigger things in there!”) and their little CongressMan Aaron “took to the Floor”, as it were…

  76. blackdontcrack says at 3:56 pm, February 5th, 2009

    hot!

    but not as hot as Senator John Thune, who is the man of my wet dreams.

  77. iolanthe says at 10:07 am, February 6th, 2009

    Wow, that kid looks like Ted Haggard.

  78. He sure has the purdy lips n’ things. You think he tattoos them?

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