SEXY PARTIES  3:54 pm February 4, 2009

by Jim Newell

SEXY NEW WINGNUTS!: The readers of the Huffington Post have selected this young man, the 27-year-old Aaron Schock of Peoria, Illinois, as the “hottest freshman” in Congress this year. Sorry ladies, he’s a Republican! His prize will be 45 minutes alone with Arianna in the “Printing Presses Through the Centuries” section of the Newseum. [HuffPo]

 
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{ 80 comments }

masterdebater February 4, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Sorry ladies, he’s a republican? Oh, you mean gay.

Hedley Lamar February 4, 2009 at 3:56 pm

He’s kinda got a Ted Haggard-like mouth. Hmmm…

scotack February 4, 2009 at 3:56 pm

AaronS chock is the hottest freshman in Congress.

hockeymom February 4, 2009 at 3:56 pm

He looks like a young Ted Haggard.

Incredulicious February 4, 2009 at 3:57 pm

I’m so glad to see that Doogie Howser has quit his medical practice and gone into public service.

PengIn February 4, 2009 at 3:57 pm

[re=236090]masterdebater[/re]: The tie doesn’t lie. Especially in Peoria.

queeraselvis v 2.0 February 4, 2009 at 3:57 pm

[re=236093]hockeymom[/re]: I would’ve said Doogie Howser. Who is, of course, gayer than a flock of geese. Gay geese, even.

qaf February 4, 2009 at 3:58 pm

His tie looks good for camouflaging cum. Just sayin’. Also.

GlennBecksFelch February 4, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Log. Cabin.

space stout February 4, 2009 at 4:00 pm

and what nice pink polka-dottie accents on his tie.

Monsieur Grumpe February 4, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Dorcus Maximus

JSDC007 February 4, 2009 at 4:01 pm

The love child of the Reverend Ted Haggard and one Doogie Howser, with the Grand Wizard Larry Craig doing the circumcision.

Servo February 4, 2009 at 4:03 pm

[re=236097]qaf[/re]: [re=236099]space stout[/re]:
He got that fabric from the dress of a little old black lady he murdered.

freakishlystrong February 4, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Aaron Schlock…

Texan Bulldoggette February 4, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Well, he’s from IL so some scandal should erupt fairly soon. Let’s see, we’ve just had bribery & corruption. It’s sex scandals turn now.

Carrie_Okie February 4, 2009 at 4:04 pm

[re=236090]masterdebater[/re]:
Sorry ladies, he’s a republican? Oh, you mean [b]a gay-pedo[/b].
Fix’d-Я-Done

SayItWithWookies February 4, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Hey Congressboy Schlock — if Larry Craig offers you a ride — aw, hell, go ahead and take it. The sooner you know what really goes on in your party the sooner the trauma will be over.

InsidiousTuna February 4, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Late Night Shots. Totally.

Serolf Divad February 4, 2009 at 4:06 pm

[re=236102]JSDC007[/re]:

Dood, I was totally going to go with Neil Patrick Harris.

MarSF February 4, 2009 at 4:08 pm

There is no such thing as a “Hot” Republican.

Words like “repressed” “closeted” and “douche-like” are what spring to mind.

facehead February 4, 2009 at 4:08 pm

OOO, I bet all the fine ladies at Huffpo want to have his abortion.

Purple Tide February 4, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Personally, I love his peach-paisley tie. It would look much better tied around his wrists as I POWERFIST him.

StephanieInCA February 4, 2009 at 4:08 pm

man, i had no idea David Borneaz had been elected to Congress. Bones, indeed.

Servo February 4, 2009 at 4:10 pm

The star altar boy at St. Sodomy church.

qwerty42 February 4, 2009 at 4:11 pm

OT, but what is with Barbara Comstock running for a seat in the VA legislature? Is this related to Terry McAuliffe?
OK, back to typical gay Republican stuff.

norbizness February 4, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Unfortunately, his robotic mouth is permanently set in half-whine, half-Dick-Cheney-sneer mode, as befits most 21st century Republican douchewipes.

Kwame' February 4, 2009 at 4:12 pm

What an unfortunate mouth he has. He;s a morph of Haggard and lover Mark Jones.

assistant/atlas February 4, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Calling someone the hottest Congressman is like calling someone the hippest Mormon…

PopeyesPipe February 4, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=236115]StephanieInCA[/re]: Beat me to it.

Joshua Norton February 4, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Already has has receding hair line and starting a double chin. He should reach bald and fat peak wingnut in another 3 – 5 years.

I seem to remember when Adam Putnam was the new young RW fair-haired boy. He was quickly pushed aside after his Nancy Pelosi/Jet Plane brou ha-ha. In fact his colleagues refer to him as “that Howdy Doody-looking nimrod,”. Now he’s just a 34-year old has-been who’s leaving to run for Agricultural Commissioner of Florida.

Your time’s coming, Aaron.

shortsshortsshorts February 4, 2009 at 4:14 pm

[re=236116]Servo[/re]: Most Republicans have a similar story to tell. It brings them closer to the Jesus.

labdork February 4, 2009 at 4:14 pm

How can my Wonkette pick this story from HuffPo and totally neglect the much more Wonkette worthy ‘Ex-Masturbater’ story? I demand answers!

Purple Tide February 4, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Only one thing gets hair to stand up in the front like that: Congressional page jizz. He’s a fast learner, this one.

AnnieGetYourFun February 4, 2009 at 4:18 pm

“Aaron Schock was a forceful advocate against Rod Blagojevich’s ruinous economic policies of massive borrowing, spending, and taxing employers.”

OHNOES! Was Rod right when he said he was being persecuted like an early Christian for caring about the poor peoples?

MegsOfMegs February 4, 2009 at 4:19 pm

So Arianna is going for the hot, young Republican on her site. Does that make her a Cougar, a PUMA? I get confused by the taxonomies of the wimminz cats these days.

ToeCramps February 4, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Repuglican you say? Warning staring into the eyes of this not-so-fresh congressman: May cause irritation due to buttsecks, cramping due to toe-tapping, blindness due to masterbutorium manical massaging, bloating, herpes, diarhea, headaches, nausea, joblessness, useless war and toe cramps!

jilly February 4, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Dear Wonketeers. I love you. Where else can I sit and eat my lunch and read about powerfisting and cum? God bless each and every one of you.

Vulpes82 February 4, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Total gayface. SHOCKING from a Republican politican, I know.

TGY February 4, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Warped brains often come in attractive packages. Well, sometimes. Then there’s Dick Cheney.

DustBowlBlues February 4, 2009 at 4:27 pm

[re=236090]masterdebater[/re]: “Oh, you mean gay.”

Funny, I immediately thought young Republican. Now those people are complete wonky slimeballs.

labdork February 4, 2009 at 4:28 pm

is it pronounced s-cock? Like school and schedule. Cause that would be awesome!

masterdebater February 4, 2009 at 4:30 pm

[re=236133]jilly[/re]:
You forgetted butsecks, also.

Violenza February 4, 2009 at 4:40 pm

I guess he looks alright with his mouth open like that like he’s all outraged about abortions or something, but he does look like Doogie and also like a major dork and asshole. Besides, Republican = penis problems. Small, malformed, diaper-seeking, etc. I don’t care to investigate any further.

swearing_is_caring February 4, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Palin/Schock 2012!!!!111!1!!!11!

Jukesgrrl February 4, 2009 at 4:45 pm

[re=236128]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I get nervous when HuffPost uses the words “rod” and “forceful” in the same sentence.

[re=236133]jilly[/re]: Actually, there are a lot of tubez that would deliver news about powerfisting and cum, but they would have photos that would make you lose your lunch.

Lascauxcaveman February 4, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Sorry ladies, he’s a Republican!

OK, I admit it, I LOLed.

Fawxer February 4, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Yep, I’d totally get my sex scandal on with him.

Anyone know where he goes to church?

Car Ramrod February 4, 2009 at 5:07 pm

[re=236168]swearing_is_caring[/re]: Palin/Schock 2012!!!!111!1!!!11!

He won’t be of age until 2016, so I think you mean: Plumber/Schock 2016

Schadenfried February 4, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Didn’t this guy play Justin on Queer as Folk?

shortsshortsshorts February 4, 2009 at 5:11 pm

I see that guy in the Castro all the time.

problemwithcaring February 4, 2009 at 5:15 pm

This is a flattering picture, but what’s up with that George-Bush-no-top-lip over monkey-fanged-teeth thing he got going on…..ew.

El Pinche February 4, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Oh man, that jesus-boy is gay as fuck. Just come out now Schock!, your political life will be much easier.

S.Luggo February 4, 2009 at 5:27 pm

[re=236116]Servo[/re]: Sorry. No Papist ways for Representative Purdy-mouth. He’s a Baptist, like the Right Honorable Reverend Saddleback-Me.

lazyb February 4, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Ick ick ick. Not even tempted. Why is it that republicans never have top lips? Is that what years of sneering condescension does to your face?

S.Luggo February 4, 2009 at 5:29 pm

[re=236176]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Representative A. Schmuck hates the ladies, alliteration or both. He voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009.

JeffGoldblum February 4, 2009 at 5:30 pm

I wouldn’t fuck Arianna Huffington with shortsshortsshorts’ dick, also.

S.Luggo February 4, 2009 at 5:33 pm

One more thing. Representative Schockelgruber (R. – Cro-Magnon, Ill.) ain’t in no one’s pocket:
http://herndon1.sdrdc.com/cgi-bin/can_give/H8IL18043

saggyboobedhag February 4, 2009 at 5:41 pm

He replaced Patty McHorny from NC-10 as the baby of the house. Patty even campaigned for his metaphorical baby bro. Isn’t there a play room in the House basement for two little boys to twiddle their interns, I mean twinkies?

shortsshortsshorts February 4, 2009 at 5:41 pm

[re=236237]JeffGoldblum[/re]: wha? huh?

Vanity Smurf February 4, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Well, he’s fuckable, I’ll give him that much.

drrty martini February 4, 2009 at 6:09 pm

[re=236251]Vanity Smurf[/re]: Yeah: I’d hit it, but I’d throw it back.

psilage February 4, 2009 at 6:13 pm

This is clearly a love-child of D. Boreanaz + Doogie H.
Being a repug, he can never reveal his background, and will instead push for a “final solution” of work-camps for geyz luvchildren.

tunamelt February 4, 2009 at 6:19 pm

I’d hit it.

PerhapsSo February 4, 2009 at 6:23 pm

I assume we will be calling him the Schocker.

swearing_is_caring February 4, 2009 at 6:24 pm

Every time the words ‘sexy’ and ‘wingnut’ are used in a sentence together an angel farts.

PsycGirl February 4, 2009 at 7:01 pm

[re=236125]labdork[/re]: Link please! Don’t make me work for it!

S.Luggo February 4, 2009 at 7:39 pm

[re=236251]Vanity Smurf[/re]: [re=236308]tunamelt[/re]: The International Society of Midgets and Teeny Persons thanks you.
http://www.bcrnews.com/content/articles/2008/01/29/news/doc479ea27388f4c453310130.jpg
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3290/2490066089_d9185b9d02.jpg?v=0

In the alternative, I take it that you’ve both have had fantasies about pedophilia.

Vanity Smurf February 4, 2009 at 7:44 pm

[re=236287]drrty martini[/re]: Oh, certainly, it would be a total hate fuck, but that’s usually how Republicans like it. Plus gay Republicans ALWAYS give terrible head so there’s no point in bothering with anything else.

KTHXBAI February 4, 2009 at 8:14 pm

[re=236106]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I’m all for a sex scandal. It will be a gay one (of course), and it will entail me hatefucking the color out of his hair. Seriously I would do everything to him, forever. The end.

tawaen February 4, 2009 at 8:23 pm

Fauxer

I’ll bring my camera!

slinkimalinki February 4, 2009 at 8:49 pm

[re=236140]labdork[/re]: [re=236168]swearing_is_caring[/re]: [re=236237]JeffGoldblum[/re]: i wouldn’t fuck arianna huffington with palin/schock.
/fixed

DoctorCulturae February 4, 2009 at 9:17 pm

I thought Doogie Howser was teh gehy.

cal February 4, 2009 at 9:38 pm

The Democrat was robbed (again.)

I’d do Glenn Nye at the drop of a hat.

Call me, Glen!

Lionel Hutz Esq. February 5, 2009 at 12:34 am

His prize will be 45 minutes alone with Arianna former husband Michael in the “Printing Presses Through the Centuries” section of the Newseum.

Fixed.

[re=236133]jilly[/re]: I understand that the RNC has a website.

Bearbloke February 5, 2009 at 1:59 am

Oh Lord, when will you Librel Media Terrorist-Muslin-luvin Socialist Moonbats get it right? CongressMan Schock is the butt-lovechild of former Senator Larry Craig and and former CongressMan Mark Foley. Aaron was born for the Congress – in fact, he was born in the upstairs Men’s restroom on the north side of the Capitol, in the 4th stall (one of Larry’s favorite). As the bells of the Taft Memorial pealed on the mall, Mark Foley squealed in the stall a bit (“mostly for dramatic effect – I’ve had bigger things in there!”) and their little CongressMan Aaron “took to the Floor”, as it were…

blackdontcrack February 5, 2009 at 3:56 pm

hot!

but not as hot as Senator John Thune, who is the man of my wet dreams.

iolanthe February 6, 2009 at 10:07 am

Wow, that kid looks like Ted Haggard.

Bruno February 8, 2009 at 8:05 pm

He sure has the purdy lips n’ things. You think he tattoos them?

PlayInPeoria July 28, 2010 at 1:49 am

Oh, that Aaron Schock is a man’s man back here in Peoria! He may be young, but he’s been around the block (politically) a few times.

He ran as a write-in-candidate for Peoria Dist. 150 School Board at the age of 19, unseating the board president. After election to School Board he was named president at like age 21, the he turns around and runs for the Illinois House and beats a long-time politician as a Republican in mostly black and heavily Democrat district. Oh, but he’s not done. He then announces his run for Congress just days after Rep. Ray LaHood (R-18th) announces he will retire.

Not bad for your someone still in their twenties!! Now there is talk that he may take on Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) for the U.S. Senate in 2012?!

You can make jokes about his personal life, but he shouldn’t be taken lightly. This “freshman” Congrerssman could very well end up running this country some day!! -jr

PlayInPeoria July 28, 2010 at 2:01 am

Aaron Schock is a man’s man back here in Peoria! He may be young, but he’s been around the block (politically) a few times.

Schock ran as a write-in-candidate for Peoria District 150 School Board of Education at the age of 19. He unseated the standing board president, who him thrown off the ballot after he challenged the district’s early graduation policy.

After election to Peoria School Board, he was named president of the organization at mid-term, then he turns around and successfully runs for the Illinois House, beating a long-time incumdent Democrat with a large black constiuentcy (yes, as a Republican). Oh, but he’s not done: He then announces his run for Congress just days after Rep. Ray LaHood (R-18th) announces he will retire. This brings us to current day Aaron Schock, the TMZ favorite freshman of Congress.

Not a bad political resume for your someone still in their twenties!! Now there is talk among state GOP leaders that he take on political dinosaur Dick Durbin (D-IL) for the U.S. Senate in 2012?! You can make jokes about his personal life, but he shouldn’t be taken lightly. This “freshman” congressman may very well end up running this country some day!

And just for the record, I didn’t vote for him. I am a Democrat, but that doesn’t seem to bother others about him!

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