Wonkette
Ok let’s see what sort of DRACONIAN MEASURES Barack Obama has proposed for our nation’s permanent underclass of persecuted corporate CEOs, whose only sin was caring so much about their companies that they continued to happily accept record pay and bonuses while their businesses lost literally billions of dollars and had to be bailed out by the government.
Here are the rulez, courtesy of your socialist overlord B. Hussein Taxbama:
- If you get “exceptional assistance” from the government, i.e. you are Citigroup, executive pay must be capped at $500,000. Executives can make more than that if the company wants, but the compensation must be in the form of stocks that can’t be sold until the government is paid back.
- Shareholders of banks will have more influence over how much executives are paid.
- Institutions that are doing OK and don’t get superspecial extraordinary $$$ injections can waive the rules, if their shareholders let them.
Jeez, so mean! Doesn’t Obama realize that, in laying down these incredibly cruel and punishing guidelines, he is disincentivizing some very smart and capable people from running these beleaguered banks? Even when they were offering criminally huge compensation packages, they were only able to attract losers who ran their business into the ground. Just imagine how awful the quality of talent will be when they start paying reasonable salaries.
Also the CEO of JPMorgan, which lost a mere $29.5 billion last year while Citigroup lost $85.4 billion and Merrill Lynch lost $55.9 billion, is rather sore that all shitty banks are being tarred with the same shitty brush, given that his bank is only one-half to one-third as shitty as the others.
Obama reveals executive pay limits [CNN]
Dimon Says ‘Not Every Company’ Responsible for Wall Street Pay [Bloomberg]
For 100 grand they can just blame me for everything. Deal!
I suspect a lot of Citigroup executives will suddenly become ‘consultants’.
Citibank = Shittybank.
Seriously, that’s how it’s pronounced in countries with no “ssss” sound.
Also: all golden parachutes must now be made out of hemp.
I’m O.K. paying them with fancy garbage pails.
Well, forget it then. All those execs will just quit and take jobs at good banks, then ruin them.
We should just nationalize the fast-food abortion industry and get rid of the banks. economics is scary.
thongthongthong: Believe me, that’s how we pronounce it in NY. Also.
At this rate, Washington DC will be full of nothing but Buddhists.
Oh wait…
http://www.washingtontendai.blogspot.com
So they’ll have to spend some of next year’s bonus money on lawyers who can make swiss cheese of the regulations. I’ll send them a sympathy card.
Gorillionaire: Cheap whore!
I would happily have run a bank into the ground for $500,000. These people totally overspent on their incompetent leaders!
I think they should just agree to be paid excess compensation in Ameros, usable as toll tokens on the NAFTA Superhighway when Ron Paul finally becomes preznit, the end.
I’m just glad Obama finally opened up our pampered executives to the highest form of rebuke American society has to offer: nonbinding votes by shareholders on the pay structure of corporations. The nonbinding nature is what makes it sting so badly.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
It‘s like giving them incentive to NOT fuck up. Awww, that’ll never work.
Boo hoo. No junkets to Vegas. Also.
I’d still like Obama to add a public humiliation clause to that - to receive federal assistance, the CEOs and all VPs have to appear in the street, naked, slathered in crisco and motor oil, and barrels of rotten vegetables and cabbage will be conveniently placed for the throwing and the hurting and the sweet, sweet justice.
Hey execubots, repeat after me:
Make do with less.
40 hours are for pussies.
We can out source your overpriced asses and replace them with smarter better and faster folks from the 3rd world for 1/4 your wages.
Suck it up.
If you don’t like it then LEAVE.
What do you mean you don’t like your own medicine?
Why does he just stare off into the distance like that all the time?
I like the comment in the Bloomberg article about how JPM only lost “a fraction” of what Merrill and Citi lost. While true, 1/2 is a fraction, it’s not exactly a small fraction.
And all the Joe Six Pack Folks out there are all, ‘where’s MY bailout!?’
Sassette: No kidding. These incompetents take a solid profitable company and run it into the ground in exchange for a multimillion dollar paycheck. For that kind of money I’d expect someone with, you know, basic business skills. I could fuck up a company for way less than the hundreds of millions they’ve paid Jamie Dimon and his ilk.
What is this strange sense of cognitive consonance that creeping over me?
Aurelio: Hey, at least I’ll be living indoors.
OH my gosh you are so mean, catty Wonkette girls! Begging is really tiring and stressful, and those guys deserve a little extra something to make up for having to ask for money to keep from having to declare bankruptcy, or whatever. Obama shouldn’t cut their salaries; that’s just so petty.
But in all seriousness. Every executive at any bank that received federal aid should be forced to receive federal minimum wage until the government is paid back in full. The end.
If they break these rules, the executives should be sent to a quaint little seaside village, given numbers instead of names, and chased around by oversized ballons if they try to escape.
$500,000 a year, Obama?! Are you mad? There won’t be fuel in the Gulfstream this year. The Bentley will be left in the ten car garage, and those chinchilla furs aren’t going to wear themselves! This shall not stand! Do you mean to make us poor?!
If banking executives can’t make exorbitant amounts of money after sucking dickhole at their jobs for the past 8 years, then the terrorists have truly won.
It’s articles like this that keep me coming back to Wonkette. You seriously just made my day.
JeffGoldblum: Joe the Dumber’s got their backs.
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/02/joe-the-plumber-hits-the-capitol-to-meet-with-gopers.php
I pulled my savings out of JP Morgan / Chase / Wamu yesterday. Fucking fucks couldn’t even transfer my money from one account with them to another account with them in 2 business days, even after I paid the 15 dollar expedition fee. Short these incompetent bastards and support your local credit union.
I want to be CEO of the Bad Bank. I bet you can go to work dressed like a gangsta.
bago: Invest in the LORD, for he is the source of all true wealth, as shown in the fourth verse of the third chapter of Jeremiah.
http://www.peterpopoff.org/msw.php
Cape Clod:
I was thinking more of dumping them all onto an island where they can dance around their god Baal as represented by a pig’s head and beat up the fat kid with the thick glasses while fighting over a Conch. Except this time, Navy won’t rescue them and let them continue their cannibal anarchy till they die off.
thongthongthong: Like Shitty Wok in South Park! Also!
Jesus.
Yesterday: Republicans at work were complaining about the size of corporate executive pay and how it’s all so wrong.
Today: Republicans at work are complaining about limiting size of corporate executive pay and how it’s all so wrong.
That sound you hear across the river is MY BRAIN EXPLODING.
Cape Clod: Okay, what movie is that from? I’ve wanted to see it forever, but I don’t know what the movie is called.
$500,000? Chicken feed. Nevertheless, Tom Daschle will take it. Is a car and driver thrown in?
ManchuCandidate: That might be more fitting. I just prefer my punishments to be more existential in nature.
I think they should just stop paying black people for their hard work. Just like in the olden days!!
First they came for the fat cats,
I remained silent;
I was not a fat cat.
When they locked up the overpaid consultants,
I remained silent;
I was not an overpaid consultant.
When they came for middle management,
I did not speak out;
I was not a middle manager.
When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out, except for the remaining majority of the country.
“Pay got a little exuberant, and there were some legitimate complaints,” Dimon said.
Exuberant pay? Hell, I’d settle for “Not starvation” pay.
thongthongthong: Some in the industry are calling it “Splitty-bank.” Hint hint.
bago: Actually, Chase is still solvent and on relatively firm footing. Also, Northern Trust. Also.
lenorecutie: It’s the TV show The Prisoner.
Gurkman: Isn’t he back in jail yet?
SayItWithWookies: Cool. Thanks. I will have to check that out.
Forget their long term solvency for a moment. They failed at a transaction I can write in 30 lines of code. They annoyed me and left me without money when I was 300 miles from home. Tech fail. Their backbone would go down regularly at 3 am, when I regularly conduct business. They are fuckstains of a tech company in the land of microsoft, google, valve, bungie, and amazon.
Fuck that noise.
Westchester County NY and Fairfield County CT will become trailer parks - wait and see.
“… JPMorgan is one of the biggest dealers in the credit default swap market. …[The] total gross face value of its credit derivatives book is $9,200bn [$9.2 triliion].”
http://www.creditwritedowns.com/2008/11/jpmorgan-chase-large-exposure-to-real-economy-downturn.html
Pay for performance, eh?
I took a Business German class many moons ago, and while I’ve forgotten nearly everything else, two factoids stuck with me: CEOs typically got only 20% more than the highest paid workers the company; and all workers were entitled to stay at a up to 6 weeks every two years at a spa if needed for health. Now that’s post-national-socialist change I could have believed in. WANT! The state-sponsored spa especially.
OMG SOCIALISM! IFF R GUBERMENT MONIES ARE GOING TO A WAR MISHEEN THAT IS PATRIOTIC THOOS.
what the fuck is up w these new ads?
Rush: But they still have their Guatemalan maids and nannies, who live in their Mercedes and BMWs. BTW: do servants get paid bonuses?
hey if these carpetbaggers won’t work for less than half a mil, let me take a crack at it. i’m smarter than any of this boneheads and i’ll settle for about 180k/year, with benefits, use of the corporate jet, and a team of 22-year-old interns.
off-white working class: Seriously - why is Wonkette going all Cash4Gold on us?
In China, such as, when the heads of those companies sold poisoned milk, they were SENTENCED TO DEATH. However, I am a reasonable man. After making an example of a couple dozen in a show trial, I might allow the next 1000-or-so top bank execs to plea bargain down to a sentence of having to beg or turn tricks just outside the Louisville, KY Greyhound station at 3AM, forever (some might opt for the quick death, trust me). They could reduce their sentence by a kajillion years if, oh let’s see, they spent time ministering to the chemical-leak-blinded people of Bhopal, India. Uhh, wearing gimp masks.
These banks have been getting foodstamps from the gov’tment just to spend on crack! These CEOs are crackwhores!
The Neoskeptic: I will settle for the team of 22 interns and a gift certificate to Benz Chili Bowl. U wanna me8 up?
I propose a compromise: the bankers can take all the pay they want, but if the economy hasn’t turned around by August we set up a guillotine on the mall, drag their sorry asses down to D.C., and execute them before an angry mob.
magic titty: I’m seeing a “Jane Austen Addicts” ad for “Mr. Darcy’s Dream”–maybe David Denby is right that all Wonketteers are just catty women who only want to tear town others, like snooty English countryside society in Pride and Prejudice…
Rush: and I can’t think of a douche-hole that deserves it more than Darien!
$500 grand still buys a lot of hobobeans. Unless that’s in Zimbabwean dollars, in which case it buys half a hobobean.
i knew he was a socialist!
The TEETH, they are everywhere. My iPhone says to pull them out. Must get pliers.
This is all just a super-sneaky socialist spread the wealth ploy. These poor companies will have no choice but to distribute the monies normally paid to their execs to the rest of their employees working for $1/day manning the customer complaint lines in India.
off-white working class: Welcome to the New Economy. Though I now have the desire to have my teeth whitened for under a dollar. White-out!
Neon Trotsky: Good work! Somebody give Neon a bailout.
They should just pay them in all the nickels they can hand carry out of the office in one trip….plus, it would give me a place to put all the worthless damn nickels I have on my dresser, not to mention pennies…what are they good for, now…? I forget…
TGY AND TITTY: its a sad day indeed.
We’re lucky they only lost “literally billions”, because figuratively they lost gazillions! Goooooogols even.
All hail comrade Barry, Redistributionist-in-Chief!
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/
Iggy Plop: I’ve often thought lately that we need to bring things back like the stocks, the pillory, and tar & feathering as some sort of punishment to anyone involved in this fincial mess. And Bill Kristol too– just because.
Back in the old days (bailing out the savings & loans) the shareholders were wiped out, the S&L bad assets were sold off, and the remaining good part of the S&L was sold to new investors.
Why the fuck are we propping up the shareholders in these failed banks?? Fuck those fucking fuckers. Also. This is not change I can put in a Diaper Genie.
- When they’re lined up against the wall in the glorious revolution, only one member of the firing squad will be given a gold-plated bullet.
This is all crap.
I’d take that job, bury the bank and still make off with a *cool 500Gs*. It’s more than what I make now and in 10years.
Heck why not put a salary cap on all gov’t officials too to boot for not regulating this mess the last 8 years, heck a cabinet position at 100K (which he limited) is golden still in these times. I see no firings on either side, well, except for anyone who ‘praised the Bush’ (George W, that is).
Whatever to the dotcom days of ‘I’ll work for $1/day? til the company is back on it’s feet’? Steve Jobs–where are you to save us all? What happened to Barry’s “call to service”, why isn’t anyone in gov’t working for $1/day?
When is google going to open the GoogleBank? Isn’t it the next step in their plan for world domination?
Erm…that poster makes me hot, actually. Hopey and the ol’ Hammer n’Sickle…hmmmm…yum…but it would never happen. Sigh.
Laisse faire capitalism fails every f$%#&*g time, why not try being a Utopian Communist Collective? Property is theft, man. Power to us hoboes!
You can NEVER convince me that these capitalist pigdogs are victims in any way. They knew exactly what they were doing. Not only do they NOT deserve the money they get, but they deserve jail time or time in the re-education camp of hope and rainbows. Take over the Mcmansions for homeless squatters — plenty of room in those “great rooms”.
Just the thought of having to exist on a mere 1/2 million makes me thirsty. I need a gin-twist. But since I can get a tax-credit now thanks to my friends in the Republican Senate when I buy my sixth home at least I’ll be able to afford Boodles.
“Walnuts”
The possibilities for dealing with these ignorant, irresponsible douchebags are endless, and well covered by fellow Wonketteers.
The return of the town square stocks and a goodly supply of assorted rotten fruits and vegetables is certainly appealing. We could even force these miscreants to bend over, buttocks exposed, and invite folks to bring paddles, hair brushes, cattle prods or any other implement deemed suitable for administering a good seeing to.
ManchuCandidate: Yes, outsourcing their jobs to an overseas sweatshop is a good idea; but I’d prefer to see them sent to one- Make them endure the hours, the subsistence wages and the whims of lowlife “executives” like themselves. Maybe then these clowns would wake up. Maybe…
Awe, to Hell with these fuckers. Let’s just round up the whole lot of them, take them out into the desert and nuke ‘em.