death

  • WE HEAR TACO BELL IS HIRING??: More lovely news from the American automotive industry, formerly a shining light of this rich nation’s manufacturing sector, and now simply a bunch of commies: “NEW YORK – General Motors Corp. will offer buyouts to all of its hourly employees, a spokesman confirmed Tuesday, as the troubled automaker continues to slash costs… A union official told The Associated Press then that GM would offer $20,000 in cash and a $25,000 car voucher for workers who retire early and those who simply leave the company.” Oooh, we’d take that. $25,000 cars! You can just drive around forever in one of those things. [AP]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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38 comments

  1. Hooray For Anything

    Actually, the car voucher is a good idea because all those workers will need a place to live when the loss of their job means the bank will foreclose their homes.

  2. Serolf Divad

    Interesting bit of trivia: the word Manufacturing is a composite of the Latin words “manus” and “factura,” which is Latin for “made in China.”

  3. Tra

    Well, with $25,000 for a car, and $20,000 for gas, they should be able to drive until they reach Canada or Mexico. Good deal!

  4. Serolf Divad

    [re=235264]Sussemilch[/re]:

    Sure, just as soon as Toyota buys up what’s left of the abandoned, bankrupt, corporate corpse of General Motors.

  5. V572625694

    Won’t do much good if they can’t get a “two-tier” contract to give poorer benefits to new employees. Come on, UAW — time to take one for the team!

  6. Serolf Divad

    [re=235269]Tra[/re]: You’re not factoring in maintenace and repair bills along the way, though. Remember, these are General Motors cars.

  7. BillyClubb

    GM would offer … a $25,000 car voucher for workers

    “So, thanks for taking the early buyout package, now here’s a voucher for one of our road-worthy gas -guzzling battle tanks. Enjoy!”

  8. Serolf Divad

    [re=235275]V572625694[/re]:

    Actually, in about 3 years General Motors is going to be fifteen guys assembling Caterham Sevens in a warehouse in Toledo.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    These auto workers wouldn’t need $45,000 in incentives to leave if only they’d sell their $50 million jets.

  10. tsunami

    sign of the times….
    today, general motors changed their corporate name to corporal motors.

    [ouch. too easy?]

  11. BillyClubb

    [re=235292]magic titty[/re]: Thank God those car-building robot machines don’t read Wonkette, or they’d be pissed! Or do they…

  12. V572625694

    [re=235286]Serolf Divad[/re]: When that happens, I’ll be right down to my GM-Lotus dealer! Will they have different keys for the ignition and the doors, though? Or doors?

  13. iwillsavethispatient

    So, on a serious note, you definitely won’t want to buy a GM car in 3 months – any employee who is good and can get a job outside GM will take the offer, leaving only those who can’t. Although, I suppose that’s only the case if there are actually other jobs available…

  14. Serolf Divad

    [re=235310]V572625694[/re]:

    No doors on a Seven… but they do come with a nice 5 point harness so you won’t fall out.

    Dang I’d love to park a 7 in my garage.

  15. tunamelt

    [re=235316]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Isn’t the whole problem that nobody wants to buy a GM car… like, now?

  16. Lemming Caution

    so, who exactly *does* have a job now, and will continue to have one for a while? I ask because I just got some really fun news about layoffs at another law firm.

  17. V572625694

    [re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: Let’s see…GM would have to have do some separate branding. The Chevy version would be basically stock and called a Corvettini; the Pontiac 7 would have fluting down the sides. The Buick would have portholes in the hood, and the Cadillac 7 would have opera windows in the leatherette vinyl roof.

  18. V572625694

    [re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: And by the way, unless you’re living in that garage, you’re an elitist.

  19. chascates

    [re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: You have a garage? Man, some people have it made. I’m still saving up for a hole in the road.

  20. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: Excellent choice. I’m going to build one from a kit after I

    1) Build my 3-car garage
    2) Finish the restoration on my Chevelle ragtop.
    3) Finish my MGB V-8 project
    4) Aw screw it … never gonna happen…

  21. mylesfromnowhere

    [re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: Park a 7 in your garage; is that new way in D.C. for trolling for teh buttsecks!!!1111!!!??

  22. One Yield Regular

    In the fine print: the $25K voucher is only good towards purchase of a Corvette ZR-1, retailing for $117K.

  23. villageatrois

    $20k and you can drive home whatever you’re working on. This saves you the trouble of carrying parts out in your lunch box every day.

    Still, the severance packages for some occupations are far worse: divorce attorney, mortician, butcher….

  24. Warren Terror

    Wait a tick… if they’re offering free cars to workers might they lower car prices a bit? You know, to somewhat less than a house?

    Or will fair value pricing spell bankruptcy for the global illuminati car pricing cartel?

    I hear that Russian SUVs can be very uncomfortable.

    Oh, yes, in closing, Carthage must be destroyed.

  25. DustBowlBlues

    [re=235275]V572625694[/re]: I think the UAW has take a lot of them for the team. Watching Rod Getelfinger get laid across a senate desk and taking it for the team time and time again, I wanted to smack some fucking congressman across their smarmy faces. The greedy fucking capitalist slime balls took this nation down and now they’re taking spa vacas on our dime.

    Meanwhile, it’s all the unions fault. I’m know I’m overly sensitive, but I’m so fucking tired of union bashing. And gay bashing. Let’s bash where it belongs: Rich repubtards and capitalistslime.

Comments are closed.