DEATH  4:24 pm February 3, 2009

by Jim Newell

  • WE HEAR TACO BELL IS HIRING??: More lovely news from the American automotive industry, formerly a shining light of this rich nation’s manufacturing sector, and now simply a bunch of commies: “NEW YORK – General Motors Corp. will offer buyouts to all of its hourly employees, a spokesman confirmed Tuesday, as the troubled automaker continues to slash costs… A union official told The Associated Press then that GM would offer $20,000 in cash and a $25,000 car voucher for workers who retire early and those who simply leave the company.” Oooh, we’d take that. $25,000 cars! You can just drive around forever in one of those things. [AP]
 
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{ 38 comments }

Sussemilch February 3, 2009 at 4:29 pm

To which the employee replies “can I use the voucher for a Toyota?”

heroinmule February 3, 2009 at 4:30 pm

I’ll take my buyout in gold doubloons, please.

Hooray For Anything February 3, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Actually, the car voucher is a good idea because all those workers will need a place to live when the loss of their job means the bank will foreclose their homes.

Serolf Divad February 3, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Interesting bit of trivia: the word Manufacturing is a composite of the Latin words “manus” and “factura,” which is Latin for “made in China.”

Tra February 3, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Well, with $25,000 for a car, and $20,000 for gas, they should be able to drive until they reach Canada or Mexico. Good deal!

Serolf Divad February 3, 2009 at 4:33 pm

[re=235264]Sussemilch[/re]:

Sure, just as soon as Toyota buys up what’s left of the abandoned, bankrupt, corporate corpse of General Motors.

V572625694 February 3, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Won’t do much good if they can’t get a “two-tier” contract to give poorer benefits to new employees. Come on, UAW — time to take one for the team!

Serolf Divad February 3, 2009 at 4:34 pm

[re=235269]Tra[/re]: You’re not factoring in maintenace and repair bills along the way, though. Remember, these are General Motors cars.

BillyClubb February 3, 2009 at 4:36 pm

GM would offer … a $25,000 car voucher for workers

“So, thanks for taking the early buyout package, now here’s a voucher for one of our road-worthy gas -guzzling battle tanks. Enjoy!”

WagTehGod February 3, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=235267]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Beat me to it. You can’t forclose on a free car.

Serolf Divad February 3, 2009 at 4:38 pm

[re=235275]V572625694[/re]:

Actually, in about 3 years General Motors is going to be fifteen guys assembling Caterham Sevens in a warehouse in Toledo.

SayItWithWookies February 3, 2009 at 4:39 pm

These auto workers wouldn’t need $45,000 in incentives to leave if only they’d sell their $50 million jets.

Monsieur Grumpe February 3, 2009 at 4:39 pm

Smell that? It’s that new car smell. Not to be confused with the smell of despair.

magic titty February 3, 2009 at 4:40 pm

How much are they offering their car-building robot machines?

elburrito February 3, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Could I get $25,000 in scratch-offs instead? It would last longer.

tsunami February 3, 2009 at 4:42 pm

sign of the times….
today, general motors changed their corporate name to corporal motors.

[ouch. too easy?]

BillyClubb February 3, 2009 at 4:45 pm

[re=235292]magic titty[/re]: Thank God those car-building robot machines don’t read Wonkette, or they’d be pissed! Or do they…

rocktonsammy February 3, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Maybe they would accept life time season tickets to the Lions games instead.

V572625694 February 3, 2009 at 4:47 pm

[re=235286]Serolf Divad[/re]: When that happens, I’ll be right down to my GM-Lotus dealer! Will they have different keys for the ignition and the doors, though? Or doors?

iwillsavethispatient February 3, 2009 at 4:53 pm

So, on a serious note, you definitely won’t want to buy a GM car in 3 months – any employee who is good and can get a job outside GM will take the offer, leaving only those who can’t. Although, I suppose that’s only the case if there are actually other jobs available…

Serolf Divad February 3, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=235310]V572625694[/re]:

No doors on a Seven… but they do come with a nice 5 point harness so you won’t fall out.

Dang I’d love to park a 7 in my garage.

tunamelt February 3, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=235316]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Isn’t the whole problem that nobody wants to buy a GM car… like, now?

tunamelt February 3, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Can you sell your voucher on eBay?

Lemming Caution February 3, 2009 at 5:03 pm

so, who exactly *does* have a job now, and will continue to have one for a while? I ask because I just got some really fun news about layoffs at another law firm.

V572625694 February 3, 2009 at 5:04 pm

[re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: Let’s see…GM would have to have do some separate branding. The Chevy version would be basically stock and called a Corvettini; the Pontiac 7 would have fluting down the sides. The Buick would have portholes in the hood, and the Cadillac 7 would have opera windows in the leatherette vinyl roof.

V572625694 February 3, 2009 at 5:04 pm

[re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: And by the way, unless you’re living in that garage, you’re an elitist.

chascates February 3, 2009 at 5:41 pm

[re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: You have a garage? Man, some people have it made. I’m still saving up for a hole in the road.

Lascauxcaveman February 3, 2009 at 5:57 pm

[re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: Excellent choice. I’m going to build one from a kit after I

1) Build my 3-car garage
2) Finish the restoration on my Chevelle ragtop.
3) Finish my MGB V-8 project
4) Aw screw it … never gonna happen…

mylesfromnowhere February 3, 2009 at 6:26 pm

[re=235319]Serolf Divad[/re]: Park a 7 in your garage; is that new way in D.C. for trolling for teh buttsecks!!!1111!!!??

populucious February 3, 2009 at 6:29 pm

[re=235286]Serolf Divad[/re]: Ohio? or Spain?

One Yield Regular February 3, 2009 at 6:47 pm

In the fine print: the $25K voucher is only good towards purchase of a Corvette ZR-1, retailing for $117K.

DangerousLiberal February 3, 2009 at 7:40 pm

[re=235267]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Win. Exactly what my wife said.

villageatrois February 3, 2009 at 8:12 pm

$20k and you can drive home whatever you’re working on. This saves you the trouble of carrying parts out in your lunch box every day.

Still, the severance packages for some occupations are far worse: divorce attorney, mortician, butcher….

Warren Terror February 3, 2009 at 8:42 pm

Wait a tick… if they’re offering free cars to workers might they lower car prices a bit? You know, to somewhat less than a house?

Or will fair value pricing spell bankruptcy for the global illuminati car pricing cartel?

I hear that Russian SUVs can be very uncomfortable.

Oh, yes, in closing, Carthage must be destroyed.

chascates February 3, 2009 at 9:05 pm

Senate votes to give a tax break to new car buyers!

People will be lining up now.

DustBowlBlues February 3, 2009 at 9:54 pm

[re=235275]V572625694[/re]: I think the UAW has take a lot of them for the team. Watching Rod Getelfinger get laid across a senate desk and taking it for the team time and time again, I wanted to smack some fucking congressman across their smarmy faces. The greedy fucking capitalist slime balls took this nation down and now they’re taking spa vacas on our dime.

Meanwhile, it’s all the unions fault. I’m know I’m overly sensitive, but I’m so fucking tired of union bashing. And gay bashing. Let’s bash where it belongs: Rich repubtards and capitalistslime.

villageatrois February 3, 2009 at 10:59 pm

[re=235515]Warren Terror[/re]: “they lower car prices a bit… to somewhat less than a house?”

In Detroit the houses already cost less than the cars. http://www.freep.com/article/20090128/BUSINESS07/901280326

Wise buyers will wait until after 2/14.

slavojzizek February 4, 2009 at 3:40 am

Can the voucher be used for trucknutz? Then it might be worth it.

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