About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    The Lizard People take their REVENGE.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Come on now: Elizabeth ‘knocked up again’ Hasselbeck is not that old.

  • Fivetree

    And momma plans on breast feeding all of them. I am just waiting for Elisabeth Halfawit to produce the equivalent pitcher of lizard milk on “The View”.

  • An American in Toronto

    Insert Larry King joke here.

  • masterdebater

    I just have to read sloower, and more completely. I thought this was another PUMA post, at first glance.

  • thongthongthong

    I keep hearing someone in the back saying, “hennngh.” Who is that man, Smithers?

  • JeffGoldblum


  • freakishlystrong

    [re=232816]thongthongthong[/re]: Damn you thong(thrice)!

  • LittlePig

    Henry was at least 70 years old when he arrived at the museum, “a grumpy old man” who attacked other tuataras—including females—until a cancerous tumor was removed from his genitals in 2002

    I know pecker cancer really puts me off my game.

  • TGY

    Oh, fine. Aged reptiles mating.

    [re=232816]thongthongthong[/re]: Yes. I blame Viagra.

  • hockeymom

    Did Coulter move to New Zealand?

  • freakishlystrong

    Cockatrice; Sarah Palin’s next spawn’s name…

  • jagorev

    Oh, hey, this’ll help you sleep at night:

    But the [tuatara] is actually evolving faster than any other animal studied so far, new DNA analysis reveals.

    From: http://tinyurl.com/32wrq5

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Yay! More masturbation-fantasy material!

  • masterdebater


    Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …geez, wasn’t Trig enough?!

  • Dr Tobias Funke

    Walnuts and Cindy did what?

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=232830]Dr Tobias Funke[/re]: I just looked at this thread–I’m disappointed no one made a Walnuts comment until post 17!

  • BillyClubb

    The centenarian tuatara, named Henry, was thought well past the mating game until he was caught canoodling with a female named Mildred last March

    Strom Thurmond (otherwise known as ‘Sperm Thurmond’) would be so envious!

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    The California octuplets will still rule after the baby lizards feed on their sibliungs.

  • Rush

    I’ll never be able to allow my kids to watch Barney the Dinosaur again (thank jeebsus)

  • ManchuCandidate

    Norm Coleman just sued to have these lizard babies counted in the forever MN Senate election.

  • The Cold Sea

    “..he was caught canoodling..” Isn’t that what happened to Mark Foley?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    A bit early for my daily dose of grumpy lizard porn but what the heck.

  • bago

    These are the ones that turn you to stone, yes?

  • NoWireHangers

    This is still less disturbing than the lady who had octuplets in California earlier this week. By the way, she underwent fertility treatments. She’s in her 30s, lives with her parents, and there’s no word about the father of the babies (not that there’s anything wrong with that but it gets better), also she already has SIX children. WHAT the fuck do you need more babies for when you have SIX already. SIX kids is a lot. Sounds like she has some kind of compulsive Duggar child birthing disease…


  • getoffmylawn

    Ken, so you were the one other person watching that basilisk movie on the SciFi channel last weekend. We are so pathetic.

  • jagorev

    I wonder if Caroline Kennedy is at least going to get child support from Sulzberger.

    [re=232831]Red Zeppelin[/re]: #6 is a Walnuts ref

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=232817]JeffGoldblum[/re]: Black helicopter rides on Saturday until 5 PM! Only 10 ameros per half hour! Bring the kids! 20% discount for all Illuminati!

  • tunamelt

    [re=232840]NoWireHangers[/re]: This is the fault of The Learning Channel. I heard about this and I’m just so annoyed. Imagine the state of her vagina.

  • Red Zeppelin

    [re=232842]jagorev[/re]: You’re right! Too subtle for me, prob b/c I’m hungover.

  • a-petit dejeuner

    [re=232813]An American in Toronto[/re]: [re=232816]thongthongthong[/re]: awesomewinsauce. I really thought Ken was talking about actual people. Me = slow.

  • rev_matt_y

    [re=232827]masterdebater[/re]: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!”

    Ladies and gentlemen, she has a wiener!

    There, fixed it for you.

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=232845]tunamelt[/re]: HA HA HA! The state of her vagina?

    That baby cave probably looks like a catchers mitt at this point.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=232840]NoWireHangers[/re]: …they should remove her uterus and put in a glass case in a museum.

  • jagorev

    [re=232854]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: That baby cave probably looks like a catchers mitt at this point.

    But enough about Sarah Palin.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Sex would be like a BB in box car.

  • PerhapsSo

    How very Harry Potter of you, Ken.

  • PerhapsSo

    Ooh, they had a champagne breakfast to celebrate. I want to move to New Zealand.


  • Crankenstank

    Ken, you omitted the fact his cancer was on his reptile-bits-n-pieces. I’d hate to see the standards of Wonkette diminished by failing to add gratuitous mention of tumors on lizard dicks. For shame.

  • ladymacbeth

    [re=232840]NoWireHangers[/re]: brangelina.

  • IceCreamEmpress


  • WadISay

    I’ll keep this for the next time I am asked, daddy, where do Republicans come from?

  • PerhapsSo

    [re=232840]NoWireHangers[/re]: The CNN article said the father of the babies is a contractor about to go back to Iraq.

    If I had 14 kids under the age of 8, I would move back in with the parents, too. Good God, that’s a lot of work.

  • bitchincamaro

    I understand he’ll now be partaking in the Tour de France this year.

  • Bronkers

    [re=232842]jagorev[/re]: [Arthur Ochs] Sulzberger (and The Times?) Or Ed Schlossberg, the inexplicable performance something guy… This lizard seems to perform more brilliantly than Hamptons Eddie.

  • jagorev

    [re=232924]Bronkers[/re]: Yes, Pinch Sulzberger and Caroline have maybe had sexy time. More from Pareene here:


  • Bronkers

    [re=232927]jagorev[/re]: Thanks for the update… call me clueless heretofore.

    More power to them… or at least her. Though it all has a sort of George Plimpton/Louis Auchincloss tinge to it. In which case the sexytime is suffused with faded madras and one of the university clubs in midtown.

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    Jesus Ken, you must be working overtime to re-up your nerd certification. (And yes, it does take one to know one.)

    Is that dragon looking at porn?

  • qwerty42

    I think we’re looking at the next RNC chair!

  • cal


  • IceCreamEmpress

    I wonder if Caroline Kennedy is at least going to get child support from Sulzberger.

    From Schlossberg, you mean? I don’t think he ever earns any money to speak of. She will probably have to pay him alimony.

  • Mr Blifil

    I think the plural is Cockatrixes. But you got the “cock” part right.

  • Min

    Geez. At 111, I’d be hostile to potential mates, too.

  • Incredulicious

    Sadly, the offspring has a measly 12 hit points. But this is made up for by a -2 armor class and +1 dexterity.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=232905]PerhapsSo[/re]: I wonder if CNN has the story straight because my local NBC station and CBS said that the grandfather was the one going back to Iraq. Unless, ALL men involved are going to Iraq, which doesn’t really help any of this. It makes my head spin.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Wait–you talking about a monster lizard, or that woman who dropped a litter of 8 this week? WTF–I had to work it in, since I just heard on MSNBC that psycho already had 6 and the family’s filed for bankruptcy, or something. This some as a real surprise because, you know, I was convinced someone who intentionally had 8 barely-visible-with-the-naked-eye babies was a picture of sanity and reason. I’m shocked to know they’re actually freaks.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=232905]PerhapsSo[/re]: “If I had 14 kids under the age of 8, I would move back in with the parents, too. Good God, that’s a lot of work.”

    And if I were her mother, I’d move without leaving a forwarding address.

  • thongthongthong

    [re=233172]DustBowlBlues[/re]: If she has 14 tits, it won’t be so bad. I wouldn’t be so judgmental; that’s not species transcendence.