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ANCIENT SEX LIZARD MAKES BABIES: A gruesome, century-old cancer-ridden basilisk in New Zealand somehow impregnated another monster, and 11 baby Cockatrice hatched on Monday. Change is here! [National Geographic]

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59 COMMENTS

  1. And momma plans on breast feeding all of them. I am just waiting for Elisabeth Halfawit to produce the equivalent pitcher of lizard milk on “The View”.

  2. THIS IS THE DAY THE CURTAIN FALLS!!! THE REPTILIANS HAVE SPAWNED IN THEIR ORIGINAL SHAPE!! TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY OUT OF THE BANKS AND CONVERT IT TO GOLD — TRADE GOLD FOR GUNS — HEAD FOR THE WILDERNESS!! THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT IS MAKING ITSELF KNOWN.. SHEEPLE!

  3. Henry was at least 70 years old when he arrived at the museum, “a grumpy old man” who attacked other tuataras—including females—until a cancerous tumor was removed from his genitals in 2002

    I know pecker cancer really puts me off my game.

  4. The centenarian tuatara, named Henry, was thought well past the mating game until he was caught canoodling with a female named Mildred last March

    Strom Thurmond (otherwise known as ‘Sperm Thurmond’) would be so envious!

  5. This is still less disturbing than the lady who had octuplets in California earlier this week. By the way, she underwent fertility treatments. She’s in her 30s, lives with her parents, and there’s no word about the father of the babies (not that there’s anything wrong with that but it gets better), also she already has SIX children. WHAT the fuck do you need more babies for when you have SIX already. SIX kids is a lot. Sounds like she has some kind of compulsive Duggar child birthing disease…

    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/30/earlyshow/health/main4764432.shtml

  6. [re=232817]JeffGoldblum[/re]: Black helicopter rides on Saturday until 5 PM! Only 10 ameros per half hour! Bring the kids! 20% discount for all Illuminati!

  7. [re=232840]NoWireHangers[/re]: This is the fault of The Learning Channel. I heard about this and I’m just so annoyed. Imagine the state of her vagina.

  8. [re=232813]An American in Toronto[/re]: [re=232816]thongthongthong[/re]: awesomewinsauce. I really thought Ken was talking about actual people. Me = slow.

  9. [re=232827]masterdebater[/re]: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!”

    Ladies and gentlemen, she has a wiener!

    There, fixed it for you.

  10. Ken, you omitted the fact his cancer was on his reptile-bits-n-pieces. I’d hate to see the standards of Wonkette diminished by failing to add gratuitous mention of tumors on lizard dicks. For shame.

  11. [re=232840]NoWireHangers[/re]: The CNN article said the father of the babies is a contractor about to go back to Iraq.

    If I had 14 kids under the age of 8, I would move back in with the parents, too. Good God, that’s a lot of work.

  12. [re=232842]jagorev[/re]: [Arthur Ochs] Sulzberger (and The Times?) Or Ed Schlossberg, the inexplicable performance something guy… This lizard seems to perform more brilliantly than Hamptons Eddie.

  13. [re=232927]jagorev[/re]: Thanks for the update… call me clueless heretofore.

    More power to them… or at least her. Though it all has a sort of George Plimpton/Louis Auchincloss tinge to it. In which case the sexytime is suffused with faded madras and one of the university clubs in midtown.

  14. Jesus Ken, you must be working overtime to re-up your nerd certification. (And yes, it does take one to know one.)

    Is that dragon looking at porn?

  15. I wonder if Caroline Kennedy is at least going to get child support from Sulzberger.

    From Schlossberg, you mean? I don’t think he ever earns any money to speak of. She will probably have to pay him alimony.

  16. [re=232905]PerhapsSo[/re]: I wonder if CNN has the story straight because my local NBC station and CBS said that the grandfather was the one going back to Iraq. Unless, ALL men involved are going to Iraq, which doesn’t really help any of this. It makes my head spin.

  17. Wait–you talking about a monster lizard, or that woman who dropped a litter of 8 this week? WTF–I had to work it in, since I just heard on MSNBC that psycho already had 6 and the family’s filed for bankruptcy, or something. This some as a real surprise because, you know, I was convinced someone who intentionally had 8 barely-visible-with-the-naked-eye babies was a picture of sanity and reason. I’m shocked to know they’re actually freaks.

  18. [re=232905]PerhapsSo[/re]: “If I had 14 kids under the age of 8, I would move back in with the parents, too. Good God, that’s a lot of work.”

    And if I were her mother, I’d move without leaving a forwarding address.

  19. [re=233172]DustBowlBlues[/re]: If she has 14 tits, it won’t be so bad. I wouldn’t be so judgmental; that’s not species transcendence.

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