Wonkette
Like so many young Washington residents in this brutal economy, Wonkette operative “Nicorette St. Monstre” (if that is her real name) has some unemployed bums for roommates. One such jobless loser worked in the Bush Administration until whatever happened last week, and now our Operative finds her dwelling filled with these wretched, hopeless welfare cases who fear the very idea of real work.
Good Morning Wonketteers!
A potential tip: My roommate was a political appointee during W’s administration. Now, of course, she no longer has her job. She “landed” a job at a clothing store in downtown DC, where she works 20 hours per week. When I got home from work yesterday, she was sitting with a group of her former-appointee friends. They had all just filed for unemployment, and were sitting around joking about it.
I told her she couldn’t do that, since she has a job ($11 an hour will probably not support her purse habit, but it will help her pay the rent) and she has the option of working full time there. She said that she doesn’t want to work full time at the clothing store (ewwwww!), so she wants to get unemployment to supplement the money she receives at age 24 from her parents each month.
None of her fellow Bushies are actively looking for work. Some are studying for the GMAT or LSAT, and using unemployment money to “have a little extra” in their pockets. They told me that the libruls can pay them to do nothing “since we love social programs so much.” This is sickening!
I wanted to give you guys a heads up, since this problem may extend beyond the group in my living room. Perhaps former appointees across the country are committing fraud! There are hundreds of thousands of unemployed Americans who actually need federal programs, especially while the economy is in tatters.
I love your site, and when the federal agency I work for finally blocks it I will be so pissed. Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.
Best,
Nicorette St. Monstre
Know a jobless former Bush staffer committing WELFARE FRAUD? Send your evidence to TIPS@WONKETTE.COM and we shall have these anti-American scofflaws delivered to Justice.
“Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.”
CYLON!?
They told me that the libruls can pay them to do nothing “since we love social programs so much.”
It’s not satire if you’re actually doing it.
They’re sitting around trying figure out how to become welfare queens, which they were always told existed in the liberal ghettos. They’re working up enough courage to drive through “that” part of town right now, in search of the mythical she-beasts.
So, yeah, don’t expect your living room to be livable for quite a while, Ms. Smoking-Cessation-Aide.
…welfare queens?
MattW: White ‘fro aficionado?
What, no address so we bleeding heart liberals can show how much we also like to whip the greedy with their own bootstraps?
“Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____”, do they both have flaming red nether regions??
MattW: ginger/redhead/firecrotch/blazing saddle? Call me! (Not you, Jim)
Thanks, I had forgotten - tomorrow is St. Monstre’s Day! I have to remember to smear pig’s blood on all the doors and set a bale of hay on fire before I go to bed tonight.
MattW: I’m going with “rusty trombone enthusiast.”
Will somebody please post this on Free Republic? I have an account, but I’ve trolled too much and they are on to me. I love to throw a bunny in a pit of hungry alligators and watch ‘em go!
MattW: Hooray for Mad Libs–both the game and angry liberals! My vote is for “cryptozoologist”…
freakishlystrong: My people’s is teh hottnez. C’mon, admit it.
Nice to see actual former Bush appointees living by their credo — i.e. hypocrisy.
Oooo, I hope she posts and fills in the blank! Damn it Ken, don’t leave is in starbursty suspense!
…tell me about it!… Im an ex-”national security operative”; M.A. International Studies from a fancy DC school with a great basketball team; military special forces training that allowed me to wear a cute Green hat. And I saw things, (like rutger hower in ‘Blade Runner’) and did things in the real-world (i.e. ‘bum-fuck-istan’?) that allowed all you shallow-whiny-self centered-out of touch-upper middle/elite urban pricks who dig blogs like this (no offense) to live & cotinue your useless lives.
And Now I Cant Find a Job!!! (uggh… time to send a C.V. to Blackwater..) So I get it
“Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.”
Klingon?
AngryBlakGuy:
Exactly! I thought white people were hard working and white (especially Repukes and racizt bitterz clinging to guns and hobo beans.)
Why do you shatter these myths that I cling to? Next you’ll be telling me that Santa isn’t real and that Enzyte doesn’t work. Well, I don’t want to hear it anymore! LALALALALALALALALA!
What could be so horrible about Newell and the tipster that Wonkette must censor it? The only I can think of is VIRGIN.
loudmouthredhead:
Firecrotch is hot as long as it’s the hair and not because of disease.
Anybody else here grow up in the South? Pretty much every welfare/disability white person I ever knew growing up there was yer basic stereotypical fire breathing conservative idiot. These were the people that got pissed off that Medicare wouldn’t pay for cab rides to the clinic to get a hangover remedies. These were the people that complained loudly that Hillary was giving everything away to the darkies. Loved Pat Robertson but slept through church every Sunday. These unemployed Bush appointees are about a half step away from these folks.
ManchuCandidate: “Now, Manchu, there comes a time in every poster’s life when they must learn some unfortunate truths. I’m sorry to tell you this, but there is no Ken Layne. I’m sorry, I know you love to pretend, but…
Wow, Nicorette… you discovered that people live in hypocrisy. Quick, someone. Get National Geographic on the fucking phone. We’ll turn your den into an socio-archaeological dig by this afternoon, out of this awesome discovery.
Oh, and the word to depict NSM and Herr Newell: SNATCHBITER
Repuig motto: It’s all about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
ManchuCandidate: The tingle tells you it’s magical.
kinky-neo-con:
Dude, that time you spent with a snappy green beret on your head means that you jump to the front of the line for a Federal job. USAjobs.gov
“Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.”
Transcendentalist?
Truck Nut?
Jew?
So while in DC I found out that my friend’s friend was Cheney’s personal assistant. She said her friend calls him “a really nice guy.” For serious.
She thought her gig was done on the 23rd but nooooo… Lord Cheney required her to fly back to Wyoming to get him settled into his old digs.
I expect my friends to know better than to consort with the evil doers so this was a little distressing.
Nico, I feel your pain. You will be happy to know that your local office of Job and Family Services (formerly known as The Welfare Department) will be onto to your roommate’s shenanigans like ugly on a chimp *if* her application is successful. They will basically hound her for any moniez she was able to get from them, and take her tax refunds until it and any interest and fines are paid in full.
They haz powerful computers that will track if your girl has filled out an I-9 and had payroll taxes deducted from a recent job. They are like the IRS in that respect.
When she comes home crying that she can’t get teh welfare, kick her in the pussy for all of us. Please tape yourself doing so, and post it here.
Oh, and turn in her deadbeat friends, too. I think we may be able to take up a bail collection for you if it comes to that.
“Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.”
Furry?
kinky-neo-con: And don’t you feel appreciated by the people who sent you to bum-fuckistan? We don’t whine here, we point out hypocrisy by those who claim to be above that.
the cold war makes me hot: I say we give this girl (?) a blingee if she posts a picture of her living room/refugee camp, so we can see how the “other half” toughs out a recession.
Social programs are only called “welfare” if you’re black, obvs. Every white person knows that.
Kev-O-Tron: How could you know someone for that long and not know? Was this a new acquaintance from DC?
Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.
Secret PUMA.
the cold war makes me hot: WITH 80 gazillion whore diamonds if her hobo-, er friends discover real welfare queens.
“Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.”
http://www.celebritygenius.com/Our-Lady-Peace/biography.html
Canadian??
Jim I’m impressed. Everyone loves the drummer.
“Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.”
Rhodes Scholar
Tranny
Vice Presidential Candidate
Water Boarder
Chalupa
Scientologist
Men’s Room Attendant
Hale Bopper
Plumber’s Assistant
Gainfully Employed Individual
I don’t get it. She’s a Bush supporter, and she isn’t governor of Alaska so, how come she isn’t a stay at home mom?
AnnieGetYourFun: Friend of a friend. The whole thing freaks me out though. Additionally, I met somebody in Richmond who reads Wonkette without commenting but knew me from my username and avatar. Touching.
Jess, if you’re out there… start commenting you sexy beast, you.
GINGER
IT’S GINGER
She works for a federal agency? Great. Now we’ll all be busted. Nice move.
Jim Newell, FIRE CROTCH.
I’m just surprised someone was able to get a job in a department store with the words “Bush Administration Political Appointee” on their resume. I’d be afraid someone like that might burn down my store or allow it to get looted.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
MattW: Cylon! Oh, truly, high five for that.
the cold war makes me hot: Looks like bringing the Bush administration to justice will have to develop precisely as Lord Obama foretold it: from the ground up. First we come for the asshat assistants, then the motherfuckin’ middle magagement, then the cocksucker Cabinet, then Bush the Bunghole, then Cheney the Dick. Amen.
Nothing unusual here. Wealthy retired corporate execs have been known to laugh about using their social security checks for green’s fees.
teen pop idol?
Is that the tool from a previous post who had to take a job working at Abercrombie and Fitch? Because that just does nothing to abate my loathing for people who work at Abercrombie and Fitch.
Tommy Says Soooo: Jewfro?
i was hoping some of these people would actually go back where they came from, but i guess they’ll just hang around collecting welfare.
loudmouthredhead: Jim can call me!
Also, her roommate is a legit shitty human being.
So much for that jesus diploma from Regents Univ.
The best way to get rid of wannabe Welfare Queens is to move in some real Welfare Queens. The professionals will beat the snot out of the wannabes.
So is she saying she and Ken look kind of like this, the only known photo of a Nicorette Monster in existence?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/worldofoddy/444097138/
Wait until they perjure themselves on the unemployment forms… and then lets turn them in.
I think the blank might actually be a dramatic pause. “Also, Jim Newell, as a fellow…”
I’m taking my pitchfork into the street.
Since it’s excised, I am guessing the tipster’s reference was to Newell sharing an alma mater with her.
GOP Welfare Queens = redundancy.
If irony is dead, this must be Zombie Irony … & with Bush cronies involved, given their ratio of brains it’s going to be very malnourished.
“…as a fellow _____ I can say with complete certainty that we are the sexiest people on the planet.”
Zoroastrian?
Raelian?
Ankle-biter?
Trekkie?
Good luck to them finding a job. The end of the Bush administration has spilled the largest collection of incompetant, unemployable pud-knockers onto the streets since the last Yugo plant closed in Belgrade.
We are all fellow ___________________ now….
loudmouthredhead: Consider it a deal!
Cape Clod: My foodbank is always looking for fucktards to pack boxes.
I truly, truly hope their parents invested with Bernie Madoff and that they one day truly experience poverty and/or must live on the street.
Of course, I also wish unicorns would bring me candy.
Still not quite sure which is more likely to actually happen.
oh, that explains why some employees at the gap and abercrombie are walking with swaggers and ignoring my ethnic friends. sheesh.
http://www.charlietueats.com
Is is so wrong to find the idea of former members of the Bush administration being prosecuted for welfare fraud to be hilarious? Can it be so rich with irony it has to be an occasion of sin?
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
sorry Nicorette has to put up with the bums tho. maybe she could suggest they move out to the hobo jungle.
Oh yeah, Steve Clemmons has this illustration.
Ken the Mojave isn’t looking too good.
Cape Clod: Hey, the last Yugo plant didn’t just close, we bombed the crap out of it in 1999! Maybe all these unemployed GOP staffers can apply their great skills and expertise from “rebuilding” Iraq and go to Serbia, Somalia, South Ossetia, and all the other wonderful conflict zones. They’ll either add to the local economy through rebuilding or the ransoms their parents have to pay when they’re kidnapped…
Assholes. I hope they fail the LSAT.
Sounds like all the ditzy purse-heads in Manhattan. Cept they don’t work AT ALL.
Name and shame
CHUPACABRA THEY’RE BOTH CHUPACABRAS. RUN FOR THE HILLS PEOPLE. SRLSY!!1!!
Kev-O-Tron: I was able to guess that one commenter here was a co-quizzing friend. Also, I spent election night hanging out with you (good times!). Bi-fecta!
I had a white lady come to me for assistance today, and tell me of the Plight Of Teh White Lady, which is that you look nice, and “Shaneequa Down At The County” doesn’t believe any white lady that looks that nice is that poor. (We give heating assistance, she was talking about the heartless bastards down at The County.)
I breathed like they taught me to in anger management class and processed her application, and told her that Shaneequa just acts that way because of how her mama and her mama’s mama were refused welfare back in the day for “looking too clean”. I told her it sucked when people were denied the benefits they were entitled to as tax paying, working citizens.
I said Shaneequa probably understands how it feels to be on the squirming end of shit and it’s not fair, but this is what we gotta do sometimes when we have to eat.
Everybody’s falling a little further down the ladder; I’m having to give a lot of whiteys the Pep Talk these days.
“None of her fellow Bushies are actively looking for work. Some are studying for the GMAT or LSAT, and using unemployment money to “have a little extra” in their pockets. They told me that the libruls can pay them to do nothing “since we love social programs so much.””
Conservatives have finally discovered irony and are the Cadillac queens Reagan prophesized.
helpful hint, Bushies: I hear the Army is still hiring…
Commit de Casanova Frankenstein:
Please contact
Verna Clayborne
[verna.clayborne@dc.gov]
Chief, Department of Human Services
Office of Investigations and Compliance
216 Georgia Avenue, NW, Room 113
Washington, DC 20009
or
Alternate: Muriel Gregory
[Muriel.gregory@dc.gov]
Telephone:
202.673.6964
Fax: 202.673.6793
about your associates’ blatant gaming of the broken system…thank you for your cooperation in this matter!
I am _______!
Gorillionaire: I also grew up in the South and noticed the same thing. I just moved to the Pacific Northwest and I’m afraid things are no different outside the Confederacy. I’m working at a grocery store because I had the bright idea to graduate from college into a shiny new Depression and I am sadly one of the only pinko leftist voices in the breakroom debates. The rest of the $8.50/hour drones are all: “I don’t want my paycheck supporting no dead-beats. Global warming, the economy, everything else in the world is Obama/Clinton/Al Gore/the Liberal’s fault (insert nauseatingly convoluted and nonsensical reason here)”
It takes every ouunce of self-control not to scream “That’s YOU, motherfucker! You’re all on foodstamps because the Invisible Hand of the Great Free Market has “decided” that a fair wage to pay grocery clerks isn’t enough to buy food at your own goddamn store! Without the public tit in your mouth you’d be living in cardboard boxes and fighting with rats for food! You ARE the deadbeats Limbaugh and the others have such a boner to root out!” So I’m familiar with this young ______’s woes, although not the Neo-Con Hoovertown in her livingroom, and my heartfelt sympathy goes out to her in this most trying time.
Does anyone else think that a Wonkette commentor and a Bush staffer sharing an apartment sounds like the set-up to a hilariously banal sitcom? I smell syndication! Are they both _______? Sounds sexy. Also.
Gingers REPRESENT!!!!!
assistant/atlas: I think unicorns are technically made of candy. If one ever lets you get close enough, just eat it.