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SO LONG, RELIABLE MONDAY POST TOPIC!: Sunday night news dud! Discreetly tucked away in italics at the bottom of this latest crap about Ronald Reagan and whatever: “This is William Kristol’s last column.” Jesus, New York Times, don’t get so excitable like that! FURTHER ANALYSIS IN THE MORROW… [NYT]
2:00 AM
on Mon January 26 2009
By
Jim Newell
3896 Views
Wonkette
You can’t just DROP THIS ON US after we have LOVED AND REVERED HIM since he probably desperately tried to write for Days of our Lives at a time when Reagan was our overlord and Greenspan wasn’t on life support. I SAY TO YOU SIR. Unfair.
hussein bin obama did it. i love this new america
barack hussein bin lyin did it. i love this new america
earthadellic: Don’t worry. Matt Damon is taking the column from him. From here on it will be whatever Matt Damon believes on whatever particular day it is. Matt Damon is your new Bill Kristol.
earthadellic: I’m sorry. That last post was inaccurate. Trig is replacing Kristol.
/fixed
So I’m uploading a video to YouPorn and I get this text message from Adam, “Hey Dude, Wonkette’s got your flashing light again, and some fresh shit about Bill Kristol quittin the NYT” “Shit” I say and open up my floor safe, and someone has taken my goddamned flashing light and left like a receipt from the Pita Pit for some hummus and lentil wrap. Shit you guys are cold, scoop me about someone I am tight with, BillyK, and then you TAKE MY FUCKING FLASHING LIGHT! DON’T TOUCH THE FLASHING LIGHT!!!! IT ANGERS ME WHEN YOU TOUCH MY FLASHING LIGHT!!!!
-Drudge
Dramatic Chipmunk!
shortsshortsshorts: If the NYT has any value anymore as a reported journalistic clearinghouse of almighty truth, it will hire Trig, the only conservative worth his salt.
Today we are all Joker-faced Palin-worshipping Israeli war crime-jacking-off-to neocons.
Jim Newell: True grit, that Trig. This world deserves a true leader. Like Trig. *fart*
Give yourself a hearty “mission accomplished,” Kristol (oh right — you already have). Now that you’re no longer needed as cover, the NYT has dropped you like 9am linear algebra.
He’s probably just going to devote all of his time to the Washington Times where he can harass Liz.
Watch Kristol blame it on the Mexican billionaire (no, really) Carlos Slim and his investment of hundreds of millions that are now keeping the Times afloat. A Mexican just took Kristol’s job, people. That’s the takeaway here.
Jim Newell: Trig AND Trip(p?). Could call them The Wonder Twins.
Oh fuck this. Butt fucking and all that.
His next job is selling face cream on infomercials.
Reading the golden words in the NYT from his lordship, I am again reminded that conservatives have no fucking sense of irony.
OH FRABJOUS DAY
CALLOO! CALLAY!
SHE CHORTLED IN HER JOY
Our long national nightmare is over. We won’t have Bill Kristol to kick around any longer. It’s morning in America. I feel like a bull moose. Tippecanoe and Tyler, too!
Let us give thanks that we still have the exquisite ramblings of Peggington. There but for…?
Um, Jim, why is this posted at 2am? Does Ken make you guys work ALL NIGHT LONG?! You should probably think about starting a union.
I hope this kind of talk doesn’t get you all a-fired, what with your new staffer and what have you and what not.
You know Billy Boy is gonna spin this as a mutually amicable decision, or worse. Like “the NYT didn’t allow me the intellectual room to spread my wings and really engage the American people” or some shit. Once again the whole nation (well, NYT readers, so like 412 people) will be laughing at BK while he goes about his unexamined life irony-free.
Is this…what is…a tear? A salty jewel from joy’s diadem to wet my cheek! Upon this day the firmament was cleft and drew back to Hades’ hated underworld his most sulfurous son, Bill. Kristol, formerly of the New York Times. Rejoice! Rejoice!
I haven’t been this giddy since Dorothy threw that bucket of water. I just wish I could have heard Kristol Meth’s screams as he got the axe.
From Kristol: Conservatives have been right more often than not.
Does that include his perfect zero for everything record bringing down the average?
I guess the title of ‘raging apologist for the worst President in American history’ doesn’t really have much cache now that what’s-his-name has retired to his shoe-filled, gated community.
Let us now solemnly, officially, declare today as “Freedom from Neocon F**tards Day.”
I’ve got a barrel of fish and a shotgun if you find yourselves missing him.
Now if only he were crushed beneath the foot of an Imperial AT-AT Walker piloted by Rahm (the Space Night) Emanuel - that would complete my fantasy. Tho, I guess, if that were to happen, it would make the whole layoff thing moot.
This is great news… for John McCain.
Pop Socket: Nice analogy there between the Green Faced witch and Red Faced devil.
All in one week: Bush leaves in a helicopter, Ted Haggard gets another male sex scandal and Kristol gets axed from the Times. Good News also comes in three’s!
The copy editors just couldn’t take it anymore.
I wonder how he got the news; did he receive a nice, obsequious letter from the publisher, or did some editor send him an e-mail saying “lol, elections have consequences..GTFO”?
4tehlulz: More like the NYT told BK the universal forces of the cosmos, karma, several deities, a number of MIT physics professors, and a growing number of pedophile priests continued to complain they could not continue to hold reality together any longer if they continued to run his drivel. Also.
King of FAIL right until the very end; if he’d done this two weeks ago he could have gotten a Medal of Freedom from Chimpy. Alas…
The only factually accurate statement in a year plus of columns:
“This is William Kristol’s last column.”
Heh. No lurv for Billy Kristol in the comments either. Why New Yorkers no luv the Kristol?
SayItWithWookies: the NYT has dropped you like 8am Spring Semester art history.
There. Fixed.
Thank you, Wonkette! I couldn’t get past his picture or the first sentence, about good things coming to an end. Little did I know he was portending. But then, I couldn’t think of anything good about the other stuff that was ending, and I was afraid he was going to mention that dumb guy who was always in the news a while ago. Really dopey jerk who ate babies and kittens - must have been a lack-of-reality show.
This was Dr. Kristol’s decision, so he can spend more time on his great passion — going on sea cruises with rich, yet none-too-bright, “conservatives”. His column will be taken over by the cheerful bartender from the Love Boat.
Pop Socket:
Yeah, Krisco has been wrong about pretty much everything. I hate to say it, but there’s a good chance he’s wrong about this being his last column.
Monsieur Grumpe: Maybe he’s going to start making rows instead of columns.
This just isn’t right. How could the NYT remove so prescient a prognosticator? I mean, this is the same Billy The K. who could peer into his Kristol Ball and foretell events such as this one, taken from his December 17, 2006 appearance on Fox News Sunday:
I think she’s taking some risks in staying on the center, not going to left, which is intelligent. She can still beat the left-wing democratic candidates, I think. And then she’s pretty well-positioned for the general election. So this is all good for Hillary Clinton. Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.
I now shed a single teeny tiny tear for Bill Kristol, the man who proved conclusively that “right” and “correct” are rarely the same thing.
Darehead: bah-dum-tsssh!
can we also talk about that lovely mo-dowd column plz?
I love Blago.
I love his beady little eyes. I love his Serbian shock of hair. I love his flaring nostrils.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/opinion/25dowd.html?_r=1&em
queeraselvis v 2.0: Having actually dropped 8 AM spring art history, I can tell you that that is better than he deserves.
I want something like some Iraq War vets pissing on Bill’s face, then sticking the termination letter on BK with a staple gun.
Bill Kristol: Massive Fail
What a turd.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.
Pity Barry didn’t know this when he had dinner with all the rightie columnists at George Will’s place. He might have avoided some of the necessary purging afterwords.
Wow. I’m going to miss Kristol’s posts.
For about a nanosecond. If that long.
I haz a sad
Wait, no I don’t! It’s actually my birthday today and this news fills me with glee, happiness and joy! Thank you NYTimes for such a lovely gift.
Bye bye, Bill…you ink-stained hack.
So, he’s going to be replaced by Bono, no-no?
memzilla: Doug Feith was on one of the Sunday yack-fests. So Neocon evil still lives.
So what will he do now? Raise potatoes and onions to live on in the up-coming Depression? Urge people to get more education on late night TV? Peddle gold coins and colloidal silver water on short-wave radio? Enquiring minds want to know!
Zhu Bajie
The Unfairman: I don’t know why it was posted at 2am, especially since I emailed the fucking tip in at 1:30 this morning, because I know that our Wonketteers are kept to a strict sweatshop posting schedule that would make former owner Denton, and a Chinese factory, owner blush.
Fuck, the NYT shit canned this asshole, makes me want to proclaim this a snark free day, but then I hear that Chicago Wünderkid’s impeachment trial starts at about the same time he’s going to be having tea and crumpets with the ladies of the View this morning and that’s too much of opportunity to let pass.
Canuckledragger: “Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.”
Best Kristol quote ever!
Stop, Oh! BK moves to WaPo!
should we take up a collection and get him something nice? i’ll bet he would love a monogrammed douchebag!
i haven’t read the column yet. maybe i never will. but let me just offer up my congratulations along with a sincere wish that the door doesn’t hit his ass on the way out.
I’ll bet he goes on FoxNews and complains about the liberal tyrants at NYT. Pretty soon all the conservatards will be entirely contained within FoxNews internment camp.
Was the editor guessing about it being Kristol’s last column? Hoping, maybe?
So there IS NO limit on the size of a turd that can be flushed at the NYT? THE MORE YOU KNOW!
Pretty soon all the conservatards will be entirely contained within FoxNews internment camp.
To quote a good Bill, “’tis a consummation most devoutly to be wished.”
All the things and people I hate are being taken away from me! How will I be able to vent my spleen with the likes of Dick Chainy and Bill Kristoil out of my field of view? Shrub?? Rummy?? *WAIL*
Eh, apart from all the loving attention slathered upon him by the Wonkette editors over the last year or so, I always judged Kristol to be just another simpleminded conservative columnist, dumb and wrong with no special qualities. He was kinda boring.
He never had the magic craziness of the Noonster, the infuriating smugness of a Will, or the savage bile of a Limbaugh. So, ‘meh’.
I hear he’s being replaced by W.
They’re selling the rest of the column space for advertising.
The end of the Bush term, no NYT Kristol. The Divine Miss P seems to have disappeared from the teevee. What kind of sanity will break out next?
Comedians and smarty-pants internets overlords are going to have to start making up their own jokes, rather than just cut and pasting the days news. I would say this separates the truly clever from the wannabees.
Rest easy, Fellow Kristolerians. Our dopey boy Bill can still regularly forecast his incredibly wrong predictions on Fox News.
So, less than two weeks ago, Kristol meets with Obama, and now he is gone.
Sounds like the NYT hates Obama.
Still, a part of me would like to think that Kristol resigned so he could move to Alaska and woo Sarah Palin to be his love.
El Pinche: “Britt, can you believe it, those liberals at the Times expected me to have facts that backed my positions. God, it is nice to be back on FOX News.”
Darehead: Of course! The liberals have to keep him around, he’s the best advocate they have.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: exactamundo
Remind us again: Who is this “William Kristol” guy and why should anyone care?
thefrontpage: He’s this grinning Opey looking man-boy who organizes groups who start choice-based wars. And he used to write a column or something.
At the next institution he writes for, he will be greeted as a liberator.
I’ll predict that right now.
Mighty Rex: W’s first column will probably be titled something like, “Fooled Ya Twice…Heh Heh.”