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CHRISTGAU REVIEWS BLOG POSTS NOW?

Peggy's WorldNOTED: “Jim Newell’s deconstruction of WSJ Reaganite-apostate Peggy Noonan’s inauguration column is even more unkind — perhaps even unfair. I really don’t see why he chose those three sentences to bf and annotate, for instance. Nevertheless, what a deft little Hatchett Job.” [Robert Christgau]


1:09 PM on Sun January 25 2009
By Ken Layne
3146 Views

  1. gurukalehuru says at 1:15 pm, January 25th, 2009

    See, that’s what people misunderstand about Wonkette. It’s just one, big swinging hatchet.

  2. ManchuCandidate says at 1:18 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Hey, Robby, Jim didn’t write the crazee. Peggingtons did.

  3. facehead says at 1:24 pm, January 25th, 2009

    It is unfair: in order to fully grasp these attacks on Nooningtonwelshcakes, you have to read her column (wtf?). I strenuously object, yes, I just pulled a muscle objecting, are you happy?

  4. Colander says at 1:25 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Is Robert Christgau my enemy now? Cuz I have no problem with that.

  5. SayItWithWookies says at 1:27 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Dear Mr. Christgau: Please try to imagine Peggy Noonan leaning towards a stranger and her kid (how does she know he’s learning-disabled?) and saying to the boy, “Where you from?” See? That’s why.

  6. honkeyman says at 1:27 pm, January 25th, 2009

    “three sentences to bf and annotate”

    bf = buttfuck? blackface? brainfart?

  7. Colander says at 1:30 pm, January 25th, 2009

    honkeyman: It’s a buttfucking smear piece (ewww). He’s trying to undermine our value systems.

  8. Robert, Robert, Wonkette hatchets (Hatchetts?) because it loves. Just like Lizzie Borden.

  9. JimNewell says at 1:33 pm, January 25th, 2009

    C+

  10. Wow. I reading Newell’s post. Jim: It’s a work of art. I’m in tears. I think I need a moment…

  11. Ken Layne says at 1:37 pm, January 25th, 2009

    **

  12. Bramlet Abercrombie says at 1:41 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert
    Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert
    Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert
    Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert
    Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert Robert

  13. SwanSwanH says at 1:43 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Actually X-Gau wrote:

    “No tunesmith, but a jangly melodist. Tartly and waggishly slicing through the Noonington’s sappy lyricism, Newell’s tighter than on his rigorously conceived official oeuvre. Whither the stax-y horns? Otherwise, nice keybs. Chad lives! B+”

  14. donner_froh says at 1:47 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I, for one, welcome our new post-postmodern overlord.

  15. donner_froh says at 1:48 pm, January 25th, 2009

    honkeyman:

    bifurcate?

    buff?

    boyfriend?

  16. facehead says at 1:49 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Which one of us is Christgau? Shortshortshorts? Malaka? This is so mind boggling, I probably need to stop boggling altogether.

  17. Would it be fair to note at this point that Ken still wins?

    Granted, the material for that day was… exceptional. But still.

  18. chascates says at 2:06 pm, January 25th, 2009

    You can bf and annotate almost any sentence of Dame Peggy’s and still get a slice of the class system that defines most analysis and punditiocy that rules the MSM.

    What we want is a country where a ‘boy, 10 or so, learning-impaired’ [?], instead replies to Herself “where are YOU from”?

  19. twingonaut says at 2:07 pm, January 25th, 2009

    In honor of Spartacus: I am Christgau!

  20. Cape Clod says at 2:24 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Can I have a hatchet job? It would so nice to have constructive employment.

  21. mdotsota says at 2:27 pm, January 25th, 2009

    honkeyman: Bukkakeface

  22. Unfair? Robert, was your noble defense rewarded with the honor of folding her granny panties in her gated community home?

  23. MedianHater says at 2:36 pm, January 25th, 2009

    C’mon guys, he’s got a point. Wonkette *can* sometimes be more unkind…perhaps even unfair.

  24. honkeyman: Befuddle? Befoul? Beefaroni?

    Msr. Christgau, this type of linguistic coyness is unbecoming to you, sir. Please declare your intentions forthwith!

  25. Vanity Smurf says at 2:39 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Her Ladyship wields her own axe — much like a boy, 10 or so, learning disabled, might give himself an overexcited thumpin’ with a nerf bat.

  26. Special Agent Jack Mehoff says at 2:44 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I don’t even know who this guy is. But I do know that if I was a writer posting something online in the year like say 2009, I’d be deft enough not to link to the story I’m writing about using the “MORE” url. Facepalm.

  27. Vanity Smurf says at 2:45 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Peggy Noonan is the lovechild of William F. Buckley Jr. and Barbara Cartland.

    BF = bold face?

  28. satyricrash says at 2:53 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I’ve been BF by professionals.

  29. rocktonsammy says at 2:56 pm, January 25th, 2009

    BF= Bush Free?

  30. El Pinche says at 2:57 pm, January 25th, 2009

    “Robert”, or Mr. Fancypants as I call him, is the new confluence.

  31. Jobbotch says at 3:05 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Every time I re-read that post, I completely lose my shit around the “mechanical falcon” line.

  32. chascates says at 3:06 pm, January 25th, 2009

    MedianHater: That’s what we strive for here. Sadly, we sometimes fall short of that mark.

  33. msmoneypenny says at 3:24 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Befoul?
    Befrill?
    Befunge?

    Blafagovich?

  34. mattbolt says at 3:32 pm, January 25th, 2009

    How do these people even open their thesauruses, the pages must be so sticky from years of verbal masturbation

  35. Internally valid says at 3:42 pm, January 25th, 2009

    honkeyman:

    I’m thinking there has to be an adverb involved. Adverbs are the shit! A few options:

    Belabor Felicitously

    Belatedly Fellate

    Bemusedly Fwap

  36. mattbolt says at 3:45 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Guys, it’s bold fa-… oh, right. Wonkette.

    Whoever said buttfuck was probably right.

  37. Tommy Says Soooo says at 3:52 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Christgau’s piece is evidence on what happens once the old folks’ homes are wired for the internet.

    Newell knows what he’s talking about, he’s got the white boy ‘fro to prove it.

  38. twingonaut: No, I am Christgau!

    [Do you prefer oysters?]

  39. BarthexDeRosa says at 4:22 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I think Thurston Moore said it best when he titled a song “I Killed Robert Christgau With My Big Fucking Dick”.

  40. user-of-owls says at 4:44 pm, January 25th, 2009

    While most of the puzzlement here seems directed at deciphering ‘bf’, I am more baffled by the “Hatchett” bit. Prof. Smartyboots is obviously involved in ‘word play’ (aka, vocabulary molestation), what, with the spelling and the capitalization and whatnot. So, for a definitive answer I did what all academics do: I googled “Hatchett.” You know comes up first (and second)? The black Judge Judy. (On Monday’s docket: I Cashed Her Check, So She Tasered My Neck!) Did you know there was a black Judge Judy? Does she represent, for the good Prof and his ilk, a subaltern juxtaposition of the ur-myth of law giving with a gendered/racialized commentary on the crisis of capitalism in a post-Obama world?
    Or maybe he’s just a shitty speller and a big doody-head.

  41. I can’t tell whether he’s impressed or annoyed or speaking the same language. He’s not so much a critic as the Oracle at Delphi.

  42. ladymacbeth says at 5:07 pm, January 25th, 2009

    i was going to comment on the blog but it was so very full of ART.

  43. choinski says at 5:11 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Bramlet Abercrombie: You fool! Mention his name three times and he appears. Like Beetlejuice or the Candyman. Now, theres like, an entire seating at the Capitol Grille.

  44. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BF

    Obviously, it stands for Black Flag. Why do we care about a shitty three line blog post?

  45. Numbat Dundee says at 5:48 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Mahousu: Ken Layne took an axe
    And gave poor Peggy forty whacks,
    Then grabbing one dismembered leg
    He held it, shouting, “Trucknutz Peg!!!!”

  46. skroocap says at 5:50 pm, January 25th, 2009

  47. d4g33z: Yes, Mr. Chrisgau (if that is his name) needs to flesh out his essay a little more. Perhaps he should think of some Adjecktives with which to appellate Mr. Newell, such as “learning-impaired”? Or perhaps, “handsome Negroid.”

  48. Numbat Dundee says at 5:51 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Regarding bf - in a context regarding the Princess Noonington it must surely mean “bawdily filigree”.

  49. Internally valid says at 5:56 pm, January 25th, 2009

    In case you are all curious, here is an actual sexxy pic of Robert Christgau:

    http://tinyurl.com/christgau

  50. Vanity Smurf says at 5:57 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Numbat Dundee: Excellent. But it was Newell doing the thwaking this week.

  51. itgetter says at 6:06 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Bramlet Abercrombie: Your name is a thing of beauty, sir/madame. That was my favorite 10 minutes of television ever. Also.

  52. Scandalabra says at 6:12 pm, January 25th, 2009

    As tempests in teapots go, I must say this one is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

  53. Scandalabra says at 6:22 pm, January 25th, 2009

    user-of-owls: Hachette Filipacchi?? You think?

  54. DoctorCulturae says at 6:39 pm, January 25th, 2009

    user-of-owls: This is Dean Jesusgau blessing and nodding to Wonkette as purveyors of teh goodness commentary equating our overlords with Peggyneeners. All bow to the VV or at least toward NYU. Nice to see he’s figured out how to keep his modem working. (Does he still use dial up?). Please to advise internets is less hierarchical than writing in his day. Nice he’s shining a little attention on Our Boy Jim, but he needs it not. It stands up on its own Bobby Baby. Ask not what your bf can do for you, ask what you can do for your bf.

  55. Toomush Infermashun says at 6:39 pm, January 25th, 2009

    gurukalehuru: Numbat Dundee: But methinks in dreams I see Peggum’s owne Axe, its’ halberde-like Curve and Swishe agleame, and the long Handel Arced in the Graspe of her Faire arms, Swish-Swack, whilst on her Noggin setts a bonny Helmet of Empire, Keeping the Republick safe from, well, the Republick…or therabouts, anyway, drinking, much drinking…

  56. Colander says at 6:44 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Internally valid: Oh, I surely fell for that one.

  57. slavojzizek says at 6:51 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Tommy Says Soooo: His post remindeth me of what Samuel Johnson wrote about that scribbler Alexander Pope, on the eve of King George’s coronation…

  58. Alex Trebeks Girl says at 6:59 pm, January 25th, 2009

    ok Peggy is a Large Dildo. Now moving on, why hasn’t wonkette published a funny about John Boehner saying he’s worried about the size of “this package”. A funnier sentence has never been written about Capitol Hill.

  59. assistant/atlas says at 7:10 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I realize they don’t have the interwebs in the Victorian Era where Ms. Nooningtonhampstead lives, so maybe someone should send a parchment version via carrier pigeon? She might get a kick seeing what the [non-learning-disabled] kids are up to these days.

  60. Oh, and Jim, he also thinks your first album sucked.

  61. springfield_meltdown says at 7:46 pm, January 25th, 2009

    slavojzizek: It reminded me of what Dryden wrote of MacFlecknoe becoming poet poet laureate. There was something about his work and sewage in there.

  62. 2druk2phluq says at 7:58 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Christgau said, “I am rather proud I got the link to work. It has not always been thus.” The fact is that links are the same as they ever were; all you have to know is . But I think he was trying to say Newell’s posts have just disappeared in the past, as if one couldn’t count on them to still exist after creating the link.

    It was around this time I realized Christgau is flirting with Newell. Robert looks up to Jim, and wanted to make himself a part of the Wonkette experience, however tiny his role. Also, he wanted one part in particular. Also. As in the forbidden offering of the heat inflamed nether regions. Will these crazy kids never stop with teh buttsecks?

  63. blinky_twinkie says at 8:01 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I thought of “Molly Hatchett” and had/have no idea what Il Profesore is talking about or how it involves 70s arena rock.

  64. heroinmule says at 8:04 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Nooners deserved worse. I wanted to poop in a box and send it to her after that horrible, elitist column. Jim Newell, this bong rip is for you.

  65. JeffGoldblum says at 8:19 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I have exclusive access to a Peggy Noonan / PJ O’Rourke sex-tape. It’s about 9 hours long and focused primarily on the butt.

    I will open bidding for the rights to the video at $4.99.

  66. Monsieur Grumpe says at 8:30 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Well Ken, it looks like Jim deserves a raise. You know, the money kind.

  67. d4g33z: I humbly disagree, it was clearly a reference to Beaver Falls.

  68. Cape Clod says at 8:43 pm, January 25th, 2009

    JeffGoldblum: It’s OK. Keep that one for your private collection.

  69. Perot le fou says at 8:44 pm, January 25th, 2009

    If only someone had a big huge dick to kill Christgau with.

  70. BF= Before Fornication?

  71. Internally valid: How about Bemusedly Fornicate - if that is the case then is there something we should know about Newell and the Noonister?

  72. Bramlet Abercrombie says at 9:30 pm, January 25th, 2009

    itgetter: It was delightful, wasn’t it?

  73. loquaciousmusic says at 9:48 pm, January 25th, 2009

    JeffGoldblum: Yeah, whatever, Jeff. I just saw that video — for FREE — on YouTube.

    Wait. Hang on. Never mind. I was confusing it with that James song where they’re all getting blown around by the wind. Sorry.

  74. shortsshortsshorts says at 9:56 pm, January 25th, 2009

    The nerve. Of Peggy Noonan.

  75. honkeyman says at 10:00 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Mock on, mock on, Voltaire, Rousseau,
    Mock on, mock on, tis all in vain
    You throw the sand against the wind
    And Wonkette blows it back again.

    [Kindly buttfuck and annotate]

  76. shortsshortsshorts says at 10:05 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I am so happy to see buttsecks and/or buttfucking thriving in this time of economic doubt.

  77. Mr Blifil says at 10:13 pm, January 25th, 2009

    I swear, I think the last time I read Christgau he was waxing all poetical about Pylon, while producing feelings of inadequacy within me since he had an encyclopedic knowledge of African dance bands, wheras I hadn’t fucking heard of a single one of them, let alone listened to their music.

    I wonder if he still walks around in low-top Keds?

  78. proudgrampa says at 10:58 pm, January 25th, 2009

    whatinhell is this all about??? BF?? Noonan is a piece of work. End of story…

  80. JimNewell says at 11:09 pm, January 25th, 2009

    Ha ha, we mentioned the name “robert christgau” and now you all hate him. I thought it was nice of him to mention me on his National Art Blog.

  81. JimNewell: The hate will turn into love eventually. That’s the way the internet works.

    Personally, I think it is cool!

  82. L Urchin says at 11:38 pm, January 25th, 2009

    2druk2phluq: Your avatar makes me think you’re a callow pup, but your words, they inflame my nether regions.

    JeffGoldblum: Kinetoscope or VHS?

  83. Mr Blifil says at 11:40 pm, January 25th, 2009

    JimNewell: I’ve hated him since 1981, so you can all suck it. Also.

  84. MedianHater: Eat my asscakes.

  85. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:06 am, January 26th, 2009

    This seems like a good time as any to pop this idea in here, that the chaotic, anarchic nature of blogs mirrors the nativity of the modern American press itself. To support my thesis that although, as most of us believe, newspapers are going the way of the dinosaur, online editions and “blogs” will more than adequately take their place, and Jimmy’s recent rip on Ms. Noonintonshire is a classic (and classy) example of that transition:

    “Early American newspapers tend to look like one long and uninterrupted invective, a ragged fleet of dung barges. In a way, they were. Plenty of that nose thumbing was mere gimmickry and gambolling. Some of it was capricious, and much of it was just plain malicious. But much of it was more. All that invective, taken together, really does add up to a long and revolutionary argument against tyranny, against arbitrary authority—against, that is, the rule of men above law.”

    - Jill LePore, New Yorker, 26 Jan 2009
    (Really good piece, BTW)
    http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2009/01/26/090126crat_atlarge_lepore?currentPage=all

    (Hint hint grad students: if you happen to be considering a subject for a master’s thesis in Journalism, you could pick a worse subject.)

    It clear to me that Wonkette is carrying on the good work of Mssrs. Franklin, Adams, Paine, Edes and such other patriot both famous and obscure.

    Newell, doff your tricorn in honor of such for recognition by Christgau, who I’m pretty sure once wrote an awesome review of an album by the Doors or Strawberry Alarm Clock or somesuch.

  86. V572625694 says at 12:39 am, January 26th, 2009

    honkeyman: Thanks for the Blake–he’s always welcome.

    And speaking of oldies, here’s one for Dame Peggy: HOW DOES IT FEeL TO BE SHIT 0N BY PROFESSIONALS!!!1?

  87. agitpropster says at 12:40 am, January 26th, 2009

    Hey, at least Bob isn’t the unreadable Greil Marcus or Dave-fucking-Marsh.

    I was just going to point out how much Christgau, Nelson George, Ed Ward, John Morthland, a syrup-crazed Lester Bangs (he of sainted memory) and others set the standard for pop music criticism in the early 80’s with the annual Village Voice Pazz & Jop Critics Poll.

    I will never, ever forget Nelson George’s 1983 P&JCP review of Thriller where he spent the first paragraph laying out how he was having trouble writing fairly about that year’s overwhelmingly Number One El Pee because he was trippin’ so much on Jacko’s “increasingly deformed African facial features.”

    Talk about “represent!”

  88. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:55 am, January 26th, 2009

    JimNewell: DOOD HE’S A TOTAL ASSHOLE. Robert Christgau has offended everyone over and over with his controversial “I agree” and “balance.” You know the saying. If it is made out of wood it is a witch. If it is Robert Christgau, it probably floats, calmly.

  89. hobospacejungle says at 2:52 am, January 26th, 2009

    ZOMG I just looked him up on the commie wikipedia and he’s, like, one million years old. And that photo of him there makes him look a million and twelve. He must have a hard time walking, one foot being in the grave and all.

  90. shortsshortsshorts says at 2:58 am, January 26th, 2009

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  91. Doktor Avalanche says at 7:23 am, January 26th, 2009

    El Pinche: That just conjured a disturbing image of Peggy getting the carpets to match the drapes.

    Thanks a lot, asshole.

  92. Doktor Avalanche says at 7:26 am, January 26th, 2009

    El Pinche: Sorry, that was actually directed at rocktonsammy.

    I’m scarred, I tell you.

  93. DoctorCulturae says at 9:09 am, January 26th, 2009

    JimNewell: But, “mention” you in what way, Charlie?

  94. Mr Blifil says at 9:15 am, January 26th, 2009

    agitpropster: You had to go do it didn’t you? You had to go invoke Lester Bangs. Without whom none of us would probably be here. Well, we’d be here but we wouldn’t be here. I still feel slightly pissed off that there isn’t a weekly Lester Bangs column. I particularly loved his deconstruction of early Blue Oyster Cult, blissfully unaware as he was that punk was about to break.

  95. Hey, Joseph Stalin *and* Jim Newell mentioned in the the same post! Coincidence? I think *not*.

  96. stopmebeforeitypeagain says at 11:57 am, January 26th, 2009

    JimNewell: A wise man said: “You hate someone whom you really wish to love, but whom you cannot love. Perhaps he himself prevents you. That is a disguised form of love.”

    Think about it. Or not. Whatever. Also.

  97. JohnnyMeatworth says at 2:17 pm, January 26th, 2009

    agitpropster: Always remember what Lou Reed said about Robert Christgau on his Take No Prisoners album: “What does Robert Christgau do in bed? Is he a toefucker? Can you imagine working for a fucking year and you get a B+ from some asshole in the Village Voice?”

  98. imissopus says at 3:30 pm, January 26th, 2009

    Wow! Wonkette is considered journalism!

    Jeez, somebody buy this guy a copy of Gulliver’s Travels and a dictionary so he can look up the word “satire.”

  99. problemwithcaring says at 5:11 pm, January 26th, 2009

    Newel’s post was as fucking brilliant and hilarious as Noonan’s column was cringe worthy. Respeck!

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