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FTW

Blago: Patrick Fitzgerald Is A Jap

How AP writer Michael Tarm resisted the urge to end this headline in ” — no, but seriously, we’re not even joking,” we’ll never know. [AP]


11:16 AM on Fri January 23 2009
By Jim Newell
1876 Views

  1. actor212 says at 11:17 am, January 23rd, 2009

    I’m afraid that Blago talking about his bowel movements is really just too much information. Let’s move on.

  2. norbizness says at 11:21 am, January 23rd, 2009

    Ironically, the USS California was sunk by a single toupee.

  3. Donkey Sauce says at 11:24 am, January 23rd, 2009

    supplies!

  4. SayItWithWookies says at 11:25 am, January 23rd, 2009

    I know where he’s coming from. My computer locked up the other day, and I couldn’t decide if that was more like the Defenestration of Prague or Custer’s last stand.

  5. Cape Clod says at 11:26 am, January 23rd, 2009

    It must have been hell when all those Feds were screaming “Tora! Tora! Tora!” when they slapped the cuffs on him.

  6. shanemacgowan says at 11:26 am, January 23rd, 2009

    Wow, Wonkette gets racist and sexist in consecutive posts. What’s left?

  7. …but was it as bad as what the windy city can do to hairstyles?

  8. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 11:33 am, January 23rd, 2009

    This kind of makes me feel sorry for him. Watching that movie was excruciating.

  9. Monsieur Grumpe says at 11:34 am, January 23rd, 2009

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzI_11lAKk8

    The Strain by the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
    I think. My work filter is blocking youtube.

  10. He meant to say, the taint is like Pearl Harbor.

  11. Lascauxcaveman says at 11:35 am, January 23rd, 2009

    When my wife’s really on a tear, its like Kristallnacht. And I’m the Jews. Or something like that.

  12. The man never met a piece of hyperbole he didn’t like.

  13. norbizness says at 11:37 am, January 23rd, 2009

    shanemacgowan: But aren’t you an anti-Dentite?

  14. sevenrepeat says at 11:38 am, January 23rd, 2009

    epic! that’s awesome. or is it epileptic?

  15. actor212 says at 11:39 am, January 23rd, 2009

    norbizness: Would you please get busy with something? You make the rest of us look unfunny.

  16. shanemacgowan: I’m counting on the next post heading being agist, so we can hit the Discrimination Trifecta.

  17. Sassette says at 11:41 am, January 23rd, 2009

    He gets points for not saying 9/11, though!

  18. ManchuCandidate says at 11:42 am, January 23rd, 2009

    So, the film about Blaggy will be called, “Taint! Taint! Taint!”?

  19. JohnnyMeatworth says at 11:44 am, January 23rd, 2009

    norbizness: not to mention the USS Arizona. That must be one monster rug.

  20. this is an impeachment that will live in infamy!

  21. Red Zeppelin says at 11:47 am, January 23rd, 2009

    I think I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so!

  22. masterdebater says at 11:51 am, January 23rd, 2009

    Well, it was…you know, but without all of the dead sailors and stuff. I know MY day was totally ruined.

  23. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 11:55 am, January 23rd, 2009

    I don’t wanna close my eyes go to jail
    I don’t wanna fall asleep mess up my hair
    ‘Cause I’d miss you I’m not guilty, baby
    And I don’t wanna miss a thing lose my bling
    ‘Cause even when I dream of you extort you
    The sweetest dream All the money would never do
    I’d still miss you I’m not guilty, baby
    And I don’t wanna miss a thing lose my bling

  24. Noodle Salad says at 11:57 am, January 23rd, 2009

    Does this make Roland Burris Little Man or Fat Boy?

  25. contentsunderpressure says at 11:57 am, January 23rd, 2009

    Awesome! I am masturbating furiously and not2bdenied!

  26. lenorecutie says at 12:06 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    Ah man. That guy is a gold mine of crazy.

  27. Holden Caulfield says at 12:09 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    And just like the United States prevailed in that, we’ll prevail in this.

    Wait, didn’t we prevail by dropping two atomic bombs that completely destroyed two cities?

  28. Cape Clod says at 12:11 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    ManchuCandidate: Nah. With hair like that they’ll call it ‘Remember the Mane!’

  29. My fantasies about Patrick Fitzgerald will now involve him in uniform. Thank you, Wonkette, for spicing things up!

  30. I did think it was tasteless when Fitzgerald had the Zeros destroy Blaggy’s house, left dead sailors strewn across the lawn, and had the German consulate declare war on him, but then again, what do I know about big time corruption prosecutions?

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  31. shanemacgowan says at 12:20 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    Min: Wonkette is trying for another Pig of the Day Award.

  32. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:24 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    As bad as Pearl Harbor sucked (the movie that is), this is much worse than that.
    Blago is dealing with the holocaust, the spanish inquisition, the crusades, the invasions of the vandals and goths, the plight of Socrates (read: So-Krates), the fall of man, the big bang and the coming apocalypse.

  33. masterdebater says at 12:29 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    shortsshortsshorts:
    Sure, all of those are bad. But what about the worst thing to happen, ever?…Scooter Libby wasn’t pardoned. Bummer.

  34. LittlePig says at 12:45 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    shanemacgowan: Hey! You anti-Porcine or sumthin’?

  35. gurukalehuru says at 12:47 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    I believe that was a violation of the spirit, if not the letter, of Godwin’s law. Looks like Governor Goodhair is headed for the Iron Bar Hotel.

  36. whore4hope says at 12:52 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    Thanks, AP, for the whacky headline as well as the useless details about Blago’s leather jacket and blue file folder. Is AP a fashion blog now?

  37. shortsshortsshorts: It is good to know that there is something strange afoot at the Circle K.

  38. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 1:01 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    Dear God, does this mean we have to listen to his story about how he survived the USS Indianapolis’ sinking again?

  39. Lionel Hutz Esq.:

    When Don Evans because Sec of Commerce in GWB’s first term, he went around giving a speech to the various folks who would now be working for him. The highlight of this speech was his moving description of his father’s heroism landing at Normandy at D-Day plus 14. Yes, his father’s heroism at storming the beach TWO WEEKS after D-Day.

  40. Mr Blifil says at 2:35 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    Presumably his wig-maker applies the double sided adhesive tape to his temples with the cries of “TORAH! TORAH! TORAH!” Which is some Serbo- Jewish saying I guess.

  41. Jukesgrrl says at 5:33 pm, January 23rd, 2009

    He thinks this stuff up while he is jogging in his velour exercise outfit. That’s when the creative metaphors really flow.

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