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STATE SECRETS

Jill Biden Blabs To Oprah About How Joe Could Have Been Secretary Of State

Jill Biden has better teeth than this ostrich.Jill Biden, huzzah! She should own sixteen Nobel Prizes already, for staying married to the blabbermouth Joe Biden and for sending out a fundraising appeal on behalf of the pants monster Hillary Clinton. Now she deserves another prize, for Truth, because of what she told Oprah yesterday.

SHHHH NOBODY TELL BECAUSE THIS IS A BIG SECRET.

Apparently, Barack Obama told Joe Biden he could decide whether he wanted to be Vice President or Secretary of State. This is sort of shocking because jesus, what if he’d picked Secretary of State? Would Hillary Clinton be our new VP? Probably not! Barack Obama is not that dumb. He probably would have picked, who knows, maybe Bill Richardson? Which would have been a disaster, on account of his New Mexico investigation into crookedness.

Another option would have been boring types like Evan Bayh or Tim Kaine, who would not have given America half the larfs we have already wrung from Joe Biden.

The point is, Jill Biden does not have to tell Oprah everything.

Biden tries to shush wife after state-VP slip [AP]


9:47 AM on Tue January 20 2009
By Sara K. Smith
4020 Views

  1. President Beeblebrox says at 9:53 am, January 20th, 2009

    I think the PUMAs are going to jump all over this as proof that their lady was denied the VP slot… but, hell, Hillary got the better end of the stick. She gets to jet around the world and look important, while Joe gets to live in the Naval Observatory and just be benignly goofy for the next 4 or 8 years.

  2. jodyleek says at 9:53 am, January 20th, 2009

    Joe and Jill are two peas in a pod. Pop some corn, pull up a chair and get ready for at least
    four years of gaffe-i-liciousness from Mr. and Mrs. VP.

  3. AngryBlakGuy says at 9:56 am, January 20th, 2009

    …I really want to comment on this particular thread, but that photo is truly horrifying!

  4. AngryBlakGuy says at 9:58 am, January 20th, 2009

    …Tourettes Syndrome is AWESOME!

  5. BillyClubb says at 9:59 am, January 20th, 2009

    Well at least Jill Biden didn’t say what she really thinks of Hillary, or a negro Prez in the White House — yet.

  6. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 9:59 am, January 20th, 2009

    “If you’re secretary of state, you’ll be away, we’ll never see you”.

    Bill must be happy that Hillary got it then.

  7. AngryBlakGuy: Same. I WILL NOT SLEEP TONIGHT BECAUSE OF THIS PICTURE!!! Barry’s inauguration too. Also.

  8. SayItWithWookies says at 10:01 am, January 20th, 2009

    I’m in shock. I had no idea ostriches had teeth.

  9. Colander says at 10:02 am, January 20th, 2009

    Aw, Jill got a haircut. It’s cute.

  10. mattbolt says at 10:04 am, January 20th, 2009

    I vote that whatever God-forsaken tooth-ostrich creature that is, that all of its species be rounded up into a rocket and then shot straight into the son, because, DAMN.

  11. Doc Gerbil says at 10:04 am, January 20th, 2009

    Holy fuck! That picture made me pee a little.

    You don’t see ostrich teeth every day thank FSM.

  12. Monsieur Grumpe says at 10:04 am, January 20th, 2009

    To be fair, Oprah has been known to put drugs in her guest’s coffee. But they’re good high quality pharmaceuticals drugs, after all, she is a class act.

  13. AliBabaInBA says at 10:05 am, January 20th, 2009

    Too bad the turkey that blew W didn’t have those teeth.

  14. SayItWithWookies says at 10:06 am, January 20th, 2009

    Ah, hell — saying something unseemly is no longer a gaffe. Accidentally shooting someone in the face and forgetting to mention it for three days — now that’s a gaffe.

  15. ManchuCandidate says at 10:07 am, January 20th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies:
    Same here. Teeth? WTF?!? Wiki sez no teeth… I’m confused.

    But our ugly friend the Ostrich is the perfect symbol for today. Most of the bitters and racists will do what the ostrich (allegedly) does best, stick it’s head in the sand when faced with trouble or in their usual defense, denial.

  16. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 10:20 am, January 20th, 2009

    SayItWithWookies: ManchuCandidate: It’s been to the dentist too. Notice the filling in the lower right molar. They has good dental in the Serengeti!

  17. “If you’re Secretary of State you’ll actually have to do work, but if you’re the VP you get to run a shadow government, have an evil 24 character based around you, and all the man sized safes you want. Joe, we’re taking the VP slot.” Nice to see that loudmouthing gaffes to national audiences is a sexually transmitted disease. I never would have guessed.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  18. The piece of paper i have hanging on the wall that I haven’t used in 10 years says those teeth are feline. Quite possibly Panthera tigris taxonomically from the Felidea family or as you laymen know it a Tig… Ow Make it stop it hurts! Must..resist…using…brain…at…work!

  19. Mr Blifil says at 10:32 am, January 20th, 2009

    C’mon Nedra Pickler had the headline right: Biden shushes wife. Because he’s an abuser and she’s a stupid slut.

  20. imarmcandy says at 10:33 am, January 20th, 2009

    The be-toothed ostrich is only the beginning. Now that scientists will be given free rein you can expect to see all sorts of horrifying combinations - I’ve been hearing about FLYING COCKROACHES in Florida already.

  21. Violenza says at 10:49 am, January 20th, 2009

    I think No-Condom Edwards was the original pick for VP.

  22. dannygutters says at 10:50 am, January 20th, 2009

    Didn’t they say hillary was not invstigated for VP at all? Why would this even suggest that hillary was the next choice.

  23. Schadenfried says at 10:51 am, January 20th, 2009

    Shame on Wonkette for using a picture of Ann Coulter in a post about our Second Lady.

  24. StephanieInCA says at 1:42 pm, January 20th, 2009

    Evan Bayh is an insipid waste of flesh. That is all.

  25. CivicHoliday says at 1:53 pm, January 20th, 2009

    labdork: ditto! Kingdom Animalia/Class Mammalia, my dear bio geek friend, Kingdom Animalia/Class Mammalia

  26. snappy pete says at 10:24 am, January 21st, 2009

    Hey Palin! you might be able to see Russia from your house, but Vice President Biden can see President Obama’s house from HIS house!

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