About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

73 comments

  1. WadISay

    Yech, thanks for the warning, remove sharp objects and the caps lock key. Then, after the news cycle from this vile infomercial, it will be pardons, pardons, pardons.

  2. chascates

    Let me guess: God, democracy, 9/11, freedom, head held high, maintained principles, beware of terrorists, thanks, I had a blast, history will love me.
    And fuck Scott McClellan.

  3. ph7

    Is it wrong to hope for a Bud Dwyer moment? Pay close attention if he walks up to the podium with a brown paper bag.

  4. Son of Mark Penn

    confusing! pacific time is more liberal than eastern: Nevada, Washington, Oregon and California all went solid blue this year. Only a small portion of Pacific time zone is in the red state of Idaho.

  5. Merry Christen

    Dear George,
    Don’t let the door hit your where the Good Goddess split you, you foul, cocksucking, lying douchenozzle, schmegma ridden feces-for-brains pathetic excuse for a human. Get the fuck out and don’t look back, or we’ll sic the hounds on you. I hope you rot forever in a Paraguayan prison with nothing to console you save hourly buttsecks from a corpulent, pus covered bear named Miguel.
    Love,
    Merrychristen

  6. Texan Bulldoggette

    I must say I’ve missed the drunken debate live blogs. We need a drink word for tonight.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    I wonder if the Capitol Police are going to make everyone take off their shoes before entering the chamber.
    Also, I’m hoping for at least one totally inappropriate round of applause from the Democrats — like if Dubya mentions, sadly, that he failed to fix Social Security, or didn’t have time to invade one more country.

  8. jbd

    [re=220147]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Go all out and try “this” or “tha”. It’ll be worth it. Call in sick tomorrow.

  9. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=220161]bitchincamaro[/re]: [re=220163]jbd[/re]: Good ideas. Also every time he totally fucks up the pronunciation of any 2-syllable word.

  10. ph7

    Eight years in the White House, and not a single beer or a single intern fuck.

    What a monumental waste of power.

  11. Anonymous Office Zombie

    Damn. No alcohol to be had. Must brave sub-zero temperatures. Must make it back alive to witness the final smug, self-righteous, belligerent ravings of our beloved Fuehrer.

    It is going to be so weird when in like 25 years my Conservatard relatives brainwashed, Conservatard children try to convince me of how great our Dumbass-in-Chief was.

  12. shortsshortsshorts

    [re=220207]sevenrepeat[/re]: Good idea. You know that George was halfway to banning teh gayz while he was in office.

  13. Barack Like Me, Bitches

    [re=220121]WadISay[/re]: What’s the over/under on Bernie Madoff?

    Because that is a bet I so want to take.

  14. Maus

    [re=220140]ph7[/re]: “Is it wrong to hope for a Bud Dwyer moment?”

    Not in any possible universe but the one where he’s a good human being.

  15. satyricrash

    [re=220198]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]: It’s too bad, really, that he, Cheney, and Condi aren’t going out to Freebird like in The Devil’s Rejects.

  16. Fred Wertham Jr.

    I’m hoping Olbermann will do a split screen. Lots of “yeah right,” “whatever” and nose-thumbing.

  17. Scarab

    Yeah, right.
    I bought into the Rollings Stones’ Farewell Tour back in ’87, too.
    My advice, waste your money on the ‘historic collectible’ t-shirt.

  18. Bruno

    Take it easy everyone, if you just keep your head down, there could be a pardon coming your way soon.

  19. Scandalabra

    I missed all the news today because I was on this puddle jumper from LaGuardia to W 56th Street.

  20. NoWireHangers

    After watching W’s first State of the Union address, I decided I didn’t like swearing at the TV as much when it was coming from a place of frustrated rage. As I result, I haven’t listened to W speak when I could avoid it. It makes my skin crawl. However, I may make an exception tonight and listen to the NPR coverage of his farewell address. It’s too bad it won’t end in a beheading, but 2009 America can’t be Revolutionary France. In my dreams maybe, but not here and now.

  21. Bruno

    Wonkette – there must be some Teevee channel who is forced to carry this & will ‘ho themselves for ratings. Suggest a wonkette twitter feed at the same time (as stoopid as twitter is, if they do this, I will be one over)

  22. myheadsexploding

    Phew. Because if we let the plane in the Hudson coverage preempt the outgoing Preznit, then the geese will have won.

  23. Tra

    Hey George W. Bush, FUCK YOU.

    May I also add, FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU.

    There are times when words just can’t express your emotions, aren’t there? I wish I knew the word fuck in every conceivable language. And I don’t normally curse much.

  24. OffTheRecord

    Shew. I made it in from class in time. I have my drinks and shoes ready. Bring it on asshat!

    Ohhhh…Pat Buchanan. Can I throw shoes already?

  25. smellyal8r

    The White House asked the networks for 30 minutes for an address by the President. They all asked what he wanted to talk about and why before begrudgingly saying “OK, but just 30 minutes”

  26. goodluck/badluck

    [re=220277]Tra[/re]:

    i like this one: “Jebem ti majku na mrtvackom vozu za Sabac u pola noci u levo uvo u punom mjesecu,” which is apparently something like ‘I fuck your mother in her left ear on a hearse going to Sabac at the midnight on the full moon.’

  27. smellyal8r

    [re=220272]NoWireHangers[/re]: “Tis a far far better war I started then I could have ever started before…”

  28. Nerdalicious

    Shrubry will reveal himself as the AntiChrist & then laugh that stupid Will Ferrell laugh & smirk

  29. smellyal8r

    [re=220284]j6n[/re]: Wouldn’t it be great if W left with some sort of “Farewell to Arms” address to the nation? Some classic oratory delivered unsquintingly into the camera…”And now, finally, good night to the nation that has borne our tears, carries our dreams and delivers us to boundless love” Not.

  30. Nerdalicious

    [re=220296]smellyal8r[/re]:
    Hysterical! Yeah, he is really a secret eloquent genius! Haaaaaaaaaaaa! Funny :)

  31. Nerdalicious

    Oh, he is so proud of helping out Afghanistan & Iraq. Isn’t he the Prez of OUR Country????? Mr. Zero Domestic Policy. What a loozer.

  32. SulkyGirl

    Oh, don’t ya know?
    Don’t wanna see ya any more.
    Put up or shut up.
    Ya spell, ya read, D.O.O.R.

    Oh, don’t ya know?
    Don’t wanna see ya here no more.
    Pack it and move it.
    Ya spell, ya read, O.U.T out.

    Don’t go be bad ’cause you’ve been had
    Don’t go away sad
    Don’t go away mad
    Just go away!
    Go away!
    Go away and stay away!

  33. Dildo Baggins

    I met this motherfucker (probably literally) in 1980. He had coke snot dripping from his nose, and a permanent idiot grin on his fucking face. The fact that anyone in this entire country thought he was capable of holding any sort of elective office is amazing, and the fact that he was president is a tragedy worthy of Milton. Since he did not end his speech by committing sepuku, I am afraid that the entire eight years of misrule has been a waste of our time and money.

  34. Dildo Baggins

    Another Bush story: you know the only A he received at Yale was in Anthropology 100. This was taught by Margaret Mead, who filled in for George Peter Murdock. Mead was sort of a PUMA of her time, pissed off that her only teaching gig was to fill in for an inadequate male, so she refused to do any grading. Everyone got A’s, including GWB.

Comments are closed.