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ART NEWS

  • AWESOMEST SCULPTURE EVER: It’s a map of Europe! “Here is Bulgaria, represented as a series of crude, hole-in-the-floor toilets. Here is the Netherlands, subsumed by floods, with only a few minarets peeping out from the water. Luxembourg is depicted as a tiny lump of gold marked by a ‘for sale’ sign, while five Lithuanian soldiers are apparently urinating on Russia.” [New York Times]


9:29 AM on Thu January 15 2009
By Sara K. Smith
2426 Views

  1. MARCdMan says at 9:40 am, January 15th, 2009

    Minarets? They are gonna piss of teh muslins.

  2. shanemacgowan says at 9:44 am, January 15th, 2009

    “After being challenged by reporters this week, Mr. Cerny admitted that he and two of his friends constructed the whole thing themselves, making up the names of artists, giving some of them Web sites and writing pretentious, absurd statements to go with their supposed contributions.”

    Sounds like the way I composed most of my papers in College.

  3. Can we get this guy to make something friendly for the America- and god-friendly new proposed entrance to the capitol?

  4. I wish there were better photos of this thing. I love how the UK is absent from Europe. LOL

  5. KissassBlaster says at 9:50 am, January 15th, 2009

    One man’s art is another man’s Lithuanian soldier peeing on Russia

  6. “But before that we wanted to find out if Europe is able to laugh at itself.”

    Like anybody needs to pose that question, except rhetorically.

  7. space stout says at 9:55 am, January 15th, 2009

    i’m pretty sure the things sticking out of the netherlands are bongs, not minarets.

  8. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:01 am, January 15th, 2009

    …the country of Georgia is represented by a smoldering crater!

  9. Sarah Palin (vp@whitehouse.gov) says at 10:01 am, January 15th, 2009

    I think I can see most of those countries from my porsche. also.

    -SP

  10. One Yield Regular says at 10:05 am, January 15th, 2009

    space stout: They’re both.

    We need to invite this guy to do a stateside version. This is exactly the kind of thing on which the San Francisco Arts Commission would spend its entire budget.

  11. snowbunny says at 10:05 am, January 15th, 2009
  12. And a US sculpture would have:

    Bulgaria = Alabama
    Netherlands = Louisiana
    Luxembourg = Delaware
    Russia = Texas
    Lithuania = New Mexico

    Reminds me a little of this map:

    http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/2007/12/23/227/

  13. Dire squirrel says at 10:11 am, January 15th, 2009

    space stout: They’re minarets. It’s a big part of the reason it’s considered offensive. Still better than a hole-in-the-floor toilet though. Those are disgusting. The French use them to.

  14. President Beeblebrox says at 10:14 am, January 15th, 2009

    shanemacgowan: In other words, it was the artistic equivalent of “Rooter: A Methodology for the Typical Unification of Access Points and Redundancy”.

    Germany as a giant swastika and Romania as a Dracula park, ftw.

  15. I’ve been laughing all morning long. Sweden as an IKEA box? France on strike? Non-existant UK? Priceless.

    Now can we commission a map of the Middle East please?

  16. ladymacbeth says at 10:21 am, January 15th, 2009

    i’m pretty sure i read somewhere that romania actually IS constructing a dracula theme park. i mean, if you were them, wouldn’t you?

  17. No snark… this guy is my new hero.

    Russia should have just been a big pasty flexing Putin torso though…

  18. finallyhappy says at 10:27 am, January 15th, 2009

    ladymacbeth: You mean there isn’t already one- what the heck is their problem? they have been free for a few years now.

  19. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:29 am, January 15th, 2009

    jagorev: …in my opinion, this would be the representation:

    New Jersey = Filthy Urinal
    Alabama = Double wide trailer
    Mississippi = Meth lab
    Texas = A short school bus
    N.Y. = A hand giving the finger
    California = A Mormon getting beaten by a drag queen

  20. AngryBlakGuy: I disagree with your characterization of NY. If anyone should be represented by a rude gesture, it should be Massachusetts.

  21. heroinmule says at 10:38 am, January 15th, 2009

    I want to party with David Cerny.

  22. pondscum says at 10:39 am, January 15th, 2009

    AngryBlakGuy: Illinois = Blago’s hair
    Iowa = Vilsak in the Pooh suit
    Michigan = flat tire

  23. Mr Blifil says at 10:40 am, January 15th, 2009

    Why didn’t anyone realize right away that there was something seriously weird about the new piece of art in Brussels?

    Gee I dunno. Maybe they were too overwhelmed by the co-mingled odors of funk and ass eminating from the population of Brussels?

  24. President Beeblebrox says at 10:40 am, January 15th, 2009

    jagorev: good, except Russia isn’t in the EU. How about:

    Poland - Pennsylvania
    Ireland - New York City
    Latvia - Cleveland
    Czech Republic - Porn Valley
    Portugal - New Jersey (well, Newark at least)
    Spain - Los Angeles
    Slovakia - Mississippi
    Turkey (always-aspiring EU member) - Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, because they both like teh tortures

  25. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:40 am, January 15th, 2009

    jagorev: …I figured Mass. would be represented by a hairy azzhole.

  26. DoctorCulturae says at 10:46 am, January 15th, 2009

    Cerny extraordinarily epic win. He and Blago have the biggest trucknuts.

  27. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:48 am, January 15th, 2009

    pondscum: jagorev: …Alaska = A turkey in a turkey grinder

  28. Dire squirrel says at 10:49 am, January 15th, 2009

    MARCdMan: Have you looked at Denmark in the sculpture? It’s the muhammad with a bomb cartoon that caused the cartoon riots, done in lego and in the shape of the country. I love Cerny.

  29. This thing gets better and better. From jbd’s link: “Denmark is shown as a collection of colorful Lego blocks — put together in such a way as to recall the infamous caricature depicting the Prophet Muhammad with a bomb in his turban.”

  30. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 10:52 am, January 15th, 2009

    For example, next to the piece for Italy — depicted as a huge soccer field with little soccer players on it — it says, “It appears to be an autoerotic system of sensational spectacle with no climax in sight.”

    Italy FTW!

  31. President Beeblebrox: no way does PA have more Portuguese than Rhode Island.

    Oh, and the whole light blue section in this map would be Germany:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Census-2000-Data-Top-US-Ancestries-by-County.jpg

  32. velvet_turnip says at 10:55 am, January 15th, 2009

    I’m German, and I find this thing hilarious.Cerny should be made king of all artists.
    My favourite was Poland, btw: Catholic priests holding up a gay pride flag.

  33. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 11:00 am, January 15th, 2009

    AngryBlakGuy: No no. Tennessee is the Meth Lab. Mississippi is either a Rebel flag or a Klan hood (though that’s probably better for Georgia).

  34. President Beeblebrox says at 11:08 am, January 15th, 2009

    jagorev: You meant NJ, not PA… yeah, I think you’re right about RI. Although RI could also be Liechtenstein. Or maybe even San Marino.

  35. effinHel says at 11:09 am, January 15th, 2009

    Really, that is the best piece of art to come out of Europa since Michael D. Angelo died.

    But, if the New York Times wants to stay my liberal paper of record they’re going to have to know the difference between Dracula and Nasfuratu. Really.

  36. The scupture of Gaza is many entirely out of charcoal briquettes.

  37. S.Luggo: many = made

  38. MARCdMan says at 11:13 am, January 15th, 2009

    S.Luggo: And Iran is made of backlit green glass. He must be hinting at something…

  39. effinHel says at 11:14 am, January 15th, 2009

    There will be no gaza sculpture! For reasons different than no England…

  40. ManchuCandidate says at 11:15 am, January 15th, 2009

    S.Luggo:
    Or a Bullseye.

    No mention of Iceland? I figured it would be represented by a black hole where no money ever comes out again.

  41. God, I love this thing. As someone of Lithuanian descent, I could not be happier than it’s Lithuanian soldiers peeing on Russia. I mean, almost any country could be peeing on Russia, but it’s Lithunia.

  42. AngryBlakGuy says at 11:33 am, January 15th, 2009

    ManchuCandidate: MARCdMan: S.Luggo: …the Gaza Strip is depicted by a bombed out U.N. building.

  43. Finally, those snooty Bulgarians get their comeuppance. Now if only I knew where their country was located or even what they do to be stereotyped as a series of floor toilets.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/15/world/europe/15mosaic.html

  44. tonashideska says at 11:42 am, January 15th, 2009

    What’s the big deal, they still have hole in the floor toilets in the Bullet trains in Japan, (and state of the art waste treatment systems so are no smells or leaks).

  45. Sassette says at 11:52 am, January 15th, 2009

    I feel like such a failure as a former art major. Because I really don’t see the highway swastika in the Germany part at all. It looks like a figure-8 to me.

  46. ladymacbeth says at 11:58 am, January 15th, 2009

    i wish we had a dracula theme park. only ours would be PUMAs.

  47. villageatrois says at 12:06 pm, January 15th, 2009

    Poland is made out of some brown stuff, with peanuts in it. Eeeeewww.

  48. villageatrois says at 12:38 pm, January 15th, 2009

    What to make of the structure that holds the whole shebang together? Blue for Nato. Is the structure made of plumbing pipes from the Bulgarian Empire?

    Has anyone seen it at night? Do some countries light up? Are there fountains?

  49. Ken Layne says at 1:06 pm, January 15th, 2009

    This is fantastic.

    David Cerny is a hero. What people don’t realize is that his first famous thing, that awful pink Soviet tank in Prague, was terribly offensive because it was a REAL WAR MEMORIAL, for the Soviet liberation of Prague in WWII.

    Cerny painted it at night, and also added a big flippin’ the bird finger. It was wonderful, and also (I think?) the front-page photo on the first issue of Prognosis, the eng. language paper where I worked long ago.

  50. Hmmm, I wonder if Mr. Cerny would make me a map of the counties of Tennessee.

  51. Oh my god, is Sweden an Ikea box? I am so gay for Cerny.

  52. napalmnacey says at 9:29 pm, January 15th, 2009

    Oh man, Brussels! You have been *trolled*! So very hard!

  53. Brendan M. says at 4:04 pm, March 25th, 2009

    I can’t believe I didn’t see this until today. Fucking awesome. I don’t get Finland, though. A hippo and an elephant and a man crawling with a shotgun? I read that it is supposed to symbolize chronic alcoholism, but I don’t really get it.

    Anyway, how stupid and incompetent was the Czech bureaucrat who hired Cerny? A quick Google of his recent work includes an embalmed Saddam Hussein in a tank with the noose still around his neck and a couple of large sculptures of men urinating/ejaculating.

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