Wonkette
ALL AMERICANS MUST ATTEND INAUGURATION! “Don’t have money? Don’t worry, God will provide money! Don’t have a place to stay? God will provide that, too. If God didn’t want you to come to Washington D.C. and party on January 20, would God have made Barack Obama your president?” [AOL Political Machine]
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No, our National Mall is just some freezing dead grass, outside, next to a very cold river often filled with icebergs and corpses.
To be fair, the Potomac has the icebergs and the Anacostia has the corpses.
Whoa, must be a full moon. All kinds of crazee over there!
wonkette is “a think tank journal”? really?
They can sleep in the subway stations and drink free coffee from hotel lobbies and eat condiments from mickey d’s. I hear ketchup and hot water make a fine tomato soup.
Yes. It is literally a tank, crushing PUMAS beneath its treads and crushing them into a fatty paste flecked with shreds of eating pants, chipped fragments of dentures and bits of those coupons you get in bags of cat food.
One day, this war will be over. And on that day, someone will have to hose down those treads. I’m hoping I die on a nameless hill before that happens.
What the rubbery fuck is happening in that picture?
That picture is what Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman’s babies look like before they are placed into the beds of some unfortunate, unsupecting human child late, late at night. After crawling up the child’s nose and wrapping themselves around the cerebral cortex, they will inhabit the human child’s body until the full-scale invasion has begun.
I still don’t like that picture…
In a world without Liz Glover is it really worth it?
You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
YOU AND I MUST HONOR THE MILLIONS WHO HAVE GIVEN THEIR LIVES FOR THE CONSTITUTION. WE MUST REMEMBER WHAT THE SIGNERS OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENCE WERE WILLING TO DO.
ARE YOU MILITARY LEADERS IN THE GREAT TRADITION OF GENERAL GEORGE WASHINGTON OR IN THE TRADITION OF GENERAL BENEDICT ARNOLD? YOUR ACTIONS IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS WILL LET WE THE PEOPLE KNOW OF WHOM YOUR ROLE MODEL IS.
For a Restored American Constitutional Republic,
Dr. Douglas W. Schell
Chairman, Restore the CONSTITUTIONAL Republic
Not to mention protecting our precious bodily fluids, General Ripper.
Where did he get his Doctorship? Was it the university of Capslock? Was it the Twitching Fanatic’s Institute for Cornering Unsuspecting Bypassers and Regaling Them With a Mad Glint in One’s Eye With Various TRUTHS?
Or did he just get it on Ebay?
“Also, there are five million diseased rats prowling the icy swamp, day and night”
It’s freaky. It’s like, somehow they know that as soon as Obama takes office there will be starvation and rioting and massive death. Good eatin!
That ad for the “secret intervention to treat George W. Bush’s alcoholism” has to go. I think we all would have been better off this past eight years if Jr. had been allowed to indulge.
wharmahmilk: Typo. They meant ‘drink tank’.
shanemacgowan: Like Churchill, yes.
Do they take inauguration admission payment in hobobeans?
Strongy O: Idk, but it is definitely in the tank for shit I don’t want to know.
HA! “… take a bath … ” Ken, you are SOOO nouveau riche.
I understand Cheny/Bush has outfitted Marine One with a giant pair of Helicopternutz and plan to fly over the Inauguration crowd throwing small Iraqi children from their freshly blinged out ride. Harry Reid is scheduled to flutter about the shocked crowd expressing sympathy but political insiders realize that’s just a feint to cover the sound of Nancy Pelosi crushing the little skulls of all those unfortunate third world toddlers in her powerful canine jaws as she feeds on their succulent brains. What can you say, it was her turn.
Thus ends the Bush era of Congressional bi-partisanship.
uhh Ken, the wife and I are a few miles from Boleskin House. Would you mind if we hung out for a few days? After reading the comments from your last “Outrage”, we concluded that we’d like to spend some time relaxing with Satanists. Is the key under the mat?
saggyboobedhag: Free coffee?? I did once pretend I was staying at a really nice hotel downtown so I could use the bathroom instead of at McDonald’s but free coffee, wow!
Kate
4:28AM Jan 12th 2009
IF YOU ARE A STRIGHT WHITE MALE, YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE ROYALLY SCREWED !
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Hooray!
~
On NPR: American’s Genius Cokie Roberts (born under the Capitol Dome) proclaims that incoming Prez Obama will share outgoing DipShit Bush’s thoughts on security matters because of ’security knowledge’ (secret–secret) so expect no change because the War on Terror is sacrosanct.
Wow the commenters on there are the perfect combination of bitter and delusional! Sadly my boss is one of those nuts that thinks Obama’s birth certificate is fake so I know that there is no reasoning with these folks.
chascates: Oh really?
I just read on Ken’s AOL thread that the U.S. is about to be merged with Mexico and Canada, Halliburton is going to impose martial law, Obama will be the last president of the USA, and George HW Bush will be put in charge of the whole thing.
This source is probably at least as reliable as Cokie:
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america 6:58AM Jan 12th 2009
WAKE UP EVERYONE
This Illigal Africaner is the last President of America!!
America will be merged with Mexice CanadA as the New America!! THE NWO !! and SR. George Bush will become the leader.
All snark aside..these people are seriously unhinged…do we know really how many of them are out there?
ifthethunderdontgetya: That’s gotta be fake. “america” is either operating on two neurons (one neuron is sputtering and ready to go napsy) or he’s a comical genius.
Geez, people, all you have to do is tell them Prince Bandar ordered the Mossad to orchestrate that limey chick’s win in the Golden Globes to demonstrate the Trilateral Commission’s power….how else do you beat Emma Thompson, Streep, et al…
Plus Salma still has the preggo tubes.
“Ken Layne is a longtime resident of Washington and currently serves as the editor of Wonkette, a think tank journal published by the New American Century for American Progress.”
Oh, can I put on my resume that I have adjunct status at the think tank? That would sound swanky.
Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool:
Salma Hayek maybe an illegal alien, but them tubes aint illegal.
Terry: I don’t believe Wonkette qualifies as a think tank. It’s more like an armored personnel carrier of snark.
freakishlystrong:
Agreed. That was one scary bunch of loonies. They’re out there somewhere. Driving cars, raising kids (shudder), cutting and pasting the most ridiculous emailed conspiracy theories so that warm feeling of a newly wetted diaper comes over them as they keep hitting that send button. They’re thinking, “Yeah this will get to them this time. Oh yeah!”
Cape Clod:
Yeah, it’s the whole “think” thing that’s the issue, isn’t it?
I am bummed. I saw the Restore CONSTITUTIONAL America commenter, and thought he was going to be encouraging people to take more refreshing daily walks. But no, he is just insane.
Doglessliberal: I wouldn’t say ‘just’ insane. I would say he’s about a five tin-foil hat loon.
Cape Clod: You are right. He is approaching the Platonic Form of Nutjob.
The dinner menu for for first rowers at the Inauguration includes a fine Kenyan white wine (aged 44 years) and a delightful bowl of aged montauk monster veal.
“IF YOU ARE A STRIGHT WHITE MALE, YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE ROYALLY SCREWED”
That’s what every straight white male lives for, no? What is the royal aspect, though?
just seeing those rows of hundreds of port-o-lets is enough to put any american in the mood.
Capitol Hillbilly: 5000 at least. Bring your own TP and hand sanitizer.
finallyhappy: Dude, but like, if you bring hand sanitizer or whatever, make sure it doesn’t have triclosan in its ingredients because then the germs will evolve into omega germs or whatever and then not even hospitals will be clean enough to defeat them and we’ll all die from infection which will probably affect me at some point.
freakishlystrong: “do we know really how many of them are out there?”
Yes. Check out their website restoretheconstitutionalrepublic.org — it’s pretty much one crazy posting “news” bulletins, petitions and prayer requests. If you turn the sound on your PC way up you can hear the crickets chirping.
Why do those nuts all comment on Ken’s column? Of all the telephone poles on the internet to staple your batshit manifesto to, Ken Layne’s AOL column is perhaps the oddest choice. I. . . just. . . wow.
hobospacejungle: Do crickets laugh? I thought I heard a couple given this prayer:
http://restoretheconstitutionalrepublic.org/index.php?topic=1995.msg7750#msg7750
The biggest nutcase is named “Captain Moroni.” I’ve emphasized the keyword here.
IF YOU ARE A STRIGHT WHITE MALE, YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE ROYALLY SCREWED !
Wanting to “promote” one group of people means screwing another! THERE IS NO OTHER WAY! CAPS LOCK!
Also, Barry Hussein Osama is not a real lawyer and he was born in Iraq. HE’S A FRAUD AND HIS WIFE HATES AMERICA! They’re obviously Al Qaeda plants sent to blow up the White House. We should rally behind a real American hero like Joe the Plumber! That poor, white, straight male can’t even buy a business he can’t afford and isn’t licensed to run because of these terrorists!
(I gave myself a headache typing that.)
I’ll go to the Inaugurathon, but:
A. Not takin’ no friggin’ bath. It’s against the Hobo Code.
B. The festivities must be followed by war trials, torture and public executions.
C. There shall be free powdered donuts.
El Pinche: I think we’ve broken their server, overwhelmed by more than 3 hits per day. So I can’t connect & read Captain Moroni’s prayer. Until this situation is rectified the void in my spiritual center will continue to fester. Maybe Riverchucky can help me fill it with a reverse-engineered recipe for a dozen Butter McCheeses from McDonald’s.
HUSSEIN OBAMA CANT BE PREZNIT CAUSE HE WAS BORN IN KENYA!1! NOT A U.S. CITIZEN! Oh, that’s not true; well, OBAMA KICKED OFF BAR BY LAWYERS–MICHELLE TOO!!1 Not true either? Ok, how about OBAMA WONT RELEASE HIS COLLEGE TERM PAPERS–ALL ANTI-AMURICAN–IMPEACH OBAMA FOR HIS COLLEGE ESSAYS THAT MIGHT BE MEAN TO AMURICA!!!!!!!11
KEN LAYNE YOU DONT WORK FOR A THINK TANK–INSTEAD I THINK YOURE JUST IN THE TANK FOR OBAMA!
Terry: My resume says I’m a “contributor to several internationally recognized Internet sites.” Who needs to know it’s in the Comments section? It also says I’ve been “published in the New York Times and the Washington Post, among other national publications” and it’s TRUE! Letters to the Editor!!
Join the Activist Coalition of DC in McPherson Square for Inauguration fun and activism! Tell President Obama what you HOPE for and then find out how to make it happen!
WeHopeforChange.org
http://inaugurationaction.blogspot.com/2009/01/progressive-inauguration-events.html