GUIDED BY THE BEAUTY OF OUR WEAPONS  2:34 pm January 9, 2009

by Ken Layne

This is what you get, when you meeessss with us ...WAR ON LIBTARDS: Good jesus, is this what goes on with the comments, on the liberal blogs? Must we TAKE BACK our 2nd Place Endorsement of Talking Points Memo? Looks like it! Okay, return to “crush them all.” [TPM Cafe]

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Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


chascates January 9, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Did Dame Noonington quit writing? We’re overdue for her keen insight.

LittlePig January 9, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Aiiieeee! The dreaded Picachu bitch-slap!

p-Sludge January 9, 2009 at 2:39 pm

Wonkette: Bread & Circuses, for the discerning palate, in the service of GOOD.

shortsshortsshorts January 9, 2009 at 2:40 pm

I urge you vote for anyone but Wonkette.

You just had to fuck with us, didn’t you TPM? LOG-IN NAME CREATION IN PROGRESS.
Will the brave follow the course to victory?

tiny mexican January 9, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Can we give our votes to Sadly No now?

Lucas Burch January 9, 2009 at 2:42 pm

I joined Wonkette to harass the PUMAs but that image is the real reason I’m here all the time.

chascates January 9, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Hey, this is a WAR BLOGGER site! Prepare to meet thy hacker.

El Pinche January 9, 2009 at 2:43 pm

TPM Fatwa has begun. Praise be to TruckNutz!

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 9, 2009 at 2:43 pm

[re=214646]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Uh oh they brought ballet slippers to shortshortshorts steel-toed Doc Marten death dance party.

LittlePig January 9, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Truthseeker77 needs to eat a very large bag of dicks. TPM has done some good work on distributed document digs, but overall, meh.

Terry January 9, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Crush them all, then go vote for Michelle Malkin on the conservative blog contest because her winning would just be funny.

p-Sludge January 9, 2009 at 2:44 pm

TPM: Taking .. Pants … Mimeo …. yeah. So let’s take their pants and mimeograph them. Or something!

AngryBlakGuy January 9, 2009 at 2:45 pm

…pica-pica! That is all!

p-Sludge January 9, 2009 at 2:46 pm

Monty Python, The Fish Slapping Dance:

thatonegirlsays January 9, 2009 at 2:46 pm

Game on

Tommmcatt January 9, 2009 at 2:46 pm

Is it weird that I think Picachu is kinda sexy?

El Pinche January 9, 2009 at 2:47 pm

This is my war song.

L Urchin January 9, 2009 at 2:47 pm

First we take Manhattan…

freakishlystrong January 9, 2009 at 2:47 pm


lenorecutie January 9, 2009 at 2:48 pm

What a douche. Shit, Wonkette is in the Library of Congress for breaking the Mark Foley scandal, which I think we can all agree was the beginning of the end for Republicans.

Theodorick Of York January 9, 2009 at 2:49 pm


Gah! You beat me to it!!!
Obviously you share the joy that is kinderhoots/tax deductions.
I though about using a Jiggly Puff reference on the Conflatulence
thread the other day, but figured it was too obscure.

freakishlystrong January 9, 2009 at 2:49 pm

Shorts is in!

Dr. Spaceman January 9, 2009 at 2:49 pm


Not_So_Much January 9, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=214646]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Bwah! Your comment is already there, in all its glory!

Man, the intertubez really need some douching out these days.

Deepthroat January 9, 2009 at 2:51 pm

TPM, meet Lizard People. Lizard People, DEVOUR TPM.

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 9, 2009 at 2:51 pm

I’d go vote, but I can’t tear my eyes off those little hotties in the picture.

Nim, ham hock of liberty January 9, 2009 at 2:51 pm

They really should know better than to mess with a WARBLOG.

Obamaton January 9, 2009 at 2:51 pm

I find my saddle, still warm, my sword, still moist, and yet I want more.


toastandlove January 9, 2009 at 2:52 pm

[re=214656]Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool[/re]: Not even toe shoes, mind. Soft all around, ballet slippers for 4 year olds.

Sussemilch January 9, 2009 at 2:53 pm

I hate all blogs equally. I only wrap my fish with the real thing.

Lucas Burch January 9, 2009 at 2:54 pm

[re=214688]Nim, ham hock of liberty[/re]: Just because I sleep with strangers for money doesn’t make me a whore…

Oh, WARblog. My mistake.

Kev-O-Tron January 9, 2009 at 2:55 pm

The aggression on Wonkette is fairly substantive lately. It’s like none of us have been laid in months or something. Regardless, IT’S FUCKING ON TPM.

shortsshortsshorts January 9, 2009 at 2:55 pm

[re=214679]Not_So_Much[/re]: Hahahaha they are accepting comments liberally. This makes them a liberal blog, apparently.

dearest January 9, 2009 at 2:56 pm

In war times one has to behave as a warrior. I have already voted in all of my co-workers computers and am now heading to other departments.

freakishlystrong January 9, 2009 at 2:57 pm

I had the notion onece to create a rasta character of Pokeyman, and call it “Pokememon”..

N8Ma January 9, 2009 at 2:57 pm


Deepthroat January 9, 2009 at 2:58 pm

on a side note, i would encourage voting for Dlisted as best gossip blog.

Thegreatbacon January 9, 2009 at 3:00 pm

TPM are the same people who think The Daily Show isn’t news because they tell jokes. They are humorless nerds. Wonkette, prepare to deploy wedgie.

Mr Blifil January 9, 2009 at 3:02 pm

I guess Josh’s side job as Bukkake Funnel Holder is starting to get to him…

NoWireHangers January 9, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Before I can even finish reading the post, Shorts has already spammed the TPM comments. Bravo, Shorts. Bravo.

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 9, 2009 at 3:03 pm

[re=214696]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Unless I can convince the missus to watch Wild Things or 9 1/2
Weeks or some other Confluence-endorsed cinema, I will have time, and blogs, to kill.

Vanity Smurf January 9, 2009 at 3:06 pm

Oh no she didn’t. Wonkette was the avant garde in taking down Caribou Barbie before anyone else could even pronounce her name. Had it not been for the high Google ranking of Wonkette posts about the GILF and her snowbilly ways the lazy media would have just regurgitated McNasty’s talking points about her.

No, you TPM Puma wannabe, Wonkette is goddamn force to be reckoned with.

[Foghorn Leghorn] I say, I say, this means WAR, Son, WAAAAR!

AnnieGetYourFun January 9, 2009 at 3:07 pm

[re=214696]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: I’ve kind of noticed that, too. Then again, I haven’t been laid in a while.

[re=214712]NoWireHangers[/re]: It IS kind of heartening to see his little moniker everywhere.

Damn Sexy January 9, 2009 at 3:08 pm

Love Leonard Cohen

Monsieur Grumpe January 9, 2009 at 3:10 pm

You try to be nice and this is what you get. No doubt this is how Dick Cheney was created.

Lascauxcaveman January 9, 2009 at 3:14 pm

[re=214698]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I’m conflicted on this one. I can’t decide whether Shorts’ comments are funnier on Wonkette or on various other blogs…

FreshCliches January 9, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Well, Wonketteers, I reckon this is it – nuclear combat toe to toe with the Rooskies. Now look, I ain’t much of a hand at makin’ speeches, but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is goin’ on back there. And I got a fair idea the kinda personal emotions that some of you fellas may be thinkin’. Heck, I reckon you wouldn’t even be human bein’s if you didn’t have some pretty strong personal feelin’s about WARBLOGGING. I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is a-countin’ on you and by golly, we ain’t about to let ‘em down. I tell you something else, if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I’d say that you’re all in line for some important promotions and personal TruckNutz when this thing’s over with. That goes for ever’ last one of you regardless of yer race, color or yer creed.

Now let’s get this thing on the hump – we got some votin’ to do.

Anonymous Office Zombie January 9, 2009 at 3:15 pm


[re=214655]El Pinche[/re]:
Wonkettehu Akbar!!! Aiyeeyeeyeeyeee!!!!

Gopherit January 9, 2009 at 3:19 pm

fuck it. Let’s all vote for confluence for a while.

None shall survive at TPM. None.

Gopherit January 9, 2009 at 3:19 pm

[re=214750]FreshCliches[/re]: win

Hostile Michigander January 9, 2009 at 3:21 pm

[re=214696]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Of course we haven’t gotten laid in months. All the campaigns laid us off months ago!

Hey, did anybody notice? That truthseeker77 guy on TPM thinks he’s being picked on because he knows that Oswald didn’t kill Kennedy!

Quick! We must destroy him before he reveals the truth about Bigfoot’s birth certificate!

Terry January 9, 2009 at 3:22 pm

OMG, did you see their terms of service write up? I think I might have promised my first born child to Josh.

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 9, 2009 at 3:22 pm

I suspect TPM is not good at acrostics.

BadKitty January 9, 2009 at 3:22 pm

It’s a Friday, my co-workers are away from their desks and TPM just declared war! I’m desk-hopping, baby!

Oh, since this is my first comment ever, BUTTSECKS!!! Hee hee. I’ve always wanted to do that.

magic titty January 9, 2009 at 3:23 pm

[re=214698]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Someone was actually defending Wonkette against your rudes and incendiaries. Haha. Shorts Winz on two liberal blogs.

That makes you a gay.

Maus January 9, 2009 at 3:24 pm

This is like the PUMAs whining that our GOTV efforts reigned supreme.


WendyK January 9, 2009 at 3:27 pm

I feel like I’ve been drafted against my will into a blog war. And now I’m holding an automatic weapon. Help.

Kev-O-Tron January 9, 2009 at 3:27 pm

[re=214772]BadKitty[/re]: “BUTTSECKS! I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Call me. You’ve been a bad, bad kitty and I think you need some punishment.

Blue Gal January 9, 2009 at 3:29 pm

Stay Classy, TPM. Face it, Josh needs to get a better set of luv cuffs for his writers.

Wonkette, ma hunnies, I still double dog dare ya to defeat the batshit crazy nun over at The Anchoress, who insists “Bush was right about Gitmo.”

Vote Driftglass best individual blogger.

saggyboobedhag January 9, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Have you seen their lame-ass videos? Josh seems to think people want to hear him talk. And watch. He could learn from PUMA documentary lady how to entertain. It’s like they want people to take them seriously. Jesus fucking christ what losers.

Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool January 9, 2009 at 3:31 pm

[re=214793]WendyK[/re]: OK, OK, simply move your free hand gently up and down the barrel until it discharges. Then get a towel. You could make a sandwich for bonus points, too.

Godot January 9, 2009 at 3:35 pm

Why does The Phantom Menace have its own blog anyway? That movie came out ten years ago, and it sucked!

OffTheRecord January 9, 2009 at 3:36 pm

I love each and every one of you. That is all. Carry on with you waring.

shortsshortsshorts January 9, 2009 at 3:37 pm

[re=214776]magic titty[/re]: Seriously it’s not even worth it over there. If anything, it’s just plain fucking sad.

GDTRFB January 9, 2009 at 3:37 pm

Those guys need to smoke more grass.

WendyK January 9, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Well that fizzled quickly. Bring back the PUMAtards!

Thegreatbacon January 9, 2009 at 3:39 pm

All bloggers need to get laid. If there were enough sex to go around, there would be no bloggers.

saggyboobedhag January 9, 2009 at 3:42 pm

[re=214806]Blue Gal[/re]: I hear ya on The Anchoress but just saying “Bush was right about Gitmo” isn’t enough motivation for this bunch.

Can you somehow provoke that blogger to write something mean about Wonketter’s oozing genital warts or obsession for smelly vaginas? Just trying to help.

rev_matt_y January 9, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Wow the commenters over there are B-O-R-I-N-G. The articles are OK, but I’ll fall asleep if I try to read all the crap comments. As Wonketter is responsible for at least 2-3 true laugh-out-loud-and-disturb-coworkers (LOLADC) moments a day, I’m a’ votin’.

chascates January 9, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Unleash the 4chan!

DustBowlBlues January 9, 2009 at 3:48 pm

[re=214646]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Damn you, shorts. You made me laugh so hard I peed my pants. Are you happy now, you sumbitch? Well, are you? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Elastic Syntax January 9, 2009 at 3:51 pm

Ha! Commenters think they matter; douches.

Crow T. Robot January 9, 2009 at 3:54 pm

[re=214780]Maus[/re]: This cannot stand, man. This kind of, um…aggression…cannot stand.

You want a toe? I can get you a toe by 3:00. With nail polish.

The Cold Sea January 9, 2009 at 3:57 pm

I dangle my [considerably large] TRUCKNUTZ in the face of TPM. This what a sack looks like, libtard bitches! Sack up, Wonkette! To battle!

DustBowlBlues January 9, 2009 at 3:59 pm

[re=214750]FreshCliches[/re]: Excellent. How foolish are the TPM people? Why not just put a bowl of dee-lishus chocolate dipped, peanut butter topped Ritz crackers in the middle of the wonkerrati and admonish, now children–each take just one.

(which reminds me, I think I have a couple of my the cookies my friend made for me left. See ya’, losers.)

ella January 9, 2009 at 4:01 pm

They don’t have much of a sense of humor at TPM, do they? Maybe they’re PUMAs after all.

Jukesgrrl January 9, 2009 at 4:04 pm

And in related news: Jesus’ General is ahead of BitchPhD by only four votes. Get to work, people.

chascates January 9, 2009 at 4:06 pm

[re=214893]Jukesgrrl[/re]: In a biblically appropriate and heterosexual manner, of course.

El Pinche January 9, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=214751]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: I know it breaks my heart. TPM has comforted me during the election, but the TRUCKNUTZ first.
I have to say TPM is a soulless robot compared to the humorless whiners at Crooks&Liars.

Sharif DelMonte January 9, 2009 at 4:13 pm

TPM slagging Wonkette in a bid for attention is akin to Spitzer demanding that he be paid for giving out buttsecs. Josh Marshall in nothing but calf-high socks, for the win.

Schadenfried January 9, 2009 at 4:15 pm

[re=214919]El Pinche[/re]: Remeber, no “Ann Coulter is a man” jokes at C&L.

johnbpt January 9, 2009 at 4:20 pm

If another librul site has a bigger crowd of humorless, clueless, self-important commenters than TPM, I’ve yet to find it. When I’m bored I toss a grenade in just to watch the resulting ill-informed wailing and gnashing of teeth.

j6n January 9, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Leave comments, take the cannolis.

L Urchin January 9, 2009 at 4:53 pm

[re=214893]Jukesgrrl[/re]: But get to work for which one? We’re good at being programmed to destroy, but you have to set the coordinates.

Bruno January 9, 2009 at 4:54 pm

Joshua Micha Marshall, TPM is the only other blog in this category I would have voted for if Wonkette wasn’t there. I DEMAND YOU DENOUCE AND REJECT “TRUTHSEEKER77″ & please tell me that’s a Puma of some variety.

MarieDeGournay January 9, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Wonkette! I choose you! Sic the bastards!

Barrett808 January 9, 2009 at 5:22 pm

Here’s another plea for the Wonkette Army to vote Pharyngula for Best Science Blog. Insane anti-science global-warming denier site Watts Up with That still leads, undoubtedly due to widespread freeper IP address tweaking.

Pharyngula: “Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal.”

bago January 9, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Wait… Based on the timing I deduce that the titular graphics is from the anime music video dealie for Bitches by Mindless Self Indulgence!
Bitches love cause the know that I can rock!

DustBowlBlues January 9, 2009 at 5:30 pm

[re=214772]BadKitty[/re]: First comment, ever? I must warn you: One of these losers might call you something really, really awful and disgusting, but it’s only a test. When you get used to this place, it can become addicting. But not like addicted to running, or anything that’s vaguely good for you.

bago January 9, 2009 at 5:31 pm

The aforementioned video at about 1:54 in.

loquaciousmusic January 9, 2009 at 5:32 pm

Also, that “Fuck You, Penguin” blog is gold. PURE FUCKING GOLD.

Cicada January 9, 2009 at 5:34 pm

The username “Truthseeker77″ is a total bonerkiller just by itself. You mean there were 76 other libtards pretentious enough to pick that name before you did and you STILL went with it?

buggers January 9, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=214706]Deepthroat[/re]: Oh absolutely – love Michael K!!!!!

DustBowlBlues January 9, 2009 at 5:37 pm

[re=214770]Tommy Says Ira G is a Tool[/re]: No shit. I didn’t read all that crap I had to agree to for TPM, of course, anymore than I read the fine print on my mortgage. (Turns to whisper to husband, “Hide, honey. The process server is back).

chascates January 9, 2009 at 5:39 pm

[re=215065]Barrett808[/re]: “…a godless liberal.” You’re playing our song.

hobospacejungle January 9, 2009 at 5:47 pm

Let’s distinguish between TPM and the individual douchey diaries by people like Buttseckseeker77.

Oh fuck it, let’s not. TRUCKNUTZ WAR IS ON BITCHES. TPM knoweth not who they fucketh with. Also.

Harvey Birdman January 9, 2009 at 5:54 pm

paging Norbizness.

PsycGirl January 9, 2009 at 5:57 pm

[re=215088]Cicada[/re]: There is a significant chance that 77 refers to his/her/its birth year. Which suggests that conception took place during the bicentennial year and for those of you who don’t remember the world draped, soaked and spattered in red, white and blue, that explains everything.

SmilingMightyJesus January 9, 2009 at 6:18 pm

Campbell-on-CNN is posting at TPM Cafe. I am crushed.

Cicada January 9, 2009 at 6:25 pm

[re=215125]PsycGirl[/re]: Ah. If that’s the case, then I have more respect for TPM’s commenters. In the meantime, I plan on grabbing the username “BringerOfLight101″ before it gets snapped up by someone else.

AnglRdr January 9, 2009 at 6:33 pm

TPM declaring war on Wonkette is kinda like reliving my parents’ divorce battle all over again: I love each of them for very different reasons.

But, in the end, Truck Nutz and buttsechs has to win every time.

Sorry, JMM/TPM, but Mommy Wonkette wins.

TeddyS January 9, 2009 at 7:03 pm

All that TPM has done is awaken our giant Queen Death Alligator and her entire nest of warblogging minions.

commiegirl January 9, 2009 at 8:08 pm

[re=214696]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: Have you forgotten the sweet sex-fluid slatherings of Election Night already? Sara K. Smith assured us that it was so.

aristoggle January 9, 2009 at 8:27 pm

[re=214696]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: My wife had surgery last month, so you’re hittin’ a little close to home. Won’t bore everyone with details, but she ain’t havin’ no more kittens.

aristoggle January 9, 2009 at 8:29 pm

[re=214750]FreshCliches[/re]: In the immortal words of the future Senator Blutrasky, Let’s DO IT!

Dreamer January 9, 2009 at 8:56 pm

I totally think we should vote for Glen Greenwald’s blog for second choice. He is humourless, sanctimonious and annoys the hell out of me but he covers an important issue and he does speak truth to power.

MisterLoki January 9, 2009 at 9:11 pm

The TPM thread is full of win. Well played!

Barrett808 January 9, 2009 at 9:47 pm

Given that Kitteh Pidgin has completely insinuated itself into the Wonkette multi-mind, how can it be that I Can Has Cheezburger is a distant second to PUMA fave, Fuck You, Penguin?

We must sally forth and remedy this outrage:

Buttsechs away!

WIDTAP January 9, 2009 at 9:48 pm

There is only going to be one speed. Wonkette speed. I you can’t keep up, don’t step up.

Boondock Saint January 9, 2009 at 9:51 pm

HEHE P-sludge said “mimeograph”!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Barrett808 January 9, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=215344]WIDTAP[/re]: Had to happen sometime.

Sarjo January 9, 2009 at 10:36 pm

oh gollies, new web addiction fodder! FANKS, Weblog Awards, for introducing me to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

sanantonerose January 9, 2009 at 11:51 pm

I fired up all the library’s computers and voted for Wonkette on each and every one. Hell, I may even go in tomorrow, which is a Saturday, and do it again.

foog January 10, 2009 at 12:10 am

Hey! Who’s the dumb-dumb that said Larry Craig wanted buttsecks in that airport shitter? Please tell me that it wasn’t one of you, cause we all know that Mssr. Craig did not want gay buttsecks, he just wanted to blow some guy. I hate it when the ill-informed try to make him out to be some kinda fag or sumthin.

Words January 10, 2009 at 12:55 am


You go girl!!

Captain Swing January 11, 2009 at 6:33 am

to ‘truthseeker77′, we have only one thing to say:

Say Hello to my little friend!

Hagar77 January 12, 2009 at 7:54 pm

Is this gonna be a standup fight, sir, or another bughunt?

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