Wonkette
Norm Coleman is the apparent loser of a thirty-year war in Minnesota against the unfairly diapered comedian Al Franken. Coleman does not believe he has lost, though, so Democrats are doing their best to drive that message home by totally fucking with him in a million petty little ways.
First, they took him out of the Senate phone book, ZING. Mean old Dianne Feinstein says he’ll be locked out of his offices in the Hart Senate Office building forever. Even his own Web site has dumped him, which means his Web site is a Democrat. Truly, this is the saddest day for Norm Coleman since his wife hologrammed in from another city and told him to take out the trash.
Updated Senate Phone List Erases Norm Coleman [Mother Jones]
Norm in exile, but hockey jerseys remain [Glenn Thrush]
Norm Coleman, United States Senator
So he was the guy in Clerks.
Wait, Coleman is a PUMA?
…cue the music from the end of the 1980’s “Incredible Hulk” TV show!
God, that picture!! He looks like the dirty hippie boy in my high school who got routinely dragged into the principal’s office for wearing a dress to school and threatening another Columbine.
I’ll bet you his mother is looking at that photo of Norm and muttering, “I tried to tell him.”
Where will he go now where everybody knows his name?
PsycGirl: No. Close but no. Coleman has no unibrow.
NORM!!
AngryBlakGuy: Norm smash?
Isn’t Norm Coleman related to that creepy sportscaster, Sid somebody, who was on Imus and said something (I forget what) so disgusting even Imus fired him?
PsycGirl: No, he’s the mad PUMAs dream of. He won’t ask to have sex with them and will treat them like nice (beard) wives.
This is a sad tale, as old as time. Falling from the top of the world to Viagra addict, washing car windows and begging for hand jobs.
From that photo, you’d expect that young Norm (he HAD to have a nickname) had extensive knowledge in the construction of homemade bongs.
It’s over, Norm, so just sit back and spark a doobie (or as they said in Maine, “spaahk a doooob”)
Oh sweet Jesus tittyfucking Christ, that’s actually him?!? For realz? I thought you clever folks ’shopped his face onto a promo pic for that Bigfoot movie from the 80’s!
Is that REALLY him?! Bwa hahahahaha *snort*
facehead: Where’s his Silent Bob?
It is a good day in Minnesota. Buh bye.
AngryBlakGuy: …you guys know what I mean, when he is hitch hiking with the sad music? Sometimes I forget exactly how much of a nerd I am!
hrhkingfriday: That explains his current marital statuse of seperated…..by a continent!
facehead: I thought that was Heather Matarazzo’s head shot.
And I LOVED him in Boys Don’t Cry.
“Homo” is spelled with an M.
Norm Coleman is proof that reefer is harmful; it will transform you from a metal head to a slimy Republican tool.
Violenza: He looks just like the guy at my college who wore a sword strapped to his waist and a long cape every day. He, of course, lived in the Dungeons & Dragons people’s off campus house.
Norm Coleman’s wife was NEVER IN THAT KITCHEN!
He looks like Trip in ‘Detroit Rock City’.
Minnesota’s got to be the saddest state to be unelected in. They’ll vote for Ventura or vaguely humanoid lizards, but not poor Norm. Then again, if he’d flashed this picture around, he could have passed for a Wayne’s World side character and made this an all-SNL race.
Violenza: You went to school with Marilyn Manson?
Cool!
Just great. This means he’ll be spending way more time at Camelot. Property values in the Dupont/Foggy Bottom/Georgetown tri-taint are plummeting.
4tehlulz: & Terry: How marriage changes a man *sigh*
At least this picture pre-dates his horrible Cosmetic Dentistry Gone Wrong. It freaks me out that every time he shows up on TV, his teeth are longer. I think Dr. Milnar implanted beaver teeth that just keep growing and growing. Norm needs to spend more time with a big, fat piece of firewood.
4tehlulz:
Nooooooooo. Please tell me that magic mushrooms will prevent the horrible slim slide!
Doglessliberal: WIN! I was trying to place him, and ya beat be to it!
ella: Sid Rosenberg, and yes! They’re cousins.
Rosenberg on Kylie Minogue: “She ain’t gonna be so beautiful when the bitch got bald head and one titty,” which is patently untrue. He now has his own show in Miami, which will presumably be co-hosted by Coleman once this election is over, in 2136.
that must be his KISS Army ID photo
facehead: Snootchy bootchy wootchies!!!
Doglessliberal: Your turn to roll for initiative, Cleric Coleman of the Frost Wastes.
Brooding then, brooding now.
Lighten up, Normy baby!
Too bad for Norm. If he needs something to take his mind off things, me and my buddies were going to buy some beer at the 7-11 and listen to Pentagram records. Maybe he could join us and rediscover his roots.
Brad: Why don’t you get a Senator’s job Spicoli?
Norm Spicoli: What for?
Brad: You need money.
Norm Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz and I’m fine.
AngryBlakGuy: Yes, the sad ‘exit music’. It plays every time I get dressed for work.
It is hard to believe that such a pretty lady lost to a hairy human doughnut like Al Franken.
Loved him in “Airheads.” Adam Sandler has not made a good movie since.
Doglessliberal: Ahem…..tavern, if you please.
AngryBlakGuy: I know what you’re talking about. That show rocked!
Holy shit, the Illinois House just voted to impeach Blago.
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/01/09/us/AP-IllinoisGovernor.html?_r=1
AngryBlakGuy: just for you
i would have voted for encino man had i known he was running….and lived in whatever state he is in. refresh my drink, what was he running for again? weren’t the elections last year?
Gopherit: Guild
Cue more sad exit music. Blaggy has been formally impeached.
AngryBlakGuy:
http://www.martybarrett.com/Media/Hu…an%20Theme.mp3
It really works with Norm’s picture.
MattW: wow… that is a seriously fucked up thing to say.
And I like Kylie, you bastard!
Violenza: Hart88: I believe that was his Hofstra University yearbook photo. Norm was the student body president, and a bona fide left-wing radical hippie.
loudmouthredhead: nonono that’s warcraft.
Wait, I’ve said too much.
Jill7: “Norm needs to spend more time with a big, fat piece of firewood.
”
Is “firewood” the new term for a joint? I like to keep up with this stuff.
PsycGirl: and is “beaver” code for something new now too? WHAT DO I CALL GIRL NAUGHTY BITS THEN?!
Ahneta: Some de-elected Minnesotans simply become un-persons, Jesse “The Mind” Ventura and Wendall Anderson being examples. Wendy was governor in the early ’70s, famously on the cover of Time, then he appointed himself to the US Senate, which we don’t do here. Now he pads around in Hushpuppies in downtown Minneapolis, to no apparent purpose, smiling amiably and hoping to be recognized. I see a future for Norm in sex tourism.
shanemacgowan: Agreed, Airheads was the highlight of his career in terms of quality.
Gopherit:Oh, if only they had WoW back then…we might all never have met Norman, who would be traversing Northrend to this day with his Tauren shaman. (And you thought YOU said too much?)
WadISay: Uff Da!
Nothing scares a politician more than the thought of having to find real work.
Thank you, Nate Silver, for ridding us of this dirty hippie.
He looks like the stoners I hung out with after school waiting for the bus.
Breaking News … Coleman to concede and run for Mayor of Lake Wobegone.
loudmouthredhead: Repugs wound never play Tauren- way to Green party- Given Norm’s roots I’d say forsaken- he looks pretty metal…
oh and btw- if any speaks to Norm- I want my Venom albums back-
WadISay: I see a future for Norm in the pokey.
MattW: Right! Thank you. I knew it was something awful, although the cynic in me thinks Imus’s wife was the one who really objected. I can’t believe Rosenberg is back on the air. He was always talking about his shady behavior and I don’t think he was kidding. He and Coleman make quite a pair.
Monsieur Grumpe:
loudmouthredhead:
…You guys officially kick-ass!
FINISHED WITH THE SENATE ‘CAUSE THEY COULDN’T HELP HIM WITH HIS MIND
HEY!! Thats the guy who bogarted my stash!!
I knew Ann Coulter was really brunette….wait, what?
Norm Coleman is easily one of the douche-iest-looking politicians of our time. He looks like scientists tried to clone John Kerry but somebody didn’t wash their hands and got fecal matter in the test tube.
This is the history of the dink in one large run on sentence.
Norman- radical campus hippie prstestor, took over a campus office or building, roadie for 10 years after, “community organizer” attorney, moved to Minnesota for whatever reason, bright and shiny democrat, ardent admirer of Wellstone, recruited by Repubs for better chance at higher office, made the switch, called Wellstone “radical” and “dangerous”, somehow morphed into Lurch from Addams Family, said he had a religious awakening during Yom Kipuur and called for a halt to negative ads only after polls showed he was losing points due to the ads, called for Franken to concede and do the right thing for Minnesota, now has 15 lawyers tying up everything to drag this damn thing out.
There must be a little town for castaway and rejected politicians. Wasn’t there some South Park about discarded furries? Somewhere like that.
So he doesn’t end up unemployed like Gonzo, Larry Craig would be willing to explore some new positions with this fine example of a young man
Norm is now free to move to Iraq and work among its liberated population.
Puff puff give, Norm. You’re fucking up the rotation.
Texas’ own Senator John Cornyn is not pleased and has vowed to be more of an ass than normal about this.
Poor Neil from ‘The Young Ones’. People are always mistaking him for Norm Coleman.
“a disconsolate-looking Coleman near a Senate elevator bank accepting back-slaps and handshakes from fellow Republicans John Cornyn (R-Texas) and Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.).” A scene from The Sopranos. Learn how to breath under water, Norm.
ph7: It’s not brooding, it’s just the fact that his gargantuan lower jaw can unhinge, snake-like, so that he can swallow his prey whole.
Terry: I bet he at least knew how to make a pipe out of a Hamm’s can, or an apple. Survival skills are so important these days.
Good job, and may I add: the 80-something dad getting caught with the hooker in the parking lot, Nahm’s well
known, but completely ignored by the MN media “skirt chasing antics” including trolling grocery stores at nite l
looking for action, AND whilst decrying the neg ads publicly, was running (reportedly not MN Nicely, either)
for the Rep. Senatorial Committee chairmanship that was running said ads–too bad Cornyn was running for
that, too…..that’s about the time the head of the TX company came out with the still pending charges of
horrible horrible payola to the Blow and Go “wife”.
Oh, and getting bitchslapped publicly by the silver tongued Galloway a few years back.
Plus, he has no trucknutz.
Also.
OReillysVibrator: Fantastic. I’m stealing that metaphor.
chascates: What? Unpossible! How is he going to introduce box turtles into this?
Ha, a kid I went to college with looks exactly like this, and he was a huge republican douche too!
Norm Coleman was the lead singer for Collective Soul?
So he’s the guy from “Car Wash” who got pissed every time the other guys stole his hat with the ears on it. Explains a lot.