Wonkette
- FINE: Our dear friend Jon Swift is very angry at your Wonkette for our endorsements in four of the 8,000,000 Weblog Awards categories, because some up-and-coming blogs that would have all lost to horrific PUMA blogs will now simply lose to other blogs. In other words, Jon Swift is mad that he is losing to our hilarious weekly columnist in the Best Humor Blog category. Both are great blogs deserving of the award, OK? JESUS, what do you people want from us? Oh that’s right, Jon Swift has e-mailed us asking for our endorsement so that he too can artificially win, so go vote for him right now, and then everything will be fair again! Damnit now Josh will be mad. [Weblog Awards]
Well, maybe Jon Swift should try being funny every now and then. I tend to go for the funny when I’m casting my meaningless fake vote for a meaningless fake humor award that isn’t worth the pixels it’s printed on.
“A vote for Jon Swift is a vote against the Wonkette hegemony.”
Fuck you, Jon - our hegemony rulz.
I wonder if the Grammies are taking notes on how to make an award ceremony relevant. Well…talked about, at least.
I’m sorry, but Josh has his own fanbase that is certainly augmented, but certainly not dependent on, his Wonkette fanbase. This post just sesrved to remind me to vote CC today.
Seriously guys? ~synthesis~? I mean, It’s a good blog, if you “care” about “facts,” which I clearly don’t.
Haha, you are of indeterminate sex.
P.S. You wrote, Jon, that “Wonkette needs to learn to wield its power with the same discretion that President Bush has shown.”
Fine. Done and done. We shall now electrocute your nads, and carpet bomb The Confluence.
“got their legions of readers, who apparently have a lot of time on their hands,”
That’s harsh! We just don’t know how to do anything else. Also Jon Swift refers to Wonkette as “he”. Is Wonkette a he? Did someone look under Wonkette’s tail?
Well, its 4pm and daytime tv is over. Time for the PUMAs to come out!
All I know is that next year we will have a computerized BCS system for the Weblog awards, and that President of Computers Nate Silver (TM) will set up the system and it will be foolproof.
CivicHoliday: It’s a fair and balanced hegemony.
This hegemony stuff is pretty sweet actually. Who knew fascism could be so funny?
This blogwar has given me reason to live through 2009. I can’t vote without starbursting all over my confluence(that IS the new word for taint, right?).
hrhkingfriday: All fifty PUMAs are currently changing out of their track suits and into their eating pants while the TV dinners thaw.
I have exercised the franchise, but I think I pulled a muscle doing so.
I’ll throw him a pity fuck, errr, handjob, errrr, vote, I mean vote, just for his keen observations about PUMA:
“The Confluence is a PUMA blog, which are blogs written by bitter and angry former Hillary Clinton supporters who are still getting used to the idea of having a black man in the White House. (PUMA either stands for “Party Unity My Ass” or “People Unable to Mitigate their Anger,” depending on whom you ask.) Now I understand that there are many people who disagree with PUMAs, but haven’t they suffered enough? Hillary lost and one day they are going to figure that out. I think we should give them a little time to adjust. Just as my grandmother learned to say “colored,” they’ll come around.”
Fear Wonkette and the TruckNutz Hordes!
Arthur B. Ablabab: wait a minute, how can you starburst on your taint? do you have one of those newfangled up-side-down penii? my husband’s starbursts are always northbound…
Dim: Yes, and I’ve a few questions I’d like to ask Cardinal (Jonathan) so-called Richelieu (Swift).
Cardinal (Swift): Bonjour (Hello) Monsieur (Mr.) Dim.
Dim: So-called Cardinal (Jonathan), I put it to you that you died in December 1642 (October 1745).
Cardinal (Swift): That is correct.
Dim: Ah-ha! He fell for my little trap. (court applauds and the Cardinal [Swift] looks dismayed)
Cardinal (Swift): Curse you Inspector Dim. You are too clever for us naughty people.
Kev-O-Tron: After that its feed the cat(s) and bitch on the interwebs. Fun!
WendyK: that was pretty much the only sensible thing he said in that entire thread
BeRightBack: Why are you so humorless? And why can’t you spell?
Didn’t someone tell him this is a WARBLOG!!1!!
Has Wonkette thought about auctioning off its endorsement on E-bay?
Jim - why don’t you offer up Jon a weekly column as Wonkette’s own ‘lightning rod conservative’? This can be in deference to the forthcoming fairness doctrine. One of his sentences make a lot more sense than any of Kristols
Sorry Josh, I like you, but Jon’s been getting my all my votes all week. He’s a swell guy
Screw that internet award shit and give me more fatheaded politicians to laugh at.
WadISay: Wonkette’s endorsement is a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing. If they don’t get what they want, then they will parachute themselves there.
wow, ok, well I do have some newfound respect for Jon after once again skimming through his “Best Blog Posts of 2008″ and finding this gem:
http://membracid.wordpress.com/2008/05/04/i-have-pubic-lice-in-my-mailbox/
Who, other than Riverchuky, would actually BUY this horror?
Can’t we use our Wonkette powers to somehow move Jon Swift to the Conservative Blog category, then none of us would be conflicted about voting for him?
Fuck Him! Let the clumsy, bullying continue unabated.
From one of their posters:
Anonymous said…
Wonkette is filled with UNEMPLOYED COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS.
No really they just have more fans and drawing power.
1/08/2009 1:21 PM
Nah, we’re just jaded, cynical, alcoholic smart-asses who believe the worst about people & like to make fun of, well, everyone.
CivicHoliday: There is like this whole world of crazy bug people out there that I didn’t know about and don’t really understand. I’m in awe of that blog post.
I am uncomfortable with this new role as kingmaker. If by uncomfortable, one means “totally friggin psyched.” Woo hoo!
This is soooooo much easier than ecodriving.
Seems that Jon Swift doesn’t like being collateral damage in the mother of all blog wars.
Speaking of collateral damage, is Joe the Plumber a smoking crater yet?
Kev-O-Tron: Hahaha! “Eating pants”. That’s rich and rewarding. WIN.
CivicHoliday: soft & spontaneous. not your run-of-the-mill starbursts
PerhapsSo: Indeed. Do you think this product, if marketed better, could appeal to the furries? Little friends for lonely people in fake fur?
I checked out his blog for the first time, and BY GOLLY that SWIFT gentleman is very funny. I will join him AGAIN.
He used the word “Dooced”. Props!
Arthur B. Ablabab: Hmm. I see. Well perhaps you’d be more accurate to call it a “stardribble”
Confluence is where Denial River flows into the Bay of Bitterness.
Jim, Jim, why have you foresaken me? (sob)
Oh wait, am I still winning by a grillion points? Oh, never mind. SUCK IT SWIFT.
Bah. Too long and only occasionally funny. He did, however, remind me to give Informed Comment a vote. Thanks, Jon Swift!
jfruh: Include more Family Circus, and you’ll have my next vote as well. Get to it!
Guys like Jon Swift don’t understand. We have nothing to do all day but participate in meaningless Internet votes. In fact, I claim personal responsibility for all those Black Hawks and Ducks on the NHL Western Conference All-Star Team.
Scandalabra: Sometimes I worry that I’m too harsh on the gentle PUMAs or that some of them are (through no fault of their own) semi-reasonable people.
But then I remember I don’t really care and that they’re only worth thinking about so long as it entertains me to do so.
And that’s why I’m hella cool and they’re probably still blogging about the Wonkette with grim, teary-eyed seriousness.
Wow, everyone else is taking this contest way too seriously. It’s like the People’s Choice Awards of the internet, and we all know that winners of the People’s Choice Awards are always the most deserving artists in their selected fields. (Ashlee Simpson iz teh rulz!) By destroying what little legitimacy this glorified online poll had, we’re doing the internet a service.
So Jon, go back to being the only truly readable conservative blog and stop worrying about this stupid contest.
Weblog award season is a very dramatic and stressful time for bloggers!
Sorry, but I’ve never read this “Jon Swift” fellow, and Josh has given me larfs for that last four years or so.
So when exactly will Wonkette endorse the only blog standing between victory and a crazy right wing Bush-loving nun wannabee?
Folks. Folks. <a href=”http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-individual-blogger/”Vote Driftglass for best individual blogger.
Here’s a quote from the current frontrunner, The Anchoress:
“I. Love. Boosh. Deal with it. I think we’ll miss him, in many ways, when he departs and even you folks on the left should be somewhat impressed (if you can be at all generous) at the predictably classy, gentlemanly way he is having his administration assist in the transition to Obama.”
If that isn’t ironic enough for you, check out her category “Vaginal musings.”
Folks. Folks. <a href=”http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-individual-blogger/”Vote Driftglass for best individual blogger.
Sorry, “Jon Swift,” if that is your real name. Wonkette readers don’t support whiners.
But that reminds me: Isn’t it time Wonkette endorsed some inadequate male blogs in more than four categories? In “Best Pet Blog,” I assume I should vote against any blog that likes cats, but I’m stuck on “Best Food Blog.” Which goes better with assfucking jokes? Cake Wrecks or The 99 Cent Chef?
much like those kiddie porn pageants that killed jon benet ramsey, the very fact that some blogger is crying that they aren’t winning this important award is proof that they shouldn’t get it.
I’ve read Jon Swift before. He is quite entertaining and an all around good guy. Throw him some love, along with Comics Curmudgeon.
Texan Bulldoggette: Oh, I figured that was one of us calling ourselves unemployed community organizers
Blue Gal: Well, that’s convincing…Done.
Wow. That really escalated quickly.
I actually really like Jon Swift’s blog. I’ve added it to my regular check’s after Wonkette linked to it last week.
Hostile Michigander: the Pumas are pro-Cake Wrecks, therefore count me out
Go to Confluence now if you want to see Puma tail/ass…yuk
http://riverdaughter.wordpress.com/2009/01/07/wonktards-beware-%E2%80%B9%E2%80%BA-%E2%80%B9%E2%80%A2%C2%BF%E2%80%A2%E2%80%BA-%E2%80%B9%E2%80%BA/
You guys we made a mistake! For “Best New Blog” we randomly selected ~synthesis~ which is kinda boring to usurp UppidyWoman or whatever. But there’s one called “Sassy Bitch Society” (!) and it’s totally sweet. Check it: http://sassybitchsociety.blogspot.com/
Bruno: What, did they link to goatse.cx? That’s so old.
Blue Gal: Sounds good to me! I’d much rather piss off a crazy right-winger than a bunch of Hillary Clinton dead-enders anytime.
What?! “Grace the Spot” is a LESBIAN blog?! Wonketteers, we need to bail on pointed-headed ~synthesis~ and give the lesbians some love.
You know, I am realizing two things. There are a lot of fucking good blogs on the internet. And that I don’t have enough time to care about them.
I gotta admit that sassybitchsociety blog is pretty damn funny.
I’m realizing three things.
One, the blogwars are fun, reminds me of my days as a Hatfield shootin’ them McCoy chilluns with rocksalt. Fortunately nobody here has a job, or at least one that requires any time spent working.
Two, the pumas apparently don’t know why we don’t like them (their stupidity is the gift that keeps on giving and they are now turning on each other (I’m sure nobody is spoofing any accounts over there, naah) — from http://riverdaughter.wordpress.com/2009/01/07/wonktards-beware-%E2%80%B9%E2%80%BA-%E2%80%B9%E2%80%A2%C2%BF%E2%80%A2%E2%80%BA-%E2%80%B9%E2%80%BA/#comment-265374
38. hrc, on January 7th, 2009 at 11:46 am Said:
Interesting that myiq2xu’s IP address matches the one posting at Wonkette calling women “whores”
and “cum receptacles.”
39. myiq2xu, on January 7th, 2009 at 11:48 am Said:
hrc: Really? What’s my IP address and how did you get it?
40. myiq2xu, on January 7th, 2009 at 11:58 am Said:
Why would a Wonkette moderator be living in Sun Valley California?
Wonkette is a DC based blog.
(I can see IP addresses here too, and whois will trace them)
Comments are closed.
(Question, myiq2xu — double agent or triple agent?)
Three, the pumas are now working the refs:
http://weblogawards.proboards85.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=816&page=1
undermedicated: indeed, myiq2xu is a mystery to us all. he/she obviously did not have his/her tail properly snipped after birth and have had a complex ever since.
undermedicated: From the PUMA posturing:
“Wonkette is clearly in the wrong category. It makes no attempt to be a liberal blog, it is a humor & snark political blog that targets everyone with equal vitriol (except Barack Obama)
If it were a liberal blog, would the use of homophobic misogynist and ageist language in comments be the rule and not the exception? Would the moderators on that blog allow it to stand unquestioned. Clearly it is not a liberal blog as it does not meet any of the criteria.”
“The Confluence is a liberal blog. We are FDR/JFK style Democrats.”
I didn’t realize estrogen was such an extreme psychedelic.
“spiteful shenanigans.” “Wonketeers”. Obviously, you dirty fuckers don’t know when enough is enough. Now we’re being called spiteful shenaniganders. Very nice. What will the rest of the internets think of us?
chascates: Libruls can’t be homophobic, misogynistic, or ageist? That is way fucked up. I was lied to. When I went to Wonketeer boot camp, that dirty, spiteful shenanigander of a drill sergeant told us just the opposite, or I’d have packed the entire company’s cache of trucknutz in my footlocker and gone AWOL fershure.
Boondock Saint: What’s good for the spiteful shenanigoose….
undermedicated: They think we’re “trying hard” to win.
Must these people always be so wrong about everything?
Boondock Saint: I talked to the interwebs earlier today, and she totally wants to get down on all of us. Filthy whore, that interwebs.
And place a vote for Driftglass in the best individual blog category, too— or else someone named Jesus might win–yes, THAT Jesus, not some shifty-eyed wetback named “Hey! Zeus!”.
ps, if it is helpful, all you need to know is that Driftglass field dresses and skins wingtards for a living
http://driftglass.blogspot.com/
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-individual-blogger/
PUMAs talk about Rape too much.