Wonkette
Back before Larry Craig ruined it for everyone, being a senator was cool. You got to hang out with famous Washington hookers and drink single-malt scotch in smoky underground caves with Helen Thomas! But now the Senate is just a disgraceful purgatory for closeted homosexuals who are too young to retire and too old to go on “Dancing with the Stars.” Plus, as Al Franken has discovered, there’s all that hassle associated with getting elected, or, as Caroline Kennedy/Roland Burris/your mom can attest, the hassle of getting appointed. That’s why it appears that two fairly famous people who had sort of hinted at a Senate run will probably not run after all.
First, Jeb Bush, the Florida guy who was supposed to be President until a comical last-minute switcheroo landed his halfwit brother in the seat:
Republican excitement over the prospect of Jeb Bush running for U.S. Senate has given way to increasing speculation that the former governor will stay out of the race. [...] Bush may conclude after completing his methodical review process that there are other ways he can help rebuild the GOP besides a Senate career that would take a toll on his consulting business and be difficult for his family.
Well, whatever, there’s no avoiding having another Bush as president. It’s just fate! So it doesn’t really matter if he mopes around the Senate for a few years or not.
Next up, the yellow-haired spaz Chris Matthews:
Stop speculating: Chris Matthews isn’t running for U.S. Senate. At least that’s what his brother told PolitickerPA.com.
Jim Matthews was left with that strong impression after speaking with the MSNBC host when he returned from a two-week vacation in Jamaica.
“There’s no hint of him running for office,” Jim Matthews told PolitickerPA.com in an interview Monday. “That’s 1,000 percent true.”
Ha ha, Jim Matthews talks exactly like his brother.
Senate bid by Jeb Bush iffy, friends say [St. Petersburg Times]
Brother would be ’stunned beyond words’ if Chris Matthews ran for Senate [PolitickerPA.com]
Screw it. Blaggo should just parachute himself in there. I mean damn its not like any Senator really gives a fuck about anything anyhoot.
Good news if you want to be governed effectively. Bad news if you enjoy train wrecks. And we all know which side the readers of this esteemed blog are on.
This should read ‘Nobody QUALIFIED Wants to Run for Congress Anymore’
I’d love to see Tweety on the Senate floor, interrupting everyone and getting pelted with numerous copies of Robert’s Rules Of Order in the process.
Other than that, do not want.
Or maybe because no one sane wants either of them as Senator?
Jeb can best help the GOP by not running anywhere and concentrating on his magic career…er, sorry got my GOB and JEB mixed up.
$100 to anyone who sends me the link to Chris Matthews’s profile on Manhunt.net. If I were you, I’d begin by sorting by “Bottom.”
Holy fucking crap–I just checked that stupid internets award site and wonkette has 54% of the vote in liberal blogs.
This country is in a mess and needs a full complement of senators who can be trusted to rubber stamp anything that comes from our magical president, Barack “the unicorn” Obama. Therefore, let’s give Illinois to Ken, Minnesota to Jim and Sara gets New York–she has the necessary anatomy to get the PUMAs to shut the fuck up.
Clearly, they are far more popular than anyone currently in the congress or anyone being considered. And, to be honest, are funnier than Al Franken.
Problem solved. Your welcome.
If someone could show me a Matthews who could be “stunned beyond words” by ANYthing, I’d be stunned beyond words….
I guarantee that 15 minutes after witnessing Al Franken taking his oath of office Tweety will be filing papers. Hell, I may even file papers then.
WAIT, Lane Armstrong is thinking of running for the Senate. He’s qualified.
Jeb needs to run for president…to assure another 4 years of Hopey.
Bush may conclude after completing his methodical review process that there are other ways he can help rebuild the GOP besides a Senate career that would take a toll on his consulting business and be difficult for his family.
TRANSLATION: “Having sucked 80% of the nation dry in order to fund construction of their 100,000 acre
bunkerestate in Paraguay, the Bush family has determined the best way to get their hands on the other 20% is to act like consultants to the RNC.”This isn’t remotely true and is proving Confluence correct about Wonkette. There are plenty of PUMAs willing to run for the Senate since after menopause they have lots of time on their hands. After they destroy Wonkette, that is.
Oh, and as a Floridian and a Patriot, shove it, Jeb…
In the private sector, after being caught in flagrante with that special someone at the Wilmington Ritz for Rats, you don’t have to hold a press conference and blubber about how you now want to spend more time with your family, including the sad-eyed pretty-but faded flower/crazy-eyed Lady Macbeth standing alongside you.
DustBowlBlues: Effing libtards. Can’t even rig an election on North Korean standards. No wonder it took Bushie to destroy the country to stop Karl Rove from bitchslapping them around. I say if Wonkette doesn’t get over 80% tell ‘em to shove it.
chascates: I don’t think he has the TruckNutz® for it.
“That’s 1,000 percent true.”
Difficulty with simple math is apparently a family trait.
Doesn’t Matthews realize that America needs him now more than ever?
Bill O’Reilly is going to have to run if he isn’t going to be haunted by the ghost of Senator Franken for the rest of his life. The problem is, he would get crushed and then he would have to kill himself from the shame. He will never be able to tell the difference between fame and accomplishment.
@NoYou’: I bet if you sort by “Scat Bottom,” you’ll get an even better result.
I guess a Senate seat isn’t a fucking valuable thing, after all. Some people have *no* sense of what things are worth.
Sara, et al at Wonkette, I can’t access my home e-mail, but here’s a link you’d might be interested in:
http://gawker.com/5124518/hollywood-conservative-site-launches-hope-returns-to-america#viewcomments
Al Franken evidently has Hopey’s list, because I received a fundraising call from AF’s campaign,all the way down here in the cultural wasteland that is republican okrahoma. I told them the truth, that I had been forced to use the bank card to buy food for my nine rescued pets. (No, I didn’t raid the shelter. I live in the country and fucking-asshole-deserves-to-die-painfully rednecks dumped them.)
I’d expected sympathy and respect from the caller, but she seemed to be a little disgusted.
Does Al Franken hate animals?
Schadenfried: Good Lord, that site has U.S. Representative Thaddeus G. McCotter as a writer! And Orson Bean. I sense a sea change on the horizon.
chascates: Wow…sort of like a voluntary black list. What will those smart conservatives think of next? How about a anti-gay Hollywood site where you can rant about how the movie industry is ruined all teh gays.
Schadenfried: Oh, are we using The Wonkette for personal messages now? Great idea! Honey, I’ll be home late for dinner. I have to boink my secretary again after work, because the nooner was so great I just need to hit it again.
Well, hell. And I was looking forward to the revelation that Jeb has an underage Cuban boyfriend that he met while surfing child porn.
Those Matthews with their hyperbole and silly extended metaphors.
Schadenfried: Sadly, No! has been all over Breitbart about this today.
WadISay: No, you quietly cash your bonus check printed on the skins of dead Mexican migrant workers, and go about your business.
TRUCK NUTZ FOR SENATE! It’s more than a dream! C’mon Wonketeers. Nobody thought we could win EcoDriving either!
Senator Paris Hilton of California (model), Senator First Dude Palin of Alaska (snowblower racing champion), Senator Travis Trucknutz of Tennessee (country music star), Senator Alberto Gonzalez of Texas (unpublished author), Senator Kermit the Frog (actor), Senator John Elway of Colorado (former horse), Senator Tonya Harding of Idaho (figure skater), Senator Bill Kristol (failed writer)…plenty of famous people are available…
And why is Jeb Bush’s senate run getting reported first in a Russian newspaper, the St. Petersburg Times or Leningrad?
I know Putin just changed the constitution so that he can run a 3rd time, but the $300b he has hidden away in Cypriot offshore accounts doesn’t yet mean he can push the Bushies around.
DustBowlBlues: Sorry, from what I’ve seen, Sara is about 30 years too young and 50 IQ points to high to be acceptable to the PUMAs. Given this, they might actually prefer Ken and Jim more, I suspect its due to that mother/daughter conflict issue.
TeddyS: You forgot Senator Terry McAuliffe (huge drunk), Virginia.
Hey, if it were Sam Bush and Dave Matthews, I’d give a hoot. They could jam with Bob Byrd.
Mustang: Damn, I knew I was late. But here goes anyways.
Bush may conclude after completing his methodical review process that there are other ways he can help rebuild the GOP besides a Senate career that would take a toll on his consulting business and be difficult for his family.
TRUCK NUTZ!11!!